what to do????????????????????

bunnicans

hey guys,

bit of a problem.i've been battling with this for three weeks.u prob wont think its a big deal but its driving me mad.i recently had a conversation with my best friend and he revealed that he was in love with me.i love him to bits(as a friend) and have often thought about what it would be like if we were together but i'm not sure if i'm attracted to him.sounds stupid,surely i should know.......

we havent spoken about it since,things are kinda back to normal and i know we will be friends no matter what but what will i do????

senordingdong

I would avice you to avoid him at all costs in future.

Seriously though, maybe the two of you should confront it so you cn resolve it.
Not confronting it could make things worse.

tk123

Originally posted by bunnicans
hey guys,
i love him to bits(as a friend) and have often thought about what it would be like if we were together but i'm not sure if i'm attracted to him

ok if you're thinking about him in that way then it sounds like maybe you are attracted to him!! I have male friends who are just friends and I would never think of us being together! I guess you should take some time to think how you really feel about him and take it from there..

LegacyUser

Well Im happy to anonymously announce that Im the guy at the other end of a very similar problem to this.. ie: I've told this really really good friend of mine how i think i feel..

So far Im not sure what she's really gonna say back to me (I really do think she likes me) but I know I'd prefer to know exactly what she's thinking rather than skirting around the issue to spare my feelings.

For me twould be better to know that shes not interested and move on rather than wondering..

Anyways just though you'd like to know how it is from the other side..

Seems to me though that if you're really good friend with this guy and you've thought what twould be like to go out with him there is probably more than just friendly feelings there..

Coney Island

Originally posted by a_guy
Well Im happy to anonymously announce that Im the guy at the other end of a very similar problem to this.. ie: I've told this really really good friend of mine how i think i feel..

So far Im not sure what she's really gonna say back to me (I really do think she likes me) but I know I'd prefer to know exactly what she's thinking rather than skirting around the issue to spare my feelings.

For me twould be better to know that shes not interested and move on rather than wondering..

Anyways just though you'd like to know how it is from the other side..

Seems to me though that if you're really good friend with this guy and you've thought what twould be like to go out with him there is probably more than just friendly feelings there..

you are 100% right, the worst thing is when you don't know how the other person feels about you...... better a "NO" than a "....maybe...I am confused....give me sometime...."

vibe666

happened to me when i was 20 (28 now) and when i told her how i felt it ruined our friendship and we haven't spoken since. there was that weird awkwardness afterwards because we didn't say anything about it after i told her and we just drifted apart in the end.

you need to get it right out in the open and tackle it head on.

i have to say that he obviously feels very strongly for you or he wouldn't have said it. us guys are well aware of what happens to guys 'in the friend zone' who step out of it, so he must be very sure of his feelings.

as a little addition to that, I've been living with my best friend now (as a couple) for over 3 years, and it's the best sort of relationship to have, where you already know so much about each other and already have a closeness. I think you'll find that if you give it a go it'll be much better than datign someone who's a close friend than someone you just met.

if you've got this far and are still talking then your friendship is obviously strong enough to cope with it either way. i say give it a go (from a self confessed hopeless romantic).

also, don't forget to let us know how you get on, we love to hear that we're doing some good here, rather than just blowing hot air!

ravenhead

I've been here too ... on the same end as you - we were friends for about 8 years before he said anything to me - at first i was ... you're like a brother to me ... I couldn't imagine even kissing you & then about a week later I saw him with another girl & I was jealous!! I couldn't believe it!! So after a good chat we decided to try & see how things would go but to take things slowly & that was 4 years ago - we;re still together, very much in love & about to get engaged on holiday this summer..... so sometimes it really is worth taking a risk - you never know what might happen!!!

drusilla

I have also been there! And I recommend that you take the plunge and kiss him. The best relationships come from friendships. The friend-lover barrier has already been breached in that conversation alone, so why not? You'll only regret what could have been otherwise.

Take it from me, I was there 2 months ago, I took the risk and now I'm in love with my best friend and it's brilliant. It will work if you are prepared to set the past aside and fall head over heels into it....

Good Luck!

Sleepy

Go for it.

The jock

Originally posted by a_guy
Well Im happy to anonymously announce that Im the guy at the other end of a very similar problem to this.. ie: I've told this really really good friend of mine how i think i feel..

So far Im not sure what she's really gonna say back to me (I think she likes me) but I know I'd prefer to know exactly what she's thinking rather than skirting around the issue to spare my feelings.

