So tired of getting trampled on by my so-called friends

LegacyUser

I've always been the kind of person willing to help others out, especially my friends, but a lot lately I've been saying "no" because I realise how much people actually take advantage of the fact that I put others before myself. I've been put down by one of my so called best friends for almost 2 years. For a while, I lived with her, but I have no idea how I handled that kind of abuse from her. When I say abuse, I mean snide remarks, constantly putting me down, on my own and in front of other people. One day we had such a vicious argument that I nearly punched her in the face, and I'm a pacifist, I don't believe in violence. So, over the summer, I moved out and never contacted her again. Thinking that part of my life was over, I was ready to move on, but now, another close friend is getting quite bitchy towards me, and it seems like the same pattern all over again, except this time I can actually say "no" to her. I don't know what's happening to my friends, but it seems like my female friends are ganging up against me and I don't know why.
My male friends have been great to me, as always, but I hate the idea of losing my friends. Should I just stop being her friend? This girl is the kind of person that will blame everyone and everything else before she realises it's her fault, and refuses to listen to any advice whatsoever.
So, any advice would be gratefully appreciated, thank you in advance.

MistressPandora

Wow, ****, been in a similiar situation myself. Now that's scary. I say forget her and forget her bitchiness and move on. There's no point in putting yourself down just to make them feel better.

RE*AC*TOR

How's about sitting down with her and having a frank conversation about your feelings. If you really don't want to lose her as a friend try that. She might not realise how she's treating you.

eoin_f

are you possibly a submissive charachter?? sounds to me as it may be a situation of others who are more controlling taking advantage or taking liberties with you, maybe try be more assertive with others from the outset. hope all works out for you

Eoin.

koneko

Could be, submissive character that is. you need to set a pattern and ground rules from the get go. If you let people say things and take advantage then they'll keep doing it.

Also, it's possible they're just jealous little bitches. Do you get more male attention than they do? Some girls/women react badly to that, they could be spiteful little jealous wenches.

Then again it's impossible to say without knowing every detail of your interactions and relationships. I'd say just tell her to cop on to herself and find some better friends.

Doodee

Well, if it is upsetting you then the best thing is to move on. I've had some close friends do similar and to be honest, your better off without them then to put up with teh strife. Changing your ways with them wont change their ways towards you.

I suppose give them a while to cool off and then take it from there.

CathyMoran

Have been in a similar situation - think that it is still possible to be nice but firm. I find guys are easier to be friends with also - I am very cautious with my female friends whereas my male friends are thoughtful, kind and funny.

Bri

I agree - your personality could encourage these kinda people to act this way - not that it's your fault!

I would move on, but only after trying to sort it out - you've nothing much to lose by trying first off.

Good luck!

Jasco

Maybe you should sit your friend down and explain to her that you are upset about the way she's been treating you. If she's a genuine friend, then she will at least try to resolve the problem, otherwise you should consider cutting your losses.
Look at it this way: We all meet a lot of people in our lives and have the opportunity to make many good friends. Do you really want to have a 'friend' like that, someone that would stab you in the back or treat you badly? If she doesn't admit fault or agree to change her ways, I say ditch her.

Anyway, hope it all works out for the best.

Nasty_Girl

This is just a wild theory from a paranoid mind and I don't know if it will make you feel better or worse but here goes.

I think these girls were your friends because they saw they could use you and always have someone to rely on. This may not have been an intentionally spiteful thing, it could've been subconcious but in any case they liked you for the wrong reasons and as they began to realise you have a mind of your own and you stand up to them, they begin trying to break you down with their snide bitchy remarks. We've all been there. It's only to make themselves feel better about their own insecurities. Like a girl who feels bad about her weight might keep a "fat" friend around only to make herself look thinner in a crowd! It's nasty. If it was me I'd walk away and just let the stupid bitches rot in the messes they will inevitably create for themselves. It's hard to do but you shouldn't have to put up with that, hang out with your male friends more you'll be fine

LegacyUser

I've tried talking to her, but I've never succeeded in actually getting through to her, so that's a method of trial, error and failure. Anyhoo, I've decided to take the general opinion of just forgetting about her, move on and learn how to stand up for myself more. So, thanks everyone!