Is she really a friend?

Hi. Could anyone please help me work out this girl I know. I'm not going to mention any names or places for my own sake. I'll start from the top (boy this could be long). I work as a PC maintenance technician, you'll see where that comes in later on. Also, please don't flame me, I didn't intend for any of this to happen, I just wanted someone to talk to...

Right. In April 2003 I met a girl online who lives about 60 miles from me. She's 19 and I'm 20. The very first time I talked to her she gave me three pics and her mobile phone number. I looked at the pics and thought "she doesn't look too bad". The very next day she started sending me SMS messages and it seemed that we hit something off straight away. She was always flirting with me and telling me how she'd like us to do stuff together. I didn't spend a lot of time learning about her to be honest. I knew the basics but not much else.
Anyway, in the summer of 2003 her laptop was brought down with the MSBlaster virus, and I was introduced to a friend of hers. He also had skill in maintaining computers. Thanks to him and her I'm now certified in my job, he gave me the course material to study for the cert.
In September 2003 she arranged for us to take a trip for four days to meet him. He lives quite a bit away from where we do. When I got to her town and saw her I fell in love. But when I got to his place it turned out that this guy and her were somewhat of an item. She was treating him the same way she did with me, not to mention sleeping in the same room as him while I got the sofa. I felt humiliated and by November I decided I wanted nothing more to do with her, after she called me "the most serious person she ever met in her life" when I tried to reason with her. I also spotted that several of my online accounts got hacked soon afterwards, all of which were ones I used on the trip.
But she wouldn't leave me alone, she kept messaging me around Christmas and New Years. I'm too soft a guy and couldn't tell her to buzz off. Eventually she got me to talk to her online and she apologised for what she had done, apparently this guy had hacked her e-mail and she "got rid" of him. So I knew what happened to my accounts then. Anyway, I let her back in my life and in a way I was relieved because it was so painful being without her. I even got counselling for a while around February and March this year.

Now she's still teasing and flirting with me. She's also talking about meeting up and going out on the town. And also asking me for advice to fix her laptop - since this other guy got the cold shoulder she's coming to me now. A few days back I was writing her an e-mail just as she signed online and I told her that. She said "hope it was all good" so I was like "would I bad mouth you?" and she said "I don't know". She makes it out that she's worried that I'm not her friend.

But yesterday I went back to my O2 mobile phone account and couldn't sign in to the website. I got the password reset by calling 1740 and I knew it was that guy again as there were several +44 numbers in the phone book. I told her what happened and she agreed that he must have done something, but then I mentioned how upset I was on the trip and she said to me "you were messed up before that, don't blame me and him for it". So now we've fallen out it seems. She hasn't replied to any messages today.

On the other hand, she's planning on moving to a place of her own and I've realised that she has already scoured the internet for guys in the area to meet when she gets there.

Can anyone work out what this girl is playing at. Sure, I'm now qualified at my job thanks to her but is she using me now? Is this all an act? Is she just a tart? As I said above I'm very soft and find it really hard to tell someone to bugger off.

I don't know what to do. Please help me. Thanks.

impr0v

If I was in your situation and was cabable of clear objective thinking (which is hard when in a situation such as this) I'd reconcile myself to the fact that I'm going to get hurt before I see the last of this girl.

It can either be a certain amount of hurt now, by breaking off contact with her and leaving her to her own self-absorbed devices, or a multiple of that hurt in the future when I've let myself believe that there is a future to the relationship, and it turns out there isn't, as it inevitably will. Again, with the benefit of rational thought, I think I'd choose the former.

She's developed a liking for the attention she can generate by playing with guys via electronics, and even playing them off against one another, and that kind of attention is addictive.

Etain

If you don't like game-playing, then you're better off ending it with her. It probably does give her a sense of power to work guys like yo-yos,so I doubt that she's just going to stop.
You can avoid a big confrontation since she's not answering your messages, just leave it alone. When she contacts you, and she probably will, just be too busy to chat.
You deserve someone who will treat you decently, don't settle for less.

tinkerbell

Two things you should do:

1. End it with her.

2. Close all those accounts that yer man hacked.

Problem sorted, sounds like tiz way too much hassle than tiz worth n she's only screwing with your head anyway. Plenty more fish in the sea, as they say!

Sarky

Not if those foreign trawlers get their way...

