Bullying

Tippex

Guys,

Not sure if this is the right forum but anyway.

My son this evening was pushed off his bike and his helmet taken.

He came straight up to the house in tears. We called the garda to report the incident and then I went to see if I could find the bike.

The kids who "took" the bike had left it and the helmet on the local green.

Now one of the boys has been bullying my son for a few years now but neither myself nore my wife have seen it happen. I don't believe in knocking on parents doors complaining about things the kids do as kids will be kids. But my son is pretty much terrified to go out now.

The thing I am afraid of is that some of the kids in the area have been caught sniffing solvents and I certainly do not want my son to get caught up in that.

Any ideas of what we should/could do?

Lordz

Hmm....

Well,just telling you,im 15.

Knocking on the peoples doors is definately not a good idea,because kids like that probably come from messed up homes as it is.And that would start a lot of crap.

Are they in the same school?If so,tell the psycologist (if they have one).Most of the time,bullys think they are great,but when someone stands up to them,they leave them alone.Maybe tell him to stand up for himself.Then again,after that,he could be on the receiving end of a punch.

I dont know really :dunno:

ZENER

You don't mention what age your son is, but getting pushed off a bike is net really that bad. Dont get me wrong I'm not condoning this behaviour but sometimes kids need to get street tough so they can take care of themselves and earn respect from their peers.

Bullying really takes hold when a child demonstrates a weakness, for example running home to tell mammy and daddy.
One possibility is to get him involved in martial arts of some form to give him confidence and self belief. He'll be taught that it's not right to go about beating other kids up but he will also be taught to stand up and fight if really needed. You only need to stand up to a bully once, then they get scared.

As mentioned above often these kids come from disfunctional homes and probably get the crap beaten from them behind closed doors. The parents wont do anything constructive to stop whats happening.

Good Luck !

ZEN

Boston

Don't rule out the parents route, sometimes it can be productive. Saying that all bullies come from abusive homes is a cop out and attempt to ease your own guilt. Some of them are just bastards and there parents are well able to handle them.

Now I know civilized people don't like this approach but I'm just going to throw it out there. As a child most of us are bullied, only once was I ever really physically bullied by a lad 4 years my senior (I was 9 he was around 13), so being from the area I was(he did know this) my parents knew there was another way to handle it and arranged basically for a number of similar aged lads to give the guy a gentle kicking. That was the only time it was ever done, and only because the guy was much older then me, kids my own age I was felt to fight my own battles, and you may not like it but that's something that is beneficial to your child. Ringing the gardai only plays in your kids mis guided believe that authority figures a) give a **** and b) can help.

All that said, teach him how to defend himself. He doesn't have to know the **** out of the other guy, he just needs to make him think twice.

Concorde

Tippex, I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I honestly don't know what kind of parenting these little bastards get in order to enjoy upsetting or hurting another child. I was teased a lot at school, pushed around, and almost knocked off my bicycle with a snowball .Even now, it still affects me. Even though it's been a number of years ago I get upset by it. The only thing i can say is a lot of the girls became single mothers with miserable lives, one has 5 small kids and her husband has left her, others didn't do as well in life as I did.
I have 2 little toddlers myself, and I dread the thought of being in your situation. As it is, I'm teaching them to stand up for themselves. I don't let other kids away with taking things from them or hitting them, and I let them see that.
It's so hard to know what your son can do. Maybe you could drive him places so he doesn't need to walk or cycle on his own for a while. If they go to the same school, most schools have good anti-bullying methods, so maybe you could give his headmaster a ring. And let him know that these bullies will never get on in life as they don't know how to get anything except by force, and they certainly won't get away with that when they're in employment. Hopefully, he'll do well.
I wish you and him luck.

