Tribute

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I don't know if this is the correct place for this, but it is personal to me.

We have a really close knit group of mates, seven lads and five girls. We have all known each other for between ten and twenty years. The oldest of us is 24, the youngest 22. Yeah we have our ups and downs, and of course there are little kind of "sub-groups" within the whole, but we always have time for each other, always have the best laugh when we are all out together.

Five weeks ago one of the lads went off for a working holiday with his sister and two of her friends. He was really excited, and we had two going away nights out for him.

Last saturday, the 5th of June at twenty past four, I got a telephone call from one of the other lads. Our friend had died in an accident while on holidays. I was at home, I thought my friend was messing, joking. But he wasn't. Luckily I was at home, and it was saturday. My Mam and Dad were upstairs lying on their bed, I ran up the stairs and collapsed in between them. I couldn't cry, because I couldn't breathe. Thanks to my Mam and Dad for being there in the first few minutes, I don't know what I would have done if they weren't there to hold me. When I could I got up off the bed and my Dad brought me down to my friends house, the one who phoned me. I wasn't the first to arrive, but eventually ten of us had gathered there, one of the girls was out of the country too. During those first few hours it was hard, but we were all there for each other, we all cried at different times, and we all held each other. We all knew what each other was going through, we had somewhere to turn. I had planned to have a barbecue in my house that night, so we all went off at about seven that evening, then at around half nine people started arriving in mine. In the meantime my Mam and Dad took me to the coast for a walk.

The next day the Dubs were playing, Westmeath I think. My Dad brought me to the match, but I can't remember much of it, my body was there, but my head wasn't. We headed home, then one of my friends told me we were heading to the pub. It was so weird being in the public, around people who didn't know, who couldn't understand.

Our friends parents went to where he was after being on holidays, to be with his sister

Next day was Bank Holiday Monday. Another one of the girls was having a barbecue, so we all headed down. There were other groups of people there, not as close friends as the others, they knew what had happened, but they didn't know how to treat the rest of us. Not that I blame them, it wasn't that they didn't want us there, it was just that they felt awkward with us there, they might have felt guilty for enjoying themselves, I don't know. Anyway we left there, and went back to the house that we had first went to. Our friends parents had gone on holiday, so we had a free house. One of the lads described it as being like a "tree-house", somewhere only we could go, to talk and cry and do whatever.

Tuesday morning. One of the lads brought me down to work. I went in and explained to the boss what happened. She was great, she really was. She told me to take as much time as I needed. After that, one of the girls had organised flights to bring home our friends parents on thursday, so we had to go and pay for them, we headed back to the tree-house then, that same lad who had brought me up to work made us all dinner, spag-bol it was, and it was really nice to have that meal with everyone there.

Wednesday was our friends birthday, the one who had passed away. It was the hardest day since that saturday. After spending the day in the tree-house we all headed down to our local. It was quiet enough in there, just like we wanted it to be. We all had a Baby-Guinness, our friends favourite shot, we all stood up and drank it. That was nice. A few of decided to celebrate his birthday the way he would have anyway, and we headed in to town. It was a good night after all, but the DJ played "With or without you" as the last song, that set us all off crying.

On thursday his parents came home, it was late at night, so we decided to leave them be, leave them to be by themselves.

On friday, his sisters came home, and a couple of us went to the airport to see them come back in, we went because he was on that flight too, we went to welcome him home. Later on that evening, and we were all back in the tree-house, and we took in turns to go down and see his parents. That was so sad. He had had a picture taken on the beach a few days before what happened, and his mam had gotten a copy made for each of us.

Saturday morning, the other girl who was still away arrived home, I went with her brother to the airport. Her plane was delayed, so we had to go straight to the removal, and we headed to the Funeral Home. I couldn't face going in, but I knew all my friends were in there. One of them came out and walked in with me. It was hard, so hard. After that, we had a police escort to the church, it was a long line of cars, and the eleven of us were split up over three or four cars. There was a huge crowd there at the church, and I tried to push through, to see him going in. His Mam was looking around, in my direction, and waving at someone to come over, I turned around to see who it was she was waving to. Then I realised, it was me, and the five other lads she wanted. She wanted the six of us to carry him into the church. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe his mother wanted us, his friends to bring him in to the church. It was a great honour to do that, I wish I didn't have to, but I am so glad I did. What greater thing to do for your friend than to carry him on your shoulders. It was the heaviest thing I ever carried, not physically, but emotionally. When I sat down, I broke down, but the gang were there for me. Afterwards we headed to the pub, than after that back to the house where his parents where, she wanted us back. I said thanks to his parents for letting me do that earlier.

Sunday was a strange day, a few of us went to mass at 12, in the church where he was. Then I went home for a few hours. I went down to the tree-house later, but we couldn't stay late, because the funeral was at 10 mass the next morning. I didn't really sleep that night, no-one did.

Monday morning. Up at 7.30. I had to go with one of the lads to get roses. We planned to get one red rose each to put in with our friend in the graveyard. We each gave a fiver. As it turned out, Dunne's were selling 8 roses for Eur 9, so we got 56 of them. Anyway, we went to the tree house for 9, so we all could go to the church together. His Mam had asked each of to do something during the mass, I was to do a prayer of the faithful, there were five of us doing them, I was to go third. The person who was second couldn't manage it, so I took over for her, did hers and mine. His Mam had asked us to be strong, and we all were, strong for her, strong for our friend and strong for each other. After the mass, one of the lads read a piece we had written about our friend. It was exactly what we were all thinking, and it was lovely.

