friends and their girlfriends

LegacyUser · 09-07-2004 12:49PM #1

ok heres the thing. i've just finished my first year of college and while there i made some great new friends. one of these was a really cool guy (lets call him Fred) and although we did kiss one night when we were all out on the píss, we talked about it afterwards and both agreed that we just wanted to be friends. so anyway, all that was going fine and we have a mutual friend, we'll call her betty, and thye get on really well too. so anyway after me and fred had that kiss and talked things through Betty confided in me that she has feelings for him. i thought this was great and encouraged her to go for it. she did and they're still going great.

now, this is where the crap happens. towards exam time, betty was very stressed out and her and i had a stupid argument. it was over nothing and then it was like all of a sudden i was mega-bítch and she didnt want fred to talk to me! she freaked out because he rang me one night to see if i was ok cos i'd been off college sick for a few days. i couldnt believe her reaction.

so anyway i havent had the chance to meet up with him since college split for the summer and was talking to him recently and he says its a difficult situation. she thinks that im "specifically not inviting" her so i can get my claws into him. at first i found it funny but now its just getting frustrating. she has agreed that we can ALL go for a drink but when he said "what about me and her on our own for a drink some other time?" she said "we'll see" i know he needs to show a bit of backbone here too but im at a loss as to how to sort this. she's become a major bunny-boiler. i have no intention of trying to get with him and see him as a very good friend.
anyone ever been in a similar situation?

JohnnyBravo · 09-07-2004 01:13PM

Before i answer i need to know one thing
WHat in gods name is a bunny boiler

leeroybrown · 09-07-2004 01:22PM

Bunny Boiler - Someone in a relationship who has irrational, impulsive and extreme behaviour.

The word originates from the film Fatal Attraction.

fitz · 09-07-2004 01:23PM

If she has a problem with him seeing you, we'll that's for him to sort out.

If you wanted to be bitchy, you could point out to him in a flippant way that it seems kind of weird, that she wouldn't trust him around you? And also kinda controlling...

She sounds like a class A nutjob, but don't let on anything of the sort.
You should completely stay out of it.

But don't stop trying to make arrangements to see your mate on your own.
If that's how you want to meet up with him, and he's okay with that, then the only problem is for psycho woman...

Beruthiel · 09-07-2004 01:28PM

Originally posted by JohnnyBravo
Before i answer i need to know one thing
WHat in gods name is a bunny boiler

watch the movie 'Fatal Attraction' johnny

LegacyUser · 09-07-2004 02:07PM

Hold on a sec.

One night you and this guy, after a few drinks, decided to snog each other. So there was obviously some sort of attraction there.

You didn't specify what exactly you and this girl had an argument about, maybe there was something you said there that caused some bad feeling?

I don't know, if my boyfriend was to turn around and say "what about me and her on our own for a drink some other time?" about some girl he'd been with before I don't know would I be that willing to say it was fine, especially since both of you are so keen just for the two of you to go for a drink.

I've never liked the idea of anyone I've gone out with seeing another girl 'just for a drink' and it compounds the problem if there was something there before.

She's willing for all of you to go for a drink, why is it so important for just the two of you to go? I can kinda see where she's coming from.

However, if you and this girl were friends before, then maybe its up to you as well to talk to her and explain the situation.

Runfree · 09-07-2004 06:53PM

Well she sounds like a nutcase this betty girl :-)

Why does she think you are after him anyway? what was the argument about?
Still dont understand why a guy and a girl can't go out(no matter what the occasion) without people thinking something is going on.

Also yes I have a friend like this who is married and everytime I go out with a girl she gets jealous for no reason. We have the greatest of arguments over it and its highly frustrating but I just try and ignore her as much as possible when she goes on about it.

Well my advise keep going out with this guy every now and again. If she doesn't want you to see him let her marry him and then get her to go to court to try and get a distraining order against you to keep away from him and her. She can't lawfully stop you any other way. If she doesn't like it then its her problem not yours.

Hagar · 09-07-2004 07:06PM

I figured it out. Betty is a woman Her behaviour is normal. You will encounter this type of behaviour more or less every day for the rest of your life. There is nothing to worry about. Just get on with living your own life.

