am i over reacting about this?

LegacyUser

ok, this is probably a stupid post and i'm not usually much of a drama queen but i am getting a little bit freaked out now. i know they're not usually to be taken seriously but I did an online test about body image on netdoctor.co.uk recently and i got this result:

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You are suffering from a condition called body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) which is translated as body hatred. This is not a reflection of how you actually look or how other people see you, because there are very many people who have physical handicap, or, who look different from the norm. But they do not feel this badly about themselves. Similarly there are people who look very normal in reality but they experience this sense of deep hostility toward the way they look. BDD and a damaged sense of self-esteem go hand in hand.

BDD is a form of emotional illness and requires urgent attention from a qualified therapist.

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Now, I answered truthfully to every question and i know I don't have the best self esteem in the world but i never thought I felt that differently about myself than others. I'm a bit overweight and not anorexic or bulimic whatsoever, but this result scared me. I have brokendown sometimes about how i look - getting frustrated and crying and making excuses to stay at home when I was supposed to go out with my friends and I thought I looked awful in my going out clothes, etc, i really really dont like seeing myself in pictures, I think I dont have good style or fashion sense, i do hate the way i look. I also have mood swings and lose my temper at stupid things.

But what should i do about this? Is it normal? Am I over reacting, should I just cop myself on? Am i reading too much Sylvia Plath and listening to too much Radiohead?

Banjo013

Hi Girl ... I'm Man !

Don't know where's the best place to start my reply, but I'll give it a stab anyway ...

I've thought alot about this particular subject, ie the way people see themselves. In my opinion, I would find it very difficult to say you were over reacting to this, I think "over reacting" is the wrong phrase to use.

Having said that, I don't know either what is a better phrase .... let me attempt to explain.

We live in a world in which we are constantly bombarded by the media every waking second. Even when you're not aware of it, some product somewhere is worming it's way into your psyche which is only noticed by your sub-conscious mind. It convinces you to buy something without you even knowing that you need it.

The same thing could be said about society in general and the way everyone sees themself, and how people see each other. We are constantly told that we have to look a certain way, we have to be a certain size, we have to wear certain clothes, we have to use certain cosmetics, we have to eat certain things etc etc etc.

The fact is that only a very small percentage of the population fit into this description, which everyone is told they must achieve. Furthermore, I'd bet my bottom dollar that those who do fit the picture are not happy with themselves either, but that's beside the point.

The rest of the population are convinced that because they don't fit the description of the "perfect image" that there is something wrong with them, they are revolting and nobody likes them. They then end up hating themselves and convinced that they are no good.

In particular this image thing is targeted at women. The targeting of men is definately on the rise too because the people who get rich out of this image peddling have realised that there is a whole other half of the population out there waiting to be exploited in the same way. But for now it's mainly the fairer sex in society who suffer this bashing.

I think it's very sad that society has become what it is, where people hate themselves and feel under pressure to conform to a particular image. And it's all in the name of money ... I believe there isn't a person on the planet who would bother generating such a spin as this if there wasn't a big pay-off. So in a nutshell, I believe that the root cause of all this self hate thing is the fact that there are people and corporations out there who actually make money from it, and that's why it continues to exist.

So to get back to where I started, I am fully sure that you Girl are a very nice, sweet and beautiful person, but you can't see that because of all the brain washing you've had to absorb since the day you were born. This is not your fault, you were born what you are and you really are beautiful. You just don't believe that because you might not match what the rest of the world seems to be telling you is beautiful and the "way to be".

I think this is nothing less than criminal to be honest and should never have been allowed. However it is a fact of life and we've got to live with it.

My advice to you is to try and look at yourself objectively. Try to push aside all that brainwashing and weigh yourself up against what would be your own criteria for what's good and what's not. Try to imagine that you have just met yourself on the street ... and then try to imagine what opinion you would form of yourself having just met yourself. Give it a go !

Wow what a long rant I've just written ... hope you don't fall asleep reading it !

