Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Could I get a few comments?

  • 10-08-2004 8:52pm
    #1
    Seaneh
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 18,300 ✭✭✭✭


    [edit] I wrote these ages ago, and I came across them today, and I was wondering "are they any good?", So a few comments would be very nice
    [/edit]

    First one Is something I tried to write from the prospective of a friend who was going through a really rough time, I wrote it to try and help me understant what they were going throught so I could try and help them. They had a lot of emmotional problems and on top of everything that was bothering them, they lost thier cousin/best friend.

    It's called "Losing You" and it's not very good, but it ment something to me.

    Restless Sleep,
    Shapeless Dreams,
    Fury at the world it seems,
    Run away,
    Try to hide,
    Countless thoughts of suicide,
    Hopes are fears,
    Lead to tears,
    Cry aloud but no one hears,
    Mind is numb,
    Thoughts are done,
    Of ways out,
    Can think just one.



    The second one is something I wrote about a Girl I don't even know, had never seen before and have never seen since While I was sitting in a cafe eating a sandwich and drinking a coffe, I just scribbled it on a napkin thingy, didn't even notice I was doing it, but I liked it.

    It's just called "Her" again it's not very good, but I like it.

    A perfect smile,
    Amazing eyes,
    The earth shall weep with her demise,
    Jesus christ,
    Our lord,
    our Savour,
    To the golden city Shall take her,
    Where on long,
    We can adore,
    Her eyes and smile forevermore.


    And before someone points it out, I know there is no real structure and the Rhyme and Rythem are very basic.


Comments

  • #2
    Shad0r
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,167 ✭✭✭Shad0r


    I thoroughly enjoyed both.


  • #3
    Nemici
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 383 ✭✭Nemici


    enjoyed them both seaneh, especially the first one, meant something to me.

    I am confused though, you said before each one that it wasnt good, it was like you had decided that they were not good before you had got the feedback, structure and rhyme can be learned/taught but the emotion comes from you, if you get enjoyment from writing then continue, I would like to read more of your stuff.


  • #4
    RE*AC*TOR
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,482 ✭✭✭RE*AC*TOR


    Very good use of rythmn / meter - especially the 1st one.
    Thumds up!


  • #5
    Seaneh
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 18,300 ✭✭✭✭Seaneh


    Thanks, I don't really know why I said they weren't very good, maybe it's a defence mechinism, or maybe it's false modesty?
    But eitherway, they both mean something to me, and I enjoy when I stumble across old note pads because I usually find one or two things that make me smile.

    Thanks for all the compliments guys :D


Advertisement