GF thinks i only want sex

babyhack

as the title says
the GF thinks i am only going out with her for the chance to sleep with her
I have been good friends with her for 2 years now and really care about her and we started going out together last week I am not going out with her for sex she is a great person yes i want to make love to her but i want it to be when she is ready if i have to wait a year i will

what i am trying to say is how do i convince her that its not all about the sex its her i am going out with not her body (aldo its a great body) all i want is for her to be happy

I have said it to her that it will not happen till she is ready but she still thinks this way

any advice is a great help

yossarin

sit her down, look her right in the face, and say : "baby, I dont just want sex. i want to feel you up occasionally as well. Oh and could you lend me a tenner ?"

maybe try to curb yourself when you're kissing and that. shes probably not ready for it yet and feels pressured.

midget lord

Abstain me friend.

If that doesnt sort her out she has other problems that you need to talk about.

You should get that tenner off her too.

Zulu

Thats always a hard one.
Just tells her - that naturally you find her very attractive. If fact you do find it very hard to resist, but you've know her for 2 years; you think shes really great, and you'll wait as long as it takes for her to believe that, hard as it may be.

Of course, you can't hassle her for sex for at least a month! Best of luck buddy. (BTW how old are you guys?)

Sleepy

Sweep the girl off her feet. Try a little romance and, quite frankly, lay off the physical stuff, don't make the first moves in anything sexual, let her initiate things. Even down to simple stuff like kissing, hang back and make her kiss you etc.

Dr. Loon

If you're not asking or hinting for it, then why does she have the idea in her head??

If you're not asking or hinting, and she has the idea in her head irrationally, then she is a deluded, parnoid, full of herself.... er..... girl.

Dump her.

midget lord

Dr. Loon wrote:

If you're not asking or hinting for it, then why does she have the idea in her head??

If you're not asking or hinting, and she has the idea in her head irrationally, then she is a deluded, parnoid, full of herself.... er..... girl.

Dump her.

your avatar is quite appropriate!

Ste.phen

Sleepy wrote:

Even down to simple stuff like kissing, hang back and make her kiss you etc.

This.. probably wont work, I've yet to meet a girl that was comfortable making ALL the moves, but i do agree that you should back off a little

Beruthiel

:eek:
the GF thinks i am only going out with her for the chance to sleep with her

correct me if I'm wrong
but isn't that why most of us find a b/f or g/f - for sex?!?!? ok, for other things too, like company and friendship - but to start off with, it is sex! doesn't she want sex too?
I'm confused

jeez, I bet if you lay off the sex and say you don't want it, she'll ask you why not, "don't you fancy me any more"

don't mind me
it's friday and I've got the crunchy feeling

yossarin

Zulu wrote:

Of course, you can't hassle her for sex for at least a month! Best of luck buddy. (BTW how old are you guys?)

damn straight. you're only going out a week ffs. also, if you hastle now then thats how your relationship will be defined from then on - it'll always be you instanciating sex, which is not what you want.

// as an aside, Zulu and Sleepy - are you chaps in the same office or somthing? You always seem to post concurrently to each other.


// Beruthiel - T minus 6 hours !

koneko

Sleepy has it dead on. Taker her out on a great day, whine and dine and no hints of the physical shtuff. Taker her out for the day, make her dinner, kiss her goodnight and leave it at that. Oh and talk to her, obviously

babyhack

im 22 she is 20
I have set her down and said all this to her i am a very honest person too honest for my own good
I like this holding back idea will see how that goes
its just bugging me that she thinks i am like that there is a lot more to going out with someone then just sex

babyhack

oh and she brought all this up last night not going into details but she took me into her room we got comfy and then her friend walked in on us we where just lying on the bed but you can imange what it looked like

midget lord

babyhack wrote:

you can imange what it looked like

nothing to see here

Zulu

yossarin wrote:

damn straight. you're only going out a week ffs. also, if you hastle now then thats how your relationship will be defined from then on - it'll always be you instanciating sex, which is not what you want.

