Sexual Attraction/Obsession - HELP!

SlamDunk

I need help!

Started a new job a while ago. There is a guy at work and we keep flirting with each other. I know ok this is fine. But the problem is we both are in loving strong relationships. The problem is we both want to kiss/ other stuff with each other. BUT we both love our partners and want to spend the rest of our lives with them. We don't want to do anything to hurt them. But when we're alone together we get the urge to kiss each other, there's electricity between us and it feels terrible cos we feel so guilty, when nothing has even happened - at all! Its tearing me apart because I know deep down that I love my partner and don't love the guy at work, we just sorta fancy each other and don't want to go out with each other. I love my man and don't want to lose him - ever! We have come to the conclusion its like we're both sexually attracted to each other and maybe even obsesssed with each other!

Any advice?

Amz

People want what they can't have, it's likely that if one or both of you became single in the morning nothing would ever come of this "obsession".

Yeah, maybe you'd shag and then tha'd be the end of it.

I don't know how you can safely speak for him though?

I've often heard guys yap about how they love their girlfriends and how they know they "shouldn't be doing this" as they proceed to snog you or get you into bed.

*shrug*

A good friend of mine was in a relationship for over two years and during that time became very attracted another friend in our group and came close to cheating on her boyfriend at the time, but nothing happened. She's now single, she's snogged the guy a couple of times but the attraction seems to be gone now.

Meh!

SlamDunk

Cheers Amz

Don't think I could cheat on my man, its just sooo annoying! I feel so guilty for no reason!!;)

Amz

If you haven't done anything, there's nothing to feel guilty about.

I mean if we felt guilty for every "naughty" thought we had we'd never get on with our lives.

There's a difference between thinking about cheating and physically cheating. I'd imagine you respect your man too much to actually cheat so you've nothing to feel guilty about.

As far as I'm aware thought crime isn't a reality here yet.

alleepally

This just sounds like infatuation. Thrill of feeling single again, thrill of the chase and all that BUT it's frustrating because you know you can't go there.. The title of the post speaks volumes .. Obsession. Why are you obsessed? Is there something wrong in your relationship currently that makes you feel that perhaps this obsession could turn into something real....

Your best bet is to concentrate on what you have already and look for ways to get electricity back in that relationship too. There's lots of us out here who would love to be in a relationship and find it hard to make a connection with someone.

Spend less time with the other guy and make sure you're not in situations where you could succumb to a passionate embrace. Your obsession/infatuation will pass and you'll wonder why you even considered a fling...

dvoakes

I think you should give him one. Just once. Once you can live with the Guilt!

CathyMoran

If you were both not in serious relationships then I would have said go for it. Having been in chemistry relationships and friendship ones if you can have both then why not? Having said that, you are in serious relationships so I would not even consider it, you can stay friends, just ensure that you are not in situations where you are alone together.

The_Conductor

If its an obsession that you cannot get over, and really cannot live with the consequences of it- in all honesty your only solution is to remove yourself from the situation. If you "love your man and don't want to loose him - ever!" as you put it- you are being unfair on both your boyfriend and yourself, by allowing the situation to continue. Make a decision- you are going to do X (whatever that may be) that will resolve the situation (for crying out loud make sure its something you can live with), and then go and do it, and I cannot emphasise strongly enough- do not revisit the situation, do not ponder on the what-ifs, do not ponder on the what-might-bes.

Life is too short to screw up, if you are making a life choice, make sure its one you can happily live with........

S.

Sleepy

Add him to what us guys call the "spank bank" and leave him there. The attraction to him seems to be purely a sexual one so just leave it as a fantasy and don't do anything about it. You won't be able to live with the guilt if you did shag him but you're obviously not going to just forget him if you work with him so add him to that wonderful store of sexual fantasies in your head and leave him there

It's not advisable to get drunk around him if you're likely to end up in a one to one position when you're out. Drink can make people act on these things when sober they'd be able to control themselves better.

MistressPandora

Personally, I don't think it's a good idea. If you love your partner that much, surely you wouldn't want to hurt him? Trust me, you have no idea how upset your partner will be if you do decide go even kiss this other guy. Men can get insanely jealous. And women (i.e. the guy's other half) can be even worse. And unless you want to be bitch-slapped upside the head by an angry female, I'd avoid the Christmas party if I were you.

It's probably just something in the water.

Jasco

If you can't resolve the situation, you could always find a new job or ask to be transferred elsewhere.
Ok, perhaps that's a bit extreme... Maybe you could have the guy fired instead. Problem solved!

SlamDunk

Good news!
I got a new job, starting Moday, didn't especially go looking for another job, just one cropped up!
Needless to say this makes the situation alot easier!
Problem still remains though. I keep thinking about this guy!
I suppose it will go away in time if I let it! Which i will! I'll try really hard!
i am happy in my relationship and have no idea why this situation occured in the first place. My man and I are happy and although we have our small fights we always get over them and move on and are very happy! We talk about settling down, marraige, kids, houses etc which is what I want. Just need to get over this situation!
Thanks for all the advice!