Been having a slight problem...need help

MistressPandora

I've been single after a year long relationship since April and I want to get back into the swing of things, but I seem to lost my ability to chat up other girls. I'm bi-sexual and I haven't been with a girl in over a year and a half. So...any advice for a girl who just wants another girl?

MistressPandora

claire h

Bit of general advice here: make friends first and then let whatever may happen, happen.

azezil

Walk into a gay bar n go up to a gurly, look her up and down and say 'hey how u doin'

Amz

Good god az, you must be fightin' 'em off with a stick

MistressPandora

Lol az, you so smooth...

OfflerCrocGod

azezil wrote:

Walk into a gay bar n go up to a gurly, look her up and down and say 'hey how u doin'

My gay friend gives me the impression that's all there is to gay relationships - well between two guys anyway - between girls I don't really know....but I would have thought they would have been a little bit more brusque since they are a little more manly then the average woman

ERR!

azezil wrote:

Walk into a gay bar n go up to a gurly, look her up and down and say 'hey how u doin'

tee hee im likeing it brill addvice

Esel

How about...when you ask for help, remembering to check your thread for answers?

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=179951

damien

My gay friend gives me the impression that's all there is to gay relationships - well between two guys anyway -

Gay relationships to me are the same as heterosexual relationships. Sure you can walk up to a guy and ask him for a snog or even shag and he might actually say yes. Gay people are more upfront that's because they are allowed to be. That kind of behaviour is allowed in the gay community and frowned upon in the heterosexual community for the most part. That's a subcultural thing really.

But that behaviour doesn't and shouldn't define what a realtionship is, that's just a method to chat someone up or get some sex. Sure that is a form of relationship according to the text books, just like me going to my local butcher every tuesday to buy some lamb cutlets is a relationship. Here the relationships are romantic relationships and are far more complex than that. If your friend is giving you the impression that all gay relationships are just about randomly hooking up he must not be mature enough yet to have had a deeper relationship.

But in the end the main and important thing about relationships, homo or hetero is that we want to love and we want to be loved. Nothing else really fu.cking matters does it ?

between girls I don't really know....but I would have thought they would have been a little bit more brusque since they are a little more manly then the average woman

That's a fallacy. Being a lesbian/bisexual woman does not make one become more masculine. Same way that being a gay man doesn't mean you are more effeminate. There are gay men who are effeminate granted, but there are many who are just as masculine or moreso than the average heterosexual male.

Unfortunately there are many very unfair stereotypes that push the image that someone that likes the same sex has to act like the opposite sex. What can be even sadder is that gay people adhere to these stereotypes. That sucks, but that's life and if they want to do that and be happy then fine.


Back to you Pandora, the trouble first of all I guess is identifying whether the girl is straight, bi, gay or other. Then you have to see whether she has an eye for you. Maybe actually No. 1 and No. 2 can be switched around or put into one step. Who cares what she is to start with. Just get chatty. Course if you are in a "inside a gaybar" situ, there is a much greater possibility she likes girls too :P.

I rarely chat girls up properly, just do the odd bit of flirting, but isn't chatting up someone (girl or boy) the same ? You first need to be calm and collected and at ease. The hardest part is initiating the conversation. I wouldn't try those godforsaken chat-up lines even as a joke.

Some light banter, whether about the decor of the place, the barstaff or the weather is a good opener. Think of the person as a friend you've not seen in a while, smile, calm that beating heart, deep breaths without hyperventilating.

Give the person 100% attention. Eye contact is good. Smile again. Slide in a light compliment, check their reactions, body language, are they subconsciously moving more of their body to you or awat from you ? Smile when they smile. (Are you getting the idea of smiling yet ? ) No need to do a Cheshire cat smile. Be yourself and be relaxed and know that there are 3 billion other girls out there who you have a chance with if this one isn't interested.

claire h

OfflerCrocGod wrote:

My gay friend gives me the impression that's all there is to gay relationships - well between two guys anyway - between girls I don't really know....but I would have thought they would have been a little bit more brusque since they are a little more manly then the average woman

*hits you over the head with several heavy objects*

Thank you, have a nice day.