Sleepy

It sounds to me like you already know the truth here. You seem a little prone to over-reaction, not going out with your friends because you don't like the way you look definitely seems a bit over the top. If it was another website you'd done that poll on I'd throw it out of hand immediately, however netdoctor.co.uk have quite a good reputation. That said, it's still just the result of a multiple choice questionaire. These can never be that accurate due to the fact it's forcing you to "fit" a square peg into a round hole.

If you think you don't have good style or dress sense, go shopping with a good friend who you think does. I know for me, this is normally either my sister or an ex, both of whom will tell me if something I pick out is hideous and can force me to put it back!:p

To me, you sound like you could just do with a bit of pampering more than therapy (but hell, the "doctor" who invented that test was probably American and that's their solution to everything!). So, pamper yourself, go buy some new clothes, get a haircut/manicure/facial whatever. Joining a gym or taking up a new sport wouldn't do any harm either: exercise makes your brain produce endorphins (the same thing that makes chocolate and sex so good) and therefore makes you happier at the same time as helping improve your physique (which, apart from a few of the duracell bunnies on the Fitness forum, I think most of us on here would admit to not being perfect).

And, no, you can never listen to too much Radiohead!

gogo

<quote>it's still just the result of a multiple choice questionaire. These can never be that accurate due to the fact it's forcing you to "fit" a square peg into a round hole</quote>
Exactly!

I am after doing the same test and i got the same result as you ! The test is based on twenty multiple chioce question, so don't put to much effort into trying to analyse the result.

now i don't love myself but i certainly don't hate myself, so it seems to me that maybe you were feeling a bit crappy anyway and that this test gave you confirmation that maybe what your thinking is right and thats why the results scared you.

Don't believe it. What you have to do, is get your head around why you are so down about yourself, you have friends so you can't be all bad, plus your post is well written, friendly and polite - and you like radiohead - i like you already.

BTW
<quote>I have brokendown sometimes about how i look - getting frustrated and crying</quote>
I don't know anybody who hasn't done this!

Beruthiel

Girl,
you need to do something about your self esteem – reading anything into some internet poll is one thing for sure you should be passing no heed of! You decide who and what you are, not some stupid poll!
Go out, get yourself a hair do, some nice clothes and most of all decide you are just as beautiful as the next person.
I don’t just mean on the outside for this, beauty will soon fade, even for those beautiful ones out there, if you haven’t got it on the inside, where it counts, then you’re truly lost.
Once you start not caring what others think about you that’s when you’ll find that they do – confidence is everything

Sleepy

Just decided to take the test myself - I flunked

Still, that seems to make me the norm in here

Etain

Our answers to a multiple choice test can change depending on our mood at the time. You have friends who want to spend time with you, so you must be a fun and interesting person.
Get out of the house, maybe volunteer somewhere, get yourself busy. We can focus on ourselves so much that our tiniest flaws (we all have them :rolleyes: )can become exaggerated until our flaws are all we see. Buy a new outfit (that's always nice), and then find something productive to do.

Victor

Reliable psychological tests need 100-500 questions. I wouldn't put much faith in one that has only 20 questions. For example this test makes me out to be some sort of nutball

The multiple choice format (2, 3 or 4, but never 5 choices depending on the questionaire) is to force people to decide and not to just give an easy "acceptable" answer.

blondie83

Originally posted by girl


Now, I answered truthfully to every question and i know I don't have the best self esteem in the world but i never thought I felt that differently about myself than others. I'm a bit overweight and not anorexic or bulimic whatsoever, but this result scared me. I have brokendown sometimes about how i look - getting frustrated and crying and making excuses to stay at home when I was supposed to go out with my friends and I thought I looked awful in my going out clothes, etc, i really really dont like seeing myself in pictures, I think I dont have good style or fashion sense, i do hate the way i look. I also have mood swings and lose my temper at stupid things.

