The Quotable Homer...

Ri-ra

here are some of my favourite Homer quotations. care to add any of your own?

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.
Lisa: That's specious reasoning, Dad.
Homer: Thank you, dear.
Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Oh, how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn't work.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: It's just a stupid rock.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: But I don't see any tigers around, do you?
[Homer thinks, then pulls out some money]
Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.


Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about
bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer (mockingly): Heh, heh, heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A
wonderful... magical animal.

Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!

"I'm not normally a praying man. But if you are up there, please save me
superman"

"Nobody knows the band Grand Funk? The wild shirtless lyrics of Mark Farner?
The bong rattling bass of Mel Shocker? The competent drum-work of Don
Brewer? Oh man!"

Lisa - Careful Dad, you're the highly suggestable type.
Homer - Yes, I am the highly suggestable type.

Homer: Aww! 20 dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: 20 dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woo Hoo!!

Marge: Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you.
Homer: Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist.
Marge: It's not Batman!

Homer: For once, somebody may call me "Sir" without adding, "...you're
making a scene."

Homer: Well crying isn't going to get your dog back, unless your tears smell
like dog food! So you can sit here crying and eating dog food until your
tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can get
out there and find your dog!

Marge: Homer, you don't have to join a traveling freak show just because the
opportunity arises.
Homer: Marge, you and I are very different people.

Homer's brain decides it's time to tell Marge his big secret:
Homer : Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
Marge : Oh, my gosh!
Brain : No, the other secret.
Homer : Marge, I never passed high school.
Marge : That still doesn't explain why you ate my soap. Wait, maybe it
does.

Homer on finding a three chambered peanut :
"Marge! Marge! Look what I did!"

When Homer refuses to watch the Springfield Isotopes again:
Homer: You kids will be dead in your cold,cold graves before that ever
happens.
Marge: Homer will you stop talking about the childrens graves!

Homer on movies:
"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping
its speed over fifty, and if it's speed dropped, it would explode! I think
it was called "The bus that couldn't slow down."

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from
the animals... except the weasel."

Love it!

Victor

Excellent.

Welcome to boards.

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Changing call sign to SIERRA PAPA OSCAR OSCAR FOXTROT.

D-Generate

What a class calender that was, i am guessing you had/have it aswell. There is also Quotable Simpsons

bats

tears rolling down cheeks...

Ri-ra

C'mon share!!!

Any Simpsons quotes will do...

Pretty please...?

Kolodny

Homer's Brain: "There it is Homer...... the smartest thing you've ever said, and nobody was around to hear it."

Ri-ra

That's a good one!
Some more:

Burns looking at Homer on a monitor at work:
"Look at that pig, stuffing his face with with donuts on my time. That's right, keep eating. Little do you know you're drawing closer ever closer to the poison donut. There is a poison one, isn't there, Smithers?"

"The information superhighway showed the average American what some nerds think about Star Trek."

Or one from Ralph Wiggum:
"I bent my Wookie!"

and last, one from his dad:
"Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer and I am the... uh... what cures cancer?"

Ronan|Raven

Homer: Dad as never been around for me, he wasnt even here when I met Santa.

Kolodny

"They've got the internet on computers now......"

TinCool

Homer: "Bart, you cant weld with such a small flame ... stupid kid"

Ri-ra

keep 'em coming!

Miguel_Sanchez

Marge - There's a man here who can help you

Homer - Batman?

Marge - No it's a scientist.

Homer - Batman's a scientist?

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Homer - I'm not normally a praying man but, if you're up there, please help me Superman.

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I'm the Dude

RopeDrink

It was on recently - Had me gassing...

Kent brockman had just won the lottery, while he was live on air giving the numbers, he starts screaming with joy etc etc...

Homer: "Well he may have all the money in the world... But there's one thing he cant buy..."
Marge: "Whats that?"
*Long pause*
Homer: "...A Dinosaur!"

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Homer: "A Woman is more like a beer... They smell good... they look good... And you'd step over your own mother just to get one!"

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Homer: "Look at meeeeee, im the Magical Man!"

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Homer: "To start Press any Key... Where's the any key?"

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Homer: "Kiss my hairy yellow butt..."

