Poem: Never-ending Night

Shad0r

Alright, so I did something new. I actually spent time thinking of silly things like symbolism, imagry and most importantly a double meaning. It hurt so I stopped. Then I wrote this:

Never-ending Night

A ballet of bark
Dancing and swaying
Whisper’d in the dark
Life’s breath spent praying.

We were out, at a walk
When I heard the screams
Meg could barely speak
Mind evil with dreams

The dark black shadows
Hid well this sick game
The moon’s long white fingers
Promptly killing our blame.

We were out, at a walk
When the light became gloom
Meg could barely speak
Mind pregnant with doom

When back came the light
Bright white turned dark red
A horrific sight:
The young boy was dead.

********
So what's it all about then?

AngryBadger

I think you're focusing a little too hard on your rhyming scheme, also, and I don't mean to be harsh, but this poem doesn't say anything to me about anything, but I guess that's really a personal thing and not a reflection of the poem itself. I liked the line, brilliant positioning of pregnancy, and doom there.

ShadOr wrote:

mind pregnant with doom

Raggamuffin

yeah you're just trying to rhyme..

pretty ba dpoem to be showing other people.

Shad0r

lol, probably the most intelligent (or perhaps, most thought out) poem I've written and it gets the worst reviews....

oh well, good job I'm not trying to be a poet!

AngryBadger

Shad0r wrote:

lol, probably the most intelligent (or perhaps, most thought out) poem I've written and it gets the worst reviews....

oh well, good job I'm not trying to be a poet!

Have never felt that poetry was something to pine over for perfection, should just be something you put down and offer as is. Someone said here recently along the lines of, if you try to dissect it, you destroy it.

Soxi

try not to write with any rules
was that what you wanted to say
well making it understandable
is a rule anyway

I think I get it
but I ain't saying
nothing you don't know

***that rhymed***

and to me these words are clear... and I dindn't write it this way to rhyme... maybe there are just very rhyming people...

(((or not...))) (((it could be....))))

Shad0r

I was kinda hoping that this thread would just die....no such luck

Would it make the poem any better if I told you that the secondary and much more important meaning is about the poems subject (Meg, I guess, but it could be any woman) trying to decide on whether to have an abortion or not?

Conscience vs Practicality, if you will.

AngryBadger

Soxi wrote:

try not to write with any rules
was that what you wanted to say
well making it understandable
is a rule anyway

I disagree, a poem may have one meaning for the writer, but I think people are inclined to put their own meanings to what they read after the fact, giving time to putting across a certain message makes it a story, not a poem. And even then, the best stories don't explicitly tell you anything, they just meander through your thoughts, and leave a hint of a suggestion of a message.

Even if you were trying to get a specific message across, how would you do it? We might assume that certain images have a very common meaning for a lot of people, but perception is a fine line, and what is one way for me, is another for you, so how could you ever guarantee that absolutely everyone would get your message? I think people will take away the message they want, the message they need from really good poetry.