Love secret

LegacyUser

Ok, here goes...about 2 years ago I met someone who lived in another country and we met on the internet. I went over for a visit and met this guy and fell instantly for him...like a ton of bricks. He led me to believe in so many ways that he felt the same, but he never actually said it.
So I picked up and moved to this country...I was there for a few moths and we never managed to get together, so I went back home.

I am still in love with this man and we still communicate, I believe he is shy and traditional and wouldnt commit to someone unless he knew for sure they would be around (hence my moving) I want to tell him how I feel, its really been on my mind lately.

I would move again if he told me he felt the same but I am not sure if I should risk it for the chance of ruining a friendship?

I want to tell him today...what are your opinions on this?

mrwyoming

It's Joseph Heller and that blasted Catch 22 of his again... Sheer volumes of sense and logic insist that if you're unhappy with a simple friend-on-friend stance, then tell him! But: the risk assesor who takes his work home would argue that the safer option would be to enjoy that there friendliness and make hay whilst the sun potters away behind our beloved clouds...

Stereotypical god/bedeviled opinion off the shoulder, and I think in your situation i wouldn't do anything - but then i'd be alone whilst the girl that flights my fancy waltzes off into the distance, nothing more than the object of my muted affection.

snoop dog heard it best on the set of a quite recent horror remake of a classically under done television drama: "do it," exclaimed the actor snoop dog heard.

Typedef

I won't say that you're crazy, since I *always* believe people need to go after their dreams and to do what right for them.

That said you should have told the guy why you were moving and what was entailed, you should have been a bit more up front about what you were doing..*alot* more upfront I'd say... in fact, you should have had a 'definite' as opposed to 'implied' lie of the land before you did something drastic like move country to be with another person.

*Especially* if there was no actual romantic history between you two *other* then internet stuff.

Maybe that's stating the obvious.

All you need to do *now* is be upfront (though not clingly) and settle the thing with the guy. If it is as you say a 'mutual' thing then mores the better.

I have to say though, *it's not* a friendship you have with this guy, if you're secretly in love with him, so pretending you don't want him, so you can be close to him is a lie and is dishonest to yourself. Waiting around in the wings does nothing good for you.

I mean how are you supposed to react as his *friend* if he starts telling you about this girl he's dating and all you want to do is kill her, him, random strangers and small children when you hear about it?

Friends indeed.

secret_squirrel

As far as I can see you've put the cart before the horse once and you'd seriously think about doing it again?

Try expressing your feelings to him before even considering leaving the country. then chat on the phone for a few weeks/months (have phone sex if it helps). Then visit for a few weeks, with the express intent of trying out a relationship. Then if all works out - consider moving back out there.

Out of interest why did you move on such an impulse last time? Smacks of bunny boiler behaviour to me. Are you sure most of this isnt just happening in your head? Its very easy to read more into an internet relationship than is actually there.

LegacyUser

well typedef...we are indeed friends and I havnt lied to him about anything. I told him before I moved about my feelings for him (not that I was in love but that I liked him a lot) after we met for the first time. I then flew home and decided I wanted to move to that country regardless and hoped we could have got to know each other better but it didnt work out so I moved on (or tried to) and saw other people.
My true feelings for him never went away and although he told me he wasnt ready for relationship and friends was better I had only hoped it would have evolved into something ...but we didnt even have the chance. There were too many obstacles in the way and whatnot.

So fine nothing came of it and we still chat, but I did mention to him the other day that he was only part of the reason I decided to move (which is true)and I havnt heard form him since, while this isnt uncommon as he doesnt check his mail often, if he doesnt reply ever then so be it. I am glad I took the chance and had a new experience in the end, and am also glad I finally told him how I felt regardless of what happens. I mean hey, if he is too freaked out and whatever, then whatever...not much I can do about it.

Actually after thinking on it for the last couple of days perhaps it isnt love, more than infatuation? I dont know anymore, its been 2 years and it seemed like a good idea a couple of days ago...I have been taking too much inventory on my memories me thinks.

But thanks for all of your input.