Etain

I know it's a tough situation, no one wants their child tormented by his peers. You didn't mention your sons age, but did say that one boy has been a bully for a few years. I have to assume that he's too old for you to watch him while he plays outside. Knocking on doors may make the situation much worse.
It's not going to get any better until you teach your son to stand up for himself. Then they will lose interest in teasing him quick enough.
Being a constant target is much worse than, possibly, taking a punch. He can defend himself without becoming a bully himself. You can also help him build his self-confidence by getting him involved with sports, etc.. especially if you are also involved. You can't change the bullies, but he can change his reaction to the bullies.

Big Ears

Well if ur son has many friends that would be a great help as few bullies even a group of bullies hate bullying more than 1 person at a time .

getting him involved in sports is another good idea , he would make friends and toughen up a bit (im not saying he's soft ) .

Interceptor

You know one of the kids - find out about his parents. Someone near you will be able to tell you whether they are approachable and then you can decide the next step.

This sort of behaviour is all too common and goes on everywhere but ninja training doesn't suit all kids. I'm not clear on why you think your son will get mixed up with glue-sniffers - are these different kids to the ones who took his bike? Again, without knowing your sons age its hard to offer an opinion - is he of an age when you could get a bike yourself and join him occasionally for spins? Spending more time with him will allow you to judge his abilities and vulnerabilities, but it might be uncool for him.

Good luck!

'ceptr

AidoX

When we moved into our new house my 7 year old was getting a lot of stick on the green. One kid wwas kicking him and tripping him up, robbing his ball. I went out and in fairness I wished to his age again to give the little bollo a slap cos of the reaction I got, making him look cool and me the fool.

One day he came in crying and my 4 year old said he's had enough of this... he got up from the kitchen table walked out on to the green and warned the kid that if he hit his brother again he'd give him a right hook, yer man was towering over my 4 year old and as my fella turned to walk away he got a slap in the head of yerman.... what happened next was priceless my 4 year old lost the plot turned and punched him full force in the belly bringing yerman to his level, then he landed him such a right hook knocking yerman to the ground and yelled to yerman 'WHAT DID I SAY?, Do you want more' he said no and ran home crying...
The whole road parents and all seen this...there and then my 4 year old got so much street credit for standing up to your man, he was the new kid on the block! He's usually a very quiet kid

Now I dont usually approve of that but when yermans father came over to complain (mouthing off, calling the garda, lawsuits etc) I explained what happened and other neighbours gave their 2 cents, he ended up backing down and going home sickened.

No one was afraid of his kid anymore and eventually when he decided to hit my 7 year old he did the right thing he hit back and that was it fighting was over, he knew he wasnt afraid of him anymore and a lot of kids on the road started standing up to him.

Eventually the kids get tougher and stand up for themselves

gubby

it is a tough one right enought... on one hand you dont want your kid to be seen as a mammy/daddys boy.. and also you have to be there for him. As a grandmother I am starting all over again now.. My daughter often askes me advice on rearing her 3 year old daughter. But to be honest.. there is never a right answer.. you really have to go with your gut. funny thing. my 17yr old said to me tonight.."when did you stop getting involved in fights" I thought he ment on the street.. I looked shocked and said I never got involved with neighbours and kids fights (which i didnt) No!! he said I mean with us (siblings) he said it seemed to him that one day I just decided to let them fight out their own battles with each other.
Having said that.. I do remember when this lad was younger.. (hes my baby) he got bullied a lot at school and on the green, and I didnt want to confront anyone, used to say things like .. "just try to keep out of their (the bullies)way.. until one day he came home crying again and said to me.. "why dont you ever stand up for me" God I felt so bad.. and the next day I had a quiet word with the mother of the worste offender and a not so quiet word with the kid himself.. and hey presto!!! fixed. Bullying can be a major problem.. as well (and maybe because they saw what was happening) being bullied by a few kids my son was bullied by a teacher!!
I eventually stood up to her too.. I confronted her about a comment she made that upset him.. she said "your copy is so messy,, I dread to think what your home is like" and she was shocked to realize that he had told me. "does he tell you everything? yes I said.. she eased off on him after that.