A girl... (yet another)

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I'm posting here cause I heard about boards before and see a good few people using it during college.
I got a big problem, first for some background. A Few years ago i met this girl and i got on real well with her she was as nice as could be and i really fell for her. I spent a year (5th year) with her in school and i really really liked her, not just physically but personality wise as well.we got on great and had same interests and all that. I never tried or hinted of making a relationship of our friendship cause she had a boy friend and I was friends with both of them and I didn't want to mess up peoples heads. She didn't hint either cause she was head over heels with her boyfriend.
We didnt really talk more over the summer because she spent alot of it in spain and portugal because her family had houses their.
I spent a second year in school with her and we got on great again.By this stage her boyfriend was a very big smoker (hash) and he was draggin her into it, having her smoking daily (not a saint myself but daily is steep).I felt real bad cause tho they were both my friends I didn't want to say anything to him cause she really liked him and a few of my other mates would of taking it the wrong way and think I was just trying to break them up. but as things progressed I started to spend alot of time with the girl. It would always piss me off watching her boyfriend agravating her and saying mean things, they started arguing alot at this stage.I knew I could treat her better.
I decided at the end of the second year (6th year) that it was best I just drift away from her cause it was hurting me too much to be arround them.When I started college I got back in contact with her briefly and she had broken up with her boyfriend (for good) and decided to go get a job rather than go to college. once again we slowly lost contact. I still talk to her boyfriend now and again and I often see him if out in town etc. were pretty friendly.
Now my problem is that ever since I got to know the girl I look at other girls differently, I'm now at the end of second year college and no matter what girl I talk to or get to know I always seem to compare them to the girl I fell for, and the truth is none of them come close to her, she was the nicest, sweetest, brightest, sexiest girl I ever got on well with and felt I connected with. I just can't seem to get her out of my head, its been over a year and a half since I last talked to her and I just can't move on.

Whats wrong with me?
Has anyone any advice? someone must of went through this same kind of thing.
How can I move on knowing that I passed the greenest field?

LegacyUser

Maybe you should try find out what this girl is up to now and make contact with her again if you feel that strongly for her. Although if its been a while since you saw her your mind may have sub consciously put this girl up on a pedi stool. She may have changed since you last talked to her but it cant hurt to look her up and see if she is as you remember.

Sleepy

Far away hills are greener my friend. You've got this girl on a massive pedastal and not even she could live up to the image you have of her. I've been there myself. Think about it. If she was so perfect would she have been in so many rows with the boyfriend? Maybe he was to blame for most of it as you think, but it still takes two to tango.

Put her to the back of your mind and get on with life. Even those of us who have been lucky enough to have had relationships with people we consider(ed) soul-mates will find happiness anew with someone else.

Don't worry about it so much, you're still young, you're at the best place you'll ever be in for meeting women (from my experience), keep looking and eventually you'll find someone (even if it is when you've stopped looking as is often the case!).

qwertyphobia

it's a cliche I know but we often remembr our first love for a long time

This is probably more so if we never went out with them, because nasty things like reality never got in the way of our pretty picture of them in that case.

It's not helping you move on if you are comparing any possible future partner to this old flame cause they can never compeat because what you are comparing them to is a fantasy.

Give it time. Your in college get yourself out there, maybe head off somewhere for the summer if you can afford it to immerise yourself in something totaly different

chump

If I were you, and it was eating away at me and I tried my best to get it outa my head and cudn't - id say fu[k it, follow her up, find out if she's seeing some1, and if not ask her out... if she says no - at least ya know ya never had a hope and you barely speak to her anyway

the worst that will happen is you'll make a fool of yourself... and that happens the best of us...

gud luck

Typedef

Man, that's pretty fucking depressing.

You know, it's probably good that you aren't jaded towards women and relationships. You fell in love with a girl and you still love her.

Back in olden times people would have considered that normal.

*sigh*.

I think you should find her and make it your business to get with her.

Otherwise, don't be comparing all the other girls to her, since, in reality and I honestly don't want to rain on your parade.... this girl, is just some chick.

Sure, you think you love them at some point, but, it always turns out bad and rotten somehow... that's just life, I suppose.

Even people who get married because of love, who haven't been knocked around by the mincer of modern relationships, you know the people I mean... Swiss family Robinson-types... end up not being in love with the people they married... so the whole love thing.. happily ever after, turned out to be like believing in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, Jesus and all those other manufactured dreams conjoured up, to stop people killing themselves wholesale.

Yep, most people are completely delusional, from watching television and generations of society based brainwashing.

Love is just one of those things.

skipn_easy

*happy thoughts happy thoughts*

i will find my prince and live happily ever after

The Real B-man

i feel the same about a girl for 2+ years now cant move on see girls tin a different way you are normal as i feel im going thru the same

Ellesmere

Your standards are too high, you like hanging out with the ‘in’ crowd. I bet you felt you had so much in common with this girl. What you need to do is fall in love with someone else who is a bit ordinary. Pick someone plain and single that you come into contact regularly, not the histrionic type.

Now just pay attention to them (while not being a lech) become curious about them like in a Sherlock Holmes type way. Get to know the group they hang around with, become friendly, flirt and aim to impress. After 3 weeks of flirting ask her out on a date. The thrill of the hunt will have you over the other one in no time.

RE*AC*TOR

It sounds like you need some closure on the relationship (sorry if this sounds corny). I think it would be trite to write this off as infauation - but you need to be able to spend time with other girls and enjoy yourself without thinking about her.
Try to actively dismiss thinking about her.

ur mentor

we all fill in the gaps as it were. i understand you never actually went out with this girl?
how do you know who she is?
she is herself not your image of her.
when you worry about her boyfriend forcing her to smoke daily- how do you know who forced who? If she is clear on who she is- then noone can force her to smoke.
i think the best solution is to ask her out.
she is/was your friend-
find out who she is now and who you are now.
it will really help you in the long run.

red-not-blue

Whats wrong with me?

What makes you think something is wrong with you? I think Im normal and Im in this situation as well.

I have been freinds with a girl since second year - I like her - but she's attached - no biggy - I get on with it, when she's free I will ask her out and if it works it works. I'm to young to be serious yet but I cant wait to experience love, but it doesnt have to be with her.

RNB

silverside

aah another one of these, PI is great

plenty more fish in the sea my son, if she ever dumps the bf, get in there, until then forget about her.