friends and drinking

LegacyUser

im starting to dislike myself when i drink. i went out with my college mates yesterday after our exams and it was nice to unwind together as it had been a while. anyway im a very upfront type of person and if i have a problem with somebody i tend to talk to that person about it and sort it out. thing is when i have alcohol on me things have a tendency of getting out of hand. there have been some problems between myself and one of the guys i hang out with..... we'll call him bob. we were really close at the beginning of the year but i gradually started to see a side to him that i really didnt like. he was very self-absorbed and bítched about a few of our friends very viciously and then was so nice to their faces. anyway we fell out recently over something stupid but he was acting like the victim and being really nasty to me in private. i decided to rise above it and i have been civil to him for the sake of everyone else.
yesterday one of the girls that left college came to the pub and bob was all over her, telling her how beautiful she is and how he's missed her blah blah blah.(but not in a sexual way) the two of them ignored the rest of us for about 3 hours. now what pissed me off is the fact that about a month ago Bob called this girl every name under the sun. so anyway this girl had caused a lot of ructions with one of the couples in the group and more of it came out after she left yesterday. which was my fault because i knew that she had been saying that she was with my friends boyfriend when she wasnt and i told my friend. i probably shouldnt have but i didnt want her to find out from somebody else and then discover that i knew. anyway while everyone was giving out about this girl bob called her a slút and a tramp and said he always knew she was. this really got to me because i cant stand 2faced people. so i called him on it. i said "you're head has been up her arse all night!" he said i was full of **** and i called him a two-faced git.
so then he spent the next hour crying!!! saying how i treat him like shít all the time.
anyway ur probably bored with this.....but the thing is i feel like i ruined everyone's night now. i am quite outspoken anyway but not in a malicious way, yet when i have drink on me it seems quite aggressive. i didnt want to ruin the last night for everyone.
anyway im sorry for all this boring waffle. i guess i just wanted to get it all out so i could make sense of it in my head. i think i should probably knock the drinking on the head or else learn to hold my tongue!
thanks for taking the time to read this (if you havent slipped into a coma)

Sleepy

Knock it on the head for a month of so, it won't do any harm. I do it every now and then, as much to prove to myself that I'm not reliant on it as to save my wallet.

See if that makes any difference. If not, I suggest you get new mates, they sound like a bunch of whiny, two-faced cvnts from your description of them.

hedgetrimmer

It's a pretty intense time for ye all - with college finishing for a bit and the pressure of exams/ release after they finish.

Take a rbeak from the firendship and do something you want to do, get your head together about the exams and stuff, and when you feel ready, eet up with the gang again.

Sometimes, in these high pressure situations, you can just go stir crazy and become tense with the others involved.

Kali

Ohh my gawd loike then she said that i said that you said behind isobels back loike that you really really should get a life.

seamus

If you mean what you say when you're drunk, follow it up during the next week - "Sorry about Saturday, I was a tad drunk, but I still meant what I said..." etc etc.

You'll find that people become defensive and easily upset when they're attacked aggressively (as you do when you're drunk), but if you reapproach it calmly, they'll repsect you for it, and have probably been churning about what you said anyway, and will be appreciating the chance to talk about it.

You say you're quite outspoken when you're sober - does this mean you would confront him on it (but in a nicer way), or just hold your tongue?

If you would normally hold your tongue, then you may want to drink with more moderation, or try switching to something you'll drink slower.

Stark

Anti-drink that I am, it sounds like your problem is with your friends not with the drink. You basically posted a big long rant about them with the "oh and I have a drink from time to time" tagged on as an afterthought.

Imposter

Do what ever you think yourself with regards the drink but in my experiences you have to bite your tongue in those situations. Mention it to a good friend again but in such a group there is nothing to be gained by blurting out your opinions in front of everyone.

ToxicPaddy

I think the idea of giving the drink a miss for a month is a good idea, might be a way
of helping you getting your head sorted out.. it might be also an idea to have a look
at what you drink... I personally found that if I drank any sort of whiskey, it made
me very aggressive, so I stopped drinking whiskey.. that could have something to
do with it too..

As for your mate "Bob", well I knew a guy like that for a few years in college, he was
as 2 faced as you could get, always nit picking and finding fault in everyone, if a girl
didnt fancy him, she was a lesbian and if someone didnt agree with him then they
were d*ckhead etc etc etc..

I found it best to distance myself from him simply because everyone automatically
assumed that because I gave him the time of day I was just like him and it caused
a lot of friction between me and some of my closer friends..

You have to take a step back and wonder what is it about this guy that makes him
a friend? From what you described of him, I cant seen any redeeming features and
he certainly doesnt act like one, to any of the group..

If hes part of the same social circle as you, then so be it, you dont have to try and
get the others to eject him from it or anything like that, just be sociable, chat to him
in a group and leave it at that, commenting on his behaviour will cause hassle as of
course hes gonna come back at you about it... who wouldnt want to defend
themselves if someone was attacking their character..

So just bite your tongue and let him be, all those around you will learn over time
what hes like and he will distance himself eventually from the group by his actions..

I would apologise to all in question about that night tho, do say that you knew what
you were saying and maybe you could have put it better but you still feel the same
way.. if they want to accept they will, if not then not much you can do, whats done is
done..

Good luck with whatever happens..

Tox

Mighty_Mouse

Is that really a group of men!:eek: OMG!! Sounds like the biggest group of bitches ever gathered to me!! Maby you should, like ....steal his lipstick and tell him his shirt is not very nice............that will really even things up!

