impotence

LegacyUser

hi, im a boards regular, but im posting anon for obvious reasons

ok so heres the deal, i started seeing this girl bout two weeks ago and last night after we got home from the pub we got intimate, but i couldn't get it up so to speak, now i really really care for this girl and i so wanted our first time together to be perfect, but then this had to happen

she of course said that it was no big deal, well it may not be a big deal to her but it is to me, i felt so embarrased and worthless and this feeling of self pity and hate has been hanging over me all day

now, this isn't the first time this has happened either, ive messed up two previous relationships because of this

surely this shouldn't be happening to me, im 20 years old and fairly healthy, and i've no problem getting a hard on when im on my own, so im not impotent, and i know im not gay

i think this began after my first serious relationship, i fell in love, the sex was great, but i had a really awfull time of it when she broke up with me, and since then ive never been able to have a normal sexual relationship with anyone

i don't know what it is, maybe its the fear of falling in love and being rejected again, maybe its just nerves or maybe it was the drink, i don't know

anyway, sorry bout ranting on, if anyone has any advice i'd really apreciate it

senordingdong

Well there could be loads of reasons blah blah blah.....only your doctor could tell you whats really wrong etc...etc...etc...

Id suggest doing whatever you can to relax yourself beforehand, dont fret or dwell, be confident in yourself etc...
Also, try not to just "dive" right into the sex, put odme time to doing other things in bed forst to let you "get comfortable" and build some confidence in what your doing.

Oh yeah and keep us updated.

D!ve^Bomb!

don't worry man, it has/will happened to every guy,,, the only reason it keeps happening is because you keep worrying.. once you realise that its not really a big deal and it happens to everyone then you be a little more relaxed about it...

Johnny Versace

OK, so we know it's psychological.

If I were you, I'd start doing things to boost my mental health in general - working out, wearing nice clothes, taking care of my appearance etc. It might make you feel sexier and more confident.

The last thing you want to do is ponder on this too much.

You are not a freak, you are just anxious and it's affecting you physically. This can be fixed.

Does foreplay help at all?

BTW On quite a few occasions I have been very drunk and with a girl I didn't know too well. I had problems getting it up. It's no big deal. It happens!

Sleepy

last night after we got home from the pub

Read that sentance again. It's called Brewer's Droop and it's something that happens most guys at some stage or other. Take it easier in the pub next time, try to put it out of your mind and remember: sex ain't just about penetration

alienhead

why not try viagra.

dmd

Get stoned, a little, not too much.

Then just hug and touch for a while, I bet it'll be fine then..

Johnny Versace

Originally posted by dmd
Get stoned, a little, not too much.

Then just hug and touch for a while, I bet it'll be fine then..

Hmmm. For me hash is the opposite of viagra.

seamus

Be sober for a start. Does your current girlfriend know your history?

It's definitely in your head. You'll need to sort out whatever it is that's making you scared or apprehensive.

dmd

I don't know, I mean, a little, to relax. Maybe drink a little too, not something strong and cheap, I mean a nice beer, a nice german beer.

Smoke a little.

Then let her touch you a bit, but say leave the clothes on, you know, playfully, it's worth a try , I think.

dmd

Why be sober? I mean, be somewhat sober. There's nothing wrong with being somewhat tipsy.

Anyway, of course this is no solution, but think of it this way, if it's a little block, in your head, then getting it over it once might be the end of it. I mean, once you do it once, and the next time there isn't a problem, it should be plain sailing....

Then again, it could be a crazy block, you nut.

Walter_Sobcek

Don't worry dude, exact same thing happened to me a few years ago.
Fell in love with a girl - got dumped after 2 years (took it real bad).
Then failed the physical with the next 2 women who were goodly enough to
agree to sleep with me.
Really screwed me up (was about the same age as you) and ended up barely
talking to a chick for another year.

Then however, I met a really cool girl and fell in love again. Left it about
a month before I was comfortable enough to sleep with her though. The whole
time I was worried that I wouldn't get it up but the difference was this
time I was really comfortable with her (sadly we broke up not too long ago).

Anyway in terms of advice, i'm not sure what to say.
I know part of my problem was that I wasn't really over the ex, give it
a bit of time and maybe leave it a while before you sleep with a chick after
you meet her. Maybe if you get to know them properly, things will just flow.

Most importantly, don't let it fcuk you up - happens to loads of people.

LegacyUser

1 - stop jacking off

2 - start working out

3 - get more sleep

4 - if you're already doing these things then consult a doctor...

LegacyUser

Buddy the exact same thing is happening to me. I lived with a girl for years, loved her very much, she moved out over a year ago, and I still have issues with some women. I know just how sh1tty it is. I'll be hard as just until it's stick 'em in time, then it's nothing. Sinks quicker than a lead ballon filled with lead.

What can you do? What can I do? Dunno. Tried smoke less. Didn't work. Tried smoking more. Didn't work. Tried drinking less. Didn't work. Tried drinking more. Didn't work. It's not a problem ALL the time. I find that after a couple of times meeting the girl, it'll be ok, so I kinda know it's a comfort thing (even though I feel perfectly comfortable - evidently in the back of my mind I'm not).

Thing is - because it's so embarrasing I tend to end the relationship very quickly.


Buddy, I feel your pain.

Paladin

You wearin Condoms made with a Michelin Man logo on em maybe (joke btw)? thick ones pissed me off. Cant feel a thing. Go with thin and see if that helps. And drink can be a hinderance definately.

"one minute luv, need to go to the jacks again..."