Threesomes And Friends...

BEAT

I just thought I could get some input , opinions, personal experiences here.
Here is the story: My best friend of 10 years is about to ask me to be part of a threesome with her boyfriend because he asked her if I was into it and she would do anything to please him. The thing is this,
She is my best friend and I dont think I could do something like that with someone I know, I wouldnt have a problem if it were strangers but I feel wierd with friends...and what if they got married someday and had kids...how awkward would that be. I mean we are so close people think we are sisters, we act like sisters. It is wierd...I dont think of her in that way, I guess I am a bit wierded out that she would think of me like that.
Wuld it ruin a friendship like ours?
Anyway, has anyone else been in a situation like this before?

Appreciate the feedback

Zulu

....
I'd tend to warn against. Is she the jellous type? Do you want to have sex with her? (Chances are he'll be wanting to see you guys at it)

Really, only you know, but I'd err to the side of caution.

fletch

If you friendship is strong enough everything should be okay. But threesomes can go very wrong....just imagine you and her boyfriend hit it off in bed and she is left watching, that situation is sure to cause a row.
I had a threesome with my best friend and its like nothing ever happened, we can have a laugh about it....but then again things are different on the gay scene (3 guys)

Beruthiel

BEAT wrote:

Wuld it ruin a friendship like ours?

well only you know if it would ruin it or not, but it sure as hell will become awkward and uncomfortable, and are you quite sure you wish to venture into this?
considering the fact that you said - It is wierd...I dont think of her in that way, I guess I am a bit wierded out that she would think of me like that
if you feel weird now
how will you feel afterwards!?
also - is he not happy with their relationship as it is? why does he need further input from another person (yes I know I risk sounding ‘not with it’ but it is not something I would be remotely interested in myself)
just wondering out loud....
a

BEAT

two good points were brought up here,

Beruthiel...they are actually very happy and secure in thier sexual relationship, which is why they venture out and try new things. They tend to be very 'kinky' (I think that is the word I am looking for) in that sense.
While I am not against threesomes I think i wouldnt want it to be with my best friend.

The other point I found helpful,
She is a bit of a jealous person and while she knows I wouldnt want her man and we are both too down to earth to get emotionally involved with matters of sex alone,I would feel uncomfortable being intimate with him because of our friendship.
I dont think I want to take our friendship to that level after having thought about it.

I think I will pass on this one and suggest a neutral (unknown)third for them as I would do in my own situation , but thanks for the input and pm's

Iago

At last a thread I can get my teeth into just kidding...

While in theory I think it's a great idea I'm not so sure that in practice it makes any sense at all, I love the idea of it but I don't think I could do it.

If you did decide to do it, then it should be with a stranger, and when you're not seriously involved with your partner, a once off experiment if you like. I don't think you should do this, you'l feel weird, your friend will feel weird and worst of all afterwards when the reality hits home your friendship will never be the same again. After all if she would do "anything" for her bf and he really enjoys it odds are he'll ask again and where will it all lead?

Personally I think it shows a lack of respect for his girlfriend that he is seriously suggesting and asking this and no matter what happens their relationship will never be the same. If it's good then she'll feel inadequate from now on, believing that he needs to have someone else there to really enjoy himself.

If it's bad she'll blame herself and probably lose a friendship that's far more important than her relationship. Steer clear at all costs.

[size=-12]can't believe I just wrote that, but as much as I love the idea there's no way I think it can work in reality[/size]

yossarin

How did you find out before time? Is there some sort of newsletter ?

you're obviously not into it, so thats that.
surely (stop calling me shirley !) they can find someone else...do you think that maybe they chose you as a safe option to ask ? (first timers or sommat?)

MojoMaker

Go with the heart BEAT, I think you know you won't be 100% comfortable so like you say perhaps better to pass this time. 3somes are usually best enacted with strangers where there is no existing and therefore no residual emotional attachments to complicate matters. Friendships can be altered all too easily.

Now, boards beer, I could probably drum up a few volunteers should you really want to investigate this phenomenon.

skittishkitten

Perhaps your friend and her boyfriend have talked it over and she only said it would be OK if it was with someone she felt comfortable with , which happens to be you. If she is only doing it to please him , I'd be worried. This can complicate your relationship with her. You've already stated that you yourself aren't comfortable being with them, which would make me hesitant . Would you or her be able to continue an easy friendship if you went through with it? I can understand you desire to "help" your friend in this situation but if neither of you are comfortable I'm not sure I would. IF you should decide to do this , one piece of advice .....concentrate more on her than on him. That way she won't feel as threatened that you are interested in her man and if he tries to focus it more on him , gently but firmly focus it back on her . Whether you do or don't , I hope all works out well for you.

frodi

If you are not comfortable with the idea, (as suggested by your post) then No thanks. Your friend may do anything for her bf that does not mean that you should as well.

