no title

no title

Once upon a time about 5 year's ago now i was going out with a girl for 11 months, she was 16 & I was18. We both lost our virginity to each other, she did'nt know this until up to the other day. Eventually i found another girl, was not in love with her, just wanted her because it was someone different. So i was with the two of them for 3 months or so, by this time my first girlfriend knew this becuause i had told her and had broke up with her but i was still with her. one day it all stopped between the two of us. Her phone just was turned off and never turned back on. this broke my heart because i wanted to get back with her for good because the girl i was with, i was just not happy with, i knew i had made a big mistake. So last Wednesday i got a text message from the girl that i had lost contact with all them years ago, i just could'nt believe it, she wanted to meet me. so i met her, we had our little chat, and she avoided everything i asked her.
The following day, i got another text from her out of the blew, im goint to type it as it is on my phone, word for word..."HERE'S ANOTHER THING FOR YA SECOND LAST TIME YOU WERE EVER WIT ME THE CONDOM SPLIT I NOTICED IT THOUGHT NOTHING OF IT WAS GONE OFF THE PILL I WAS OH I GOT CAUGHT HAD MISCARRIAGE AT FIVE MONTHS THATS WHY MY PHONE WENT OFF DIDNT KNOW HOW TO TELL ANYONE CAUSE I HAD NO FATHER FOR THE BABY I WAS GOIN TO HAVE ID LOST HIM AND NOW ID LOST THE BABY AS WELL THATS THATS WHY YOU DID'NT C ME WAS A BABY GIRL BABE AND ALL SOTHERE'S SOMETHING I KNOW I SHOULD OF TOLD"
I am so so angry over this, i just dont know how to cope with it. My biggest problem is keeping it a secret from the girl whom i am with right now. i would tell her this minute only that this girl will only do harm to her self if i tell anybody

D!ve^Bomb!

does your ex know how to use a comma?

did you not notice the condom had split??

i personally find it hard to believe, she seems like a bit of a psycho.. then again she could be telling the truth...

why does she want to keep it a secret??

angeldelight

I wouldn't do anything til you found out she was telling the truth......seems a bit far fetched to me

joePC

Sounds like bull, maybe not, I'd have a very serious talk with her about this...... If she is full of **** then she is a fooking PSYCHO for saying something like that...

Anyways talk to her.....

Thanks JoePC

no title

To make a long story short out of it lad's, I have said this to my mother whom is great friend's with my ex's mother & da whom know one another all their life. When I told my ma what was going on, she replied "I know all about it, i was with them the whole time in the hospital when it was going on". My ex said she did not say anything to me because she thought i was happy with my new life & new girlfriend.

D!ve^Bomb!

no offence but i can't believe your own mother didn't tell youabout this,,, you still had a right to know no matter who your with or how happy you are... and for her to tell you now after all this time is a real kik in the teeth tbh...

imo you should just forget about it, u cant do anything about it now so just live your own life... tell your current gf if you dont want to keep it a secret from her, forget about how your ex will react to you tellin someone.. you have a right to tell whoever you want..

flogen

I agree with newband, your saying your mother knew all along, and never told you?

she didn't even give you a bollocking for not being careful?

flogen

pickarooney

Probably all for the best. You don't seem to be capable of the type of responsibility having a partner/child would bring.

no title

Probably all for the best. You don't seem to be capable of the type of responsibility having a partner/child would bring.

No offence, but I was only 18 years of age at the time. No young lad settles down at that age, he goes wild. I am a lot more matured now, and very very sorry for what I have done to this girl in the past. i could do nothing about these people keeping this secret from me for so so long.

angeldelight

Fair enough but I think you're going to have to make your own mind up cause none of us seem able to believe u...

Chinafoot

no title wrote:

No offence, but I was only 18 years of age at the time. No young lad settles down at that age, he goes wild. I am a lot more matured now, and very very sorry for what I have done to this girl in the past. i could do nothing about these people keeping this secret from me for so so long.

ok im kinda confused here. it was 5 years ago and you werent together at the time because you were cheating on her for three months and then you two broke up. to be honest if i was in her position i probably wouldnt have told you either. yes i know you were young but she clearly couldnt trust you and that is probably why she didnt tell you. maybe now shes finally over it and can talk about it. i think your anger is very unjustified here.

oh and as for the stuff about your mother.........not very convincing at all.

