The cheater getting married in a month

Battlesnake

Bf's best mate getting married in a month. He came out for drinks with me & my bf. Ended up snogging & feeling up another girl, walking off into the sunset together.
He knows that we saw him, says he went back to a party with her and 'nothing happened'. I'm not so sure. . .
I wanna like this guy because he's my bf's best mate and he makes him happy. But I just see him as a cocky slime ball and am annoyed at him for putting us in the middle of his situation.
I don't know this fella that well despite being with my bf for 3yrs. I don't get on with his other half and wasn't that keen on going to the wedding in the first place.
I just don't wanna be around either of them now as am scared of saying something accidentally, do not wanna get involved and to be quite frank don't want anything more to do with either of them.
The amount of times I've wished that this guys gf would just disappear cos she's so dismally boring and now I have the power to get rid of her by telling her that her husband to be is a cheat. But I can't do that cos I'm not a b_atch.
I don't feel I can sit in a church and watch him make a joke of marriage without saying something. Knowing that he is being dishonest and would break her heart if only she knew. Some might say I take marriage too seriously. . . .

So anyway I'm expected to go to the wedding and to top it all off my bf is an usher, will be nowhere near me. So I've nobody to keep my hands placed on my lap when the question 'Does anyone know of a reason why this man should not wed this woman?'is asked. Nightmare.

embee

I would dearly love to know where you get your God complex from...

What struck me most about your post is you saying that you now wield some sort of power over this couple.... that is a bit disturbing to me. You aren't in their relationship, you confess yourself that you don't know them that well.

There are so many reasons why you shouldn't tell. I have a feeling you probably might. To be honest, you seem selfish.

A few points

1) You have absolutely no conclusive proof that this guy actually slept with another girl. Sure, he went out with you guys and got drunk, he had a drunken fumble with a girl and they disappeared. You don't know that they had sex. To tell his fiancee such a thing would be complete speculation.

2) If you are going to tell, don't do it because you feel duty bound to. You aren't. As you said yourself, you have some power over two people you don't particularly like. Don't ruin someones relationship because they aren't your type of people.

3) Who do you think you are, saying that you wished this guy had dropped his other half long ago? Whats it to you? You also said you aren't keen on going to the wedding, yet the notion of putting up your hand when the priest asks for any lawful objections seems to somehow fill you with glee, or a sense of duty. Personally, I think you are jealous. You've been with your boyfriend 3 years, and no marriage? And his mate, who is so awful, is marrying some horribly dull girl that you don't like? It is sticking out a mile to me.

I could go on more, but I won't.

I'll finish on one point - infidelity is NOT always the end of a relationship. It is the sort of thing that can make or break a relationship. He had a kiss and a cuddle with some girl whilst drunk. So? It depends on their relationship, and how they define "cheating" personally. You have no right to define the parameters of their relationship for some other ulterior motive.

ToxicPaddy

Give some young lad a few quid to run into the church and shout that he saw him
shagging some bird the other nite... that might work

Seriously, if you dont know the g/f that well or dont like the other guy, then its best
to stay out of it.. otherwise you could be seen as an interfering b*tch by his other
half and all you might end up doing is just delaying the enivitable.. as he seems so
blasé about it, he's obviously done it before and she might even know about his
past conquests and not care.. on top of that you could end up damaging your
relationship with your b/f..

Is it worth risking that?

When it comes down to it, you're going out with you're bf and not him so what he
does is none of your concern and he probably isnt worth wasting time on anyway
if thats the type of guy he is...

Tox

Evil Phil

I agree with embee's points above. If you don't like these people then avoid them, don't go and ruin their wedding day and even their relationship just because you can. For all you know he's already told her what happened and they've put it behind them. Its none of your business.

hedgetrimmer

Have to say, I fully agree with the sentiment that it is none of your business. maybe they have even talked about it! I would also add to the words of the others that perhaps you shouldn't be so judgemental.

You have absolutely *no* right to spoil, or attempt to, what could be the ahppiest day of their lives.

