sex and child abuse etc

LegacyUser

I am 20 years old, I was in a relationship with a girl who I loved but we could not have sex and it was my fault. I simply could not get hard enough. I felt very uncomfortable at times with the whole sex thing and only ever ejaculated once while she was giving me oral sex and even that took a long time. I was abused as a child and I don’t know, I guess I’m asking is it a mental thing because of the abuse that showed very few external side effects except I dislike to be touched or is it physical thing. I go to see a psychotherapist but have not brought up the fact of the abuse because I do not feel I am able to delve back into it. I also told him that I had sex with my girlfriend at the time.

I know this is a stupid post and all but I suppose I need someone that can look at it in a clinical way. What should I do? The logical thing is to tell the guy? The abuser was never brought to justice and I climax with masturbation.

Beruthiel

abuse wrote:

I guess I’m asking is it a mental thing because of the abuse

yes it is, and no wonder to tbh -

I go to see a psychotherapist but have not brought up the fact of the abuse because I do not feel I am able to delve back into it.

please re think that
why go see someone to help with your mental health and then hold back? - I understand that it can be very difficult to talk about it, but if you truly want to get past this, then talk, and keep talking till you are all talked out. You just have to.
You deserve to get on with your life as best you can. Seriously it will help you

I also told him that I had sex with my girlfriend at the time

just explain that it was too embarrassing for you to talk about it at the time, s/he will understand and believe me, there is not much this person hasn't heard by now, it's their job

The abuser was never brought to justice

would you like to see him brought to justice?

I climax with masturbation

which proves there is nothing physical wrong with you

Please talk to your psychotherapist as openly as you can, they are there to help you - help them help you
take care
a

Zulu

It's in your mind if you can masterbate. So that at least is somthing. Talk to you GP or Shrink. Your GP can give you something to keep you hard - while you sort out your issues with your Shrink.

Buddy, sorry to hear your story - but your not alone in the world. This is the type of problem that will only compound itself unless you talk about it. Best of luck dude.

koneko

I'd very much have to echo beruthie's comments.

It will probably be hard to discuss this with your therapist, but it's the only way you can get over this and start to lead a normal life.

Therapists deal with these sort of things every day, and will try to make it easy for you if they can, they see these sort of things regularly and will be able to help you emotionally equip yourself (so to speak) to deal with this.

Good luck with whatever choice you make.

cormie

hey man!
allot of people have been abused, you'd be surprised how many people. Don't feel like an outcast or don't feel different or anything. It's nothing to be ashamed of:)

LegacyUser

If you find it hard to just blurt that out to your therapist, why not print out that post for him/her? As a professional I'm sure s/he can understand that you've held back at times and tbh, there's not much point in continuing therapy if you don't open up to the therapist. If it's this particular therapist that you've problems with, find one you can open up to. Trust me, my father was in an extremely similar position to the one you find yourself in now. It resulted in him trying to commit suicide and nearly tore my family apart (well, tbh it did in a way, my parents are now in the middle of a divorce). Don't try and deal with this all alone, your (or another) therapist can help.

lisa.c

sorry you feel that way but it can get better if you want it to. i was in similar situation my self with a friend of mine. she was also abused after a long time she told on her abuser and the abuse stopped only for him never to be brought to justice. her family prefered to forget about it and have never spoken about it since.

this has really hurt my friend cause she feels as if what has happened was wrong and some how her fault. any way about a year after it came out to her family she recieved a phonecall in school one day from her aunt telling her she had this app after school with a consellor she ws so gutted that her mother couldnt tell her. she went and told your one what happened and same thing over and over every week eventually after going to her third consellor she had enough as she felt she was getting no where.

what she did find that helped though was talkking over and over to me about it in fact she talked to it with everyone she knew... she didnt feel dirty or embarrassed about it any more cause it wasnt her fault she didnt ask to be abused.she felt the more people she told then the more people would know what this animal had done to her so i guess she felt she was punishing him in her own way(he eventually left the town) now dont get me wrong she didnt make a show of her self telling people ,she did it in a very confident and dignified way.

the more she spoke about it the more confident and happier she felt in herself. she started to feel good again and eventually she felt as if she had beaten him.now days she's quite happy but still finds the sexual side of herrelationship hard to deal with. her partner does understand as he knows all about her past . she'll never get over what happened her but when she does feel sad about it she knows that she can pick up the phone and talk about it and hang up feeling better.

have you a family member you can talk to about or a friend...all i can say is keep talking and always remember that it wasnt ur fault. i hope you can put it somewhat behind you and start living the life you desperatly want to. dont let him continue to rule over your life. good luck...

Zulu

uuuggghhh, paragraphs please