Why won't he say it?

LegacyUser

I have been with my boyfriend for over two years now, but he NEVER tells me that he loves me..now, I don't expect him to say it every time he looks at me, but he NEVER says it, not when we are out, not when we are having a quiet night in, not when we are being intimate..... In two years, I have heard him say it to me about a half dozen times. A lot of the time, I end up having to say to him "Do you love me?" and he will say "You know I do - I don't need to say it". I know he does love me, but I would like to hear it more often and don't wanna hassle him about it ... What should I do?

vibrant

Leave him be. Don't nag him in order to get him to tell you what you want to hear.

Beruthiel

no need to nag him tbh
blokes tend to think that once they've said it once, now you know, there's no need for him to constantly repeat himself

Walls

[bloke's point of view]Because he's done the thing once, why do you need to hear it again?[bloke's point of view]

Tell him, clearly, without nagging, you would like to hear it more often. That once is not enough and if he thinks it is he is mistaken. Tell him if he does say it more often you will do that thing he wants you to do more often so that the nugget of brain power men use has a clear motivation to do it.

Either that or its all a big tissue of lies designed to keep you quiet (and what a brilliant job he did there, huh?) Best of luck.

Zulu

Don't nag him to say somthing.
I don't really say it to much either; I'm of the opinion the less is better, at least then when you do say it - it means more.

lisa.c

love isnt a word that should be thrown around when ever you feel like saying it. saying "i love you" constantly takes the magic out of hearing it.

do you really want to hear it knowing that he is just saying it cause you have nagged him in to it.

let him say it when he is ready then you know how much he means it.

Sleepy

It's just one of those bloke things. We don't say it a lot. Nag him about it at your peril. Walls suggestion is a good one. Make sure that you give him a great time when he does say it and that way you can condition him to say it more

seamus

Women go on about variety and men being imaginative.....so we're afraid that by saying "I love you" too much, it'll dull its effect and then we have to come up with different ways of saying or expressing it to keep you interested.

If you know he loves you, why do you need to hear him say it?

Nuttzz

"You know I do - I don't need to say it".

Its fear, he has told someone in the past and they broke their heart, or he has heard the term by people used in a difficult relationship (how many times have you heard the story, "i know he hits me but he's a good provider and loves his kids"). There is an underlying thing in his past, or perhaps he doesnt love you, only you can answer that one though.

Makes an interesting change from the bloke saying "I love you" to get you into the sack though.....

snoopish

at least he's said it. tbh sometimes it's too hard to say it, even though you really want to, there can be this awful fear in the back of your head that you're going to be hurt.but i'm sure he loves hearing you say it, as anyone would. just remember its not as easy for everyone to wear there hearts on their sleves as it might be for you.

Saint

Maybe he find's needy women a bit of a turn off. I mean the real question here is why do you need constant reassurance. Is it not enough to know that if he didn't love you, he wouldn't be with you.

AngryBadger

Saint wrote:

Maybe he find's needy women a bit of a turn off. I mean the real question here is why do you need constant reassurance. Is it not enough to know that if he didn't love you, he wouldn't be with you.

lmao...this was a beautiful response, poetic almost in it's bitch-slapping of the original poster juxtaposed to a rational point, sir I salute you

*Sinéad*

just tell him that, for whatever reason, you feel like you need to hear it every-so- often; that it puts you at ease just to hear it even though you know how he feels.

Unpossible

why do you need to hear it all the time? it will just cheapen the word. You know he loves you he said it before quit pressurising him

Gordon

I was in a very strange relationship once. One of the many interesting quirks to our relationship was her enjoyment of guitar music (heh, that could be an understatement).

I have played guitar since young and while going out with this woman I didn't feel enjoyment in playing guitar and she would always want me to play for her. In fact on two specific occasions she took a bit of a rant at me for not playing guitar for her. As I could feel where the rant was going I picked up my guitar and slowly played a melody to go with her rant. On both occasions I was inserting a soundtrack to her movie and I was really enjoying it. In fact I thought that the melodies were so fitting that it was quite beautiful what I was playing.

So here I was, playing a beautiful guitar piece while my girlfriend was giving out about me not playing guitar for her. The situation's irony among other things was really inspiring me in fact. And the funny thing was that she didn't even notice me playing the guitar, after she stopped talking I kept playing, she left, I kept playing.