LegacyUser

I would suggest you do not pursue this course.

Such games as threesomes and orgies require a certain level of amoral detachment at the best of times, with relative strangers. With a friend involved it opens a whole can of emotional and psychological worms unless you are particularly hardened to such.

And I’m afraid you’re not.

You’re at the core a romantic and so amoral detachment of any type would be difficult for you, let alone in a situation that would include the additional complications of friendship. So even if it were advisable that you play such games under better circumstances, which I would not be convinced of, it is certainly not in this case.

jesus_thats_gre

Its about time someone posted something interesting in here.. Too many depressed people

As much as I wanna say "yeah go get that box", I would stay clear of it... I would also consider the fact that he might just be doing this as a way to get a hold of yourself, i.e. he could be attracted to you. If he is, your mate will notice this pretty much straight away and say bye bye to any friendship...

WhiteWashMan

if we all worried about what we will think in the future, we'd get nothin done...

stop over analysing, as yet (as far as i can make out) they havent asked you.
until they do, chill, they may never.

sceptre

BEAT wrote:

and she would do anything to please him.

...which really isn't all that good but I suppose that's not really your problem.

chrismon

I have been in the same type of situation.
decided to stay well clear,because the two of them are very close friends of mine,would have been fun though :rolleyes:

MistressPandora

Don't do it, for the love of everything that is good and true, don't do it.
Personal experience. Enough said.

jesus_thats_gre

MistressPandora wrote:

Don't do it, for the love of everything that is good and true, don't do it.
Personal experience. Enough said.

How you doin...

MistressPandora

I'm doin' pretty good babe how u doin?
No, not again!

Boston

MistressPandora wrote:

Don't do it, for the love of everything that is good and true, don't do it.
Personal experience. Enough said.

Question, two guys or two girls?

I've been giving this allot of thought recently. Lets just say an oppetunity has presented itself, never been to interested before, but when in college and all that lark

MistressPandora

Tbh, it was a long time ago, I won't go into details, but it really put me off having threesomes where there's males involved.
Sorry lads!

OfflerCrocGod

jesus_thats_gre wrote:

he might just be doing this as a way to get a hold of yourself, i.e. he could be attracted to you. If he is, your mate will notice this pretty much straight away and say bye bye to any friendship...

I'd say he would be dumped post haste and I'd doubt BEAT would have anything to do with him either.......of course I'm guessing here but a ten year friendship would be very strong.

The Clown Man

Hang on, Hang on, in fairness she's probably asking you because she trusts you. She might have things a little messed up in her head but to her you are the best person to ask. Be aware when you tell her that you don't want to be part of it. She probably thinks that everything will be AOK after cause you obviously know it is just a bit of a laugh. It's not that serious to her but she probably doesn't see how serious it is to you.

If you don't feel comfortable doing this then tell her and tell her exactly why. She's asking you because she thinks that you are the safest person to do this with without having a serious problem afterwards. Sheet she might even want you to be there. But it's all a friendship thing so be friendly when you explain to her why your not going to be there.

Unless of course you think that you could do this for them and not feel wierd about it. They have most likely talked about it before and decided you are the right person to do this with.

It's up to you but don't be afraid just because this is not what you think they should want. They might think that this is just what they need. You are not going to be stolen away. This is just something they want to try.

Anyway. I don't know anything about this sort of thing anyway!

Typedef

BEAT wrote:

I just thought I could get some input , opinions, personal experiences here.
Here is the story: My best friend of 10 years is about to ask me to be part of a threesome with her boyfriend <snip>
Wuld it ruin a friendship like ours?

Ah so you're wondering of having a good old bonk with your best-friend and her boyfriend would ... somehow redefine your relationship with her?



<insert laughter>

Typedef

It's probably also worth noting that _everybody_ says they'd be up for a threesome.. and some even talk it up.. but, in reality, *most* people don't have the gumption for it.. most would never in reality do it (despite talking it up) and most would shy away from it, for one reason or another.

Personally, I suppose it might be interesting for the novelty and also of course the real reason people do things like that... to tell other people and to shock them with it.. or too seem cool and eclectic ....

Personally, I think people who spend alot of time talking about how wonderfully liberated in the sexual department they are.. are in fact grasping at something to try and define themselves in terms of a lurid iconaclasim espoused on the media.

In reality, either you go in for that sort of thing or you don't... the second it starts to become a big _thing_ which the whole world knows about... I think, it becomes more of a McMedia event... like Ulrika Johnson plastered all over the papers.

Have you ever seen that episode of Sex and the City, where Semantha and Richard are in bed with "random bimbette(x)" for "Richard's birthday", and random_bimbette(x) gets kicked out of the bed onto the floor?
You'd want to be careful that didn't end up being you !

