A poem to my mum

Battlesnake

Hi all,
just something really simple I came up with today, whilst doing some writing therapy. . . . . .

Mummy
Why did you leave me under the stairs?
It was like you forgot me
Like I wasn't there
If you love me so much, then why are you so mad?
I never meant to do it Mum
Never meant to be bad

Can't you see it wasn't my fault Mum?
I never changed
It was him Mum that did it
He made it rain

It was you Mum who left me in my hour of need
It was you Mum who ignored me for all of your greed
You wanted a perfect life and I didn't fit in
But neither do you Mum
So who really wins?

Why can't you be content to know that I love you?
That I'm proud to be your daughter Mum
Theres no one above you
I know life hasn't been easy, but I've only just begun
So don't condemn me to death Mum
Or the devil has won.

Shad0r

Interesting.

Shanannigan

you're writin about a subject that i'm waitin to brand the ink of my pen with... because i'm of the (often considered romantic) belief that songs/poems find you, not the other way round you simply word it according to your experiences and circumstances... your poem comes close to my own feelings towards my estranged mother... a little more diplomatic than what i have to say but anywho,
Thanx

Georgiana

Dear Battlesnake

Know that no mummy ever intentionally leaves her child "under the stairs".
Mums are broken suffering people too and in the process they hurt their child unintentionally. Your mum would probably be broken hearted at your poem.
Thats not to take away from what you write. I am a mother and a daugher and I see it from both sides. Motherhood is an awesome responsibility which you only realise when it happens to you.

Georgiana

Battlesnake

Very much aware that my Mum would be hurt by my poem.
That is why she will never see it.
I was writing down a lot of feelings etc about things that happened in my life which led me to be the person I am today.
My Mums been ill for many years now. Unfortunately there have been times when I have really needed her and she has not been able to be there.
As an adult I understand all of this.
I was writing the poem with the voice of my memories at a time when I could not fully comprehend everything that was happening. I just needed my Mum to be there and couldn't see anything past that.

Really its a poem about acceptance.
My mum can not deal with how ill she is or the fact that I was abused. Her own mother tries to enforce her idiotic belief that the abuse was my fault into both our heads, so I guess it's partly to do with that. . .
She can not accept that my life has not progressed as it should and that her own life is not perfect either.

In the last few sentences I'm asking is my love not enough?
Why do you need me to have a million qualifications and be almost super human to satisfy you? Why can't you just support me and let me get on with it, without putting a huge amount of pressure on me?
When I said that she left me 'under the stairs' I was trying to describe how low I felt at the time ie. below rock bottom, not even close to the first step forward/upwards.

I really appreciate everything that has been said, although I did feel somewhat enraged at

Motherhood is an awesome responsibility which you only realise when it happens to you.

Again more anger I haven't dealt with, nothing personal.
I know how huge a responsibility being a parent is. I feel like I've been mothering my own parents my whole life, worrying about them constantly and putting them first and me second, like it almost didn't matter what happened to me as long as they were alright.
Perhaps you didn't mean to be patronising, but thats the way it came across.
I'm damn sure I wouldn't neglect the emotional needs of my own children the way mine were when I was a child. . . .
I've moved away from my parents and am starting to form decent adult relationships with both of them.
The anger at them ignoring my pain still lingers on, especially with my Mother.
Perhaps it will always be there.

Shad0r

Originally posted by Georgiana
Dear Battlesnake

Know that no mummy ever intentionally leaves her child "under the stairs".
Mums are broken suffering people too and in the process they hurt their child unintentionally. Your mum would probably be broken hearted at your poem.
Thats not to take away from what you write. I am a mother and a daugher and I see it from both sides. Motherhood is an awesome responsibility which you only realise when it happens to you.

Georgiana

Christ on a crispy creme! Georgiana the personal issues forum, which is where you say stuff like the crap you posted above, is here

I know your new but what you posted is a pile of sh!te. Yeah great, your a new mother and your all excited about it but heres a news flash for you: Some 'mummys DO leave their kids in worse places than 'under the stairs' and all your happy little mummy thoughts in your little happy mummy existance bubble cant change that.

Also I would hope that most mothers realise, somewhat at least, the responsibility of motherhood before it happens to them.

Please do everyone here a favour, if your going to post to the CREATIVE WRITING forum, at least make your posts about um...I dunno...creative writing perhaps?

Georgiana

If you want to express your anger and get bitchy in response to a well intetioned comment I might add that your effort could hardly be called creative writing! And dont bother telling me not to post any more stuff in this thread because I'm off. Cool down dear and youll feel better.

BEAT

ughhh...do I really need to say this is totally out of bounds here?

warning or thread will be locked.

From now on leave your aguing , outbursts,and whatever to PM's.

Thanks.

Georgiana

I would like to apologise to Battlesnake for any unintended offence. My original post was genuninely well intended if misdirected. However I feel Shadors response was a totally unwarranted personal and emotive attack on me. Moderator taking themselves too seriously or what!? And how did someone who behaves like that become a Moderator??The response is also based on a total misunderstanding of my point in that I was trying to get at the notion of the intentions rather than actions of mothers -and false assumptions ( I am not a new mum nor am I in any happy bubble) But anyway lets leave it there. Clearly the subject of motherhood stirs up reactions. And ok lets leave the space to creative writing discussion but I suggest people get a little too precious about whats discussed where. These are only internet discussion boards after all for people with nothing better to do than chew the fat with total strangers. Anyway good luck to you Battlesnake with your writing and your life, which was what I was trying to say originally.

Battlesnake

Who knew my writing would stir up all this!
Proof that the basics in life ie. family bring out profound emotions within people. Without disfunction and tradgedy would we really have anything to write about!?
Enjoyed the feedback.
Take care, BS

CuLT

Originally posted by Georgiana
I would like to apologise to Battlesnake for any unintended offence. My original post was genuninely well intended if misdirected. However I feel Shadors response was a totally unwarranted personal and emotive attack on me. Moderator taking themselves too seriously or what!? And how did someone who behaves like that become a Moderator??The response is also based on a total misunderstanding of my point in that I was trying to get at the notion of the intentions rather than actions of mothers -and false assumptions ( I am not a new mum nor am I in any happy bubble) But anyway lets leave it there. Clearly the subject of motherhood stirs up reactions. And ok lets leave the space to creative writing discussion but I suggest people get a little too precious about whats discussed where. These are only internet discussion boards after all for people with nothing better to do than chew the fat with total strangers. Anyway good luck to you Battlesnake with your writing and your life, which was what I was trying to say originally.

See all this? ^^^

That's called continuing to flame after being warned by the forum moderator.


Oh and Battlesnake, that is some biting stuff you got there, nice air of real, unrestrained feelings.