In any case, you would only become the butt of hatred (I word I rarely use) for them, and possibly your boyfriend too

zervi2003

Oh come on!

Oh yeah! are ye all fellas who are posting these replies?

I have a similar (sort of) situation. One of my bf's friends has a girlfriend who now, due to reasons, makes my skin crawl.

About 3 months ago her BF cheated on her, kissed another girl. My bf was there and told me.

About 2 months ago, due to problems we were having, my boyfriend and I split up. He started seeing someone else during that period. But we have now reconciled and gotton back together.

Anyways during this period, she turned around to my bf after us breaking up and said "well I never liked that bitch anyway!". She also said "Oh and there she was (me) thinking she was going to get married and have it all etc etc...." (you get the picture). I never once said boo to the girl. Couldnt understand when I heard this why she was being so mean.

When get got back together the bf told me what she had said (he has never liked her either. She is too quiet and sneeky like. And believe me its true, always watch the quiet ones. Lethal I tell you).

I know she thinks the sun shines out of her bfs arse and knows nothing is wrong.

But

I'd love to wipe the smile off her fat, smug face.

I am not normally "mean" about people like this, but I know what she has said about me and oh revenge would be oh so sweet.

The temptation is killing me.

Battlesnake

embee -
I wouldn't tell his fiancee that he had sex with somebody else, as you said I don't have any proof of that. I am not selfish and I won't tell as if its anybodys place its my bfs not mine. I don't feel that I have power. . . . that was the wrong word to use. . . . I have knowledge that I wish I didn't have.
This guy has cheated on her numerous times beofre in their 10yr relationship and has told her that all that is over and obviously it isn't.
How this affects me is that my bf has had a long term friendship with this guy and therefore its considered rude if we as a couple do not socialise with them. I personally have no interest in being friendly with the girl and yet I'm bound to her and to being friendly to her because I'm bound to my bf because I love him.
Saying that I wished he'd got rid of her ages ago its because I do, there is nothing I loathe more than wasting a part of my life for the next 40yrs or more having to socialise with someone I detest. But then life is like that isn't it.
The notion of putting my hand up does not fill me with glee it fills me with a horrible sick feeling. I have religious beliefs and I do not believe that it is right to go before god promising that you will be honest and faithful to someone when you haven't been. I don't like to see anyone get hurt and this girl is incredibly insecure when it comes to her relationship with this fella as he's cheated on her before and is always eyeing up other girls in front of her, which bothers her.
I don't have any ulterior motive I just have really strong morals that dictate that what he did was wrong especially since it's so close to his getting wed. I don't think he is being fair to her.
On the point of being jealous maybe I am, They're 27 have finished college, got good jobs, good health, a house, company cars and 25,000 to spend on a wedding.
It's frustrating for me that I seem to be expected to catch up with them. I hate that fact and it makes me uncomfortable.

I'm 18 and feel that it is not the time for me to be getting married right now as I still want to go to college and earn enough money so that I can afford to have a really lovely day with my bf and our friends and family.
We were engaged but people seemed to think that we then would want to get married in a number of months which we didn't so we postponed the engagement because of other peoples expectations.

P.S. Do you have to be so agressive and narky? I posted this up not because I wanna kno do I tell? Or don't I tell? But because I want to know how to deal with this within myself the rights and wrongs of it, how to feel comfortable around these people because they're important to the person I love most in the world. This isn't about what he did. This is how I cope with what he did and how I look that girl in the eye when she goes on about how wonderful he is.
I used to lie quite frequently and did cheat on people. When I met my bf I changed and now can not lie at all - like serious I feel like I'm going to be sick. I have a real problem with understanding dishonest people and feeling ok around them.

embee

If I am aggressive, it is because personally I can't abide the idea that you seem to think you know what is best for this couples relationship. Through 10 years, they have stuck by each other, and it isn't up to you to decide that enough is enough. It is their relationship, their new marriage, their issue. All you can tell this woman is that her man kissed someone else. Thats all. He was out. He had a few drinks.

