Lying to fiancee

danmcl

ive found myself in big trouble this week, heres my story:

about 1 year ago i got a credit card off of MBNA (didnt really want it but was kinda pushed in) and maxxed it out, i know i have spending issues but thats not the point. I then got an egg card with the intention of clearing the MBNA one with no interest and all the rest. I crashed my das car and needed to get it repaired so i had to use my balance on it.

anyway, ive had them about a year now and my fiancee found out about the egg card a few months ago and went spare, then she found out about the original one just the other day and went super mental, i mean absolutely bananas.
She says i keep too much from her but i thonk she has enough worries of her own to deal with without me adding to it. We went to one of her friends for advice and he gave me loads of good advice that im going to follow, but i told a wee white lie about my savings (overestimated by £100 said i had £800 when i only had £700) becuase i just wanted to have a bit of provacy, all my other secrets were told, i just wanted that one little bit.

Now my wedding that was meant to be in september in rome is in the balance, my fiancee doesnt want to see me until her exams are over in a week, i dont know what to do to try and get her to talk to me, when we argue i can never say anything because i get all tonguetied and ****e myself over what i am going to say in case all hell breaks loose, so i just sit there and say i dont know, i want to scream out and shout m lungs off, but i dont.

Is there any hope for me, or am i just fuxored all together?

Wolfie

Hey Man, looks like your girlfriend has the upper hand, and you are being a bit controlled. This is because you get tonguetied and ****e yourself when you are arguing instead of standing up for yourself and putting your point across. Remember a relationship is supposed to be 50-50, and your own finances are your own business until you are married at least (I usually look after the financial side of things myself I suppose).

The issue with your fiancee is more of a trust/you lied to her situation, more than her being pissed off at you being in debt. Then again, when she marries you, you become one unit, and your debts becomes hers. Even so, I dont think a few grand constitutes an enormous problem... its probably more to do with you not telling her about it.

Now, to the immediate problem.. you dont want to be starting a marriage with a load of debt, so work some serious overtime, if possible, and clear your cards. Thats number 1 priority for you. If you cant do that, then get a credit union (prefereably) or bank loan to clear and destroy your plastic. You cant control your spending on them if you max them out and leave them that way.

Then, apologise to your girl for not telling her, explain that you thought she had enough to worry about, and that you felt bad about burdening her with any of your stress. You should also tell her how you feel when you are arguing. If you are henpecked now, then you will continue to be when you get married. If you are happy to be dominated by a woman, then just grovel as above and you will get back in there. Its not a serious problem, and I would be very suprised if she makes it so, in fact, forget her if she does! Change it right around my man.

EDIT: Also, a good screaming match can be healthy, clear the air and make you feel more relieved. Go mad and you'll feel better. Dont try to avoid confrontation, but dont instigate needless confrontations too often either.

Kernel32

Wolfie has a lot of good advice that is well worth following. Another piece I would add is to seriously think about if you are mature enough to get married. Marriage is a big step and if you are still at a point where you can't handle money then you might want to try and work on that a bit first and at the same time build up a better trust relationship with your fiancee. It sounds like you are both very young still and have time to work on this before making a huge commitment.