The Conversation that should never happen?

LegacyUser

Should I talk to my wife about difficult situations where I was faced with an opportunity to be unfaithfully and get away with it? We are newly-wed but have been together for 5 years. We are both very committed to each other and lead very social lives independent of one another.

I haven't done anything or intend to. Its the conversation that I fear. Is it just worth avoiding??

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Bound4life
Should I talk to my wife about difficult situations where I was faced with an opportunity to be unfaithfully and get away with it?

why?
if you did nothing why bring it up?
or,
by using the word difficult are you saying you were sorely tempted and really wanted to?
Which is different situation altogether and you would have to ask yourself some difficult questions. I am of the opinion that if the person you are with means the world to you then you would not even contemplate doing anything to hurt them.
have you been contemplating?

Sleepy

Why are you afraid of the conversation? If you were to approach it as a "you'll never guess who hit on me there at the weekend!" kind of thing, I'm sure there'd be nothing harmful in the conversation. If your wife can take a bit of teasing you can joke about "how lucky she is that she got the ring on your finger" etc.

It's probably better to let your wife know about these things because otherwise, were she to hear that some young one was throwing themselves at you she might think that there's something to it, purely because you kept it "secret" from her.

I think the important thing in this type of situation is to make sure that yourself and your wife are laughing/shocked together. Unless it was her mother hitting on you. Then your fúcked :P

seamus

Personally, I think a few stories about some some hapless person attempting to chat you up, or about how you had to stay away from person x, cos they were hammered and all over you, is good to keep a partner on their toes. So long as you make it seem like the other person in the story was nothing compared to him/her and that you were in no way going to do anything, then your partner doesn't feel jealous or threatened, but has just enough information to know that they can't become complacent - i.e. you still have other options.

It's a horrible game but it has to be done. The only situations to avoid telling are when people you spend a lot of time with - workmates, good friends - do something like tell you they love you, or try to go in for the kill. Don't tell her about those kind of situations, she'll be ringing you twenty times a day, and constantly quizzing you about said person.

LegacyUser

We have a very healthy relationship as in we talk about practically anything and everything. It just seems that I might hurt her if that conversation came up. Basically I found myself in one or two situations that I would have thought that I would have been unfaithfull. But I was not and I am very proud of that. I may have been able to deal with those encounters in a better maner but in hine-sight i did pretty well.

The problem is I want to hold nothing from my wife but I think that the buck has to stop somewhere. Does she need to know about me being persued(flirting, phoning, emailing and very aggresivly making her feelings known to me)by an outragously gorgous french model? That case is over now but it happened and some day I might come up in a somewhat bad way. In fact i'm almost sure that it will come out. BUt how do I talk about it without her getting intensely suspicous which I am sure I would do in her case.

what to do?

Sleepy

Take the piss out of the whole situation. If you have to fib a little as to "what a vapid airhead" the other girl is etc. there's no real harm if it makes your wife more secure in herself. You mentioned that you're still newlywed, surely your wife should know that you're commited to her if it's only a short while ago that you took the plunge?

Paladin

Maybe your wife will feel good about holding you (figuratively) against a beautiful french model

nads

sure i do know what you mean man, my wives(i'm muslim) sure do hate when i go on mad ones on the weekend.

Ok :rolleyes:

Get over yourself and have a drink for yourself, forget about it. That's my advice.

seamus

You're over-analysing it. How could it possibly come out badly? You didn't do anything. Some could mention it in passing, and she might be shocked, but when you tell her about it, she'll be even more trusting and confident in you, if that's possible.

Personally, if I had a French model chasing me, I'd be directing conversations towards "threesome", but, meh

Beruthiel

ils ne marche pas ma petit chou chou

DrummerBoy

Originally posted by nads
sure i do know what you mean man, my wives(i'm muslim) sure do hate when i go on mad ones on the weekend.

Ok :rolleyes:

Get over yourself and have a drink for yourself, forget about it. That's my advice.