For me twould be better to know that shes not interested and move on rather than wondering..

Anyways just thought you'd like to know how it is from the other side..

Seems to me though that if you're really good friend with this guy and you've thought what twould be like to go out with him there is probably more than just friendly feelings there..

I am another guy in the same situation as you and i totaly agree with you that i would rather know where i stand rather than never knowing.

seaghdhas

So it does happen to other people!! Promise me ye'll drift apart by mutual consent.

seaghdhas

So it does happen to other people!! Promise me (if ye do) ye'll drift apart by mutual consent.

bunnicans

thanks for all the replies people.hearing a guys point of view is a help,gives me an insight into what he is thinking.havent seen him for four days and am very nervous bout seeing him again.dont worry i'll keep everyone posted,hopefully we wont stop talking.thanks again guys.

Typedef

Hold on.

You have compatiable body parts *and* in the in between hours when you aren't in bed with him/her... you can actually stand his/her company.

You're problem is what exactly?

Less with the soul searching ... more with the monkey sex.

Boston

Keep in mind not everything is like the movies, where the friend is rejected and then and then becomes weird about the one true love. Once you make your feelings clear its just as likely his will change with the realization that nothing will happen (if that's what you feel)

Typedef

Note to self : I suppose I should read these posts occasionally.


Yes, yes you're "boy friend" though not boyfriend was secretly in love with you. Perhaps the next time you decide to have a male best friend you should make sure he's gay... hence the term "gay best friend".

Alls you have to do is sleep with him... either you have chemistry or you don't.

Boston

Originally posted by Typedef

Alls you have to do is sleep with him... either you have chemistry or you don't.

A but what if you have sexual chemistry but shes a complete Bitch, a situation I currently find myself in...

bunnicans

haha,u trying to say i'm a bitch?

i dont think sleeping with him is the answer to this one.that'll just make things messier than they already are.

Boston

Originally posted by bunnicans
haha,u trying to say i'm a bitch?

for a second you scared the ****e out of me, i thought you where her. I've no idea if you're a bitch. This girl however is.

bunnicans

sorry!!didnt mean to scare you!dont worry i'm not her but maybe u should think about reassessing this lady friend of yours!

Boston

Originally posted by bunnicans
sorry!!didnt mean to scare you!dont worry i'm not her but maybe u should think about reassessing this lady friend of yours!

Nothing wrong with being a bitch, once theres no delusions about it, that is.

bunnicans

whatever floats your boat...................

Sleepy

Never tried sex with someone you hate bunnicans? IT's absolutely electric knowing that someone hates you but can't help wanting to **** your brains out...

bean

I have been here. I never told the girl that i was friends with for years that I thought we could be great together. I got inklings from her friends that she wanted more but whenever it tried to test the water she didnt seem to respond.
I eventually got on with my life and although she was my best friend i found another girl who is a great friend and we share chemistry.

Anyways, in these relationships b/w boy and girl often it has to change move on or evolve in some way. Either they get together or what can happen (as it did a bit in my case) both parties will drift apart due to circumstances or frustration.

I say go for it, i think its often the natural progession of these relationships.
Also if you turned him down/kept friends and he found someone else, would you be jelous? would it hurt the friendship?

Red Alert

Ok well I'm not so sure what's the best solution to this situation. bean is correct in saying that these things either happen or people drift apart.

I met an absolutely fantastic girl last summer where I used to work. We really hit it off from day one as friends. As it happenned that summer, she wasn't interested in going out with anyone having recently broken up with someone I wasn't sure whether I wanted to get back with my ex-g/f at the time. I still don't know how the two of us became the best of friends, and occasionally would go out for drinks or to the cinema or the like. As the end of the summer drew near, I realised that I had quite strong feelings for her. On my last day at work we went for a drink that afternoon after work, and then she and I went our separate ways home. I fully admit that I was quite regretful for not at least telling her how I felt.

Fate then intervened - the day I returned from my holidays in Paris, my phone with her number in it went missing, so I didn't see her again until November when I just happenned to wander into the shop we used to work in. I was just about to head out the door when I heard her call my name - i didn't know that she still even worked there. So we regularly met up after that every week or so.

Fate intervened again when I had a serious skating accident which left me unable to walk for at least two months over christmas. She had moved back down the country so I didn't see her again until february although we talked quite a lot on the phone in the meanwhile.