OfflerCrocGod

damien.m wrote:

Gay relationships to me are the same as heterosexual relationships. Sure you can walk up to a guy and ask him for a snog or even shag and he might actually say yes. Gay people are more upfront that's because they are allowed to be.

Opps I used the wrong words, just replace relationships with "one night stands". What I meant is that I get the impression that one night stands between gay guys are just....easier (since all men are horny bast4rds)

damien.m wrote:

That kind of behaviour is allowed in the gay community and frowned upon in the heterosexual community for the most part. That's a subcultural thing really.

Consider yourselves lucky Wham Bam Thank You Mam is a lot easier

damien.m wrote:

If your friend is giving you the impression that all gay relationships are just about randomly hooking up he must not be mature enough yet to have had a deeper relationship.

He's a member maybe I should send him this link when he comes back from Manchester ( gay pride march - no doubt he'll be shagging every guy he can find )

damien.m wrote:

That's a fallacy. Being a lesbian/bisexual woman does not make one become more masculine.

Well I suppose that's true, the one lesbian I do know is actually very nice looking ( a loss to us guys ) it's just that according to my friend she prefers really *manly* women.....

claire h wrote:

*hits you over the head with several heavy objects*

Kinda like claire
* Offler runs away really quickly
Alright, sorry if I was being a bit a bit bigoted in my outlook, my post was light hearted in nature :cool:

MistressPandora

Thank you to everyone who posted, I appreciate the advice and support.

I have been checking the thread, but for ages nobody replied so I just left it alone for a few days.
Just relax, smile and be myself, eh? I'll use it as a mantra in my head

I don't know, I could be trying too hard, but also the oul' nerves keep jumping in the way too. Tbh, it's been ages for me, so I keep thinking I've lost my touch or something lol.

Esel

You still haven't checked the thread I referrred to?

azezil

MistressPandora wrote:

Thank you to everyone who posted, I appreciate the advice and support.

I have been checking the thread, but for ages nobody replied so I just left it alone for a few days.
Just relax, smile and be myself, eh? I'll use it as a mantra in my head

I don't know, I could be trying too hard, but also the oul' nerves keep jumping in the way too. Tbh, it's been ages for me, so I keep thinking I've lost my touch or something lol.

hun you're a good looking young woman, go to a gay bar, they'll be hitting on you

damien

OfflerCrocGod wrote:

Opps I used the wrong words, just replace relationships with "one night stands". What I meant is that I get the impression that one night stands between gay guys are just....easier

One night stands are easy for anyone if both parties are up for it. More prevalent in the gay community I'd agree. Probably cos males are as you said right horny toads, but there are other reasons too, but we don't need an anthropology lecture from me do we ?

Wham Bam Thank You Mam is a lot easier

Only if you are looking for physical gratification. But Like Yeats said below, we start moving away from the pure physical and embrace the longer lasting intellectual rewards as we grow older.

An aged man is but a paltry thing,
A tattered coat upon a stick, unless
Soul clap its hands and sing, and louder sing
For every tatter in its mortal dress

Fcking people is easy to do, staying with them and changing with them is the real challenge, yet a proper relationship is more rewarding in the longterm and ensures a life that is easier.

Being alone because of one night stands is tougher and lonelier and who do they have in the end, in sickness and in health in the good times and the bad ? Who'll carry the cross when you are too weak ? Certainly not your fck buddy. That's not on their job description !

the one lesbian I do know is actually very nice looking

Yeah, got some very very hot bisexual and lesbian friends. Mannnnnnnn, I almost would.

Kinda like claire
* Offler runs away really quickly

I'd run quite fast there. Muhahahaha

Alright, sorry if I was being a bit a bit bigoted in my outlook, my post was light hearted in nature

Wasn't bigoted really mate. It was well said really and wasn't some confrontational thing

Boston

damien.m wrote:

Unfortunately there are many very unfair stereotypes that push the image that someone that likes the same sex has to act like the opposite sex. What can be even sadder is that gay people adhere to these stereotypes. That sucks, but that's life and if they want to do that and be happy then fine.

