Tough tackling new centre for Irish squad

Hairy Homer

Major new star found for Irish defence

Legendary name returns to midfield

Dateline: Dublin, Ireland. August 31st 2004.....Not much is likely to get past the Irish midfield defence this year following the recruitment of fearless crash tackler Neil 'Mad Dog' Horan to the national cause. Following a stint in a special training camp in Greece, the far seeing centre is likely to join up with his new colleagues next week.

Like his illustrious namesake, former Aussie legend Tim Horan, Mad Dog possesses a demon tackle (see picture); is afraid of neither man nor machine and certainly lacks for nothing in confidence.

'Sure, Tim Horan ran from his own try line to set up Australia's match-winning try in the 1991 World Cup Final,' said Irish coach Eddie O'Sullivan, 'but he never had the balls to try and outrun a fleet of Formula One cars. We reckon Neil will be a bigger name than Tim before he's finished.'

O'Sullivan also praised his new charge's defensive skills. 'That guy de Lima was yards clear of the rest of the field,' he said. 'Most defenders would have given up after 20 yards, but Neil chased him down and nailed him after 20 miles!!! Now that's what I call corner flagging.'

The inclusion of the sprightly 56 year old is likely to cause some friction among the incumbent mid field but Ireland's pin up boy Brian O'Driscoll was confidently defiant. Striking a photogenic pose and flexing his bulging pecs while massaging some blonde highlights into his untrimmed tresses, the team captain was heard to say: 'Well at least my position as Ireland's sexiest man is under no threat'

ends

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