Ex GF

G|N|T

I met this girl when I was repeating my L.C. We ended up together anyway and into the first week of the relationship, she had to move out of her house because of problems with her stepmother.

I didn’t want to abandon this girl and turn my back on her, so I invited her to stay with me for a while, help her get sorted with a place of her own. As u can understand, once she moved in our relationship was accelerated by 100!! I was only with the girl 1 week and i was already living with her!

As weeks went by we ended up getting closer and closer! Became the best of friends and were able to tell each other anything. It was weird I’d never thought I could get so close to this person. She moved out anyway about 2-3 weeks later, but she still came down a lot, we’d miss each other too much to stay apart!. Sometimes I was annoyed because I needed space to do my own things, so I didn’t go out with her all the time. Also she had a good paid job and I didn’t have a job, which meant I couldn’t go out much.

Nonetheless everything betweens us went on perfect for about 1yr and 4 months until recently she’s felt like we weren’t going anywhere and nothing was changing.

So she needs time to think. We decided to try becoming very close friends and then seeing if we get back together in the future, but at the moment she just wants to b single. She also said in the future if we get back she wants to start fresh, go on proper dates etc! What is it with most women? Once you fall for them they kick u while you’re off guard and play games with you!

Anyway it’s been 3 weeks now, I’ve got a well-paid job and I have changed a lot since! I’m asking for some help as to wtf I can do now! She is a good friend of my sis and ma too! So I cant tell her to piss off for a while until I get my head sorted. I want this to work out; We were great together, I think she is the coolest girl I’ve ever met! Now I feel I don’t know her anymore and that I’m losing her.
I know people say move on, which is also part of the problem, when I’ve been out and I’m talking to a girl in a club I cant seem to bring myself to kiss her! I just think about this one girl!! Sad u may say, but now u see why I have this problem. I want to become friends, be real close! And try see if we’ve got anything left in the future, because I know we do.

How will I act around her? And what can I do?

Thanks Ppl

Evil Phil

You want to become friends and be real close. Sounds to me like you settling for second best, you can't have her the way you want her so friendship will do. It takes time to recover from a broken heart, so take you time (babysteps!). You don't have to tell her to p*ss off, just explain to her that you need space for a while to get used to not being with her. Sounds to me like she cares for you and will understand that.

I don't think she's playing games with you, not after the amount of time you've spent together but she may be letting you down gently. If it is over it sucks now but when you do meet 'the one' you'll see its worth it.

ShriekingSheet

The 'proper dates' bit stuck out as a key area here if you ask me! You guys missed out on the having to have somewhere to go bit in order to see eachother at the start of most relationships! She might feel she's missed out on it. It's not your fault- what with having not much money at the time- but you have money now. Spoil her! (thoughtfully!!- ANYONE can flash a gold card!) Do mad things - go mad places!

What i reckon would totally work well for you (obv impossible to say but worth a shot!) is this....

It's been 3 weeks and you havent been seeing her as much as usual right? Leave it another week- try totally giving her (and you) space. Obv dont make it look like you're purposly avoiding her!!
In a full week- call her. Ask her out 2 dinner- somewhere nice, splash out, make it special - you're just spoiling your friend who's going through a tough time! Show her a good time - DONT try and kiss her - and act a little shy/embarrassed if she kisses you. Im not saying she will. At the end of the night leave her home and go home yourself. DONT text or ring her the next day- wait for her. See where it takes you...

Sleepy

She ain't worth it tbh.

That is some heavy-duty pettiness. "Oh, I never got brought out to dinner/the theater/flown to Paris like they do in Sex & The City", grade A ****e.

You love her, fair enough, but don't be anyone's doormat, if she feels she missed out then that's what she should have just said and initiated the "dates" thing herself by bringing you out on one. Gah, gold-digging, spoilt bitches just do my head in!:mad:

Zulu

Sleepy hits the nail on the head once again.
IF she loved you - do you think she would dump you because you didn't take her out on a date?

Thats not love, that my friend is self-obsessed greed.

secret_squirrel

I must admit you're not painting her in the greatest of lights, so I can see why sleepy and zulu said the things they said. However, my advice would be to try what ShreikingSheet said and see if anything happens. If both of your feelings grow over a month or so and you end up back together all to the good. If not shes either :

a) Self obesessed and immature.

b) trying to let you down gently.

