Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Innocent

  • 25-06-2004 4:13pm
    #1
    weeginger
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 67 ✭✭


    Ok here goes the latest offering - be kind


    Innocent

    Across the lines,
    Beyond the dreams,
    Broken hearts
    Aren't what they seem.

    I live the night
    On Crover Pier,
    Relive the pain,
    Cling to the fear.

    Dreaming makes it
    Real again,
    Somehow confirms
    I'm not insane


Comments

  • #2
    weeginger
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 67 ✭✭weeginger


    is it that bad ???


  • #3
    simu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,730 ✭✭✭✭simu


    I live the night
    On Crover Pier,
    Relive the pain,
    Cling to the fear.

    I think it would read more smoothly if you took out the "the" in the third line of this verse.

    Overall, I didn't like it as much as some of your other poems - the images aren't very unusual - broken hearts, clinging to fear etc - these are quite commonplace. Most poetry is a small number of themes being dealt with over and over again in different ways but what's important is expressing these in an individual way. I like the mention of Crover Pier though - it makes the whole thing seem more solid and the name sounds a bit sinister (I have no idea where that is btw)!

    Hope this is helpful!


Advertisement