// as an aside, Zulu and Sleepy - are you chaps in the same office or somthing? You always seem to post concurrently to each other.

// Beruthiel - T minus 6 hours !

Nope, not that I'm aware of. Sleepy, you in my office??

Beruthiel - T minus 5 hours!

maxheadroom

koneko wrote:

whine and dine

Freudian, err, typo?

Sleepy

Zulu wrote:

Nope, not that I'm aware of. Sleepy, you in my office??

Beruthiel - T minus 5 hours!

Not that I know of Zulu. As far as I'm aware we just share an addiction to these boards.

Beruthiel - T - 2 minutes!

Chada

she sounds like she is making excuses for not having sex, maybe she feels that she is lacking experience compared to yourself and is frightened of disappointing you ? She could still be a virgin....

BEAT

thats funneh, my last boyfriend thought thats all I wanted him...


he was right.


Strange kinda man, didnt want to be used for sex, so I dumped him.
Lookin' for me next boy-toy ...rarrr

jesus_thats_gre

I would just be blunt..

"Yes I want to have sex with you but it is not the only reason I am with you. I think you are blah blah blah blah blah"

That is assuming you are not putting undue pressure on her and can honestly put your hands up and say you can't figure out where she has got the idea from..

If you know you are doing something to make her feel this way, just give yourself a slap around the chops.

jesus_thats_gre

BEAT wrote:

thats funneh, my last boyfriend thought thats all I wanted him...


he was right.


Strange kinda man, didnt want to be used for sex, so I dumped him.
Lookin' for me next boy-toy ...rarrr

Man I gotta wonder what goes through some fellas head... The thought of being used for sex is quite appealing!!

Chinafoot

one of my best mates is in a similar situation. she has recently started going out with a guy she has known for a few years and she's apprehensive about the sex part of the relationship. myself and herself discussed it last night and she knows that he doesnt just want her for sex, she's just afraid to take that step because it changes the entire relationsip.
chances are it could be the same thing here, unless she has specifically said herself that she thinks you're only after sex.
instead of just telling her you want her for more than that you should show her. like the others suggested, back off a little bit and do some nice little things for her (simple stuff, like finding a fave song of hers that she doesnt have )
i think she'll be fine and if she genuinely thought you were only after one thing i seriously doubt she'd be with you.

tinkerbell

You've only been going out a week!

Don't say "look you're so hot, obviously I want to have sex with you but I'll wait" because then she might feel guilty by not wanting to do it yet. If you just said something along the lines of "I only want to do it when you want to do it" or even not mention it at all until she says it again? Don't initiate anything sexy til she does, at least that way she won't feel like she has to do something.

Why does she feel this way anyhoo, is it because she knows about your ex-girls since you were friends for two years? Just tell her how you feel - you said you're willing to wait for as long as she wants and she'll appreciate the honesty, and then maybe it might sink into her head that you want her for everything, and not just the big s-e-x!

Sarky

BEAT wrote:

thats funneh, my last boyfriend thought thats all I wanted him...
he was right.
Strange kinda man, didnt want to be used for sex, so I dumped him.
Lookin' for me next boy-toy ...rarrr

I am shocked and appalled.

WE'RE NOT OBJECTS DAMMIT! We have feelings, and... And... Stuff...

Victor

babyhack wrote:

GF thinks i only want sex

Well set her straight! Tell her you want oral aswell!

castie

BEAT wrote:

thats funneh, my last boyfriend thought thats all I wanted him...


he was right.


Strange kinda man, didnt want to be used for sex, so I dumped him.
Lookin' for me next boy-toy ...rarrr

burgerking and my place do?

Doodee

hehehehehehehe.

In all honesty. As has been said, just leave it for a bit. back off if you want to, and spend a week trying to show her, that will make her happy that she can pull your strings.

Or, if you are a genuine person, just wait it out and prove to her by being yourself. If sex isn't priority one for you then she will come around after a while.
I think its just a standard case of know when to hold em and when to fold em. She may has been nit picking cause she was feeling low, or anything similar..

