how do you let go of a bad relationship?

LegacyUser

When you know a long-term relationship is no good how do you cut the ties?

A post separation relationship with a mate produced a child (now 6) - leading to my life changing completely. My boyfriend (36) is immature and didn't want to take on the responsibilty of parenthood and carried on his 'bachelor' lifestyle. He says he loves me and wants to change but all I've had for the past few years is more of the same - unreliable, broken promises, bouts of passion followed by being left, literally holding the baby, while he went on his own sweet way. Every time we break up we end up back together and can't seem to let go. I've been busy getting my life together and desperately want to move on without him, but just when I think I've let go he's back again, swearing undying love and wrenching the heart-strings! If we didn't have a child we'd probably never see each other but as things stand we are just going round in circles. I want off this roundabout!

climaxer

I've recently jumped off a fairly similar roundabout - its nearly 3 months now and only the last week or two I've felt I'm finally over my ex-fiance and the father of my son. He still sees his son - every saturday overnight to be exact and I try and let my mam be there when he picks up/drops back our son. Its been easier that way to get over him totally. I do hope for our sons sake we will learn to be civil in the future as we both do want whats best for him even if he has a funny way of showing it I know he loves his son. Without going into the reason(s) why we didn't work out as you would be here all day! but shortterm its the hardest decision I've ever made (he has admitted the same too) but only now I can see clearly its the right decision I made and in the longterm I'm already starting to feel happier. I thought he was my soulmate but he wasn't and now I'm just moving on. I noticed you said "bouts of passion" - this is why we kept ending up back together as we were very passionate and when it was good it was really really good but when it was bad it was awful IYKWIM. Best of luck to you as it can be hard to finally say its over and really mean it..

Iago

Dizzy wrote:

When you know a long-term relationship is no good how do you cut the ties?

A post separation relationship with a mate produced a child (now 6) - leading to my life changing completely. My boyfriend (36) is immature and didn't want to take on the responsibilty of parenthood and carried on his 'bachelor' lifestyle.

Which just shows that it's a responsibility that he's not ready for and ultimately cannot meet. This can only lead to stress and tenuous links between you which will effect not just your happiness and well being but that of your child as well.

He says he loves me and wants to change but all I've had for the past few years is more of the same - unreliable, broken promises, bouts of passion followed by being left, literally holding the baby, while he went on his own sweet way.

These are the thoughts you have to keep in your head now, take the break and constantly remind yourself that this is why and in the long run how much better your life will be without this additional stress. If he loves you enough then the forced absence will lead to him changing and maybe then you can start fresh, but it's not something that will happen overnight and you should work on the assumption that the change required may be a step too far..

Every time we break up we end up back together and can't seem to let go. I've been busy getting my life together and desperately want to move on without him, but just when I think I've let go he's back again, swearing undying love and wrenching the heart-strings!

You have to realise that the only reason you keep taking him back is habit, and that after a period of time that habit will wear thin and you'll go your seperate ways again. Each time you do this you lose a little bit of yourself and by the time it's finished you will have nothing left to give in future relationships.

If we didn't have a child we'd probably never see each other but as things stand we are just going round in circles. I want off this roundabout!

You know yourself that this is the worst reason in the world to stay together, your child will benefit more from having two parents apart who love it completely and are civil with each other, than two parents together who argue fight and are generally miserable. You have a chance here to create a happier life for yourself and your child, and I hope that you are brave enough and strong enough to take it. It will be difficult, very difficult, but in the end if you can just hold out you'll find that you'll be much happier with things.

Never judge your worth by others opinions in you, and never settle for second best because you feel you have to, you owe it to yourself to do better than this. I hope I don't come across here as being judgemental, because I'm not, I just know how difficult a situation like this can be. The only way out is strength of will and charachter.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your good advice and support. I think I'm about ready to make the final break or I wouldn't have posted. Just taking that final step into the unknown is the hardest bit!

climaxer

Dizzy wrote:

Thanks for your good advice and support. I think I'm about ready to make the final break or I wouldn't have posted. Just taking that final step into the unknown is the hardest bit!

Best of luck girl remember the jump is harder than the fall (well it was for me anyway) and aim for long term happiness for you and your son and its a lot of fun being single too

trajan

yeah, good luck dizzy.
I recently got out of a 3 year relationship with a girl after being a lowly coward about it for quite a while. And I didn't even have a child to think about. The simple fact was we weren't in love with one another but had become attached in that strange habitual way that keeps loveless couples glued together far past the sell-by date. Now, both of us are much happier and still friends, meeting for drinks now and again and we both know it was absolutely the right thing.