This One Time, At DoE Camp

Tunga

This turned out to be a long post. If you’re bored and can be bothered to read it then thanks. If I get no replies then it doesn't really matter, even typing it helped me put it all into perspective a bit better.

I’ve nearly written something like this for the last couple of years. I never started though, because I could never bring myself to actually write it down. The idea of it even being on my computer was too much because I wanted to keep it in my head and nowhere else.

This weekend, Saturday to Monday, I was away on a Duke of Edinburgh (DoE) trip. If you don’t know what this is, you can have a look at http://www.theaward.org. I’ve already done my Bronze and silver award, and as part of my Gold I’m helping out with this years Bronze and Silver participants. What this basically means is that we were in the Isle of Purbeck for three days while they did a walk and two nights of camping. During the day we walk out and cut across their routes and meet them to make sure everyone is okay, has water, and so we can keep track of where everyone is. This stuff is not too relevant, but I’m just setting the scene.

There are four of us helping (and these are real names because this is hard enough to type as it is without having to change names, and I know none of them would mind) - Dom (16) and I (18) with the Bronzes, and Kevin (18) and Heather (17) with the Silvers. In practise though we don’t split ourselves between the groups like that, we just all help with whatever needs doing. It does mean I knew Dom from the training nights before though. I also knew Heather and Kevin from my own (failed) Gold last year. That’s another story, but all that really matters is that I never really spoke to Heather during the trip because the rest of my group thought she was annoying and not very good looking. I always liked her but I never had the guts to say anything - story of my life.

Maybe now is a good time for the story of my life, or at least my school life. My secondary school was all boys. This means between the ages of 11 and 14 I never really spoke to girls. I’m pretty academic and that means I didn’t end up hanging out with the cool people, which never bothered me, but it also meant I hardly did stuff outside school with anyone except a few guys from my year - who were okay but I never spoke to them again since I left for college - these were the same people who made up my failed Gold group last year, and I have no interest in seeing them again. Anyway, that’s another story as well. What it really comes down to is this - total experience with girls to date: zero. This isn’t exactly something I was proud of and of course I never brought it up. I go to college and have quite a few mates that are girls now, but I’d never try anything more than that. And I was happy with my life like this, to a point. This year when I go to university I decided I could make an effort then, but in reality I knew it would be difficult…where would I start.

So back to the weekend. It was Saturday night and the four of us were sitting in the minibus because it was a little cold (and of course the participants had to sit outside, this was the kind of reason we came back as helpers - better food, bigger tents, and freedom to do what we wanted pretty much). I can’t even remember how the conversation came up, but we ended up talking about how many German guys Heather got off with on our Gold trip (her passed, only my group failed). It was only a bit of a joke really, but the topic changed a bit, as it does, and then Dom asked Heather about her first time. “Not telling” she said, but returned the question. I could see in the way she did it I would get asked next. I’d always managed to avoid the question, but I wouldn’t this time. Dom answered “Yes I have, it was okay”.

“What about you?” Heather asked me. “What about me?” I stalled - worst stall for time ever but I really didn’t know what to say. “Your first time” she said, but of course I knew exactly what she meant. I looked at her and in that moment I realised that she wouldn’t care. “No”. It was all I could say, and I couldn’t decide whether she looked shocked or not. I didn’t think so, although somehow I’d hoped she would. It was probably more obvious that I thought. “Really?” she said. “Yes”, I wasn’t exactly bursting with words to say about it, I was still wondering whether I should have just life and said yes. Then Kevin said something that I really wasn’t expecting.

“I respect that”. What the ****? “Yeah that’s cool really” Heather added.

Umm…did I miss something here? It made no sense - I’d just spent years thinking hating this fact now I was being told it was cool? The topic changed after that and it didn’t get mentioned again until the following night.

