Never happy

LegacyUser

Firstly i would like to say that although the title is misleading i do not mean that i am depressed.
When i say i am never happy i mean with the things i do in life. The choices and achievments i have had and made during my life never seem to be enough. There is always someone better than me.
Any time i am with a girl i dont think of her but rather how other people see her. When i achieve academically i compare myself to my overachieving siblings or friends. when i think of my looks i compare myself to my better looking friends.
I have had a string of messed up relationships. I always unconciously go for girls that are a challenge. Girls who have boyfriends seems to be a recurring theme. Once i am actually with these girls i often lose interest and have broken many hearts this way.
I am posting this now becuase tonight i was with a girl called laura i have been after for ages. The thing is i have been seeing her best friend on and off for the last two months or so. I really like laura but we could never be together unless she dumps her best friend for me.
This makes me sick inside! why do i do this **** to people just to make myself feel better?
Why cant i just be interested in a girl for who she is and not because she has a boyfriend?
Im beginning to think that i am the most shallow person alive and i hate myself for it.

Gordon

I'm lost:
You were with Laura tonight, who's best mate you have been seeing for the past few months. Therefore the only way you can be with Laura is if she breaks off her friendship with her friend? She doesn't have a boyfriend does she?

So are you going to tell her that she can't be friends with her best mate or what? How does that work? Or are you upset because such a situation can't happen and therefore you will be left without either of them because of the circumstances?

KlodaX

You are self obsessed. Nobodys perfect you know. Why should you be any different?

Why can't you see Laura and let her keep her friend? You want them to fight over you don't you... maybe you just need constant reassurance.

Again nobody is perfect for everybody. Let it go. Get over yourself. Accept that is not possible to be perfect. You will feel a whole lot better. Plus you might end up being nice to Laura!

nanook

have to say this is a bewildering situation you have found yourself in. I have a simple question for you though.

What do you want from a woman, are you intereasted in a relationship, are you looking for something long term, or is it the chase you like. from what you have posted, you like the chase, you like the thrill of getting what is not accessable but takes a certain charm to get, but when you get it the chase is over and then its time to move onto the next challange, this is no judgement but the words "bounder" and "Cad" jump to mind.

It has always been known that a fantasy will always be a fantasy untill you it has been fullfilled and then the mystery is gone, the fun has been experienced and it will never be the same as when it possessed the whole mysterious element.

In relation to your scenario, if you expect laura to dump her friend for you, you had better not have any sights set on the next victim, you are messing with fire and in the end it is only you that is going to get burnt, your name and reputation will put your in the dog house for life with that circle of girls.

Just my tupence worth.

meepmeep

Aww poor you. You feel really bad about yourself so you sleep with girls then discard them to flatter your ego. And you go for girls with boyfriends? Pfft, thats just low. Get over yourself and start treating people properly.

BuffyBot

Im beginning to think that i am the most shallow person alive

Hmm, as someone else said, self-obsessed seems more appropriate, although the more malicious streak in my tends to to agree with your assesment. You need some serious self appraisal here and frankly the result of that should be you thinking something along the lines of "Jeez..I need to grow up a little"

WhiteWashMan

sounds like you are just insecure and havent found what you want in life yet.

dont worry. youre right there with 98% of boards users

but all of this life living will eventually pay off and you will have lots of experiences with your girls best friends to regale people at parties with...

Silent Grape

nobody is perfect and you're being really positive by admitting your 'faults'. defining a problem is usually half the battle. you sound very insecure, which doesnt mean there's anything wrong with you, thats just the way you are, so you have to accept it and try to work around it.

you dont sound shallow, if you were you wouldnt think this was a problem at all. this 'best friend' of lauras you're with, doesnt sound like much of a best friend at all if she's going to cheat on laura with you, but anyway.

maybe it would be a good idea to end both relationships and start afresh, not with a girl, but just with yourself. take some healing time away from the pressures of girls and focus on yourself for a few months. obviously you're able to attract girls, so that isnt the problem. maybe you set the bar too high for yourself. over achievers are seldom happy in themselves.

think about why you get insecure, get to know yourself, become aware of yourself, you've got to start challenging the negative thoughts you have about yourself. if your not happy in yourself, you'll never ever be happy with someone else (ie, wondering what people think of your girls looks)

i would really suggest focusing on yourself for now, and try to change the way you think. maybe talk to a friend or a relative about it, it sounds like your really in distress about it

best of luck, and never lose hope that you can change

koneko

Maybe take a break from "dating" and take some time to get to know yourself. You don't sound happy with the way you're going on, and the girls obviously aren't happy if you're going around wrecking relationships and dumping people to beat the band.

Kazzy

First off, you need to stop comparing yourself to everyone else. For starters they could be doing the exactly same thing...grass is always greener scenario. And secondly, you need to start doing things for yourself, achieving things for yourself and not to prove how much better than the Jones' you are. I must admit, I was like this up until a couple of years ago. For every thing I achieved there was some f***er who did better. But, you are an individual, you have your talents and others have theirs.

Forget the women side of things, you need to sort yourself out. Figure out what you want for yourself, or youre just going to be a walking time bomb. You keep messing with people because youre bitter about things in your own life. Accept how youve turned out. If youre not happy with your career, job, life change it. It doesn't matter how old you are, its never too late (God I sound like a pensions ad in reverse).

As for Laura, if she dumps her friend for you she's not a sound chick and you shouldn't want her in your life anyway.