LegacyUser

Man some people bother me. If you read what you wrote, i think it is pretty ****ing obvious this girl is playing you. I mean, come on, you are involved in IT, I assume you are capable of thinking somewhat logically. the answer is obvious. She is insecure, feels sorry for herself and needs a sense of power. That is obvious.

LegacyUser

the question is do you enjoy being treated like a piece of ****?

cheesedude

cheesedude wrote:

the question is do you enjoy being treated like a piece of ****?

No I don't, but I've had to deal with it all my life. The thing is, I'm too light hearted to tell someone to feck off. I once confronted someone else and got the whole "don't you trust me?" bit, which makes me feel guilty.

I probably need some serious help.....

I also thought I'd add - I have very little experience with girls and can't understand them at all. I've never had a girlfriend and my parents always sent me to all-boys schools.

Earlier in the year I lied to this girl that I had a girlfriend, but even that didn't get her to back off. :rolleyes:

OfflerCrocGod

God I hate her - I don't even know her but I hate her. Leave her; she's bad news and unpleasant. Break off all contact with her because it will only serve to hurt and tempt you.

littleninja

That's an unpleasant situation to be in....

From what you have said, it definately sounds as if you are being used. You don't have to be confrontational, just keep the communication with this girl to a minimum. If she texts you, if it's not something life or death, don't answer it, there's nothing that says every single text message/phone call needs to be answered, and as for being contacted online, you can block her so you can't receive emails or messages too, so you don't have to worry about her trying to do the same to you again.

alleepally

Karsini, you have to stand up for yourself. I read your original post and this girl you talk about sounds like a devious, manipulative and self centered person.

It may be hard for you to do, but be very firm and cut off all contact with her. Put it behind you and don't get hung up about not having a girlfriend or having much experience. Everything you do in your life is a learning experience. You should learn from this a valuable lesson in how some people use others to get what they want. You're going to experience many times in the future as we all do. Reacting in a positive way to this (i.e. standing up for yourself and telling this person you want nothing more from them) will do wonders for your confidence.

Beruthiel

Karsini wrote:

No I don't, but I've had to deal with it all my life. The thing is, I'm too light hearted to tell someone to feck off. I once confronted someone else and got the whole "don't you trust me?" bit, which makes me feel guilty..

well you've got to cure yourself of that - don't even get into that conversation, you don't have to. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could through her, you owe her nothing, she helped you because she wanted to, that doesn't require payment, if it did, she should have told you that first.

I have very little experience with girls and can't understand them at all

get used to it, I'm a girl and I don't get us :eek:

skywalker

Sarky wrote:

Not if those foreign trawlers get their way...

comedy gold.

Hey, thanks for the advice everyone. Thought I'd update you all a little.

She still hasn't been in any contact with me so I just said, forget it. For the moment anyway I don't feel too bad, I feel a damn sight worse if I think back on some of the stuff she's done to me.
There's a few lingering feelings I'll need to work on but I just hope I can get out of this soon. I've felt used and abused for the last year and a half so I think its time I took a stance, and like Etain said, she's not talking to me so I can avoid a nasty war of words.

The thing is, if she gets back in touch with me will I feel the same way?? Only time will tell.

neGev

Best of luck with it in the future, you seem like a genuinely nice guy and you deserve better than having this character annoying your head.

Sleepy

Change your phone number, contact the admins of the emails/sites and get the accounts closed and never bother thinking about her again.

There, you've cut her out of your life without even having to tell her to feck off. Sure, it's the cowards way, but it works and it's probably that little bit more biting to hear "the number you have dialled is no longer in service" than a lame "I think we've grown apart" type conversation...

Sleepy

or alternatively, typedef her sister.

AngryBadger

Sleepy wrote:

There, you've cut her out of your life without even having to tell her to feck off. Sure, it's the cowards way,

Think I'll point out there's nothing cowardly about that response, any other response like leaving her continue to message him, or acknowledging her crap, is just playing into whatever game she's at. Erego,anything other than terminating all contact is a totally illogical solution since it gives the power back to her.

WhiteWashMan

whatever way you do it, you'll annoy someone on these boards.

dont worry about it.,
if you want her out of your life, just do it.


by the way, i havent even read the orginal post, so i have no idea what yis are all on about.

its just the standard answer....

