Poem (2 versions)

Nemici

Heres something I wrote, its about me pushing another kid off a wall when I was young. 2 versions dont know which is better?



the summer sun came low in the sky,
tears on the way, we would see him cry
the children ran, screams and shouting
mothers, single, wine and pouting.

the fun came to and end too fast
We kept running and I was the last,
I couldnt resist, saw him perched on the wall,
I saw him up there and I made the call.

I pushed him hard and folks heard the cries
I was guilty as sin, it was seen in my eyes
people they gathered and expressed their concern,
Nothing was said but I had to learn.



or a slightly different version.



the summer sun came low in the sky,
the children ran, screams and shouting
tears on the way, we would see him cry
mothers, single, wine and pouting.

the fun came to and end too fast
I couldnt resist, saw him perched on the wall,
We kept running and I was the last,
I saw him up there and I made the call.

I pushed him hard and folks heard the cries
people they gathered and expressed their concern,
I was guilty as sin, it was seen in my eyes
Nothing was said but I had to learn.


any thoughts?

RE*AC*TOR

Good use of language in both - but the meter seems better in the first.