In February she moved back to dublin, and she really wanted to meet me as soon as possible. I really wanted to meet her but I wasn't too good at the walking so we had to wait another couple of weeks until we saw each other. Push came to shove, when I was in college one day and she rang me quite upset at something that had happenned to her that day - crutches or no crutches i just packed my back and went over to meet her. We met up almost every week after that, often on a friday afternoon when neither she nor I had any classes in college and also for a few drinks every now and then.

At this stage it was really clear to me that I still was really attracted to her. There was no denying it! From what I could tell she must have found me attractive, although I wasn't sure.

The day I finished college before the exams, I arranged to meet her in town for a few drinks. We'd a great time and she and certainly I were dropping a lot of hints at one another. So when we waited for her bus I just came out with it and told her how I felt. She said she knew for a long time that I liked her and that yes she did feel the same way. All she said then was just "so what'll we do about it?".

So now three months on, we're still goin' out and I'm loving every minute of it, and she's still my best friend at the same time

I definitely think you should at least talk more about your feelings to this guy. I was very apprehensive because she was my friend so I understand where you're coming from. I think otherwise this will fester and it'll have to get sorted out, better to do it now than a couple of months down the line from now.

Good luck

Chinafoot

been in this situation twice....on both sides. and my only advice is dont ignore the issue. in the first occassion we ignored it and then drifted apart but the second time it happened i made sure that i wasnt going to lose my best friend again. i didnt want anyhting more than friendship and we have managed to get over it now. he has a great girlfriend that i get on reat with and we're still really close.
just sit down and talk it out. the confusion can be awful, especially as ur so concerned about what will happen to ur friendship. if you ignore it things will always be awkward between u and ur friendship will suffer majorly.
see how u feel when u meet up.

best of luck hun and keep us posted.

X

Etain

I was close friends with a guy for nearly 2 years, during that time my other friends were constantly predicting that I would marry him. "No", I'd say, "We're just good friends". Out of the blue, his sister set him up on a date with her friends younger sister. The day after the date, when he mentioned it, I was so upset that I very nearly vomited. I was so relieved to hear about the horrible time he had! He said then that it was wierd being out with someone else. That's when we realized we weren't" just friends". It happened very gradually.
Sexual chemistry is important ,and it's also important to genuinely like the person you wake up with.:)

bunnicans

thanks for all the replies guys.havent seen him in awhile,will see him on thursday hopefully.its wierd but since i posted this thread i have been thinking more and more about him and what it would be like if we were together.maybe you sensible peolpe are right and i should take a shot at this.who knows,it mite work?

JohnnyBravo

GO for it

Sleepy

The biggest regrets you'll ever have in life are those that are unanswered questions. Go on a date together and see what happens...

Laguna

I was in this situation myself. i told my friend i liked her and she turned around and went "yeah, nice one", which soured the friendship altogether as i suddenly realised she was full of herself and quite used to people falling in love with her, which in turn has made me increasingly bitter and i now don't look at/ask out any girl. i reckon you should just tell him how you feel, straight up, don't butter him up beforehand if you're gonna say no with **** like "you're like a brother to me", just say "ey up son, you're not installing cable here"..

bunnicans

sorry that happened to you laguna,i have no intention of acting like your friend did.this is new ground for me,never expected this........i love him as a friend and if we decide not to do anything i will make sure we stay friends.

JohnnyBravo

Just so we are all clear are you going to do something

Laguna

Don't feel sorry for me bunnicans, it was my own fault for being such a sad case and being so naive. Just give it a shot with your friend for the laugh.

phobos

Originally posted by drusilla
Take it from me, I was there 2 months ago, I took the risk and now I'm in love with my best friend and it's brilliant. It will work if you are prepared to set the past aside and fall head over heels into it....

Good Luck!

...and I wish you the best of luck also. Having only noticed this thread recently, I wish to report that I'm the lucky friend that is going out with Drusilla, and I too completely agree that the best relationships start out as friends.

But then again it didn't take long for me to realise that this person was someone a hell of a lot more than a friend. We're going out a few months now, and it's been the best few months of my life, and I love her dearly.

So obviously I'm (also) speaking from experience, and suggest that you take the risk.

;-phobos-)

tk123

Originally posted by phobos
...and I wish you the best of luck also. Having only noticed this thread recently, I wish to report that I'm the lucky friend that is going out with Drusilla, and I too completely agree that the best relationships start out as friends.

But then again it didn't take long for me to realise that this person was someone a hell of a lot more than a friend. We're going out a few months now, and it's been the best few months of my life, and I love her dearly.

