Age old sexual issue

LegacyUser

Hi all,
I'm posting anon down to the personal nature of such a post.

This maybe a generalisation, but it seems men have alot higher sex drive then women. Wondering Why?????????
Specifically my personal issue lies with the above, in that I seem to want sex more then my partner. We have a good sex life, but I start 90% of the sex life. Why is it always down to the guys????????

I've tried looking at it from few angles
For instance is it down to social conditioning, men should be more sexually aggressive and women must be seen not to desire sex' I know how bad that sounds, very dated and old world thinking
But if you look at how a man with a number of partners is viewed, he is seen as great, but if a woman does the same she is seen as a wh*re etc. Personally I think this view is wrong and women should be able to act in same manner as men and not be judged any differently but society at large doesnt share this opinion.

Or is it down to fact that men dont need romance and dont have as an emotional attachment to sex?
I'd be very interested in hearing what others think -- or is it that I'm looking for some form of comfort in society -- ouch getting Deep, I need a coffee!!!!!!

whosurpaddy

Originally posted by Guest11111
This maybe a generalisation, but it seems men have alot higher sex drive then women.

it is a complete generalisation. and its down to the individual people involved. id also say its down to habit. for instance, in your girlfriend expects you to start something whenever you feel in the mood, and she usually never does, then shes not likely to change that. people are creatures of habit.

LegacyUser

That maybe so but it still doesnt answer why I feel more in the mood than my partner
or why people are people of habit? Are they people of habit cos society says they have to be?

seamus

It's some nature, some nurture.

Sex drive is based largely on testosterone. Men produce a lot of it, and women produce very little. It's actually as simple as that. Men are designed to react to testosterone readily, so a small amount of testosterone will have a greater affect on a man's sex drive than a similar amount on a woman's. While in general, Men have more desire to have sex, more of the time, some men have little or no sex drive, and some women have a voracious one*. It's an issue of evolution. It makes evolutionary sense to make Men horny all the time (spread their seed), but a more controlled sex drive allows women to make a better genetic choice, instead of humping the first thing that looks at her, like a lot of men do . The issue of good genes isn't so important for Men - healthy children are important, but at the end of the day, he can make a lot of them, and the strongest will always survive. Women however, are much more limited in how many children they theoretically bear (by a factor of 300, give or take), so they must ensure a better genetic choice so more of her children will survive.




*If you happen to get a hold of one of these women, don't let go

Beruthiel

Originally posted by guest11111
That maybe so but it still doesnt answer why I feel more in the mood than my partner

Because everybody’s sex drive is different, end of story.
in this case yours is higher than hers, so you either accept that or find someone who matches you.

or why people are people of habit? Are they people of habit cos society says they have to be?

it has nothing to do with society, humans are more comfortable when doing habitual things, I’m quite sure you are the same yourself with realising it, it's all about the comfort zone

Johnny Versace

What Seamus said.

...

Watch National Geographic on TV. The male animals are mad for it.

We are just smart animals.

...

Also, women can only have a child every nine months, men can have many every day. Therefore women need to be more selective and cautious when it comes to sex.

simu

What age is she, are you? Women are supposed to reach their sexual peak at a later time than men - maybe that's a factor.

Maybe you should make more of an effort to please her when you do have sex. That way, she'll keep wanting more.

You should also tell her that it annoys you that it's you who has to start most of the time. I find it's better to be blunt with people in that sort of situation than hoping they'll magically know what you're thinking and act accordingly.

GavinKeller

I'm going out with an older woman and both of us have a high sex drive and I think hers is higher than mine!! Its Great

Johnny Versace

Originally posted by GavinKeller
I'm going out with an older woman and both of us have a high sex drive and I think hers is higher than mine!! Its Great

Is her name Nadia?

LegacyUser

She is 22 and I'm 24
Btw I always ensure she gets pleasure ('c*ms') before me not just through the main act etc. ON no account could I be considered sexually selfish and it would be easy for me to just get pleasure myself but I dont ignore her needs. And I do discuss stuff with her and make sure she is very hapy between the sheets. She has said its very good without me asking prompting etc so I dont think that is issue although not adverse to relooking at that point.

