getting over love

Winnie

hi all,

just looking for some tips. recently broke up with a man who i loved dearly but is better off as a close friend than anything else, plus he has kids and en ex-wife so dont want to be involved in all that. anyway just looking for tips for the best way to get over someone cause this is hard!!! :rolleyes:

Beruthiel

well first off you cannot remain friends with him and get over him at the same time.
give yourself some space, keep away from him for a few months (I'd keep away 6 months if it were me, it can take that long to get over someone)
spend that time hanging out with your mates and doing stuff you like.
perhaps after that ye can be friends

Kold

Did you break up with him because he has kids and an ex-wife?

Zulu

Unfortunatly you need to walk away.
If you stay friends be prepared for awkardness, followed by, the loss anyway. Best to preempt it now if you ask me.

Micheal Wittman

Gone

The girl I loved has left me. She has left me -
Do u tell me friend, I have no cause for distress?
There are no enemies save those we love...
Kill me and my anger would be less.

Oh how can I see her leaning on another,
Who was mine, who was so lately?
Then I could say "You are mine to her aloud...
But loves king of yesterday becomes by fate
Tomorrow's fool.That is the way of love.
Great kings have lain in the dust, very great lords;
There was an old city called Thebes
And Troy had towers once.

Think of all the gifts I gave and the songs I made!
Yet in all the time I had her, she would never say those silly words -
"I love you"



Regards

Winnie

yes i basically left him because of the kids and everyhtng else that goes with it. its too hard to handle, but the thing is he works with us somethimes aswell so im going to see him whether i like it or not which makes it even harder!! ah im sure ill find a way.

Typedef

I'm sorry.

You don't leave people you love.

Be honest, you found him "inconvienent" and while you may have been 'emotional' about it... you didn't really love him, because if you'd loved him, it wouldn't have mattered about the children.

Or maybe you do love him, but you value your own comfort more.. which means you love yourself more... which isn't bad... but... even though I'm thinking _very_ politically _uncorrect_ thoughts and will most likely get castigated by the PC police... I'm not going to congratulate you on leaving a man you claim to love... because a dose of "the real world"... didn't sit too well on the old comfort pallate.

Lisapeep

You can love someone and still leave them Typedef! Anyway, you arent in a position to tell her whether she loved him or not!

Zulu

Zulu wrote:

Unfortunatly you need to walk away.
If you stay friends be prepared for awkardness, followed by, the loss anyway. Best to preempt it now if you ask me.

I got a negative rep point saying, "she should be friends with him if she wants!" :rolleyes:

Now... is that really worth a negative point - I ask you honestly, Mr/Ms Anonyms, fair enough you don't agree - but that is my opinion, and I stand by it.

It will be awkward.
Most likely, the friendship will fizzle out.
How do I know? - Because I've been there many times.

Sure, she should be friends if she wants. She can do whatever she want, and she most certainly will. I merely give the advice I'm asked for.

Winnie

nobody should get any neg points over this i was just looking for some peoples opinions and thats what i got, so its fine. i take on board what everyone said although i do love him its not just inconvienient for me im actually thinking of how it would effect his kids and my family as they would not be too pleased, so its not me im thinking of, if i was only thinking of me i wouldnt care about anyone else. but thanks for your thoughts.

Winnie

And also Typedef, i dont really think its fair to say i didnt really love him, i know exactly what its like to be in the real world, believe me, i have had plenty of incidents to remind me of that. im not flippant when it comes to things like this, its been torture, thats why i asked you guys for some advice.

Beruthiel

Winnie wrote:

im actually thinking of how it would effect his kids and my family as they would not be too pleased

in what regards are you thinking of his kids?
if it's just the fact that their Da is going out with someone else, well, kids can take stuff like that on board very easily once it's done properly.
I am not with my daughters father anymore, she has had to live with 2 different boyfriends, she did it no problem and gets on great with both of them.
As for the rest of the family, I cannot believe you would give up your happiness because of what they might think. My parents were shocked when I left my ex husband - so what - it's my life not theirs - they will get used to it, my parents now get on great with my present b/f

Winnie

i know you are right about my family Berutiel, i think its just they had to go through me going out with someone before with a child and he treated me like dirt and i know thay would be worries this time around, plus my dad is going through chemo and wouldnt like to put that on them too.
i think i will just take a break from everything for awhile to see what i really want and need.

Typedef

That's sounds like an excuse.

There's no shame in simply going off somebody... it doesn't make you shallow... but, you know, it's probably better to be honest with yourself as to 'why' ...


Personally, I had a brief thing with a girl who had a child... and while raising somebody's else child would be sub-optimal in 'theory'... if said chick had been the 'one' it wouldn't really have mattered a damn...

But, it wasn't meant to be... that wasn't the kids fault.. I didn't not go out with the chick because my parents or grandparents would disapprove or because I'd end up raising another man's child ... but, because mostly I got the impression said chick was looking for a replacement man...

The point is that, the concerns you've listed as 'reasons' in my opinion... shouldn't be deal breakers .... and if you did 'love' somebody, I don't see how those things could be deal breakers. Ergo.. it sounds like you're paying lip service when you say "I loved him".

Not that, that makes you a bad person either.

So ends another semantic debate.

jesus_thats_gre

Beruthiel wrote:

well first off you cannot remain friends with him and get over him at the same time.

I hate people making statements like this... You can indeed remain friends with him without staying away from him for 6 months.. It will be a bit rough at first but its worth the effort.

Gordon

Winnie wrote:

i think i will just take a break from everything for awhile to see what i really want and need.

Yes, I think that is a great idea. Figuring out what you want and need is helpful to your love life.