Need advice: how to deal with confrontational manager

Johnny Versace

Hey All,

So... I started a new job just over a month ago. I'm working as a book buyer for a reasonably well known bookshop. Part of my duties also include reviewing books, working in the shop, stock, counting the cash etc.

As it's a bookshop, you can probably imagine the job is reasonably chilled.

Well, it would be, but unfortunately I've got the most confrontational manager I've ever met.

She's very accusitive, aggressive, and pretty much has no communication skills. She's defo on a bit of a power trip, and I think she has issues with the gender difference (I am the only male employee she has to deal with.)

Basically, she's making my life there very uncomfortable.

Now, I'm ALWAYS very very polite to her, friendly, and I do the work. I'm not a slacker.

But she always seems to be... watching me? And if anything "wrong" happens (I came in once a few minutes late) she gets very aggressive.

I hate to say it, but a "typical irish bitch", if you know what I mean.

Now... she's making me want to leave my job, as I feel very uncomfortable working with her, and I feel like I'm back in school.

Also, the money is not much better than minimum wage, and I'm quite educated/skilled.

...

How do I handle this situation? She's totally unreasonable so I really don't think talking to her will help the situation. I know she will just think I'm trying to undermine her.

I'm now unhappy in this job so something needs to change.

Is there hope?

Thanks.

Cake Fiend

Is there someone above her who you can have a chat with? If I had a Euro for every manager I've met with a chip on their shoulder and power-trip tendencies, I'd be able to take a holiday in Barbados. Are you the only member of staff she acts this way with? If you think not, chances are her employers already know what she's like. Adding your complaint might prod them into having a chat with her about her attitude.

Johnny Versace

Thanks for your reply.

The other employees are... zombies (don't speak much, don't really have personalities, seem incapable of independent thought.)

I think maybe she's broken them already.

I really DO NOT want to end up like them.

...

So she only seems to be like this with me.

...

I also think the male/female dynamic is defo a factor. As I said, I'm the only male employee.

I'd speak to her superior (the owner of the bookshop) but they are friends. So I don't really have much going for me.

I think resigning is my only option.

I'm really really dreading going to work tomorrow. I should not feel this way working in a bookshop.

oneweb

Originally posted by Johnny Versace
I should not feel this way working in a bookshop.

Nobody should feel that way working any job. You seem to know deep down what's best. There's no point in putting up with it 'cos as you've said - it'll likely break you like it did the rest.

BTW, she's not short and blonde is she? Just that any short blonde female manager I've worked with (that'd be 4) seemed to have been curt, cranky at times and on a massive power trip - other than that they were fine!

Johnny Versace

Originally posted by oneweb
BTW, she's not short and blonde is she? Just that any short blonde female manager I've worked with (that'd be 4) seemed to have been curt, cranky at times and on a massive power trip - other than that they were fine!

HAHA! Short and blonde she is...! Seriously...

She a completely irrational person. I know it'll just kill me if I stay there. Near-minimum wage is not worth this.

RicardoSmith

I hear yah. Been their quite a few times in the past.

You can confront her and ask her does she have some issue with what you're doing, and say you'd like to address any issues she has with you. But in the end if shes as bad as you say, a leopard doesn't changes their spots. Its obviously a personality trait and if I was you I just look for some thing else.

Cake Fiend

Originally posted by oneweb
BTW, she's not short and blonde is she? Just that any short blonde female manager I've worked with (that'd be 4) seemed to have been curt, cranky at times and on a massive power trip - other than that they were fine!

!

This was something I was about to put into my post, but didn't out of fear of being berated by short/blonde/female people. Maybe there's a psychological reason behind it - could it be that short, blonde females don't get taken seriously and run around with an over-developed sense of bossiness because of this? Hmm.

ch8ev

Hey Johnny.....this is your boss here....you're sacked...by the way I'm not naturally blonde!.

Only joking...well what can i say, you seem to have it pretty rough at the moment..I was in your position a while back and the way I dealt with it was exactly the way you are dealing with things. My philosophy in life is to remain true to yourself, gather what you truely value as a person and in other people, and then base your decisions upon that. That way the decision will be the right one for you. Unfortunately being nice to this person will not make things any better...she has an attitude problem....i wouldn't take it personal...its her problem not yours.....hope thisngs work out better for you no matter what choices you are going to have to make in the near future

chin up

jank

Tell here where to go in front of all the customers, that will tone her down a bit or else fire you

its a win/win situation!

gogo

There's nothing worse than working for an asshole.
But if your thinking of leaving anyway, then i'd suggest going over her head first and talking to her superior, you have nothing to lose by doing this, maybe even something to gain.
My friend was in the same situation a while back, and felt she had no one to talk to at her workplace, the woman in question superiors's were her realtive and her best friend, but she went to the best friend and the situation was taken care of in the best of ways possible, my friend is now really enjoying her job.
As oneweb said

Nobody should feel that way working any job

.
So regardless of her surperior being friends with this woman- the surperior HAS an obligation to her staff.

talk to her first before you make any rash decisions.
Best of luck jonny.