Depending on how cut up you are either :

a) bin her completely. (Pain like ripping off a plaster)
b) try to stay friends (pain like peeling off a plaster one hair at a time)

The choice is yours my friend. Good luck what ever happens.

acous

G|N|T

i painted a bad picture! what i meant was i wouldnt go out with her, because for example! she would come down on a friday and stay until tuesday, then she would call me the next day and ask me did i want to spend the day with her! dont get me wrong! i do love this girl, but i had made plans to do something else! but she would just act all hurt! i wouldnt want to hurt her feelings, so i'd tell her to call down later in the day! she didnt do this all the time! its the way the relationship settled! if she hadnt have moved out of her house in the first week it wouldnt have multiplied the relationship by 100.

its the fact we got used to being together all the time! and in the end we cudnt see things changing. ShriekingSheet has the right idea. we have the foundations and a lot more! she just doesnt think anything will change. keep the posts coming yer all great for your help . i just need an idea how to act around her and how to become really close to her again! at the moment its too awkward to get back. we need to rebuild our friendship too.

Cheers peoples!
thanks again

G|N|T

I did paint a bad picture, she wasnt spoilt or anything like that! what i meant was she had a good job and i didnt have a job at all! i didnt have the money to be going where she wanted. it was more the fact of what ShriekingSheet said about missing out on that stuff? and the idea, thats what i feel i should try. I know that we can have it much better now, then we ever had it. its just hard at the moment to show her because i'm going through a f****d up stage and shes trying to figure out what she wants! she thinks it could be better as friends! but i have to show her or at least try to show her that what we had and how we were wont be the same as friends! and show her what we had could be better! people say once shes an ex, she'll always be an ex! but....that doesnt happen everyone, most of the time it works out! well i suppose i want to be apart of that most part! thanks for the post's everyone! keep em coming

irlirishkev

Hmm.. lets you get comfortable with her then tells you she wants to be single.. sounds really bloody familiar! A common headf**k when it comes to girls..

To be honest, if you didn't know eachother that long before getting together, then the 'being close friends' thing ain't gonna work. The only reason you want to be 'friends' is because you want to be with her. Hanging out with her, and not being friends is just going to wreck your head. And trust me, after the frustration is over, the anger will kick in, and that's just headwrecking!

She also said in the future if we get back she wants to start fresh, go on proper dates etc!

Charming. I love the way she said 'if'. Not leaving you dangling on a string or anything is she! Not having closure is the worst part about breaking up. The whole situation sucks, I totally sympathise..

Kevin.

LegacyUser

Originally posted by G|N|T
people say once shes an ex, she'll always be an ex!

Ppl...is this true? I hope not in my case. Well I think I do. Oh I don't know...

GreenHell

Ugh, screw it don't waste your time, draw a line under it and back away. If she wants to get back with ya then fine let her make the move, she dumped ya remember. Don't let your head get wrecked. If she does then you have a good long think about it and if she doesn't you can get on with your life.

Etain

If you're confused about how to behave around her, then what about a nice honest chat? Ask her out to dinner, tell her "we need to talk" (women say that to men all the time ). Talk it out. She may have mentioned "proper dates" as a way to get to another level in the relationship-- you said that her moving in with you really by-passed some of the usual stages in getting to know each other. Maybe that's what she feels she missed, not just expensive meals, etc..
Ask her and then you can decide what to do. I agree with the others about trying to be "just friends", clearly you want more, and if she doesn't, you're better of ending it totally.

Seraphina

Originally posted by irlirishkev
Hmm.. lets you get comfortable with her then tells you she wants to be single.. sounds really bloody familiar! A common headf**k when it comes to girls..

i ****ing hate this attitude. i dunno about you, but i dont appreciate people who get comfortable and boring, stop making an effort and start taking you for granted.

she may just want a change for a while, she's been with you a long time, like a few others suggested, try something new, make an effort with her, dont spend your time together sitting in all the time doing the same stuff.

and ffs, would some of you guys THINK about the situation before jumping in and saying blah blah she's selfish typical women and all that crap. women have opinions and feelings too, and if we dont want to be with a guy, breaking up with them is not being selfish!

Doodee

it takes two to tango.
if she believes that yee are going no where, or that your doing the same stuff then she should suggest otherwise.
I've known way too many girls who just assume that the guy should realise that what they do week in and week out is boring.
And yet, they never seem to miss it till its gone.
Tbh, if she wants space then give it to her. yee have been together for long enough to know her and should respect her decision.
also, it leaves you free to have fun

G|N|T

everyone has good points! your right about the start of the relationship, pretty much f***ked most of our relationship up! but the fact i hung onto her for a year and a half, her longest ever relationship was 4months.I must've done something right, lol. Thats why i feel, she couldnt suddenly turn her feelings off.