Ps
On a more serious note. Nobody likes a big-mouth. This whole "I'm an up-front person and thats just the way it is " wont cut it for long. As your friends mature over the next 2-3 years you'll find more and more empty seats around u in the pub!

I'm really not trying to sound like a caveman here but jesus lads,,,,,,take it easy on the Oprah Winfrey will ye.

Peace

I used to drink a l;ot and then cause problems amongst my friends. As of new years this year i've been cutting waaay back on beer. I also reel my neck if a disagreement comes up... i had a tendency to get stuck in and then end up telling everyone who they were completely wrong.

Anyway, its my who i am not how much i drink. THe beer does being it out of me more so though. And when you put nitro into a formula one car you can get undesirable results.

positron

This may not be the most popular suggestion here, but what I do is drink a glass of water between every pint/drink - it keeps me going all night, in control, merry and no sh*tface.

Zulu

I gotta agree with mighty_mouse on this one.

It seems to me you need to drink MORE. ...and not your usual bacardi breezers/smirnoff ice either.
As for your man crying for an hour "...your so mean to me" - bi-atch slap him upside the head. Crying in public, for shame. Complaining about you being "mean", sweet baby jesus and the orphans!

seamus

Originally posted by Zulu
I gotta agree with mighty_mouse on this one.

It seems to me you need to drink MORE. ...and not your usual bacardi breezers/smirnoff ice either.
As for your man crying for an hour "...your so mean to me" - bi-atch slap him upside the head. Crying in public, for shame. Complaining about you being "mean", sweet baby jesus and the orphans!

Have to say I assumed the poster was female from the intonation and viewpoint of the post.

If not, him and all his mates need to grow some balls.

LegacyUser

yea sorry. i am female and bob is a bloke who is very camp to put it mildly.
it just seems like everyone expects me and bob to be friends regardless, just because we have been close before this. most of them will do anything for an easy life and prefer to ignore stuff like this. personally i hate having underlying tension and would rather sort it out (without the booze!!). im just not used to such 2-facedness.

i guess its not really about the drinking. thats just one of many factors. but from now on im going to take a step back from all the crap and hold my tongue.
i will be civil to him but still wont put up with his crap. guess i need to just learn to be less vocal.

thanks for the replies

Mighty_Mouse

so then he spent the next hour crying!!! saying how i treat him like shít all the time

sorry there I thought the poster was male.
But the point still appliess to yer man Bob. Take this as a blessing in disguise. Do you really want to be poisoned by this fvcker everytime u go out from now on? Do you really wanna listen to him. Take this opportunity to break ties and not have to listen to him anymore.

Thats what I'd do anyways. (the bitch-slapping idea is tempting though)

Zulu

Originally posted by bobble
yea sorry. i am female and bob is a bloke who is very camp to put it mildly.

My appologies, I assumed you were a bloke.
...origional post still applies for this Bob character though.

seamus

Originally posted by Mighty_Mouse
sorry there I thought the poster was male.
But the point still appliess to yer man Bob. Take this as a blessing in disguise. Do you really want to be poisoned by this fvcker everytime u go out from now on? Do you really wanna listen to him. Take this opportunity to break ties and not have to listen to him anymore.

I was refraining from drawing conclusions about the guy, but I'd agree in principle. Any man who uses female emotional blackmail tactics will be nothing more than a pain in your arse.

Shabadu

'Female' emotional blackmail tactics? Sob, why are you always so mean seamus? *runs off crying*

Typedef

here have been some problems between myself and one of the guys i hang out with..... we'll call him bob. we were really close at the beginning of the year but i gradually started to see a side to him that i really didnt like. he was very self-absorbed and bítched about a few of our friends very viciously and then was so nice to their faces. anyway we fell out recently over something stupid but he was acting like the victim and being really nasty to me in private. i decided to rise above it and i have been civil to him for the sake of everyone else.
yesterday one of the girls that left college came to the pub and bob was all over her, telling her how beautiful she is and how he's missed her blah blah blah.(but not in a sexual way) the two of them ignored the rest of us for about 3 hours. now what pissed me off is the fact that about a month ago Bob called this girl every name under the sun. so anyway this girl had caused a lot of ructions with one of the couples in the group and more of it came out after she left yesterday. which was my fault because i knew that she had been saying that she was with my friends boyfriend when she wasnt and i told my friend. i probably shouldnt have but i didnt want her to find out from somebody else and then discover that i knew. anyway while everyone was giving out about this girl bob called her a slút and a tramp and said he always knew she was. this really got to me because i cant stand 2faced people. so i called him on it. i said "you're head has been up her arse all night!" he said i was full of **** and i called him a two-faced git.

So to summerise and cut through the whole she-said/he-said you fancied this girl and another chap hit on her and that pissed you off. She rejected him, he called her a slut and you stood up for her.

Basically you're quids in with the chick in question, clearly you want her and you created a perfect opportunity to have her, even causing your competitor to cry, like a great, big, girls blouse.

Kudos.

For added effect start a rumour he likes to watch beastiality, after that... she'll be washing your jocks and making the breakfast!

w00t!

Edit:

Just read you're a chick.

Please disregard chauvanist rant.

I have an opening for a live-in washer/breakfast maker, usual contractual obligations vis-a-vis being tied to the cooker of course... English skills not required.

Applications via usual channels.

Best
Typie.

ferdi

Originally posted by bobble
and i called him a two-faced git.
so then he spent the next hour crying!!!

the guy is obviously a bitch, as Stark said your problem her is not drink, its this fool your hanging out with. i have reduced my intake of alcohol agood bit over the last year or so and its done me the world of good.

JohnnyBravo

I would like to take this oppurtunity to hit on Bobble
How you doin