P.S - this sounds like my dream job, if you leave can i apply?;)

Imposter

Stand up to her. People on power trips generally don't like being confronted themselves.

If she complains that you are 5 minutes late mention the time you stayed half an hour late. If she has a problem with that then make sure you are always on time but up and leave on the button of when you're supposed to. Make sure she sees this too. If she confronts you about it then ask her what she actually wants from you. Generally be as pushy towards her as she is to you. If nothing else it can be a fun game to play.:D

eth0_

Why not ask to have a meeting and ask her why she's crowding you so much? Maybe that's just how she is with new employees - as you say, a bookshop is a relaxed environment, perhaps she's had a lot of employees coming in thinking it's an easy ride and sure they'll just doss all day, and that's made her learn her lesson?

Raz

If you do decide to leave I'd say go with a sting

How'd you get the job anyhow? Did you have an interview with her? If so she obviously sees something in you or she wouldn't have hired you.

delly

I reckon you have two options:

1. Come onto her really strong, and when she knocks you back (presuming she will), just say that your really intimidated by her good looks, charm and sex appeal i.e. lie lie lie. Maybe she'll give you an easier time knowing you have a candle for her.

2. Pack it in and leave. If its giving you so much grief, its just not worth putting up with. Don't burn your bridges, but maybe sign her up for every dodgy personal's section on the web and newspaper, and leave the shops number. If Hackers has thought us anything, its that nasty FBI officers get pissed off when you sign them up to something.

Johnny Versace

Thank you all for your advice.

I woke up this morning and realised, "what the hell am I doing putting up with this ****?"

So I've quit. It's the right decision. My manager was crazy and I know it was only going to get worse, no matter what I did.

She obviously only wants to work with sheep and has some serious control/aggression issues. I'm not going to try to "fix" her. Getting a new job is easier.

Thanks again for the support.

pebble

Why didn't you try some of the other options?
After all, if youa re prepared to quit, then whatever the outcome, its not like you werent prepared to go all the way.
At least if that happened, you could have used constructive dismissal as a case to get some short change out of them.

Besides, you may have found that she didnt realise what she was doing.
Believe it or not, most managers dont have 35 years experience of managing people behind them, a good temprement and beautiful life that makes them wonderful people every day.
Most of the time managers are trying to do their best, and are untrained to handle situations. If you talk to them, they are not generally going to rip your neck off. They will listen and try to adjust.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Johnny Versace
So I've quit. It's the right decision. My manager was crazy and I know it was only going to get worse, no matter what I did.

I hope you told the person who hired you why you are quiting? if not, do it! you have nothing to loose and they should know,
tis a shame, every manager should go on a course on how to treat their employees

eth0_

Originally posted by Johnny Versace

She obviously only wants to work with sheep and has some serious control/aggression issues. I'm not going to try to "fix" her. Getting a new job is easier.

But do you not realise that she won't change unless she's made aware of how uncomfortable she's making her staff? For all you know there might have been a man in the job before you who quit without airing his grievances, and then there you are, having the same experience!

Johnny Versace

Yeah, another member of staff has given in her notice because of something similar (the managers obsession with ridiculous rules for everything.)

I'm going to have a chat with the owner of the company to let her know why I've quit.

beer enigma

I was in exactly the same position - strangely enough she was short & blonde too & until I read your worked with books, thought it might be the same person. She was a wannabe - had got into the grade through luck & bullying but never achieved - achievers are much better to work for as they've proven that they can do it.

I tried everything - talking, rational - you name it, the lot. I made the same decision as you & quit & have to say it was the best decision I ever made. It wasn't until I left that I realised how down I'd become.

However - about three months before I left, I started documenting EVERYTHING, phone calls, meetings, hard copy emails - the lot. When I resigned, she laughed & said that she knew I'd never make the grade & told me I could leave then & there - clear your desk routine.

I requested a meeting with HR, which she refused to allow, so I marched straight into the HR director & slapped about three inches of paperwork on her desk......two hours later, I still left the company but with two months forward pay and a big apology from the General Manager. My old manager was moved sideways & I hear that the atmosphere in the company has improved tenfold.