Playing the religious card..... I don't buy that. Your religious beliefs push you so far as to ordain yourself as the moral conscience within this scenario? So you don't think it is right. That is YOUR opinion. One which you should keep to yourself. You don't know that he hasn't already told her about this girl he kissed.

Also, you say you don't want to spend the next 40 years of your life socializing with someone you detest. There is an easy solution to that. Don't. Be polite and civil. Where does it say you have to be best mates with this woman?

Your morals are strong. Fair enough. But they are marrying on their terms. Not anyone elses. It isn't your duty nor your right to enforce what you think onto them.

The way you deal with it is you pray for them. You are religious. You pray for them to sort out their differences and have a happy marriage. Isn't prayer supposed to be healing? Thats how you deal with it. You don't deal with it my offloading. At their wedding.

Also, you said that you no longer lie and cheat since you met your boyfriend. That was what changed your life around. How do you know that this guys life wont be put into perspective once he marries his girl? I don't believe that "Once a cheater, always a cheater" line personally. People change. Peoples priorities become clear.

Give them the benefit of the doubt. You changed. They can too.

PS To whoever asked, I am not a fella.

hedgetrimmer

zervi2003 - yes, I am male, but my opnion in this is still valid. The fact that you ...

I'd love to wipe the smile off her fat, smug face.

suggests you have deeper issues with the person invovled, as afaics, your situation doesn;t inlvolve a wedding.

Battlesnake - I am not being narky...apologies if this is how my post came accross. For me (and most of my friends - male and female - who have discussed issues similar to this) this situation has a simple right moral thing to do - don't tell them

Evil Phil

TBH, Its her life and if shes making a mistake its hers to make. Again its not your place to tell her. An opinion shared by both male and female posters in this thread I'll hasten to add for the benefit of the doubters.

Battlesnake

You guys are right it's none of my business I don't wanna get involved, I don't wanna know at all. . . . My dislike for the girl in particular has made me seriously consider splitting from my bf a number of times because I can't stand the pressure of being expected to see them. When the answer is I never want to.
If I wasn't so serious about my bf I would have split ages ago.
We met on the net and spent 8 months talking over the phone before I met him. Then I met his mate and mates gf - few really tricky experiences.
Had I got talking to his mates n him around the same time I doubt I'd still be with him. Sad ain't it.

Memnoch

errr.....

if my significant other was fooling around with someone else not too long before we were about to get married I would certainly like to know about it.

I think the simple question for you is, would you want to know if your boyfriend did something like this?

if you would, then you should tell her imo.

its not fair to the poor girl.

i'm surprised to see how happy everyone is to condemn this poor women to be stuck with this lamer in marriage. Whatever your personal opinions of her, she is still a person with feelings etc and doesn't deserve to be married to a wanker who value's her so little as to go around having "drunken fumbles"

if they are going to be together it should be only after she knows, you can't build a relationship on deceit.

So what if it was only a "drunken fumble", thats no excuse for his actions.

shame on the lot of yee

Evil Phil

Originally posted by Memnoch

shame on the lot of yee

pfft :rolleyes:

How do you know she isn't already aware of the situation? She knows of his previous infidelity and is still marrying him. Its not for Battlesnake to tell this women that her husband-to-be has done the dirt on her. No offence to Battlesnake but if she is with the same fellah in 10 years time she may feel differently about this course of action than she does at present.

Battlesnake

hedgetrimmer -
When I wrote that post I was specifically writing to embee as none of the rest of the posts had come up yet! Soz really slow typer!

I'd love to wipe the smile off her fat, smug face.

That wasn't me who wrote that. It was zervi2003 talking about her own experience.

Embee -

I can't abide the idea that you seem to think you know what is best for this couples relationship. Through 10 years, they have stuck by each other, and it isn't up to you to decide that enough is enough.

I didn't say that I knew what is best for them and I never said that I thought they should split up although knowing the girl that would most likely be her reaction.
All I was saying is that I don't think its right to marry someone if you can't be honest with them. Fair enough I don't know for certain that he hasn't spoken to her but he won't even admit anything to his best mate so why would he to her?
I don't think alchohol is any excuse.