She sent me a picture msg this morning of herself in her scrubs in work, it was weird because it kinda hurt a bit! made some feelings come back, then she text me tonight and said she thinks im the best ever! i mean what the bloody ell? what am i suppose to think about that? my head is wrecked! thanks everyone for your help.keep it coming

Sleepy

Originally posted by Seraphina
i ****ing hate this attitude. i dunno about you, but i dont appreciate people who get comfortable and boring, stop making an effort and start taking you for granted.

she may just want a change for a while, she's been with you a long time, like a few others suggested, try something new, make an effort with her, dont spend your time together sitting in all the time doing the same stuff.

and ffs, would some of you guys THINK about the situation before jumping in and saying blah blah she's selfish typical women and all that crap. women have opinions and feelings too, and if we dont want to be with a guy, breaking up with them is not being selfish!

If your gut reaction to a relationship getting comfortable and feeling taken for granted is to break up with them that's what you need to think about. Relationships don't just happen, you need to work at them. Nagging a guy to do something won't make him do it, and if it does, it makes him do it for the wrong reasons and so you'll get thick with him again.

Breaking up with someone cos they don't take you out on dates when you've been going out for 18 months is selfish. It's thinking about "me" instead of "us". If she'd a problem with the relationship "getting stale" why didn't she do something to try and spice it up?

Anyone ever read "High Fidelity", to me it's got some great truths in it about relationships and our attitudes towards them and tbh, completely changed my outlook on love.

irlirishkev

if we dont want to be with a guy, breaking up with them is not being selfish!

I fully agree.. But what is selfish is not saying 'that's it'. Leaving someone dangling and not telling them how things are. It's just messing them about, and no-one deserves that.

Anyone ever read "High Fidelity", to me it's got some great truths in it about relationships and our attitudes towards them and tbh, completely changed my outlook on love.

I never read the book, but I saw the film.. and yeah, it really hits some nails smack bang in the middle of the head!

K.

Sleepy

Originally posted by irlirishkev
I never read the book, but I saw the film.. and yeah, it really hits some nails smack bang in the middle of the head!

K.

If you liked the movie, get your hands on the book and to quote Harry Enfield "give it to your girlfriend to read, then, instead of hating you, she'll just feel sorry for you" :P

LegacyUser

When I was with my ex-boyfriend I always felt like I was the only one who cared, who made any effort. I always felt like his football was more important and that I was nobody special to him, just another girlfriend, even though we were together for 10 months. He proved me right in the end. I don't know if I want anything to do with him anymore cos I'm really starting to hate him and we're supposed to still be friends. I don't think he knows just how much he's hurt me.

G|N|T

i hope tha doesnt happen to us. grrl wat age are you?

LegacyUser

I'm 17.

galwaydude

definately dont give up on this girl, dont mind others ppl's opinions that u should break it off, if u like her and she likes u then there is no issue here, just be more spontanious, wisk her away for a surprise weekend, u would be surprised what a bit of variety does.Hope it works out for u as i was in your boat 6 months back.

jinxycat

well maybe she does need space. or maybe you too just need to sit down and have a good chat tbh things with her stepmum could be alot worse for her than she's letting on and maybe it's getting her down.ok i know people think girls are opened about their feelings but we're not at times. if she likes ya she'll come around. hope she does sounds like ya really like the girl and omg your very sound for doing that for her, helping her out like. just give her time and yourself time don't beat yourself up over it to much. i'd a friend in the same situation and now they're getting married so it all worked out in the end

fitz

G|N|T....I've a very important question: Does she have a sister?

[typedef]

if(has_Sister = TRUE)
{
sisterShagCount++;
}
else
{
forgetAttentionSeekingHeadWreckerCount++;
}

[/typedef]


tbh.

Typedef

pff.

int *x = biatch;

for(;x;x++){
*x+1==shag ? shag_her_sister : shag_her_sister_anyway;

}

while(1){
shag_ruthies_youngtser();
sleep(1);
printf("lolly\n");
}

Gordon

Ooooh you're sooo going to get ctrl+alt+del'd for that one Typey!

Typedef

My operating system has no such naff key bindings!

However a quick crontab -e

Shows what appears to be a daily shagging occuring at 0:00 hours.

0 0 * * * /usr/bin/shag.sh

What can I say?

__asm("
movl $0x1, %eax
movl $0x0, %ebx
int $0x80
");