Friend is sucidal

LegacyUser

A mate of mine is at a real low. She has told me (and pretty much me only) that she is on the verge of suicide. She is very depressed and has been doing things like not showing up at work, cancelling a holiday, going back home to live and not going out at night any more. She has been going to doctors and is on medication.

As one of her best friends I want to know what I should be saying to her or what I can do to help someone in this situation.

Thanks

Silent Grape

first of all, dont put undue pressure on yourself to say the 'right' thing. by telling you this she has already showed you that she trusts you and respects you.

there is no really right thing to say, just be there for her, tell her you're there for her, dont just think she already knows. tell her you love her, you'd miss her, you need her. but dont lay on too heavy about yourself.

keep asking her questions about why she feels the way she does, get her to talk about it as much as you can, encourage her to get some therapy. do things to cheer her up, like buying or making her something, take her out somewhere unusual to give her a break. sometimes a change of scenery can help.

i dont know what else to say, there are good websites you could look up as well. also keep the number of her local A&E dept nearby just in case, if she told you she feels this way, you will more than likely be the person she calls.

goodluck xx

Banjo013

Hi.

These are always really tough ones. Suffer from depression myself and I'd imagine that if you never experienced it, it'd be very hard to try and understand it.

Is there an obvious cause for her depression ? Has she spoken to you about it ? Frequently the sufferer doen't even know why they're depressed, they just are, as is the case with me. Can never quiet seem to pin it down to any one thing so it's probably a complex combination of many things.

My depression tends to be kept under control with medication. It's very effective and really really helps. However only certain types are controllable in this way (called chemical depression). On the other hand if it's a psychological type then your friend should maybe think about seeing a psychiatrist. This doesn't mean shes "mad" or anything ... but they may be able to help to put things into perspective for her.

For yourself, I'd advise that you make sure she knows that you're always there for her, that you care for her and love her. And please - don't be afriad to say these things to her. It may just that she feels unloved, so I'd urge you to openly and honestly tell her how great you think she is and tell her that you do love her, in as many words.

Please let me know how you get on, I am interested to know. PM me or email me if you wish, best of luck and never give up on her - that's the last thing she needs.

MrNuked

Are you a boy, and is she ugly? I don't know your situation, and I'm probably going to cause offence, but it has been known for women in particular to use pity stories like this to get attention and care from members of the opposite sex. (There is one girl in my college who was dreadful for doing that; lied about having cancer, lied about her family life).

Tell her there's no point killing yourself becasue you die pretty soon anyway. You'll be a long time dead etc.

pixie_student

Banjo013 wrote:

On the other hand if it's a psychological type then your friend should maybe think about seeing a psychiatrist

Don't you mean a psychologist?

Best of luck trying to talk your friend round.. it's probably just a cry for help to be honest.

Just be there for her.. thats the best you can do

David19

Do you think she's serious? It could be just a cry for help or attention as people have suggested. Maybe you should tell someone else like her mom or someone in her family? This could be too much for you to deal with. As someone said there's probably a number of sites on this. All of the above posts have been good advice too.

angeldelight

As long as there's someone there she feels she can turn to talk to (and she seems to trust you) I'd give her a little space.... What tends to make the situation worse is if one feels like they're that low but can see no way of getting out of it so if she knows she can talk to you and you're not going to be judgemental she will more than likely turn to u at some stage because nobody likes feeling that low

byrnenj

Go to this site : http://www.aware.ie/
There are a lot of helpful people there that you can contact for help.
There is also good information on how to approach this.

Best of luck!

