clueless about a girl

LegacyUser

I need a bit of advice here. Im in my 20's and havent ever had a
a girlfriend, but a few months ago i started working somewhere
and have met this girl the same age who, as far as i know,
doesnt have a boyfriend. I'm totally obsessed with her, but
i havent told her or said anything - we just occasionally talk
every few days as friends.

She's the very friendly type, very "forward" with everything, whereas
im the sort of shy type. There are things she'll say which could be
a sign she's interested in me - but my lack of experience with girls
and different personality means im clueless, and im thinking it might
be just going straight over my head. Things that are hard to explain,
moreso body language and the like, which i cant intepret.. would there be
anything i should look for? She will ask in detail about things i do
and whatnot, but it could be just her being chatty.

The other thing, is its a small company - so if i was to just
approach her and tell her -and it all went pear-shaped, things would
become VERY akward for both of us, so its a delicate situation and i'm in.

onto the questions- is there any way that i could very discreetly let her
know that i like her without putting either of us on the spot, and in the
possibility that she's throwing the same signals at me, how do i interpret them?
General, inane chatter is all we usually have - im sorry i cant explain
better but im an emotional mess over her and cant think clear enough to post.

Just any general advice or suggestions would be welcome....thanks for reading this

Sleepy

There's certainly body language you can use to let her know you like her, and if she's using it towards you it means she's attracted to you to.

Maintaining eye contact for just longer than is usual, "mirroring" the other's movement (e.g. if she brushes her hair out of her eyes, running your hand through your hair yourself - don't do it too much or you'll come across as a freak but it's a pretty good indication of attraction), when sitting beside each other during conversation are her legs crossed towards you or away from you?, does she move into your "personal space" more than necessary, touch your arm etc.

Granted, most of these are things that are more likely to be done outside of the work environment but they could be there quite subtley none the less, or you could see them occur on lunch breaks/on staff nights out etc.

seamus

Well, strictly in the work situation, I would think it's not necessarily something to be pushed, particularly given that it's small company.

What I mean by this is not to think that you need to ask her out, or you need to make a move. If there aren't many of you, then you are going to get to know her, to get comfortable in her prescence, simply by going to work. That's the hard work dealt with easily.
If the attraction is mutual, you will become closer in your work, as Sleepy describes. It's a little easier than asking someone out, getting shot down, and finding that work has become many times more horrible than it was before, although it takes a lot longer to build up.

Although I can be a bit of an old romantic at times - if it's meant to be...etc. On the other hand you could just ask her out for a drink after work, and find that you still go through the same process of getting to know eachother, but without the unsurity and teasing of attraction.

Ellesmere

Originally posted by Unreg-user1
She's the very friendly type, very "forward" with everything, whereas
im the sort of shy type.

Watch out here. Are you sure that you are compatable? What else about her is different than you that could effect the situation? Theres no point going out on a limb here if theres no future in the relationship. Before you go any further you'll have to get to know her, to do this get talking. Ask her about herself in a chit-chat sort of way. Be realistic, is this someone you can see yourself being with?

Originally posted by Unreg-user1
The other thing, is its a small company - so if i was to just
approach her and tell her -and it all went pear-shaped, things would
become VERY akward for both of us, so its a delicate situation and i'm in.

Is it you who is going to create this "delicate situation"? You have to adopt a different attitude. It's how your thinking - If I go up to her and reveal my feelings to her, and she rejects me, and goes back to everyone else at work making a big deal out of it, or even worse having a good laugh over it, I'll be devastated and won't be able to show my face out of sheer embarrassment and certainly won't be able to have a normal working relationship with her again.

Its how you think about it thats important. you need a 'so what?' attitude. Take a risk, if she says no, just say "ah well I took a chance, I'll move on". I'm sure, like many women in their 20's she's been approached by men before in jobs, nightclubs, holidays etc. If She is any decent she will no how to deal with it. just don't let it be you that makes a big deal out of it. You took a chance and it didn't work out for you, so what? Go on as before. He who dares wins. If others at work say anything make light of it. Don't create fallout and be sure that you can handle it.

Originally posted by Unreg-user1
onto the questions- is there any way that i could very discreetly let her
know that i like her

Yeah, flirt. Keep it nice. Ask her things about herself, tell her a little about youself, give a good impression. Keep it light and breezy no heavy deep ****. Give out signals that underneath that shy exterior theres red hot romeo willing to rock her world. Make it clear in regailing her with exciting stories from your social life that your single and available.

CathyMoran

Ask her out - most regrets are about the things that you did not do, not the things that you do do...

Etain

Work place romances are tricky. They can be a fast track to ruining a career. On the other hand, working in a close enviornment is a great way to get to know each other( which is why there are so many of these romances). Don't rush it! Get to know each other and see what happens.
I also believe that things work out as they are supposed to.:)

RampagingBadger

Quote

---

There are things she'll say which could be
a sign she's interested in me - but my lack of experience with girls
and different personality means im clueless, and im thinking it might

---

I'm a similarly shy kinda guy. In my experience women are very discreet (well us guys can't read them). If you've even got a notion that she's flirting with you then she probably is. Personally I didn't ask a girl out in college that I was pretty sure fancied me because I was too bloody shy. I made all sorts of excuses for myself about maybe "she didn't like me" but in hindsight I was just a coward. Don't be an idiot and have regrets.

Also you don't have to proclaim your undying love for her straight away. Ask her to go for a drink after work and chat a bit more then. If she likes you you should get some more posative feedback from her. If no more feeback is forthcoming you're not in there and you can retreat dignity (and career) intact.

Good luck mate

ferdi

i've had similar experiences...

just a message to all the girls reading this:

if you like a guy, you cant just subtly bat your eyelids and expect him to immediatly ask you out, if most guys are like me, you will have to actually say something to them or be EXTREMELY forward for them to cop on.

ShriekingSheet

Originally posted by Unreg-user1
is there any way that i could very discreetly let her
know that i like her without putting either of us on the spot,

Ah this is familiar! Almost Exact same as me pretty recently! Small office, chit chat with nice girl, scaredness etc!

As regards tactics 4 'letting her know' -I asked her TOTALLY as a platonic friend *cough* to come with me to this do I was going to and didnt know many people at. We just got on at work - like you two do - I went along the lines of - 'It might be good craic - we can just go and take the pizs'

In a social environment you'll have a better idea of how good your chances are (if she's going with you you stand a decent chance if you show her a good time!) Just see how it pans out from there!

Best of luck!