A few more jokes for you all

Flukey

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still alive and well and was there to meet his potential successor.
"So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finish's first gets to have all the hens for himself."

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," said the young rooster. "And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy, said the young rooster. So the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race with all the hens gathering around to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young rooster.

By now the farmer has heard all the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barn yard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away. As he walks away slowly,

he says to himself "Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."




Gerry joined the army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an aeroplane. The next day, he phoned his father to tell him the news. "So, did you jump?" the father asked. "Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the 'plane, and the Sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the 'plane!" "Is that when you jumped?" asked the father. "Um, not yet. Then the Sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door. " "Did you jump then?" asked the father. "Hold on, I'm getting to that. Everyone else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the 'plane. I told the Sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told be to get off the 'plane or he'd kick my arse. "
"So, did you jump?" "Not then. He tried to push me out of the 'plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 17 stone. He said to me, 'Boy, are you going to jump or not?' I said, 'No, Sir. I'm too scared. ' So the Jump Master pulled down his zip and took his penis out. I swear, it was about ten inches long! He said, 'Boy, either you jump out of that door, or I'm sticking this up your arse. '" "So, did you jump?" asked the father.
"Well, a little, at first. "

the_obsolete

Ah brilliant, nice one!

Pugsley

First one was class

MrJoeSoap

Both excellent, keep em coming.

Hagar

Funny funny funny

Flukey

Wanted

Baker wanted. Easy job loafing around making plenty of dough. Company rolls.

Bank Clerk: There's money in banking! Apply, stating sex, experience, convictions for embezzlement of any.

Electricians Mate: Mainly light duties.

Sextons needed: Graediggin may be a dead-end job but there are plenty of openings to be filled in.