Keyzer

Karzini, I mean this in the best possible taste - Get a life and harden up...

You me some bird online and needed couselling because she shacked up with some other dude??? She didnt kill herself or anything so why do you need counselling?

Sever all ties with that tart, sort out your accounts and start sticking up for yourself, its sad to say but most people out there are s**theads so don't fall into the same trap again.....

My mother always says - You have to give people permission to walk over you...

chump

The girl sounds like a nitemare... She is obviously one of these chicks who needs to string along multiple fellas (string-along-able fellas) at any emotional expense to the people involved... ditch her soon

Keyzer

Keyzer wrote:

She didnt kill herself or anything so why do you need counselling?

Quite simply, I'm emotionally insecure. I'd let anyone walk all over me, but especially girls. I know that something similar will happen to me again unless I get some serious help, which I probably don't have the cash for at this time.

Keyzer

Why is your hotmail address mollymalone@hotmail.com?

I get the sneaky feeling that this post is a joke...

If not, then get your head and life in order and treat people as they treat you.. If you suspect anyone is trying to f**k you in the ear, let them have it and vamoose... Dont take **** from anyone...

You need to grow up a little and get a bit more mature, and remember this japanese proverb in relation to women, I learn this from Grand Master Hiroyshiki on mount olypmus -

Me and the Grand Master were checking out this hit chick and he turns to me and says "somebody somewhere if tired of putting up with her ****"....

ok, for starters I'm originally from Ballyfermot, Dublin, hence the e-mail addy.

Secondly, I can't believe you even suggested that this thread is a joke. Its people like you that have made me feel like a freak. As I said, I didn't want any of this to happen. Do you want me to give you the girl's name and address?
I was bullied in school all my life and was never strong enough to stand up for myself. Have you ever been depressed? Have you ever had to lie in bed at 7:00 every morning thinking "have to go to that hellhole again." How many friends have you got? I have at most four, my best friend still lives in Dublin so I'm about 180 miles away from him. And I objected to my parents moving here, but it didn't stop them.

That is why I feel the way I do with this girl, the experience brings back bad memories of my past. And I know it will probably happen again. Why do I even bother?, I'd rather be dead than go through this again.

WhiteWashMan

oh woe is me.....

get a new account

meditraitor

Crap situation to be in!!, best thing to do is dump her, but that won't happen,will it+ , stop being such a nice guy and start playing the game, Sleepy wasnt far off the mark, :cool:
Are any of her family or friends worth a shunt

Sleepy

Karsini wrote:

ok, for starters I'm originally from Ballyfermot, Dublin, hence the e-mail addy.

Secondly, I can't believe you even suggested that this thread is a joke. Its people like you that have made me feel like a freak. As I said, I didn't want any of this to happen. Do you want me to give you the girl's name and address?
I was bullied in school all my life and was never strong enough to stand up for myself. Have you ever been depressed? Have you ever had to lie in bed at 7:00 every morning thinking "have to go to that hellhole again." How many friends have you got? I have at most four, my best friend still lives in Dublin so I'm about 180 miles away from him. And I objected to my parents moving here, but it didn't stop them.

That is why I feel the way I do with this girl, the experience brings back bad memories of my past. And I know it will probably happen again. Why do I even bother?, I'd rather be dead than go through this again.

Keyser's Mother has it right: You have to give people permission to walk over you...

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and wasting your time moping about how weak you are, funnell your energy into changing. It sounds like the first thing you need to do is cut the apron strings and move out, stand on your own two feet and grow up a bit. You'll find you get more cynical, but in your case, that'd be far from a bad thing. You can tell someone to **** off if they're treating you badly. It doesn't make you a bad person.

You don't need to be strong to stand up to a bully. A guy tried it on me when I moved to Galway in first year of secondary school. I split his lip. He kicked the **** out of me. He never tried anything again though. It's cliched but it's true, all bullies are cowards, bloody 'em up a little and they'll think twice about touching you again, even if they do win the fight they're scared of you winning next time and most of us have seen that hapen to. I'd say almost every guy here can remember a moment in secondary school when the quiet bullied kid lost it and bet the daylights out of the bully. Stand up for yourself. You'll develop something you're currently very short of: self respect.

ferdi

she sounds like a complete head wrecker, why is it always the people who mind**** us that we fall for. ditch that bitch, shes bad news.