Also, you say you don't want to spend the next 40 years of your life socializing with someone you detest. There is an easy solution to that. Don't. Be polite and civil. Where does it say you have to be best mates with this woman?

Your morals are strong. Fair enough. But they are marrying on their terms. Not anyone elses. It isn't your duty nor your right to enforce what you think onto them.

The way you deal with it is you pray for them. You are religious. You pray for them to sort out their differences and have a happy marriage. Isn't prayer supposed to be healing? Thats how you deal with it. You don't deal with it my offloading. At their wedding.

Also, you said that you no longer lie and cheat since you met your boyfriend. That was what changed your life around. How do you know that this guys life wont be put into perspective once he marries his girl? I don't believe that "Once a cheater, always a cheater" line personally. People change. Peoples priorities become clear.

Give them the benefit of the doubt. You changed. They can too.

Embee - The rest of what you said really helped me. Thanx

Lainey

i think you should stay out of it.. jeez, have people not enough to deal with in their own lives without interfering in other peoples lives.. only if it was my bro or best friend would i interfere.. in fact, i'd prob forget i saw it ten mins later..

Battlesnake

Have txted the guy and told him I won't be at the wedding. I don't want to do anything stupid like ruining their big day. After all the effort she has put into it and money she deserves her day of disallusionment.

embee

Battlesnake - glad to be of service.

If you really feel that you shouldn't go to the wedding, then fair play to you for deciding that and letting him know. Be prepared though - your bf is going to ask a lot of questions and might be quite angry...

Evil Phil

Originally posted by Battlesnake
Have txted the guy and told him I won't be at the wedding. I don't want to do anything stupid like ruining their big day. After all the effort she has put into it and money she deserves her day of disallusionment.

How very judgemental of you, give yourself a pat on the back.

Battlesnake

Bf knows exactly how I've been feeling and what have been thinking. Is reading this thread right now. He isn't be angry - up to me.

Thank you evil Phil. I'm being honest with myself about what I think and have no intention of messing things up with other people. That doesn't mean I have to like the decisions they make.

whosurpaddy

Originally posted by Battlesnake
Some might say I take marriage too seriously. . .

tbh id say you cant take marriage too seriously. whats the point in getting married if your gonna cheat

Originally posted by Battlesnake
I used to lie quite frequently and did cheat on people.
. . . . .
I have a real problem with understanding dishonest people and feeling ok around them.

i dont see how you can have sucha problem understanding behaviour you admit to yourself.

Originally posted by Battlesnake
My dislike for the girl in particular has made me seriously consider splitting from my bf a number of times because I can't stand the pressure of being expected to see them.

thats a pretty unusual statement. you would consider breaking up with someone you love/ presumably want to spend the rest of your life with because they have a friend you dont like and have to see every now and again.



as for the issue at hand im with the put yourself in her shoes camp. id want to know and so would she id imagine.

dudara

I have to say that I thought embees original comments on the situation were a bit harsh, if not judgemental. But at the same time, I agree in the sense that it is not your place to say anything.

I think marriage is one of the most serious things on this Earth. Not for religious reasons, (I am atheist), but simply because it is a commitment to another person. You are tying yourself to another person and you should never ever do anything deliberately to hurt them. So if this fella goes off and has a drunken adventure before he gets married, then he shouldn't even be anywhere near marriage.

However, your motives for talking are unclear at best, as you don't really seem to care for the girl. So just leave it be, the fool will get himself found out eventually.

Battlesnake

i dont see how you can have sucha problem understanding behaviour you admit to yourself.

That behaviour was 3 yrs ago and I don't even understand why I was like that myself. I didn't really like myself much back then. My only explanation for my awful behaviour is that it wasn't within serious relationships and I was aged 15 and under. When you're in your late 20's are you not supposed to know better? Or have I got that wrong?
Maybe all this is about me realising that people who are supposed to know better - don't. I've never known a couple with this level of commitment where one of them has done the dirt in any way up until now. To tell you the truth its a bit disconcerting. I never really thought of myself as being naive but maybe that's what I'm being??

