says i'm insecure / over-reacting

LegacyUser

I'm going out with a guy at the moment and my problem is that I was incredibly interested in him when we started going out, had been friends for 3 years or so beforehand and I had liked him for a large portion of that time. We went out for a few weeks and then he went home to Donegal for the summer while I stayed in Dublin. Initally we talked constantly, usually me calling him to keep in touch, and as time went on I started to realise that he hardly ever called me, and whenever i pointed it out he'd just say he forgot or he was busy. I know this guy would never cheat on me but I still am slightly unsure about his feelings, surely he would keep in touch with me more if he cared alot as he claims he does. He says my insecurity does bother him, but I mean the guy can't even be on time to meet me after I travel for 4 hours to see him. Do I sound crazy? He'll be back in a few weeks for college.

jesus_thats_gre

Pretty much an average fella who does not feel the need to prove his feelings for someone by speaking to them on the phone then..

Sarky

Un-insecure wrote:

I know this guy would never cheat on me

How, exactly?

][cEMAN**

Sarky wrote:

How, exactly?

He said so?

Hey, people don't always like talking on the phone. I prefer to speak in person, though I spend a lot of time on the phone. It's generally because people are calling me all the time

When certain people ask me "why don't you call me" the answer is just "I don't call anyone".

So if you ever get a call from me, you must be really really special or i'm dying and need someone to note down my last words...

Saint

In un-related news, the number of men turning to homosexuality is on the rise. It has emerged that the rise in male deviant activity directly correlates to the rise in psycho - insecure - attention seeking - chicks. Pundits are baffled!

CathyMoran

When I am in love I think about the person constantly and being in contact with them is part of that, as is being considerate, on time when I am meeting them - you have to work on love. It is not insecurity, it is not being able to stop thinking of the person and having your day made that little bit brighter when they call, text etc.

Sleepy

Name me one, heterosexual, Irish male who actually enjoys long phone conversations. See, the only name coming to your head is Gerry Ryan, and in fairnesss, he's paid to listen to the battleaxes that call him every morning.

You are being insecure. That doesn't mean that your boyfriend couldn't make a bit more of an effort. The being late to meet you is a minor thing though, sure it'd be nice if he stood on the platform with a massive bunch of flowers for you as your train pulled in. But that only happens in movies, when we've done something wrong or very, very occasionaly when your boyfriend is the romantic sort.

Walls

Next he'll be calling you hysterical and loony for wanting to see him at all.

Sounds like he is of a mind set of trying to 'get the goods without paying for them', where as you would now and again would like a show of half way decent manners.

What happens next depends on your inclination or character. Either put up with it and watch him get gradually worse (birthday present = pint, for example), insist on absolute adherance to good manners at all times, or tell him straight and once and for all that you expect a call now and again etc. Let him decide for himself if that is what he wants. I'd recommend the third, meself.

Walls

Good post by the way Sleepy, for some reason I can't add to your reputation.

Zulu

Un-insecure wrote:

Initally we talked constantly, usually me calling him to keep in touch, and as time went on I started to realise that he hardly ever called me, and whenever i pointed it out he'd just say he forgot or he was busy.

How ofter do you call? How long have you left it for him to call you?

The Corinthian

Yes, you’re a tad insecure and require constant validation. I wouldn’t worry too much about it though, as a lot of people are. Given this other people do require their space and will react to being suffocated by pushing you away further. Before you know it before he has a chance to come to grips with your demands (and he will need time to do so), you’ll lose patience and your insecurity will get the better of you and you’ll break with him. Happens to the best of us.

Typedef

Women... generally, tend to become quasi-obsessive (with exceptions, who can't commit... persumably because of enormous baggage... or too much TV).

In any case, you are completely crowding the poor chap... and when he claims to have "forgotten, or fallen into a deep dark well, or had his phone eaten by a dog", he's lying. The truth is he wanted some time to himself... he's almost certainly tired of having to hold your hand all the time... and speaking personally... some hand holding is tolerable, with women... running around like some sort of performing dog... just makes you not want to know the person in question.

Try... not ringing him for four days in a row... if he feels the need to give you a ring... well and good... if/when he rings *don't* keep him on the phone, when he clearly wants to get off... and basically give the man some space... probably give him alot more space. You shouldn't try to in a passive-aggressive fashion, pressure him to display the same level of overjoyment at being with you as you display with him.. realise that in this relationship that you are the more keen partner and display some acumen and congnisence of this fact, by _not_ calling him first.

If he _never_ calls you back... then you're better off.
If _you_ can't control yourself to 'wait' for him to call, then you already have your answer as to why he 'forgets' to ring you.
Probably by giving him _space_ what that means is... allowing him to .. and this is important desire a conversation with you... and ring of his own volition... as opposed to guilt passive-aggressive bullying by you.

If you get him to a place where he _wants_ to ring you... because you've made yourself "hard to get" you've already won the battle.

CathyMoran

Typedef wrote:

Women... generally, tend to become quasi-obsessive (with exceptions, who can't commit... persumably because of enormous baggage... or too much TV).

In any case, you are completely crowding the poor chap... and when he claims to have "forgotten, or fallen into a deep dark well, or had his phone eaten by a dog", he's lying. The truth is he wanted some time to himself... he's almost certainly tired of having to hold your hand all the time... and speaking personally... some hand holding is tolerable, with women... running around like some sort of performing dog... just makes you not want to know the person in question.

Try... not ringing him for four days in a row... if he feels the need to give you a ring... well and good... if/when he rings *don't* keep him on the phone, when he clearly wants to get off... and basically give the man some space... probably give him alot more space. You shouldn't try to in a passive-aggressive fashion, pressure him to display the same level of overjoyment at being with you as you display with him.. realise that in this relationship that you are the more keen partner and display some acumen and congnisence of this fact, by _not_ calling him first.

If he _never_ calls you back... then you're better off.
If _you_ can't control yourself to 'wait' for him to call, then you already have your answer as to why he 'forgets' to ring you.
Probably by giving him _space_ what that means is... allowing him to .. and this is important desire a conversation with you... and ring of his own volition... as opposed to guilt passive-aggressive bullying by you.

If you get him to a place where he _wants_ to ring you... because you've made yourself "hard to get" you've already won the battle.

Essentially the rules, which do work - it is just a pity that people sometimes have to play these games:-(

Typedef

So we're on for a date Saturday right?