Mixed Signals

cheekycheeks

please tell me how to get over a broken heart. im dying at the moment. still in love with my ex. i really think he has no interest in me cos of our past but he keeps in contact with me all the time and always wants to know what im up to and who im seeing etc.

basically want to know how to deal with this cos i still love him and am trying to remain friends. getting very mixed signals from him. any help would really help me out

Suaimhneach

Be honest. Tell him how you feel. Confused. If he is your friend, and he seems to be, he will try to help. You never know what might happen!

I find being friends with someone from a past relationship that I love quite difficult. Cutting someone out completely is hard. But it might help. But talk to him first.

Corksham

"Friendship sometimes ends in love but love never ends in friendship". I know the situation very well I am there now as well, owner of a lonely heart much better than the owner of a broken heart as the song goes.
If he / she still keeps in contact and wants to know what you're doing, who you are seeing then it sounds like love is not dead in the water yet, have a chat, although I dont know what you mean by "cos of our past" though, care to explain?

azezil

Best to move on, stay friends if you want to but don't dwell on the past go out have fun, meet new people.

I know its difficult but you'll feel a lot better for it and in the long run, i've felt that way sooo many times and in some cases we have grown apart in others become close friends! For now though the best you can do is keep your distance.

Sleepy

Tell him. See how he reacts. You might surprise yourself and if not, if he's worth knowing (which I assume he is seeing as you love him) he'll let you down gently...

hedgetrimmer

If you are to part ways, then I am sad to say that the only thing that will heal is time totally away from each other, without communication, and time just to get back to being you - doing what you like, reasserting yourself, independent of the ex

My 2c

ssh

I think "trying to be friends" and "still in love with" are mutually exclusive.

You're really going to hurt yourself badly by pursuing this further. You need time to yourself to work out who you are again, not constant worrying and overanalysis of his actions.

You won't get back together on an equal footing with you being as you are at this time. If you take the time to sort yourself out, you never know what might happen down the road. But that's irrelevant now.

Sleepy

How long ago did ye split up?

isolde

While it's possible that he's still in love with you, I think it's equally possible that he still cares but in much more of a friendlier way.. if that makes sense. Because of your shared past he's interested in what you're up to and what's going on in your life, etc.
Maybe he's just damn curious and wants to know if you're with anyone else, maybe he wants to know if you've moved on.. there's so many reasons.
How long ago did you break up? That could say a lot.

My ex asks me similar questions but I don't think he wants to get back together.. I think it's just curiousity and I think he wants to hear that I'm not with anyone else.. not because he's a horrible person but who wants to hear that their ex-girlfriend or boyfriend is with someone else? Oh I don't know. Men. I'll never understand them.

As for cutting contact like people said.. they're right.. you should. So should I but I'm also nursing a broken heart after the end of a 3 year relationship and breaking contact is just something I can't do. If you think you can, you should. But it's much easier said than done.

~ isolde.

Edit: Sorry for not making much sense!

cheekycheeks

thanks for replys guys. we broke up last june so thats a year ago. we were going out for almost 3 years.

to be honest for the last few months of our relationship he wasnt very nice to me nothing major just knew that he didnt want me around. i know he is no good for me but i cant imagine my life without him. just feel that there are no nice guys out there so am hanging on to an impossible dream with him. feel that i will never be attracted to anyone else again. im in a very bad way over this.

i know i said that we get on really well but i think thats only cos he knows i still like him and kind of has me as a back up. have no self confidence left at all and i feel like such a fool

hedgetrimmer

All the more reason why you need some space to build yourself up and find that self-confidance from within, by finding out who you are, what you like doing, by yourself. Alwats best to go into a relationship not needing it, but wanting it, if you get what I mean.

ravenhead

Have you dated anyone since you broke up with him?

Typedef

I'm going to change tack a little bit here from my usual advice of sleep
with her sister/best friend and say.

Sleep with his brother/best friend.

You'll feel miles better.

CathyMoran

I think that you need some time away from your ex, to sort out your feelings...I can understand that the friendship is important, but you can get that back with time...I am out of a 6 year relationship one year now (he cheated) and it was hard, but we had some time away and are friends now. In terms of staying friends with ex's in general - I figure that if you cared enough about them in the first place then it is a shame to let the friendship go - I am in contact with most of mine...best wishes - just give yourself some time...

Mutz

I now how you feel. Imo it takes around the lenght of time you were going out with each other to get over that person (i.e. for you = 3 years), so you're in for another 2 lonely years and then you'll be ready to give it up. The again, you might be better at dealing with things. Get out there with your friends and start seeing other people. honestly, you think that there is no one else nice out there - there are - so many in fact - it'll just be different and exciting. Keep Busy too, join a gym or something :dunno:

Etain

There are nice guys around, but you won't find them if you keep playing games with this guy. Don't settle for being someone's "back-up".
As Mutz suggested, maybe you could take a class, join a health club, etc.. to meet some new people and rebuild your self- confidence.
Establish some distance, give yourself time, and remember you usually meet the most wonderful person when you least expect to.

CathyMoran

I joined clubs that I never would have had time to do had I been with my ex and did all the fun things that my ex hated doing - I started dating again within a short time frame and I totally agree that you meet the most wonderful people when you least expect it...

LegacyUser

Your best not being friends for a while, the move you see him the harder it will be to get over him. If you are meant to be friends then you still will be after you take a break from each other.