We were at a different campsite and this time there was a shop that sold camping stuff as well as being a little supermarket. Alcohol. I mostly drink Cider because I don’t like Lager, so we got some cans of both and some Vodka and stuck the cans in the cool box for later. The groups got back from walking, we all set up camp, ate, and then got some cans and went and sat around the Land Rover away from the participants where we were just chatting again. By this time we’d all had about three pints, and none of us were drunk but it has an effect on the way you think. I’m not sure if it was the alcohol or the previous night that made me feel I could just be honest about anything with these people but that’s how I felt. We talked about various things, nothing much really, and then an hour or so later I ended up standing outside the Land Rover with Heather, the other two were back under the gazebo/tent thing that all the leaders/helpers ate in.

Then she did something, and I don’t know what she meant by it but she put her head on my shoulder and her arm round me. Now I already knew she had a boyfriend, and we were just friends, but I realised that I had no idea what this meant. I didn’t really know whether she could do that just as mate. “Are you cold?” she asked? “No”, I wasn’t because it was considerably warmer than the night before. “Why are you shaking?” she asked. I hadn’t noticed that I was, but I knew why and she probably did too. “Work it out” I said. “What do you mean, you’ll have to spell it out for me”. I can’t even remember what I answered, but I think it was something along the lines of just “You”. She told me I was a good height for leaning on. I was still caught up in the whole thing.

I asked her whether she was surprised about what I told her last night. The answer was “Yes…no…I don’t know”. I told her to just be honest and she said “Not really”, which was pretty much what I expected the answer to be.

Kevin came back but she didn’t move, she just stayed there. We walked across the site a couple of times, and all I wanted to do was put my arm around her too, mainly because I felt awkward with them by my side while she had hers around me. If I’d been on my own with her again I would have asked whether mates can do that but that situation never happened and I didn’t have the guts to just do it. I wish I’d done it now, because I don’t see how she could have minded, it was the same as she was doing to me, but at the time I just couldn’t do it.

That was it, and we went to sleep at about midnight since we needed to get up early on Monday. In the morning Kevin said he wanted to walk, so I swapped with him and ended up driving round in the Land Rover with Heather and the assessor who is about 30 and we know pretty well from doing our own awards (it was his car). We talked during the day, but not about the night before, and the thing was that it wasn’t this big thing for her. Nothing got mentioned again, and the groups all finished, we all met up at the finish line and we drove back. I was in a minibus and she was in the Land Rover so I didn’t talk to her on the way back, but I spent half the time going over everything in my head. When we got back, the two Bronze girls sitting behind me said I’d ignored them like four times on the way home and thought I was annoyed for some reason. I just said I was thinking about stuff and then everyone said bye and we left. We’d all be back on Wednesday for the participants’ debrief and presentation.

You’ve probably worked out that I like Heather. I mean I fancy her, but that word makes it sound kind of cheap. I’d be happy just to be good mates because it seems I can talk to her unlike anyone I’ve ever met but then to her I’m probably just another person she knows and nothing more. I’m pretty sure she meant nothing by leaning on me, but then in reality I have no idea. She’s taken and I can’t ask her out, nor do I have the guts to do that, and I end up looking stupid because I’m sure that’s not what she wants. I want her to know that she means a lot to me as a friend because I feel like I can talk to her but then I think it would sounds kind of stupid. I don’t really know exactly what she thinks of me.

This is the kind of stuff I would never tell someone I know, and that makes this awkward because this place is very public and before the weekend I could never have posted this for that reason, but now it doesn’t seem to matter.

This was longer than I intended it to be, but it’s the whole story. If you have any thoughts then post them. On Wednesday I’ll see her again, and I could just not say anything and I guess we will see each other occasionally (DoE finishes now because it was the final trip) or I could try and tell her something, but then I don’t even know exactly what it is I should tell her.

Tunga.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Tunga
“I respect that”. What the ****? “Yeah that’s cool really” Heather added
Umm…did I miss something here? It made no sense
I’d just spent years thinking hating this fact now I was being told it was cool?

it makes perfect sense
first of, it looks like (from where they're looking) that you are waiting for Ms. Right and that you respect women
secondly, Heather would find that exceedingly attractive and would probably love to be your first...

I'd say the balls in your court, they obviously see you as a bloke who could have sex if he wished, therefore, all you need is some self confidence, it’s probably all that’s stopping you at this point, go for it!