StupidLikeAFox

well in fairness what can ya do about it? what does this girl want from you? she knew the condom was split and that she was off the pill, why ar you feeling so responsible for it? Put it down as an experience and get on wit life, coz dwelling on it wont solve anything

no title

Well Colhol, the fact that she had hid this from me for so long, caused her to bear the burden of it herself for so long. she just thought that by telling me, the burden would'nt been as much as she would'nt be the only one to know
But my problem is i can hide this from my current gf, and grow up with her knowing for the rest of my life that i will have to carry this secret around with me for the rest of my life. this is just giving me a burden too. Or i could tell her, possibly lose her, but the burden would be gone from me.
The reason my ex does'nt want me to say it too her, is becuase when my gf finds out, then everyone will know. And this is nobody's business.

jinxycat

guys be a bit more sensitive please, it was his child too you must remember, it's hard on both parties when a child is lost in this way. ok it was uder strange hapens, i'd be mad with my mum if she didn't tell be either.

yes you were a young at the time and now your grown up, also your right it is no one else business so if you want to tell you current gf pick the right time, ok she doesn't have to know but if you believe the relationship is strong she'll understand and keep your secret. if it's strong she'll have no reason to tell other people, after all evryone has their own little secrets that they want to share with someone and if you think she's the one you should share it with, and go for it.

i wish you the best of luck in what ever decision you choose, also have a chat with your mum, she might have good reasons for not telling you. she may have felt that you weren't ready to hear it at a young age.

no title

I know when I tell my current gf, it will be all over between us because she will then know I ws too timing her aswell at the same time. Im kinda trapped with several situation's at the same time.

Thank's jinxycat

jinxycat

if it was 5 yrs ago and it was in the early stages she may forgive, tbh i don't agree with cheating i dispise but if you really love this girl be true to her if she finds out later she may not forgive you like you didn't with your mum.
anyways it's up to you, only you can make the decision, i know it easier hearing it from strangers but it's up to you i'm afraid.
good luck pal.

no title

Well like i said, i was young and did'nt care who i was with. Im out now for someone whom i'll grow old with & die. But the girl im with now, i dont love her, i left my ex gf for this one, and now after seeing my ex after so so long i remember why i was with her. I would prefer rather be with herother than my current gf, but i just dont have the heart to break it off with her after all these years together.

damnyanks

But if your parents were such good friends with her parents how could she just vanish magically?

no title

She never went outside her house up until about 2 years ago

pickarooney

So she doesn't know you were two-timing her, but does she know you have no feelings for her? Are you staying with her to punish yourself or her? It's only five years, bite the bullet and finish it, for both your sakes, otherwise:

"I haven't the heart to break it off after 10 years"
...
"I haven't the heart to break it off after 25 years of wasting both our lives" etc. etc.

jinxycat

yeah i agree, don't go through life regreting things if your not in love with her is there any point, i couldn't stay with someone i didn't love.

i know it's hard to break up but if your not happy why stay tbh, go through life being happy pal , see a smile on the face is always better than a frown

LegacyUser

no title wrote:

...THING FOR YA SECOND LAST TIME YOU WERE EVER WIT ME THE CONDOM SPLIT I NOTICED IT THOUGHT NOTHING OF IT...

Have any of you lads here ever had a condom split on you? It hasn't happened to me but I think I would notice if it did. I would have thought the guy would notice it before the girl would, after all we're (usually) the one who ends up disposing of the condom.

secret_squirrel

I agree with the last 2 posters. You have much more important things to think about than whether your ex had a miscarriage 5 years ago or not. And no offence but if your mam knows half of what you have posted here its no surprise she didnt mention it to you at the time - you're hardly coming across as the most responsible guy.

I think you seriously need to reflect on what your are doing in your life, seeing someone who you dont love for 5 years is just wasting both your lives.
Be honest with yourself - have you really matured at all? Sounds like you have a load more growing up to do tbh.

AngryBadger

hmmm......so, to recap. You were two-timing this girl, whom you now love, but you didn't know that then. She got pregnant by you, and never told you. Your mother knew all about it, and never told you.

ok, once again here's all my thought on this, followed by a neat little batman-esque conclusion.

Your mother didn't tell you to protect you. And possibly to protect your family.

Why was she off the pill? Why didn't she tell you? How did you not notice that the condom broke?

She didn't leave her house until 2 years ago....

You were two-timing her.