I'm not sure how this relates to you Lovelorn, but maybe there's something there for you to glean from.

Typedef

Don't use a guitar with an over - high action?


Probably the chick is a) making the boyfriend uncomfortable and b) pushing him away and c) perhaps with all the nagging encouraging him to re-evaluate the veracity of what said chick wants to hear.


Perhaps though, being needy, clingy and nagging him... makes him 'not want to say it'.... said chick should try playing hard to get... keep him on his toes... pussy whip him a little bit...

johndoe77ie

Lets cut to the chase here lads the reason he doesn't say it because he doesn't feel it. And lets be honest with that sort of nagging would you?

Unpossible

pussy whip

Now thats a kind of whip id like to see

Lioness

To the original poster,
Its that old commitment thing. Most guys just find it difficult...
After over 2 years in a relationship though, both partners should be able to freely express their feelings. Sounds to me likes hes uncomfortable discussing such things, for whatever reason.., Perhaps he expresses his love in other ways, as suggested by this article.?.


http://women.msn.com/189005.armx

pickarooney

Lioness wrote:

To the original poster,
Sounds to me likes hes uncomfortable discussing such things, for whatever reason..,
http://women.msn.com/189005.armx

Like.. he's a man?

logic1

Sounds like you're insecure and needy. If I was him I'd drop you quicker than a pork pie at a barmitzfah.

.logic.

Kold

Why do women constantly want these things? Is it that important? Can't you just let us enjoy ourselves and leave things as they are. Why do you need to put a label on it? If I was him and you told me how you felt id still be reluctant to say it. It just... doesn't feel natural saying it... It feels trapping. Just let things be, you know how he feels, you're just going to make him feel uncomfortable.

snoopish

wow thats kinda generalising women a bit!

Beëlzebooze

logic1 wrote:

Sounds like you're insecure and needy. If I was him I'd drop you quicker than a pork pie at a barmitzfah.

.logic.

I on the other hand love a pork pie at a barmitzfah...... PM me........

Typedef

snoopish wrote:

wow thats kinda generalising women a bit!

Well I wouldn't generalise them so much if they weren't all such 'nags'.

snoopish

i wasn't refering to you with that comment!

thats amazing i've never come across anyone thats met all the women in the world...what are you, santa clause sounds like you just keep on going for that type of girl...maybe you'd want to re-evaluate what you look for!

Joeface

cant believe im going to reply to this but anyway

if look to hear it then ur not in love ...this phrase "i love you" doesnt even closely represent what u are describing.Alot of women ( not all by the way and some men) do tend to throw this phrase around and they seem to be able fall in and out of love as it suits them.if he does love you u should already know because its something between 2 ppl its not one sided.
And also the more u say it him the less meaning it has

not sure it makes any sense

oh and sorry about any bad gramar or spellings ,i do be a bit dyslexic
and its hard to get whats in me head out right

OfflerCrocGod

Irish men are very cold and unemotional, I would have no prob saying these things to a lady I've been with for two years, but that's because of my Italian background. I often notice couples in Dublin and how they just don't touch, kiss, hug as much as couples in Rome or Spain or France. I can't understand this because to me it seems as if you are not really letting your emotions show through, you are all to cold blooded be hot and passionate :cool:, even in public, enjoy the person you are with and let them know it.

Big Ears

thats because Italian men are closer to they're feminan side .
and not expressing our emotions makes us harder .

pickarooney

Big Ears wrote:

thats because Italian men are closer to they're feminan side .
.

And som much better at lying :P

Farls

set reminders on his phone

Typedef

snoopish wrote:

i wasn't refering to you with that comment!

thats amazing i've never come across anyone thats met all the women in the world...what are you, santa clause sounds like you just keep on going for that type of girl...maybe you'd want to re-evaluate what you look for!

That's really fascinating....

Do you have some sort of newsletter I might subscribe to?....

snoopish

nah but i'm pretty sure you'll find yourself using the lonely hearts page soon enough....

Gordon

now now girls

mrhappy42

nagging is the single most annoying thing for a man.

is he romantic in general does he show love in any other way?

maybe he is afraid to say it as you will nag him to get married or something else he is not ready for :-)