Silent Grape

whether she's looking for 'attention' (which she seems to need quite badly), or 'just' a cry for help, it makes no difference. its a complete myth that people who talk about suicide are less likely to kill themselves than people that do.

also check out channel 4's website, under health, they have a really good mental health site, with very good practical advice for friends.

x

Battlesnake

There is no right or wrong thing to say. All you can do is be there for her and reassure her that she can talk to you, that you aren't going to disappear just because she's going through a 'bad patch'.
The introversion is definately a sign that she isn't just making things up and you're right to be concerned. You said she's going to see doctors and is on medication, maybe it would be an idea to talk to her about this and see if she's actually feeling any better with the help these doctors are giving.
Sometimes more than a gp is needed, she really needs to go and see a specialist to see whats best for her, psychotherapy is a good option but it's not for everyone.
As for yourself I'm not going to lie to you, it's not going to be easy having someone you care about so much hurting so bad and from the sounds of things it could get a lot tougher for her before things improve.
Encourage her to tell other people about what's going on so that there's a better support network around her, whether she likes it or not, it's what she needs. The more talking she does the better, a change of scene going somewhere chilled can do a lot of good. <GET HER OUT OF THE HOUSE>
I can not stress that enough, whatever she can manage to cope with even if it's just out the door and back in, it will help. Staring at the same four walls for days on end will probably make things worse in the long run.
Just try and be brave for her and yourself.
It's a cry for help no doubt about it, all you can do is your best as her friend, you can't change the way she feels, she has to work through things herself and it will take time.

ven0m

Battlesnake wrote:

There is no right or wrong thing to say. All you can do is be there for her and reassure her that she can talk to you, that you aren't going to disappear just because she's going through a 'bad patch'.
The introversion is definately a sign that she isn't just making things up and you're right to be concerned. You said she's going to see doctors and is on medication, maybe it would be an idea to talk to her about this and see if she's actually feeling any better with the help these doctors are giving.
Sometimes more than a gp is needed, she really needs to go and see a specialist to see whats best for her, psychotherapy is a good option but it's not for everyone.
As for yourself I'm not going to lie to you, it's not going to be easy having someone you care about so much hurting so bad and from the sounds of things it could get a lot tougher for her before things improve.
Encourage her to tell other people about what's going on so that there's a better support network around her, whether she likes it or not, it's what she needs. The more talking she does the better, a change of scene going somewhere chilled can do a lot of good. <GET HER OUT OF THE HOUSE>
I can not stress that enough, whatever she can manage to cope with even if it's just out the door and back in, it will help. Staring at the same four walls for days on end will probably make things worse in the long run.
Just try and be brave for her and yourself.
It's a cry for help no doubt about it, all you can do is your best as her friend, you can't change the way she feels, she has to work through things herself and it will take time.

Possibly some of the soundest comments I've read on this gaff!!!! I've been on both sides; the depressed suicidal 'maniac' & the one helping someone who went through the same. You can't really 'help' someone feeling like this BUT, you can be there to support them & sometimes just being there is enough....one of the problems I found was despite the fact I had my mates around, I felt alone - but knowing they were there over time made it easier & recovery was easier because of it & they never cut & ran on me when things got really bad & I'll always owe them for that.....


::: ven0mous :::

StupidLikeAFox

Explain how much it would affect everyone around her, especially you. It'll help. And elaborate on it coz im too tired to

Kell

ColHol wrote:

Explain how much it would affect everyone around her, especially you. It'll help.

No it wont. That is the lousiest piece of advice I have ever read on these boards.

When someone hits the "I am considering killing myself stage" other people dont matter to them because they cant see out of the hole that is depression. In fact, the depressed person can more often that not seem self-absorbed or even selfish. If you suggest the effect that it will have on other people, it will more than likely evoke a negative or even aggressive reaction.

What Regular Poster can do is make sure that depressed person is aware of the fact that they are around for the long term. Questioning how they feel on any given day and also having the balls to sometimes challenge what they are saying based on stuff they have previously said can also help. Challenge with caution though as it can also have the opposite effect to helping.

A lot of the time the depressive cant identify the pattern of what causes the depression i.e. on Monday they may be feeling what they felt last Thursday but cant remember what they felt like last Thursday. By reminding them what they said they felt like last Thurs, they can build a picture of what stimulates the depressed feeling. Recognition of the depressive stimulators is a way towards a cure.

Also, it helps to re-assure them that they are not alone and if you can, identify times when you have felt like they do. Part of depression is the "I am totally on my own with my own problems" syndrome and the depressive usually think they are weaker than the rest of us because we dont show depression when it happens to us. Saying "I feel like that too sometimes" puts you on a par with them and stops them comparing themselves to you and winding up on a downer as a result.

K-