Another police escort to the graveyard, there was a huge crowd there, and during the ceremony someone let 5 doves fly. No-one expected it, and it was really nice. We all put our roses in, and some of the dirt from the ground. I broke down then aswell, but again my friends were there for me.

I called this thread "Tribute" and it is. It is a tribute to everyone who helped me through this past week and a half. It is a tribute to our friend who passed away. It is a tribute to his parents who let us carry him into and out of the church.

Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this whole thread, I know it was long, but it was good to write this down.

We will always miss you friend, you will always be in out hearts.

hedgetrimmer

I am sorry for your loss, but I am sure your friend would feel moved and honoured by the beautiful way in which you all said goodbye. As long as you have that much love for each other, his memory will live on in the friendships you have formed. Take comfort in the good people around you, and make his memory live whil his soul rests.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

aidan_walsh

My deepest, heartfelt sympathies for your loss.

I'm sorry, but I don't know what else to say, Hedgetrimmer put it better than I ever could.

Elessar

I'm really sorry for your loss sean. That thread was beautifully written. I wish I had friends like yours.

Death is not the end, it's just a passing thing.

Take care of yourself.

seamus

Great post.

I would be honoured to have a tribute like that to me, and friends like yourselves.

threebeards

Originally posted by seamus
Great post.

I would be honoured to have a tribute like that to me, and friends like yourselves.

I can only echo that sentiment. Like the priest said when my Dad passed away, "Death is not goodbye, it's just farewell for a while".

HarryD

So sorry for your loss..
Beautifully written post.
As Seamus said I'd be honoured to have a tribute like that written for me.

Until the next life..

Nala

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Your tribute was beautiful, very moving and very touching.
I wish I had friends like yours.

Unpossible

I wish I had that many close friends, it was a nice tribute.

daveg

As others have said I'm sorry for your loss. I hope posting this helped you. Seamus pretty much summed it up.

unklefiction

Its always sad to hear about a young person dying suddenly and i'm very sorry about your friend. I can totally relate to your circumstances though. This November coming 2 years ago(i still can't believe it will be two years) my best friend also part of a closenit group was killed in a hit and run(the driver was never caught) and i hope the guilt has wracked their mind so much that their live has become unlivable and they have lost everything as a consequence because thats what it felt like when he died.

he was the glue that kept our little cirle of friends together and as a consequence of his death ties have been broken and rifts started to appear actually that is wrong it is not as a consequence of his death it is our own fault and just in general the fact that personalities change as you get older he was the only one with the maturity to see that kepping the group together was more important than our petty little differences.

I'm sure this is not what you wanted to hear but I needed to get it of my chest, I think it is important now for you and your friends to stay true friends to each other and don't forget about your friends parents especially his mother make sure you visit.

that's all i guess

The_Goose

Originally posted by unklefiction
i hope the guilt has wracked their mind so much that their live has become unlivable

Take relief in the fact that when that person dies they will have to face god and there is nothin that they can hide from him!The punishment placed on them will be far more justifying than anything here on earth!


That was an absolutly beautiful Tribute to your friend and i d say he is very proud of all of you!I have a group of friends like that and although we have drifted apart recently anytime we run into each other, i can feel the brotherhood between us!! Your friend is in heaven now and will be there with you always!!

Sorry for your loss
All the best
John

gonker

just want to say that it was my cousin who died and I was so impressed by you all. I am a good bit older than him and I was just so amazed at how dignified you all were. All the relations thought the same way there were so many comments about how much he was loved by all his friends and how popular he was. The roses in the grave were a lovely touch so much better than just the soil thrown in and the doves were also a lovely touch. I didnt know him that well I would say the last time I saw him he was a teenager....typical families.... but from reading your post and the tribute read out by one of his friends I have gotten an insight into him. Thankyou it is a beautiful post and my deepest sympathies to you.....But you did him proud.
You should show your message to his Mam and Dad they would really appreciate it.

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Well, firstly I'd like to thank Beruthiel for allowing me to post in this thread again.

It's been a year since my friend passed away, it has passed so quickly.

I still can't believe he is gone, I am still sad, and I still miss him. I always will.

So much has happened in the year, and I know he is looking on from wherever it is he went, and he is with us all in everything we do. In our hearts and our thoughts.

Yesterday was weird, the actual anniversary. We all went to mass at 9 in the morning, then back around to the house for sandwiches and a fry. Then out to the grave. All of us together, all the friends. Then some of us went to the pub, others went home. I have to say, my jaw was sore by the time I got home last night, from all the laughter. I think we all decided, to ourselves, that we wouldn't be down in the dumps for the day, rather do what we know our friend would, and just go out and have a damn good time. Of course our friend was foremost in our thoughts, and it was good that we were all there for each other.

Once again I will say what I said a year ago.

We will always miss you friend, you will always be in out hearts.

Glipmac

I have always belived no one is really gone unless you forget them...

Pyr0

seansouth wrote:

We will always miss you friend, you will always be in out hearts.

That line gave me a shiver, you sir are a true friend as are your friends.

Beruthiel

seansouth wrote:

rather do what we know our friend would, and just go out and have a damn good time..

when I go, I hope someone does that for me, cos it's exactly what I'd want too
good to see you all got through the year

She-Ra

You and your friends are the best tribute to your mate that he could ever have had... I'd be honoured to have friends that cared so deeply for me...

Tar.Aldarion

well done for how you handled it,i couldn't have done so well or even talked for ages.
you did your friend proud.