My dislike for the girl in particular has made me seriously consider splitting from my bf a number of times because I can't stand the pressure of being expected to see them.

You're right it is a pretty unusual statement. Theres a 9yr gap between me and my bf which is furthered by the fact that I've had health probs that have messed up my education a bit. It's hard to be around his mates or even be reminded of thier sucess as it just makes me feel more panicked. That I have to fit into my boyfriends life with the rest of them. When I don't even wanna be like the rest of them which makes me wanna run even further in the opposite direction.

TwoShedsJackson

Originally posted by Battlesnake

You're right it is a pretty unusual statement. Theres a 9yr gap between me and my bf which is furthered by the fact that I've had health probs that have messed up my education a bit. It's hard to be around his mates or even be reminded of thier sucess as it just makes me feel more panicked. That I have to fit into my boyfriends life with the rest of them. When I don't even wanna be like the rest of them which makes me wanna run even further in the opposite direction.

So your boyfriend was 26 and you were 15 when you started going out? Neither of you found the age difference a little much, perhaps?

As for the 'cheater' etc., why don't you mind your own business next time, and that'd be one goog way of avoiding stressing about the whole thing.

Battlesnake

Just talked to the bloke in question, he rang me all in a bit of a tizz. Promised him I wouldn't say anything and that would go to the wedding. F*%k. Apparently he really wants me to be there, which I think is mainly because he won't have to explain my absence to his bride. Ha ha isn't life great. Now this emotional wreck is away back home to parents to make sure I don't get too screwed up over this.

query

Just on a point of practicality - the 'does anyone know a reason why this man and this woman should not be joined..' is not something that's ever happened in any of the multitude of weddings I've been to.I wouldn't go so far as to say it's a nice line for films but in my experience I've never heard it used at an actual wedding.

And another point. This forum is called Personal Issues, right? This girl had a personal issue and asked for advice. I'm surprised at people jumping down her throat and attacking her, rather than providing input on the issue.

That said, I wouldn't say anything about the incident. No-one knows what anyone else's relationship is like, especially if (as she said) she doesn't know or indeed like them that much. If it was a friend, then maybe say something - but in this case what is it going to achieve?

Battlesnake

No he was 23, I was 15. Now 18 & 27.
I've had depression for as long as I can remember. During one of my periods inside the house (3 months) found irish chat online. Told him I was 18 to protect myself. Became mates after 4 months talked online then for next 4 months on the phone. A month before we met I told him the truth. His brother & sister and 4 of his mates know the truth about my age - told within the last year.
His parents and rest of the family still don't know.
How come when you love somebody things have to be so complicated?
And yes the age difference is a f*%king lot to handle sometimes, along with the fact that we live 130 miles apart Belfast/Dublin.

Battlesnake

Cheers, at least thats one less thing to think about. Last time I went to a wedding I was 13 and didn't really pay much attention.

Good point about what am I going to achieve.
I think am starting to see things in a clearer light. Am not really managing my own life that well and this fella has just gone and given me another bloody thing going on in my head. Even though its so miniscule it wouldn't bother most people it bothers me because my head is overflowing with crap as it is.

Ivan

I basically see this as a non-problem.

You dont like your bf's best mate or the girl he is to be married with. Why get yourself involved?

Either he cheats on her and will break her heart and they'll probably split up.

Or he doesnt and there isnt a problem.

Seriously, its not something you should really be bothered about. Get on with your own life :dunno:

Typedef

Originally posted by Ivan
I basically see this as a non-problem.

You dont like your bf's best mate or the girl he is to be married with. Why get yourself involved?

There you go.

Still it might be entertaining to break up a marriage.

Think that scene in Four Weddings and a Funeral.

sceptre

Originally posted by Typedef
Think that scene in Four Weddings and a Funeral.

The funny one in the church?

(The one with the WH Auden poem and the fat bloke played by Simon Cowell in the coffin?)