So obviously I'm (also) speaking from experience, and suggest that you take the risk.

;-phobos-)

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Thats just lovely + has cheered me up cos i'm having a crap day!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

lisa.c

well.... how did it go? have you spoke to him???

nads

come on darlin' answer us! did you get up on him yet? or slightly more subtle did you 'go out for a drink' with him - the pre-cursor to irish sex life.


anyone* wanna go for a drink? :ninja:







* - must be female :ninja:

Raz

Motto for life:
Regret what you've done, not what you didn't do!

Phil_321

Originally posted by Raz
Motto for life:
Regret what you've done, not what you didn't do!

Should that not be:
Dont' regret what you did, regret what you didn't do.

bunnicans

hey guys,sorry didnt post recently,been v busy!!
things havent worked out very well,met up wit im yesterday for lunch,chit chatted for bout 20 mins then he asked me if i'd thought about what he said and............i froze!typically,i had everything i wanted to say sorted in my head and when the time came to tell him i froze!i'd decided we shud give it a go but then i bagan to think bout how things are now,everything is fine now and i've seen friends getting together and everything being destroyed.i dont want that to happen.as corny as that sounds i dont want to lose him as a friend.he's helped through some bad stuff etc.

anyway!!!!!i told him we shud leave it for now and see what happens in the future.to be honest i'm not even sure if i want a relationship at the mo.sorry disappoint u guys! u were prob all holding out for a really romantic tale of love and lust eh???????lol

Typedef

Text speak makes me want to torture and cause pain to young children with large encyclopaedia

secret_squirrel

You might have better luck using a dictionary typie - although 12 volumes of the encyclopeadia brittanica will do a hell of a lot more damage...

Typedef

I had a dream about using the guillotine on the creator of Visual Basic the other night.[1]

/must stop dreaming of bathing in people's blood


n.. uder nws. no 1 cn re..ad wha I wrte liek dis.....

[1] American Psycho : Chapter 5 : How to get ahead in advertising.

ven0m

Originally posted by Laguna
I was in this situation myself. i told my friend i liked her and she turned around and went "yeah, nice one", which soured the friendship altogether as i suddenly realised she was full of herself and quite used to people falling in love with her, which in turn has made me increasingly bitter and i now don't look at/ask out any girl. i reckon you should just tell him how you feel, straight up, don't butter him up beforehand if you're gonna say no with **** like "you're like a brother to me", just say "ey up son, you're not installing cable here"..

This sounds all too familiar.... you sure u didn't nick my life there pal

Raz

Originally posted by Phil_321
Should that not be:
Dont' regret what you did, regret what you didn't do.

Meh! Works either way.

ven0m

Originally posted by bunnicans
hey guys,sorry didnt post recently,been v busy!!
things havent worked out very well,met up wit im yesterday for lunch,chit chatted for bout 20 mins then he asked me if i'd thought about what he said and............i froze!typically,i had everything i wanted to say sorted in my head and when the time came to tell him i froze!i'd decided we shud give it a go but then i bagan to think bout how things are now,everything is fine now and i've seen friends getting together and everything being destroyed.i dont want that to happen.as corny as that sounds i dont want to lose him as a friend.he's helped through some bad stuff etc.

anyway!!!!!i told him we shud leave it for now and see what happens in the future.to be honest i'm not even sure if i want a relationship at the mo.sorry disappoint u guys! u were prob all holding out for a really romantic tale of love and lust eh???????lol

Thing with this is that if you want to go beyond friends with someone you automatically sign up for losing the friendship if it goes pants - I've never heard of anyone who has said "things went back to how it used to be". Unfortunatly relationships usually mean risking things like pre-existing friendships & having feelings hurt & yeah it sucks jumongous amounts of monkeys but I don't think there's any way around it.

I recently (last weekend to be precise!) asked a girl out who was a friend of mine & yeah I got shot down (no big deal really..... when you have a rod go fishing!!!!!) but she won't even talk to me anymore, acknowledge I exist when I'm around or otherwise..... things are going to get interesting as we share alot of mutual friends & we all go out together. I have bo probs with the fact I got shot down, I've no bitterness or otherwise as she was uber nice about it but her behaviour afterwards really does come across as childish..... must be an Irish thing cos I ain't never had this problem with English/American/Swedish/German or Canadian women...... who knows..... just means I'm goin fishin woohhooooo - tacklebox & rod in hand..... AARRRGGGHHHHHHH MATIE!!!!!!