Does saying "I love you" lead to backlash?

valentino

Ok heres the deal..

G/f got back last night after being away for ten weeks..
We were really looking forward to seeing each other..obviously

Had an amazing night until the "I love you" issue came up
She kept saying she wanted to tell me something but she was
really freaked out by it..

Eventually it came out ...
I feel the same way about her so i said it too...
She got a bit wierd and started saying she didnt want to hear it back..

All grand till we were leaving, she was pretty drunk and there
was no way i was letting her go home on her own, tried telling her
this but the more i stuck around the more irritated she got..
She then let loose saying i wasnt her bf anymore etc.. you get the picture..

All this becuase i stuck around to make sure she got home ok?

I think girls tend to react negatively to lads trying to look after them, the more you do for them/love them the more it turns them off..

I'd love to hear what you think, especially the girls?
I love her but i dont know if i can put up with that crap every time we
go out...

=Baz=

Eh.. i think most girls like being looked after.
They usually yget pissed off if u dont show that you care (from experience).

I think you have two problems:

Your girlfriend+you+Drink=disaster
AND
Both of u being honest with each other about ur feelings.


Try goin out without drinking

valentino

Eh.. i think most girls like being looked after.
They usually yget pissed off if u dont show that you care (from experience).

How is sticking around till she got a taxi, showing that i don't care?

Typedef

Given that most chicks like to be looked after... it also has to be said that, sometimes there is a wierd breed of female, who finds a man... gains his emotional affection... just so she can push him away.

Probably what thread starter needs to do is take her for granted... so she'll keep trying to *work* to keep him.

vibrant

Not that being a woman gives me any sort of insight into the behaviour of other women, but that whole scenario you've described was ODD. It's not like you were "smothering" her, you were only trying to get her into a taxi. Sounds to me like she totally overdid it on the drink and just fell into a strange mood, perhaps trying to get some sort of reaction out of you.

Gordon

If you truly loved her you'd be able to put up with that crap.

However, if you truly loved her you would most likely speak with her about it and talk about it.

elivsvonchiaing

Gordon wrote:

If you truly loved her you'd be able to put up with that crap.

However, if you truly loved her you would most likely speak with her about it and talk about it.

Agree with this. But will add with absolutely no drink involved - including hangovers on both sides.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder - 10 week seperation - then confronted with the reality of each other - add drink - recipie for disaster imho.

valentino

Just got off the phone with her,
she doesnt remember much or so she says..

I've told her to sort her head out and come back to me in 3 weeks
when she's copped on..

She says she knows she's ****ed up, but she doesnt need 3 weeks..
She swore to me it'd never happen again, dont really think i believe her
though..

I think like the other poster said, the only way around this is to
not call her, not talk to her and let it sink in..

Who said love is all you need?

silverside

she's been away for 10 weeks already: Another 3 and you might end up breaking up altogether.

We all do stupid things when we're drunk. If you still want to be with her, just give her a few days to get her head together and talk to her during the week, sober, neutral venue.

but maybe you were thinking of breaking up with her anyway and this is all the excuse you needed?

sceptre

valentino wrote:

Who said love is all you need?

Some shower of noisemakers from Liverpool?

chump

tell her you'll waive the 3 week period if she'll make it up to you

CathyMoran

Speak to her! Saying the three words can lead to problems but this is not one of them...

What I think is worse is when you are so used to saying them that they have no meaning...then you need to worry.

jesus_thats_gre

Ok so she apologised and basically accepted she was out of order and you are still attempting to drag it on.. Get over it...

Gordon

Wow, 3 weeks huh? That's love for you indeed.

This is a very good test of your love for each other. 3 weeks will prove how much you love each other. Please note that I say "how much" as opposed to "if" because it's obvious that you do love her, it's just not obvious how much you love her. I mean, you could maybe love her just a tiny tiny bit at certain times and only don't love her when 'she's just being crazy, y'know she just gets wierd sometimes.'

Well done valentino, treat em mean man, every woman loves a b*stard.