I'm being to think its just nature -- Ie discovery channel theory mentioned earlier in thread

LegacyUser

sorry not discovery meant national Geographic

ravenhead

It has a lot to do with the individual person - I have the same problem but in reverse - I have a higher sex drive than my b/f But I also don't have as stressful a job as him & I take into consideration that he may just be tired - it's not that he doesn't want to do it.... it's out of his control.
But one thing is for sure ... as far as most girls are concerned it is Quality not Quanitity that matters, but if it really is an issue for you, you need to mention it to her, but try not to make it sound like she isn't satisfying your needs ....;)

whosurpaddy

Originally posted by guest11111
That maybe so but it still doesnt answer why I feel more in the mood than my partner
or why people are people of habit? Are they people of habit cos society says they have to be?

why people are habitual by nature is a completely differant question and i dont think thats the question your trying to ask. as for society saying we have to be habitual, that dosent really make sense. if you mean why society says we should have higher sex drive, then no i wouldnt agree, again its down to the individual.

i read somewhere that the sexes are more motivated more by differant senses. men are a lot more stimulated by what we see. whereas women are more stimulated by touch. which makes sense as you can be visually stimulated by anyone, whereas you only touch the select few.

bottom line is if she thinks you will start things whenever you want some, and believes you are happy with this arrangement then she will not change. as this is your habit. if you tell her differantly, she will behave differantly.

Typedef

The mad part is I think, since we've pretty much accepted that it's all down to human nature and instinct, is that men feel hard done by having to initate sex.. while some women take on the role of the sexual... err.. aggressor.

All of which is fine, but, when it comes to women... I like mine to be ... err, feminine... and, you know, if I wanted to date *a lad* I would.

That's old fashioned, but, for most people it's also instinct... perhaps just a little too much of the watching of the TV, is making us expect err Uma Therma to bust down the door, kill some bad girls, rescuse us, and drag us off to bed by the collar.

I personally think, well feel is more the word... very brow beaten as a guy by the media... and so, it's hardly surprising why people have difficulty reconciling the images of strong women, people of different skin colour being 'practically' equal in society... with the realities of day to day life. Chaps are chaps... women are women and hundreds of years of racism and repression, don't get magiced away by a few decades of affarmative action TV.

Etain

Maybe she is in the mood as often as you are, she just doesn't make her interest known. She may be uncomfortable expressing her interest.
I know plenty of smart, competent women who can't even tell a waiter that they've been served the wrong order! They don't want to seem pushy or demanding. They have difficulty ever putting their needs first. I think this is a learned behavior.
My advice is just keep talking. Invite her to show her interest. Explain that it's exciting to have her initiate things. She may not ever be like Uma, dragging you by the collar, but she may learn to be comfortable making her needs known.

Typedef

You could always try the old.

Him "Here have an anadin"
Her "But, I don't have a headache"
Him "Great .... this time you're on top".

Kell

Hum, then there's the conundrum of her drive is the same as his but she wont express it.

From a male perspective, a femme not occasionally taking the initiative can be seen as a rejection of sorts (inside the realms of a relationship) and thoughts of "what the flock is wrong with me that she wont rip my pants off" traded with thoughts of "I am bored out of my proverbials making the first move, so she can F Off", abound. The second reaction then makes her think that there is something wrong with her, and it all goes arseways.

Comes down to honesty in the relationship as opposed to drive, and also the willingness to compromise with your partner. If you have explained your feelings to femme and she wont/cant/whatever take the initiative on occasion, maybe consider moving onto someone you are sexually compatible with, rather than wonder about the one that you are not compatible with. While sex isnt the defacto necessity in a relationship, there is no point in being with someone who doesnt do it for you in all departments.

K-

Doodee

Originally posted by Kell
Hum, then there's the conundrum of her drive is the same as his but she wont express it.

From a male perspective, a femme not occasionally taking the initiative can be seen as a rejection of sorts (inside the realms of a relationship) and thoughts of "what the flock is wrong with me that she wont rip my pants off" traded with thoughts of "I am bored out of my proverbials making the first move, so she can F Off", abound. The second reaction then makes her think that there is something wrong with her, and it all goes arseways.

K-

Heh, too true.

To be fair, is it just when yee have stripped off and are in bed together that you are left to initiate? or does this even happen when you are coming back from the pub?

I wouldn't worry, atleast your still having sex, which means that there is nothing wrong with what either of you are doing. Just make sure that there isn't a bored look in her eyes