Replacement device for the Sky satellite dish

kmaguire

A sky installer told me that there is a new device that Sky will be introducing (but not until everybody has a satellite dish!) that is the size of a pen. It replaces the sky dish and it draws the satellite signal into it so it can be positioned anywhere outside your house.....is this total bull? Has anybody heard of this?

Zaphod

FAMILY'S TV PICKS UP SPACE ALIEN PORN!

By JUSTIN MITCHELL

GLASGOW, SCOTLAND - A family got the shock of their lives when lightning zapped their satellite dish and the TV turned from nice to nasty -- with XXX extraterrestrial porno flicks!

"We were watching Touched by an Angel with the children when -- kaboom! -- there was a frightful thunderclap," said 31-year-old wife and mother of two, Sheila McCallum.

"The lights flickered for a moment and the TV went blank. When it came back on, we saw a beastly new show that looked like an X-rated alien movie."

The McCallums sat watching in mute horror and disbelief for nearly five minutes trying to decipher the bizarre pornographic images and sounds filling their family room. When they finally realized what they were being subjected to, Sheila took the children, Evan, 8, and Angela, 6, from the room while Angus worked the remote in a fruitless effort to change the channel.


"It was on all 300 channels," said Angus. "Little gray creatures with big heads inserting probes into other creatures in costumes and masks. They were all moaning and screaming with some weird disco music soundtrack like nothing I'd ever heard before. I thought maybe it was some strange new channel."

Angus popped a blank tape into the VCR to record it because, "I knew no one would believe what we'd seen."

McCallum's complaints to his satellite dish service were initially ignored, until he took the tape to a regional office and demanded they play it.

"We'd never seen anything like it," confessed shocked service manager Garth Armstrong.

"It made Debbie Does Dallas look like The Sound of Music. It was more like Debbie Does Mars and Everyone in the Star Wars Bar.

"I sent a technician out to repair Mr. McCallum's damaged satellite dish and gave the family two free months of service to compensate for their trauma."

Mystified dish executives sent the tape to the United Kingdom Institute of Extraterrestrial Studies which, following a detailed analysis, concluded that the bizarre smut was literally out of this world.

"There's no doubt this is alien erotica -- or more precisely, pornography," said Dr. Donald MacGyver, who headed the study.

"Not even George Lucas or Steven Spielberg possesses the special effects capabilities to replicate the strange filth on this tape.

"I'd destroy it, but the value to scientific research is too great. In fact, I've got a personal copy at home that I analyze frequently trying to figure out just how it's possible to mate with eight different species while upside down in a zero gravity environment."

Published on: 09/20/2002

Capt'n Midnight

kmaguire wrote:

A sky installer told me that there is a new device that Sky will be introducing (but not until everybody has a satellite dish!) that is the size of a pen. It replaces the sky dish and it draws the satellite signal into it so it can be positioned anywhere outside your house.....is this total bull? Has anybody heard of this?

A pig pen perhaps ?

Could be some sort of yagi - but it would be very very long to match the gain of a dish.

byte

Yes, such a "dish" exists. It's an LX2000 Pipe Antenna! I had noticed it in What Satellite magazine some months ago.

Heres a few links:
http://www.pulsat.com/satellite/site/details.php?product_id=181
http://www.hometheaterhifi.com/volume_10_4/pulsat-lx-2000-satellite-antenna-12-2003.html

I don't think these will replace standard dishes however. I think the gain from this is rather poor.