Honestly though, there is no way you could keep up a pretence of being "Friends" with people you just fncked.... at the same time.

Basically, with your best friend and her boyfriend, I think is an extremely bad idea.

With your ex-lover and his/her new squeeze .. fine.

Sure, most men love the "thought" of being with two women... but, the base case is that.. the women are probably more aware of how to pleasure the other then the man. Perhaps ... it's your 'best-friend' who isn't getting her... uhh... just deserts in bed.

And what would happen, if he was finished... but the two of "you" weren't ?

Somehow, I suspect your best-friend harbours slightly lesbian tendancies... perhaps a 'better' thing to do, if you were so inclined, would be to simply sleep with your best friend. I'm _told_ gay sex is much better... which makes sense to me really, since most women can't give a toss to save their lives... and even the ones who can.. aren't that good.... but, that whole soddomy thing sounds painful.

*ahem*.

loz_the_boz

Whatever the decision is - make sure you tape it and post here

skittishkitten

Typedef wrote:

.....Sure, most men love the "thought" of being with two women... but, the base case is that.. the women are probably more aware of how to pleasure the other then the man. Perhaps ... it's your 'best-friend' who isn't getting her... uhh... just deserts in bed.

And what would happen, if he was finished... but the two of "you" weren't ? ......

Have you watched the movie Sex Monster ? ( Yes it's a movie , not porn ) They "covered" this issue . It was very very funny .

simu

I think that if this couple hasn't done the threesome thing before that it would be better for them to try it out with a stranger first just in case it all goes horribly wrong (tis a lot harder to find good friends than people to have sex with). As Typedef mentioned, it has become cool to do threesomes in recent years but there's quite a gulf between fantasy & reality.

To me, the whole threesome thing sounds horribly complicated as you'd have to make a constant effort not to give less attention to either of the other two people and you'd be annoyed if you got less attention yourself. Twould be like choreagraphing some really complex ballet or something!

BEAT

wow, several valid points were made , so thank you all
without quoting I will refer to some comments that were made:

Yes I believe she would consider me because of how close we are and that she trusts me above all.

No I would have nothing to do with her BF if it lead into that direction.

No I would not have sex with her alone(typedef) I am not gay afterall (though I have nothing against people that are) 3somes offer the thrill of experimenting and playfullness, but I wouldnt take it as far as having a one on one with a woman...or my best friend . I also wouldnt do it because its a trend, I would do it because its fun
and yes I did see that episode of sexandthecity, it was hilarious...but I got your point.

I am not going to take part in this activity with them just because they are too close. I'd rather it be with strangers and that is how I will explain it.

Her BF has had 3somes in the past and enjoys them , she has never had one to my knowledge. It more of a sex-game for them than anything...I wouldnt put much else into it.

I appreciate all of the feedback though
cheers!

KilOit

you said you'd do it with strangers beat?....... im a stranger



on a serious note DO NOT GO THROUGH WITH THIS
it will NEVER be the same between you after it,
and when your both old bags in your 50's it wont be a nice memory

jay567

So many people giving a negative opionion to something im sure most of them have never done. ppl dont do it to be cool or eclectic, they do it cause its fun/exciting/sexual, nothin more.

RossFixxxed

And it is. And then it all goes pear shaped. And the jealousy starts. And the insecurity. Arrgh. Strangers only.

LegacyUser

You sound like you're talking from experience!?!

But wouldn't you prefer to see your girl/boyfriend gettin it on with another girl/boy than just some strangers?

Totally hot!

Cute_Button

If they really want to do a threesome- if you value your friendship with them, keep out of it. There are other options available to them- depending on where they are (would recommend adultfriendfinder and a few other avenues).

Regardless of how good a friend you think you are with your friend- sleeping with her and her b/f is taking things onto a totally different level, and is not for the fainthearted.

Don't go there!!!


Jen

Tusky

do it...and take pics.

Shad0r

BEAT wrote:

I just thought I could get some input , opinions, personal experiences here.

Yeah been there, done that. Although the two girls were the friends and I was the stranger. If I was going out with a girl, theres no way I would suggest that we try something like that with one of her friends. No way. A stranger maybe, but not a friend. If I did I would be doing it for me and I wouldnt give a sh!t about her.

Here is the story: My best friend of 10 years is about to ask me to be part of a threesome with her boyfriend because he asked her if I was into it and she would do anything to please him.

If you value your friendship more than a night of mad kinky sex, then dont do it.

Shad0r

BEAT wrote:

I think I will pass on this one and suggest a neutral (unknown)third for them as I would do in my own situation , but thanks for the input and pm's

Yeah just break it to her gentle, rejection for whatever reason is still rejection!