LegacyUser · 10-07-2004 02:52AM

just to clarify...the argument we had was over college work. myself and betty had been paired up for the lab assignments and she reckoned i wasnt pulling my weight. it was just a silly thing but then with exams and me going home for a few weeks we never got it sorted.

i can see her side of it. i mean i'd probably be apprehensive if it was my boyfriend, but not if both of them had told me theres nothing going on. i go home most weekends and they spend loads of time together so its not like myself and himself are doing the dirty. hes just a mate.

i guess i just find it a bit weird that me and him meeting up would get such a bizarre reaction from her. i dont want to be causing any problems for them but at the same time i'd like to be able to have a beer and a chat with my mate without being made feel like im doing something wrong.

ah sure anyway, hopefullly it'll get sorted before we go back in October.

Doodee · 11-07-2004 12:04PM

You sound like a guy from my DIT course who we call grimey.

except it was over a Guy, a friend of mine, who got with a girl. and then Grimey decided to be nasty.

Heh, to be honest, you kissed her man, so of course she will get paranoid.
I find it hard to believe that once you have been intimate with a person that you can simply put it behind you, as I know i'd still see them in a sexual light.

I think you should just bite the bullet and go out with both of them. Spend time with her than with him until she decides that your trustworthy.
Its no ones fault really, just mismatched communication.

LegacyUser · 11-07-2004 12:37PM

Originally posted by Doodee
You sound like a guy from my DIT course who we call grimey.

except it was over a Guy, a friend of mine, who got with a girl. and then Grimey decided to be nasty.

Heh, to be honest, you kissed her man, so of course she will get paranoid.
I find it hard to believe that once you have been intimate with a person that you can simply put it behind you, as I know i'd still see them in a sexual light.

I think you should just bite the bullet and go out with both of them. Spend time with her than with him until she decides that your trustworthy.
Its no ones fault really, just mismatched communication.

She kissed him before the psycho bitch did. To be perfectly honest, Betty sounds like a typical insecure girl who has an obsession with a bois.

Just tell her to chill the **** out.

Zombrex · 11-07-2004 01:00PM

This sounds like an episode of Corrie

Tell Fred to grow a back-bone ... you were friends long before she started going out with him, and you will probably be friends long after they have broken up. If I was Fred I would be insulted that she didn't trust him, even to have a drink with a female friend.

My advice to Betty is to take the bunnies out of the pot, and chill out. You might want to point out to her that going pyscho on her boyfriend and you, probably isn't the best way to keep him. The more annoying and nagging she is the less likely Fred is going to want to stick around, espeically at that age (I assume you are all about 18, 19)

Doodee · 11-07-2004 01:02PM

Originally posted by cheesedude
She kissed him before the psycho bitch did. To be perfectly honest, Betty sounds like a typical insecure girl who has an obsession with a bois.

Just tell her to chill the **** out.

True, but its like anyones girlfriend who kissed another friend.
some people can cope with it and others have a much harder time trying to.

Chinafoot · 11-07-2004 03:43PM

been in a very similar situation recently and we all went out for a drink together and while it was awkward at first it was fine.

i think if the friendship is really worth it you should give her a chance and try to see it from her side too. i didnt at first but i do now and hopefully we can sort it out.
i miss her friendship aswell as his.

best of luck

Etain · 11-07-2004 11:10PM

As I recall, exams can really be a time for strained nerves. It's made worse since the girl felt that you weren't doing your share on the project. Then he called you! Now she sees you as the competition. She's stressed and feeling insecure. If you want to continue the friendship with her, I'd go out with both of them, but I'd avoid going out with him alone. If you don't have designs on him, then what's the big deal about leaving him alone? If he calls you, then you talk to him. Eventually she will see how unreasonable she's been-- or not-- hopefully this won't be a lifelong pattern for her.

munkeehaven · 12-07-2004 01:35AM

as the old saying goes never mix men with friends , its a potent mix.

whosurpaddy · 14-07-2004 11:05AM

can i just say that i hate the phrase "we'll see", it invariably means no without having the cajones to just say no. anytime anyone says it to me i make a point of smacking them in the face with a large trout.