Goodbye mail

KlodaX

Hey

I need a goodbye mail. I'm leaving work tomorrow and everyone who leaves sends round the heart touching goodbye to everyone in the company... even though they don't know the half of them. I feel the need to send one aswell... except I want it to be over the top piss take of the fact that everyone sends this round to the entire company.... sort of like an exceptance speech for an award type thing. I've search the net and can't really find anything.. most are for leaving school. So I am opening it up to the board. Anyone feel like writing an over the top, long maybe, scarcastic goodbye speech? Or maybe you have one already prepared? Please post.

monkeyfudge

When I left my old job I gave everyone a bottle of wine or a box of chocolates...

ha... but perhaps your company is slightly bigger than the one I was working in...

woosaysdan

just thought i'd say bye ............................................................................................................... well everyone else does it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yossarin

imho,
writing a sarcastic mail might not be the best idea in the world. You'll just end up pissing off some people and looking like a smartarse.

koneko

Yeah, something like this wouldn't go down well:

I'd like to thank my new employers for giving me a great job, and everyone that works here for giving me the motivation to find a better place to work in, with better co-workers. THANK YOU!

Canis Lupus

actually i think thats a wicked goodbye email... but it would prob only work if ppl knew u for that sort of thing.... would be terrible to leave a job with everyone thinking yur a dick.... unless they already think it :P

Sarky

"I never once washed my hands."

fintan

start off with Ladies, gentlemen and [insert name of office joker]

tk123

When I moved depts I got Kinder eggs for my team....Be careful sending a sarky mail - say they do a collection for u and then u piss them all off - they'll keep the monies!!!

Hagar

I'd like to say how much I've enjoyed working here, but I'm not going to start lying to you now.

fragile

I read you email!

sprinkles

A guy left my job a couple of weeks ago and sent around an email that said basically thanks but he finished it with:

"When you die there's two dates on your headstone, the most important thing is the dash in between", which I though was nice (and meaningful if not very very deep)

KlodaX

Hagar wrote:

I'd like to say how much I've enjoyed working here, but I'm not going to start lying to you now.

This is what I'm looking. Bit more of these and I'll glue them together. The mail is being sent to roughly 1000 people. More work in the company .. but I think 1000 is enough. No bottles of wine or kinder eggs being given out here! Half the people work I'm mailing work the opposite side of the country and I'm lucky if I've talked 30 of the people I'm mailing! Hense the reason I'm looking to take the mick. People seriously sends these mails saying I'll miss everyone and your all great.. I get these mails all the time and have never even heard of let alone met the people. I just think its funny people are serious about these mails and I'm not witty enough to write one myself .. I've been with the company longer than most and feel it is my duty to send this mail! even a poem would do! any good peots out there?

I think it will start with thank yous .... and I'll just list everyones name.. that should take a page or two... then a brief paragraph on how dramatically it has changed my life and how I have probably changed everyone elses life .. and I know you miss me but try not to cry cause if you love someone let them go .. let me go. I know it will be hard.

hey .. I'm not doing a bad job of this.. maybe I'll try writing one myself!

jor el

Do people actually read these? I never have anyway, usually because I have no idea who the person was. Just send a short thankyou note to your boss (in case you need a future ref) and the people you sit near and eat breakfast with and the people on your team/dept if you work in teams or departments. No one else will care.

Fysh

The only thing I would say is to avoid anything overly specific, as if it's a generally jokey post nobody'll mind but if you use a local nickname for someone in a mail that everyone sees, there might be bad feeling (eg at my workplace we have nicknamed one guy in our UK division "Sex Pest", as a joke. I wouldn' throw a reference to him into an email that I sent round the entire 6000+ staff, even if I was leaving the company).

Personally, the best one I've ever seen is :

"From: (Deleted)
Sent: 22 July 2004 14:34
To: All_SG_Users@(Company name deleted)
Subject:

Ladies and gentlemen. It is time.

For two and a half years I've been slaving here as a line animal, but I have come to the realization that this is not for me.

As such, I have decided to become a professional pirate. It has always been a dream of mine to live the life of a swashbuckling corsair, beholden to none and master of all I survey. Once my crew of unabashed rogues is assembled, we shall take to the capacious expanse of the high seas to pursue fortune, fame, and hair-raising adventure.

Our path may not be filled with the wonderful comforts and technological marvels that (Company Name Deleted) provides, but we shall nonetheless move forward to carve a name for ourselves in the annals of bold insurgency and death-defying derring-do. Once I have a keen blade at my hip and the Jolly Roger is flapping high above me, I believe I will find my true calling. If our paths should cross on the seven high seas, please do not expect any mercy. My port of call will still be Cork, so do not despair. You'll see me occasionally in the murky taverns around the harbor spending the loot on whiskey and ale.

Please note that I am currently accepting applications for First Officer, if you are interested in applying please contact me on:

(contact details deleted)
I will provide a full medical and dental plan, which will offer immediate coverage of all maladies other than scurvy and the occasional loss of limbs.

Arr! Keelhaul the landlubbers!
Sincerely yours
(Name Deleted)

Ps. Does anyone have a foul mouthed parrot for sale?"

Funny, somewhat sarcastic, and yet not nasty. The way to go, I'd say.

KlodaX

deadly.. that is now stung to bits. I'll put a disclaimer at the bottom...

any similarities to other goodbye mails completely accidental.

pork99

The last time I left a job I was being made redundant from a company on it's way down thew toilet (it's well flushed away by now). I sent everyone this link.

Maybe a bit mean as most of the rest of my coworkers followed me within 6 months

EDIT - url doesnt work - it's http://www. f u c k e d company.com/pink/ (remove the spaces)

cleansingfire

Does anyone read beyond the second or third line of these sort of emails? You just suss the thing as bs and hit delete.

steviem

For some time now, I have been considering my position in this company.
Unfortunately, I have decided it's time to move on.
Clearly, this has not been an easy decision for me to make.
Keep in mind that I have been here for xx years now.
You will be glad to know that I plan to work out my notice period.
Or, if you prefer, I am prepared to leave immediately.
Unless you wish otherwise, I will be leaving on <date>.
Although I will be sad to leave this company, I am looking forward to the new challenges.
Since I joined, I have enjoyed my time here.
Sometimes, we have had challenges but most of these turned to opportunites.
Happily, most of my memories of my time here will be good ones.
Other opportunites will await you all here and you will rise to meet their challenges.
Lots of people would be glad to take my role I am sure.
Everyone I have worked with here has become a friend to me and I thank them for that.
Sincerely yours,

then highlight the first letter of each line...

KlodaX

ha ha.. dats pretty good. I'm not leaving on bad terms though ... so I'm gonna go with the pirate one.

Always wanted to be a pirate anyways ... garrrrrr

seamus

Heh, pirate one is cool. Taking the piss, but in a good way.

Kêrmêttê

Pirates are ALWAYS good!!
AHAAAARR!!

I am MAN

I've always been a man of a few words.

Goodbye.

KlodaX

pirate one was perfect. Used that. Thanks.

445279.ie

Good luck in the new job KlodaX. I'm moving jobs as well today. New start on Monday - well kinda - moving sideways in the same department