Chucky the tree

jesus_thats_gre wrote:

Ok so she apologised and basically accepted she was out of order and you are still attempting to drag it on.. Get over it...

agreed. Talk aobut making a mountain out of a mole-hill. she got drunk and acted like an idiot, i would be amazed if you can find a person who hasnt done that.

just let it go, and get on with things.

LegacyUser

Umm..let me just play the devil's advocate for the moment...


Perhaps she's guilty about something? You said she was away for ten weeks - a long time. Perhaps she cheated on you while she was there and the guilt is getting to her now. She had "something to tell you", which she was "freaked out by". It's so obvious - she tried to tell you, but wussed out at the last minute, and said "I love you" to fill the space - exactly like on tv!! And then she felt guilty for it. Hence her weirdness. Then, she used her bad mood as an excuse to break it off with you, to end her guilt.

At least that's how I see it..

Ps. I really should register. I've been reading these boards every day for a couple of months now...But if I do, i'll waste loads of time like i did on the last message board i joined (6000 posts in 2 years..).

pickarooney

The Lurker wrote:

Umm..let me just play the devil's advocate for the moment...


Perhaps she's guilty about something? You said she was away for ten weeks - a long time. Perhaps she cheated on you while she was there and the guilt is getting to her now. She had "something to tell you", which she was "freaked out by". It's so obvious - she tried to tell you, but wussed out at the last minute, and said "I love you" to fill the space - exactly like on tv!! And then she felt guilty for it. Hence her weirdness. Then, she used her bad mood as an excuse to break it off with you, to end her guilt.

At least that's how I see it..

Ps. I really should register. I've been reading these boards every day for a couple of months now...But if I do, i'll waste loads of time like i did on the last message board i joined (6000 posts in 2 years..).

Sounds on the ball to me, sadly. That, or she's aborted your chid or possibly has a terminal illness that she doesn't want to mess up your life over. This is of course based far more on television than on the scant information in your post.

You'll find out next time she gets smashed and you needle her a bit for the truth.

vibrant

Valentino, she's really messing you around here. Do you need this?

valentino

Woah, a lot of differences of opinion here..

Some people seem to be saying i'm making way to big
a deal out of it and some are saying im on the money..

As it turns out I told her where i was heading last night and
she turned up, she didnt drink at all, all night..

She behaved herself but you gotta wonder if its just a control
thing, when i called the ball she seemed genuinely unhappy she
wasnt going to see me for three weeks, but when i met her in
the bar last night, her body language and whole demenour
was like "Gotcha"

I didn't realise girls were such game players!

Chinafoot

ok well what i thought when i read your original post was that maybe she thought you were only saying "i love you" because she said it first. maybe she had that much drink that she convinced herself you didnt mean it and thats why she freaked out....us girls do that sometimes!

to be honest i think you are being very harsh here. the girl got drunk and made a bit of a tit if herself....so what? you say you love her and yet then you call her a "game player" ? i agree that someone needs to take time out to sort themselves out but i dont think its her.

good luck with it anyway

the_syco

peachypants wrote:

i agree that someone needs to take time out to sort themselves out but i dont think its her.

I kinda agree here...

valentino; are you saying you never got twisted, and mumbled cr*p, but next morning she said nothing/forgave you?

Because if not, and it happens in the future, she can play the same game!

valentino

Ok, i'm guilty of leaving out some information here - i had my reasons for not saying it but f.cuk it

This is not the first time it has happened, while she was away over the summer i was in my friends house trying to console him after his g/f broke up after meeting him face to face to discuss..

I received a text message saying basically

"Hi __, probably easier if we just break up, good luck with x and y L<her
name> xxx"

Pretty obvious that it kinda blew me away, rang her straight away and got her bi.tch of a friend who wouldnt let me talk to her and basically took the pis.s out of me..

The next day i get a "sorry" call much like the one i described above..
I was promised that it was a stupid drunk thing and this type of thing would never happen again....

So you see, i have me reasons for being slightly cynical ...

fitz

Sounds like she was having a ball while away for ten weeks.
Game-player.
Typedef her sister and move on.

Relationships aren't always easy, sometimes can be hard work, but they should never get to a stage where you're being treated like an option that she can come back to when she wants.