[NON]mojo

i cant believe u hav all missed the all time greatest quote ever from Homer:
......

....

..

.
"D'oh!"

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Austin 3:16 "You stole my mojo!!"

DrunkLeprachaun

Pfffft, I don't remember any of them. Have you fellas even read the Ilyad?

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If there's one thing I hate, it's people.

Hobbes

Homer: But Marge I can't learn new things as it just makes me forget old things. Like remember the time I tried to learn home brewing and I ended up forgetting how to drive.

Marge: Homer you were drunk!

Homer: And How!

--

Homer (Snoozing): First we get the sugar, then we get the women, then we get the power!


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Homer: I'm not giving into peer pressure Lisa, I'm jumping on the bandwagon like everyone else.

Hobbes

Homer: Did you know that so-called 'volunteers' don't even get paid?

Homer: Okay, don't panic. To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders."
Homer's brain: "I'm a big four-eyed lame-o and I wear the same stupid sweater everyday and-"

Homer: Marge, we had a deal. Your sisters don't come here after six and I stop eating your lipstick.

Homer: No offense, Apu, but when they were handing out religions, you musta been out taking a whizz

Homer: I want to tell you about the most wonderful place in the world: Doggie Heaven. In Doggie Heaven, there are mountains of bones, and you can't turn around without sniffing another dog's butt!

Homer: Are you sure this is the Sci-Fi Convention? It's full of nerds!

Homer: I like my beers cold and my homosexuals flaming

Mr Burns: I want to be loved.
Homer: I see...well...I'll need some beer...

Xterminator

Who can forget the song in the Stonecutters episode. Just class

Jim Daniels

"....my secret tulip eating shame...

Lucy_la_morte

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Hobbes:
Homer: I see...well...I'll need some beer...</font>

Sounds like my ex.

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Miaow.

Lucy la morte.

Yo Mamma

Just a few of the best

McBain: The movie is just me standing in front of a brick wall for two and a half hours. It cost 80 million dollars.

Jay Sherman: How do you sleep at night?!

McBain: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.

Jay Sherman: Just asking.. yeesh!

Lisa: Dad!! Dad!!

Homer: What is it honey?

Lisa: I had a bad dream.

Homer: Well, you just sit right there and tell daddy all about it.

Lisa: well, i know it sounds kinda absurd, but i had a dream the boogie man was under my bed an...

Homer: AHHHHHHHH!!! BOOGIE MAN!!! Quick you nail the windows shut, ill get the gun!

Homer: (looks up at the ceiling) Oh god, why dost thou mock me?

Marge: Homer, that's not god, it's just a waffle Bart tossed up there.
(Marge scrapes of the waffle with a broom, homer picks it up off the floor)

Homer: I know i should not eat thee...
(takes a big bite out of the stale waffle)

Homer: mmmm...sacrilicious.

Moe is being asked questions about the shooting of Mr. Burns on a lie detector machine...

Police: Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No
Lie Detector: *RRRRR*
Moe: Alright, maybe I did! But I didn't shoot him.
Lie Detector: *DING*
Police: Checks out. Alright sir, you're free to go.
Moe: Good. Because I have a hot date tonight.
Lie Detector: *RRRRR*
Moe: Or a date.
Lie Detector: *RRRRR*
Moe: Dinner with a friend.
Lie Detector: *RRRRR*
Moe: Dinner alone.
Lie Detector: *RRRRR*
Moe: Watching TV alone.
Lie Detector: *RRRRR*
Moe: Alriiight!! I'm gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog.
Lie Detector: *RRRRR*
Moe: ...Sears Catalog.
Lie Detector: *DING*
Moe: Now will you unhook this please?! I don't deserve this shabby treatment!
Lie Detector: *RRRRR*

Homer: We monorail conductors are a crazy breed, gobbling up danger like ordinary men eat peanuts... Am I turning you on Marge?

Marge: No

Homer: What if I undo this top button?

Marge: Good night Homer. (turns off the light)

Homer: (in a deep voice) What if I talk like this? What if I sing to you?
(singing) I gave my love a chicken, it had no bones... Mmmmmmmm Chicken

LMAO