Lainey

Originally posted by sceptre
The funny one in the church?

(The one with the WH Auden poem and the fat bloke played by Simon Cowell in the coffin?)

no, think it's where hugh grants deaf brother objects and they procede to have a conversation via sign language and hugh's bride to be doesn't understand.. then he gets a box in the puss for hisself..

embee

I saw a very similar thing happening to a girl I knew. A "friend" of hers stood up at the hen night and announced that she had been sleeping with the groom. The whole wedding got called off, the bride to be's heart was broken and it was a general shambles.

They say that the truth will come out in the end, it always does. It did. The girl who had claimed to be sleeping with the groom had made it all up. Out of jealousy. She told the bride that she had slept with him... which was technically true. Although it was 6 months before the bride and groom even met.

Jealousy is a very powerful sensation. Don't let it take over in the place of common sense.

Lainey

Originally posted by embee
I saw a very similar thing happening to a girl I knew. A "friend" of hers stood up at the hen night and announced that she had been sleeping with the groom. The whole wedding got called off, the bride to be's heart was broken and it was a general shambles.

They say that the truth will come out in the end, it always does. It did. The girl who had claimed to be sleeping with the groom had made it all up. Out of jealousy. She told the bride that she had slept with him... which was technically true. Although it was 6 months before the bride and groom even met.

Jealousy is a very powerful sensation. Don't let it take over in the place of common sense.

that bitch needs someone to shave off one of her eyebrows everytime she shows her face in public.. no waxin..shave.. so the stubble will ate her alive gggrrrrrrrrrrr

Memnoch

Originally posted by embee
I saw a very similar thing happening to a girl I knew. A "friend" of hers stood up at the hen night and announced that she had been sleeping with the groom. The whole wedding got called off, the bride to be's heart was broken and it was a general shambles.

They say that the truth will come out in the end, it always does. It did. The girl who had claimed to be sleeping with the groom had made it all up. Out of jealousy. She told the bride that she had slept with him... which was technically true. Although it was 6 months before the bride and groom even met.

Jealousy is a very powerful sensation. Don't let it take over in the place of common sense.

i hate people like that

but that doesn't change THIS situation, where the guy did the dirt a few months before he is supposed to be getting married.

Sure the truth might come out EVENTUALLY, but that maybe after they are married, or even have kids, like i said before, you can't build a relationship on deciet. i think the simplest situation is the roles reversed...

if you were going to be married, and your Boyfriend was fooling around in blatent disregard for your relationship and the trust in it, would you want to know before hand? or let the truth come out in its own course, possibly after you've had a couple of kids with him, boy that would be a great feeling wouldn't it?

bystander intervention is a powerful thing, the attitude of "its not my problem/business," even when the morality of the situation is obvious and clear cut.

its also a selfish attitude. So you risk appearing like a bitch? so what?

If it was me, i'd tell in a heart beat.

if it was a friend of mine that was doing this as a guy, he'd fall down way low in my eyes even if i didn't know his gf at all. I'd probably nag him till he told her, and maybe i'd ruin my friendship, but I for one believe that the day you abandon your principles is the day you abandon your own identity, no "friendship" is worth that.

Battlesnake

Hi all am back from the parents and feeling emotionally a *lot* better.

Memnoch -

He did the dirt a month before. What' a bit suspicious is he's told my bf that nothing happened. Then told me about 30% of the truth and then when I told him that we'd seen everything up until the point where they walked off together he admitted all that we'd seen.
He didn't go on saying I love her, she's my life, I can't believe I was so stupid.
Just muttered I feel terrible I do, I love her to bits and I've spent £25,000 on the wedding. Emphasis more on the money than anything else.
Then kept on saying come to the wedding and we'll say no more about it, no more about it. Guilty boy.
I agree that you can't build a relationship on deceit and I feel it's unfair of him to let her go and make such a huge commitment without all the knowledge.
Have come to the conclusion that all I can do is hope and pray that things go ok for them.

if you were going to be married, and your Boyfriend was fooling around in blatent disregard for your relationship and the trust in it, would you want to know before hand? or let the truth come out in its own course, possibly after you've had a couple of kids with him, boy that would be a great feeling wouldn't it?