Is that not more a case of males trying to be more passive and docile, like trying to play on the whole hunter gatherer side of Alpha males in an attempt to attract them. Kinda what I've observed in people, both sex's that are over affeminate. As for Miss pandora, I'd find it hard to believe you would have any trouble picking up girls, I mean feicing hell girl you must have guys all over you.

MistressPandora

Boston wrote:

As for Miss pandora, I'd find it hard to believe you would have any trouble picking up girls, I mean feicing hell girl you must have guys all over you.

It's the girls I'm after!

damien

MistressPandora wrote:

It's the girls I'm after!

Beauty for one sex generally means beauty for another. Joe's right, if guys are falling all over you, the girlies will be too.

MistressPandora

damien.m wrote:

Beauty for one sex generally means beauty for another. Joe's right, if guys are falling all over you, the girlies will be too.

I'm not quite sure how to reply to this for some reason.

/me starts thinking....

Boston

MistressPandora wrote:

I'm not quite sure how to reply to this for some reason.

/me starts thinking....

Physically you seem to resemble a Bi-friend I have/ had (but that's another story) and she never seemed to have problems picking up girlies. Maybe it's more of a confidence thing. Cause you are attractive. just going from the events board pic's, I also think I met you once. Gay bars can be a little Sleazy IMHO, maybe the experience for women is different.

MistressPandora

Boston wrote:

Physically you seem to resemble a Bi-friend I have/ had (but that's another story) and she never seemed to have problems picking up girlies. Maybe it's more of a confidence thing. Cause you are attractive. just going from the events board pic's, I also think I met you once. Gay bars can be a little Sleazy IMHO, maybe the experience for women is different.

If we've met, I apologise, I was probably a bit drunk I've been to a few gay bars (I'm sure Azezil could tell you some of the stories lol), but mostly it's the old men that come up to me and start trying to chat me up. I generally lose my nerve at that point and then I leave. You're probably more than right about the confidence thing too.

Boston

MistressPandora wrote:

If we've met, I apologise, I was probably a bit drunk I've been to a few gay bars (I'm sure Azezil could tell you some of the stories lol), but mostly it's the old men that come up to me and start trying to chat me up. I generally lose my nerve at that point and then I leave. You're probably more than right about the confidence thing too.

Maybe a bite off topic here but I noticed Havelock is marked down as a buddy of yours. Weather the guy knows it or not he's quiet afew bi / lesbian friends (don't ask me how I know this, its scary how small the world is) maybe he can help you out in that department? try going to places that younger girls frequent and fringe bars. Places like Whelan's or fraizers (even the sugar club from what I hear), while not being gay bars in any sense of the word you're probability of running into younger open minded girls is allot higher then your bog standard Q-bar (rapid buzz man) I honestly can't think of anything else to help.

Scarling

I have the same problem! I can't say i've been to a gay bar..what on earth would most of my mates be doing there *shockhorror*..but even in places like whelans, it would seem in theory to be an easy place to meet girls of around-ish my age and even similar interests...and maybe they're there but the thoughts of trying to chat up girls that are probably straight and have a boyfriend behind them doesn't appeal! Ach...what are us girlies to do :S

the_syco

There's a place down a street opposite The Porter house, called "Isoldes Tower". Was in there one Friday, I think, and the place looked like a quaint gay place. It "looked" gay, as the person doing the kareoke said "you don't have to be gay to sing here, honey!".
That and my male mate got asked for a dance a few times by a few blokes :rolleyes:
Anyhoo's, try there. It looked nice'ish, and it may be good if you don't want to go into the other places.

Boston

Thats not a gay bar, might have been a gay theme night though.

damien

No, it's not a gay bar but it is a *very* gay-friendly bar. With Gubu over the bridge and the Front Lounge a few doors up it's always got it's fair amount of gay clientele.