Sleepy

Well, maybe you could have been with her that night, and maybe you couldn't have. Either way, take the positives from the experience, you're obviously not entirely repulsive to women because she definitely seemed interested in cheating on her boyfriend with you in one way or other. Bud do you really want that? To be a bit on the side? It's not my thing anyway.

Be a little more confident in yourself and you'll get on fine. Oh, and one other thing, always remember this: the one's that talk about sex constantly are often the ones that have either never had it or are unbelievably bad at it

po0k

Hvaing not been there, I can't say for certain, but you were in

Btw, did you pass the Gold thingy? I'm assuming you did?

Things will get easier with practice.
You're a smart guy, you're sensitive (not pathetically,in a crippling manner) and apparently some women like that.
Course, other's like money and to be treated like shit.
Try and avoid those ones.

Tunga

Hmm, it's not really about sex, or even going out with her. Just that I feel like I've found someone I can talk with and who I trust, and I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I don't know what she thinks of me and I don't want to say something that just sounds stupid.

I don't think she was coming on to me really, I mean it didn't seem like that at the time, it just seemed like she was happy to lean on me. Was difficult though, I didn't know exactly what to make of it and didn't want to do something to annoy her. It seemed like putting my arm back round her would maybe give her the wrong idea, or make her think she was giving me the wrong idea...although looking back now I'm pretty sure I could have done that and she wouldn't have minded at all.

As for my Gold, my expedition is in the summer, this is just the Service part of my award where I do a communty service, in this case helping with the Bronze and Silver awards. but I should pass it this time, I don't have the same group of morons from last year, in fact we have a group of Maltese coming over to do it with us so it should be a good experience. Hey there's probably even be girls in the group :P .

She wasn't there tonight so didn't get a chance to speak to her. Hopefully she'll be around next week.

Thanks for replies, appreciated .

Tunga

Davey Devil

I wouldn't nessesarily say you "were in there". The reason she was giving you attention is probably because she felt you needed reassurance after your confession the previous night. That's the sort of thing friends do and it was probably her way of saying that you are a nice guy. Of course you can put your arm around her if she did it first - it doesn't mean you want to shag her, it's just a friend thing.

Also don't be worried about telling her that she's a good friend. She will probably be very flatered that someone thinks of her in that way.

Tunga

The reason she was giving you attention is probably because she felt you needed reassurance after your confession the previous night. That's the sort of thing friends do and it was probably her way of saying that you are a nice guy.

Yeah I kind of figured that too when I thought about it some more.

Havelock

Man, that post restored a lot of lost faith I had in the goodness of men.
She, may like you. She may just think your a nice senible guy and want to be friends.
If she has a boyfriend already I would suggesting till the relationship is over before doing anything (otherwise you''ll feel like such a heel afterwards).
I'm not suggesting that you avoid the chance should it come up, but more, um think about the repercussions of your actions (This is a lesson I learnt the really hard way being passed on). Don't devalue what should be a wonderful experiance out of eagerness.

All the best.

And for what to tell her, what ever feels right (and don't be afraid of rejection)

Tunga

If she has a boyfriend already I would suggest( wait)ing till the relationship is over before doing anything

I wouldn't have the confidence to ask her out anyway. It would be easier if I didn't know her, but it seems like too much trouble, and changes the way people think about you once you've asked. That could just end up worse than now.

Anyway it's funny how time puts things into perspective. It's more than a week on and things seem to make more sense now I guess. I still haven't seen her since, but hopefully she'll be at the group this Wednesday.

I have a feeling things will work out like they should do...however that is.

Thanks to all for replies, it helped .

Tunga

Tunga

Well here's an update if anyone is interested.

Spoke to her last Wednesday and although I didn't ask her outright, I managed to get an answer without actually asking (said that some people are saying things about us because of the weekend, which is true) and she said that they were all just stupid and that we are just mates.

Well that's cool anyway, it's not dissapointing or anything really, just hopefully will keep in contact.

Tunga