Yes I would def want to know. I think the fact that they're gonna have kids and he's likely to muck around with other women was what troubled me most. Upset me.

Am not going to get involved, opening up a whole can of worms will only make my life more difficult. I've enough problems as it is and why should I muck up things further for myself because of two people I don't really give a toss about?

It's his funeral. . . .

Speaking of which

Simon Cowell in Four Weddings and a Funeral. . . ?

Embee -

My dear opponent in discussion forums
Don't get how that situation is similar, please explain.
I have no intention of telling and the groom *did* cheat. Fair enough I dunno if he had sex with the chick.
Would you like your bloke kissing and touching some random woman, then to come home and start doing the same to you?
I'm not jealous of their relationship or getting married. I just feel a bit sorry for the girl and annoyed at the fella for not being more discrete with his wicked ways!!
I just didn't wanna know, to be involved (ie. knowing about it) without volunteering.
Other than that I don't care. Very inconsiderate individual that man, both to his mates and fiance.

embee

The money is an issue in any wedding. It is the primary source of stress for most couples who are arranging their wedding plans. Of course it is relevant for him to mention it.

You said the man in question is inconsiderate towards his mates and fiancee - well, be that as it may it still isnt your place to say anything.

If someone stood up on my wedding and told me about a dunken fumble that my fiancee had allegedly been involved in, and the person told me that they had no evidence whatsoever of him sleeping with this other individual, I more than likely would be mad. However, it is our wedding day. Most people have already decided in their minds to go through with it "for better or for worse" etc. and the unsubstantiated accusation from a member of the congregation wouldn't necessarily change the outcome of the day.

vorbis

judging by the description, he seems 90% certain to still be cheating after he's married. I don't know where these people are coming from with saying that "drunken fumbles" a month before your wedding are ok. Still though, it could turn very messy for everyone involved if you told her. Its your own decision to make.

I also think theres a lot of cheaters posting on this thread The amount of "how dare you tell her" posts is amazing.

Battlesnake

Yeah I agree that it was relevent to mention it. It's a lot of money. Just personally felt that he put too much emphasis on the money and too little on the fact that he loves the girl.
I also agree it ain't my place, if anyone's out of the two of us who know it would be my bf because he's known them for the last 8yrs or so. Yet he still has loads more loyalty for the fella and ain't that keen on the girl himself.
Think have dealt with how I've felt about it as best I can.

Would you like your bloke kissing and touching some random woman, then to come home and start doing the same to you?

Wasn't even asking specifically about people getting married.
Personally if I found out that my fella had snogged the face off and felt up some bird and then come home and got into bed with me. I'd feel absolutely sickened.

I would be inclined to agree that if I was engaged and found out on the wedding day there would be a much higher chance of me going ahead with the wedding. . .
I guess you never know how you're going to react until it happens. . . .
God forbid that ever happen to either of us.

Sleepy

As a former night porter letme clue you in on something:: about half of all stag and hen nights end up with the bride/groom to be bringing someone other than their intended back to their rooms. Maybe the Hotel I worked in was just a den on iniquity but it shocked me at first how many have the "final fling" on their stag/hen night.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Boston

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
You should spill the beans.

If you don’t God will probably send you to Hell for allowing the sanctity of his Holy Des Res to be putrefied with lies and deceits on what is meant to be a holy Joining of two spirits in his eyes in front of his own sons blood*


*In the form of an Alcoholic beverage



Don’t let the temptation kill you. You life is worth more than hers. In fact its worth more than both theirs.

You to should spill the beans or God mite smite you to for being a liar and actually almost being a co conspirator in the whole sordid debacle! I would also imagine that God would not be too bothered about and glee you felt when the truth is known.


So basicaly you should both rat out the cheaters tbh.

Only good will come of it. Maybe not in the short term but in the medium to long term you will see that you were both right to grass them up.

Seriously have you lost the plot or something recently?