For some alien reason, you continued to be with a girl you are not in love with.

ok, about you. Leave the girl you're currently seeing. Or at least take one of those much-advertised "breaks" I keep hearing about. You don't know your own mind. For whatever reason you started going out with this girl, most likely all the wrong reasons, and you should stop that, take time to realise what. and who you do want. Further to which, you think if you tell her she will harm herself??? WTF is that about? It doesn't work like that. IN a stable relationship, there's throwing, screaming, occasionally hitting, (of the guy by the girl), but there should never be blackmail in the form of self-mutilation. That alone tells me you're involved in a massively unstable relationship. And for the record, odds were that she knew you were two-timing her back in the day. As to this wankology about being young and all that ****e. ****e is all it is. At 18 you knew enough to practice safe sex, and you obviously ****ed up somewhere in this case. But I'm not interested in preaching off my peestal here, we all make mistakes.

As for her. She clearly has tonnes of issues, none of which are necessarily related to the pregnancy. My money says her folks wanted it kept on the QT, or something similar. I mean it's not that unheard of for a girl to get pregnant with planning it. Why would she not tell you? Why would your own mother not tell you? And if you were so crazy about her, why didn't you make more of an effort to re-initiate contact with her 5 years ago? Anyway, I'm meandering here. What I'm driving at is, if she stayed inside her own home until 2 years ago, there's obviously problems there. I'm tinking you met a girl who was naive, and totally unprepared to deal with college life. You gave her a few lashings, and she took them because she was desperate to have emotional human contact, which so many women mistake for men ****ing them. You fumbled the ball,and she got pregnant. Went back home, and the parents weren't exactly as supporting as they could have been, or something along these lines.

Bottom line. You don't know what you want. Leave the girl you're currently seeing. Sit down with the girl you got pregnant, say all of this to her, and see what she says. Maybe she'll **** you out of it, if so, **** her right back. It takes 2 to make a baby, and her maturity then notwithstanding, she was party to this, and is as responsible as you. After that, I'd take a good long time and assess myself. but that's just me. You do whatever works for you.

no title

AngryBadger.............Who ever you are, you are a very very wise person, as far as im concerned. Because just about everything you have said is 100% correct. My main problem is, the girl whom im currently with will be very hard to break up with. She has been at my beside dusk to dawn several times after i was involved in several fatal car accidents, and a part of me loves her for that because nobody else bothered to be. The girl adores me to bits, she truly loves me, whatever, what i feel about her is totally different. Several year's ago i would of broke up with her, but now she is just like a best friend, although i dont have that much love for her. Perhaps this is all becuase i have met my old ex and im feeling emotions from the time i was with my ex?
Is it possible to learn to love someone?

luckat

Yes, it's possible to learn to love someone. But you have to want to.

AngryBadger

no title wrote:

Is it possible to learn to love someone?

I don't know if you can learn to love someone man. I think, for me at least, love either is , or it isn't. I could never be in a relationship where I was waiting for feelings to develop. You feel you owe the woman you're with a lot, and that's true. But if you don't love her, and to me the best you can say right now is that you don't know what you feel, then you're just setting both parties up for heartbreak in years to come.

Usually I'd say go for a quick clean break. In this case, given how long you're together, how attached she is to you, and the fact that you don't really know what you're feeling right now, I'd suggest telling her what happened, maybe don't tell her who was involved, and tell her you need some time alone to sort your head out. This is a perfectly reasonable request, these are maor revelations, and she should appreciate that, if she can't, then it's possible there are other problems between ye that you've never noticed before now.

If she agrees, it allows you space to sort your head out, and most importantly for her, decide what you really feel, and how best to deal with it. My only caution is to be sure there's no way she can discover who was involved is you decide to keep it a secret, because if you do, and she finds out later, the fallout will be on a global scale.

no title

HHmmm...it's a tough one lad's, especially when these two girl's know one another, my current gf started working in a job where my ex was working and since then they have always come into contact with one another, although they do hate one another ever so much, so if my current gf finds this out...well let me just put it this way...Bin Laden would'nt do as good a job at terrorism. If this matter was'nt so serious...it would be hillarius.

IrishMike

no title wrote:

If this matter was'nt so serious...it would be hillarius.

2 timed ur g/f
stringing your current g/f along for 5 years even though u dont love her
finding out about a baby of yours that was miscarried but even your mother
didnt think you were stable enough to tell you
the girl who had the baby being so depressed for 2 years that she didnt leave her house

not really seeing much of a funny side 2 this tale m8
best thing you could do is break up with your current girl and try and get your life in order