I say wait it out. if it was 3 months in i'd be worried, but a week isn't really that long.

Typedef

Ask her after sex... if she wouldn't mind tidying up your apartment.


If you can't bring yourself to do that... then between the bouts of pussywhipping ask her if she wouldn't mind calling you some derogatory names to boot.

elivsvonchiaing

(Only if you know you handle it!) Suggest that you sleep together - no sex - wearing underwear. Just kisses and hugs.

If anything happens let her run the show. Afterwards she may go funny about the whole thing. You can reassure her with endless "But it felt so right", "It was like our bodies - took over - we couldn't help ourselves".

To be quite honest this carries several risks: You thought you could handle it but end up with an embarassing mess in your boxers - this could do damage if she cops it.
You fall asleep, just as she was starting to get horny, and you snore like a hippo - this could just wreck everything.
It works but afterwards she goes funny about the whole thing - probably the biggest risk :eek:

Typedef

Be honest with her.

Tell her that if it weren't for the sex, you wouldn't put up with her demanding irrational needs, moronic constant reassurance that you love her (since you don't) and monthly moods. If this upsets her... ask her if this *is* one of those times of the month.

Then tell her that yes... her ass *does* look fat in that getup and you constantly lie about what you think about her figure, to get your end away.

You can't possibly loose.

Honesty is important in relationships you know.

The Corinthian

babyhack wrote:

what i am trying to say is how do i convince her that its not all about the sex its her i am going out with not her body (aldo its a great body) all i want is for her to be happy

Of course you’re going out with her for the sex. If you weren’t you would have simply remained good friends as before.

Feel free to pander to her hang-ups at treat her like a lady. Kiss and show affection, but strictly above the waist. Then go out a pick up a slut and roger her with extreme unction.

A nice traditional relationship.

Beruthiel wrote:

I'm confused

No doubt she doesn’t want to be seen as a shameless hussy.

She’s going to put some shrink’s kid through college some day.

jesus_thats_gre

I wanna sleep with you is a winner though.. She will be all "ehh I don't know, I am not ready".. You reply "but I dont wanna have sex". Watch her heart melt Mind you, it is nice being able to be comfortable enough to do such a thing with a girl you like..

fitz

Typedef her sister, tbh...

red vex

play her "mahogany" by snowpatrol.
She'll understand then

Sleepy

jesus_thats_gre wrote:

I wanna sleep with you is a winner though.. She will be all "ehh I don't know, I am not ready".. You reply "but I dont wanna have sex". Watch her heart melt Mind you, it is nice being able to be comfortable enough to do such a thing with a girl you like..

Exactly the way to play this. She's obviously still suffering from the repressed Catholic guilt that "Nice girls" don't do these things. Just take it slow and learn how to turn her on using her tertiary erogenous zones as opposed to the more typical full frontal assault used by Irish men. Turn her on enough is and she'll eventually just jump you. And once she learns how much fun it is, watch the barriers descend.

Zulu

Ohh, yea.


/Quagmire voice

fitz

Gigidy gigidy gigidy.

Then typedef her sister...

BEAT

jesus_thats_gre wrote:

Man I gotta wonder what goes through some fellas head... The thought of being used for sex is quite appealing!!

Ya, you would think so...he's all like " I want a relationship and blah blah blah I dont want to just have sex everytime I come over blah blah blah" and I am like, " i just want to hang out, have some fun and have a roll in the hay as often as possible"
Pffftt..Men.

Oriel

yossarin wrote:

sit her down, look her right in the face, and say : "baby, I dont just want sex

Don't. Ever. Use. "Baby".

jesus_thats_gre

BEAT wrote:

Ya, you would think so...he's all like " I want a relationship and blah blah blah I dont want to just have sex everytime I come over blah blah blah" and I am like, " i just want to hang out, have some fun and have a roll in the hay as often as possible"
Pffftt..Men.

In my best Arnie voice.. What a girly man!!