Me - I'm very happy in my new job, albeit it took me about three months to get my confidence back.

jaggeh

bullying in the workplace anyone?

pebble

Originally posted by Beruthiel

tis a shame, every manager should go on a course on how to treat their employees

And every employee should go on a course on how to deal with managers...

Stephen

I used to work for a bitch like that when I worked in a shop. She used to treat all the male employees like **** while she got on fine with the females. After a couple of months of just taking bull**** off her I started giving back as much as I got. She pretty much left me alone after that

I left about a year ago -- last I heard she got demoted.

sunbeam

Good luck with finding a new job Johnny Versace.

I've worked for two such ladies. I tried politely talking to the first one and she crumbled. Unfortunately she turned up as an external representative on an interview committee for another job (while I was still working for her) and took great joy in sneeringly making it quite clear that I was 'unsuited' to it. I didn't get it but re-interviewed for the same job a year later and was successful.

Bitch no. 2 was an out and out bully with very 'high standards' that applied to her staff but not herself. Tiny unimportant clerical errors, like date stamping a document a few millimetres 'too close' to the edge usually resulted in a shouting match. At one point she took an employee into the office and ranted to her for 90 minutes about how 'useless' she was, but God forbid you 'waste' five minutes of her time by referring a query to her. I once had a line manager go pale and beg me not to let her know that she had come in early for a meeting by mistake as that would be viewed an another indication of her 'incompetence'.

Unfortunately jobs in the sector were scarce and the other staff were desperate enough to put up with this without rocking the boat. After seven months of this my blood pressure was literally sky high and I didn't want to get up in the mornings. She screamed at me one too many times and I made my excuses and left.

I’ve never regretted it.

RicardoSmith

Reminds me of one of mine.

Spent 5 hours on a support call to a client who was 10mins walk away.

Spent hours rephrasing my debug messages in my code.

Ask me to send an email, then get me to rephrase it completely.

Have blazing arguments with the team in a open plan office about professionalism.

Do everything on a need to know basis and then complain when noone on the team knew what the others were doing.

No matter what you did she get you to change it. Show her something she'd already approved (but forgotten) and she make corrections to it.

Do daily review of everyones work 5 mins before end of business, and go through it with a fine tooth comb, that would take a hour or more. So everyone started leaving 10 mins early en mass. But leaving the coat on chair and PC on so she'd think you were still around, and she'd wait for you to come back. I took on an imaginery sport that I'd rush off to every evening.

Eventually our stress levels were sky high. When a package to leave was offered the whole team applied.

Farls

I had a supervisor like that last summer only she was tall with black hair!

Worked in a very busy factory operating machinery she used to love the women employee's but hated the males. She picked on me cuz i was new and younger than her. I listened to her abuse for a few weeks - telling me my work wasn't upto scratch, i was a dosser, she knows ppl that got sacked for less etc...

Now i worked as hard as anyone else, i ran the bussiest machine in the factory and had an average production of 98%, the other shifts on my machine were down in 60-70's.

I decided one day i had enough, i told the union and her boss about her. They gave her a warning and an ear drumming she even cried over it. I thought great things might settle now...instead of giving out to me she gave me 2 machines to run in a corner on my own, nit picked my work with a fine tooth comb and made life hell there!

lucky enough i was going back to college anyway so just before i was leaving i told her excactly what i thought of her and handed in my resignation and told her boss i was leaving because of her...not for college. I got begged to stay (left anyway study more important) she got the boot a week or 2 later.

Anyway there's one in every job i think!

Farlz

Johnny Versace

Yeah, it does seem like a lot of female bosses have serious issues working with males.

To be fair to the ladies I'll mention the one (great) female boss I had a while back...

This company is a former employer of mine, and there was a software development manager there called Nicola who was so sound, so cool, so understanding. The perfect boss really.

Unfortunately the company went into liquidation and we all lost our jobs. EEK.

Sleepy

Tis funny, my 3 direct superiors in work are all female and it's the nicest place I think I've ever worked.

That said, one college job as a night porter did end with me losing the head at the manageress of the hotel in front of the entire bar to what amounted to a standing ovation from the staff and regulars. Great fun, especially seeing as I left mid-race-week in Galway which is every hotel's busiest week there. Getting to call a bullying manageress "nothing more than a playground bully abusing [her] position of power in an attempt to make up for her own glaring inadequacies as both a manager and a human being" was certainly one of the highlights of my working career to date.:D