TBH there are very very few people around who are satisfied with their looks. It took me a while to cop onto it, but everyone think in a fairly similar fashion with regard to these things. I know its a bit of a cliche, but I think that finally accepting ourselves for what we look like is a huge milestone in any persons life. And unless you're an incredibly balanced person, I think that it is one of the hardest things you have to do in life. I went through phases of not liking parts of my body, I kinda got over it cos I realised that I was actually normal, like most people generally are! That said I still hate myself in photos cos I think I just look odd in them, but again I'm fairly sure that a fair few people feel that way. In answer to your question above though, the test couldn't possibly know enough about you in 20 questions to do a psychological profile, so please don't worry about it any more. The fact of the matter is, that it could just be the website owners having a laugh, or trying to pad out their site with something they made up themselves. :cool:

Sleepy

Look up some of the untouched photos of Britney Spears / J. Lo etc. that are floating around the web. It'll show you that the beauty they're credited with is unattainable even for them without the help of an artist's airbrush!

Typedef

To me it seems pretty clear that you watch too much TV and read to many magazines and have fallen foul of iconaclastic media images about how your body should look.

Indeed even many models become some image obsessed that they become anorexic, buelimic, have silicon implanted into their breasts or in the case of men, ingest steroids .. in order to attain an idealised image presented in the McMedia... and idealised image, which the models and bodybuilders, actors and third rate page three topless models and McSaturdayMorningTV presenters *don't* even live up to... because such super human images of humanity are surreal.

Example *all* women think that they are fat. Ok so, some are... and some do need to loose weight... but, generally the obsession that can be observed in some girls about self image ... is beyond neurotic... and it is that quasi-neurosis that drives people to eating disorders or drastic surgery.

In my experience there *is no reasoning* with women obsessed with their weight, boobs, hair.

If it's any consolation while women may be obsessed with looking good, men are by and large so conditioned to be 'men' that by the age of ... oh I guess 18... maybe 16... it is utterly expected in society for men to be a) devoid of emotions b) clodish when it comes to *understanding* females and c) at least in Ireland... a semi-professional alocholic.

Just from reading your post though.. it sounds like your lack of self esteem is probably related to an entire *environment* in which you live, where your unhappiness with your body is perhaps agrovated by being single, or not liking your job, which perhaps causes you to become a stay at home type of girl, not go to the gym (which lowers the sorts of happy endorphins released by exercise), and this bad mood leads you to eat the wrong sorts of food, which exasorbates your feelings of bad self image and inability to do (x).

What you have to realise is that *everybody* in the world is riddled with their own neurosis and anxiety, but that your solution is in fact *not working*, so ... for me, what I'd suggest is a complete change of lifestyle ... perhaps a change of job... and almost definately a change of city/county... so that you can get away from the cycle of unhappiness, which is compounding your lack of self belief, bad self image and despair.

Fees charged at my usual €100 per hour.

LegacyUser

yeah I'm a 16 year old guy and since puberty has really started hitting me I don't go out nearly half as much because of my looks, it's a terrible burden

impr0v

Banjo013 wrote:

Hi Girl ... I'm Man !

....Furthermore, I'd bet my bottom dollar that those who do fit the picture are not happy with themselves either...

Some of the most insecure people I know are very handsome/beautiful and skinny.

Sarky

Pfft, online tests. I took one and it told me I was most likely a black dragon. But I'm certainly not 30 feet tall and breathing clouds of acid everywhere. It also had more than 20 questions, so it's technically more accurate than the one you took.

Do you actually have issues with your appearance, or are you worried because the test told you you should?

In my own experience, the people least concerned about "looking beautiful", whatever that actually is, are the happiest. Go have some fun.

drusilla

AFAIK, that body dismorphic disorder usually has physical side effects: typically such a sufferer would(for example) dislike their hair all of a sudden, and then take to pulling it all out. If you aren't actually hurting yourself then I wouldn't worry dear.

Online tests are silly and not to be taken seriously. As sarky says above,go out and have some fun. See yourself through your friends eyes if you don't like your own vision.

blondie83

impr0v wrote:

Some of the most insecure people I know are very handsome/beautiful and skinny.

I've noticed that too - always wondered why though