I thought Muslims were not allowed to partake of the dreaded drink? Doesn't Mohammad have something to say about that, that isn't encouraging?

Sorry off topic!

Victor

Bound4life, go watch the film Metroland

nads

Originally posted by DrummerBoy
I thought Muslims were not allowed to partake of the dreaded drink? Doesn't Mohammad have something to say about that, that isn't encouraging?

Sorry off topic!

I smoke the good stuff though in those mad pipes

Sorry off topic (by admitting it, it's alright yes? )

Also go and watch Basic Instinct, that stabbening at the start of it, classic Verhoven SFX team. You don't want that, i know... i.e. i've seen the film!!!

ShriekingSheet

Originally posted by seamus
Personally, I think a few stories about some some hapless person attempting to chat you up, or about how you had to stay away from person x, cos they were hammered and all over you, is good to keep a partner on their toes. So long as you make it seem like the other person in the story was nothing compared to him/her and that you were in no way going to do anything, then your partner doesn't feel jealous or threatened, but has just enough information to know that they can't become complacent - i.e. you still have other options.

It's a horrible game but it has to be done. The only situations to avoid telling are when people you spend a lot of time with - workmates, good friends - do something like tell you they love you, or try to go in for the kill. Don't tell her about those kind of situations, she'll be ringing you twenty times a day, and constantly quizzing you about said person.

nail struck firmly on the head!

no harm at all once comments from said incident such as "...I was just like- 'yeah righ! you wish! Im totally spoken for and totally happy'" are thrown in aplenty! with such over the top exagurations! You might find the two of you having a good old giggle about it

Victor

PS "They tried to tempt me, but I'm here with you".

Etain

If you are sure that she'll hear about it anyway, you'd better be the one who tells her. That way, the story won't be "enhanced" by someone's imagination. Be ready with some answers though.
While reading your posts, these are the questions that came to my mind-- How long has the situation gone on? (phoning, e-mailing etc.. indicates more than a day or so) Did you let it continue because you were considering it? What situations are you creating that would suggest to this woman that you are available?
You realize that if you ever see or hear from this woman again, you'd better mention it immediately or you will seem guilty as hell.
Good Luck!

beer enigma

Call me wierd, but you may find it actually enhances your relationship.

Not just from the honesty aspect, but its sometimes quite a 'turn on' to see your partner admired (so long as it stops there).

LegacyUser

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Typedef

No no.

The whole "I turned down (x)" is a conversation reserved for when the wife runs away with the gardener and takes half of all your assets after informing you, she's being having multiple affairs since the beginning of your marriage.

Then you say "and there was this beautiful blonde, who put her keys right into my hand... and I turned her down".

Either that... or you tell her you faked every orgasm.

*grin*

ch8ev

Although I somewhat agree with Etain's reply, i guess only you know your wifes reaction to this....does your wife trust you implicity?? (i hope so because your married).
If you are feeling tempted by this woman then you have problems ahead, if not then there should be no need to worry. I would try and not lend myself to her advances in the future because it could get messy....then your wife will find out (i can assure you of that...dont fool yourself to think different!)...then there will be a history of events...and then your wife will think you have been hiding things from her...bad move.....battered trust
I would also be very upfront with this woman about what you are willing to accept and what you are not willing to accept....A bit of harmles flirting is good for the soul...but keep it harmless.
You could be light hearted and say to your wife that this women is really acting the goat...but keep her mind at ease. If things get out of hand...your wife will have known from the start (big bonus!), and you can both deal with it together in a proactive manner instead of a reactive manner...

Stay true to yourself and your wife

Good luck

yossarin

tell her.
unless she's a bunny boiler, it'll make her trust you more and also prevent any future problems with regards to gossip and this french girl.

it will however, kill *any* chances ever you have of having an affair with this french model. Maybe thats a bit of an options lockdown and whats really bothering you, n'est pas ?

edit: monkey sex (other Typedef post). classic.

Hagar

No. Don't do it.
You will pay for it in every arguement in the future that you look like winning.