Why?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

This might sound like a b*tching rant, but it's not, I'd simply like a few responses with people's perspective.

Rleationships & Love. I don't understand these things. As a kid growing up, I was always very quiet and as a result very observant. I've noticed too many times what relationships can do to people. I've seen too many times the hurt people experience because of relationship difficulties. Even here on the PI forum, I've read post after post about how some poor sucker (for want of a better term) got too caught up in a relationship and ended up extremly hurt after an argument or break-up or whatever. I've seen too many people fall into terrible depression because relationships didn't work out. Some people who are very close to me (family) are extremely distrustful towards others (even in the family) because someone they have "loved" in the past broke their trust. I've seen people changed forever because they were hurt in relationships (my own mother for one).

Yet it seems to start so happily. A man falls for a woman, or vise versa, and they are instantly in "love", all over each other. The relationship becomes very intense, and after a certain period, it becomes a regularity, and is taken for granted and once the initial excitement is gone, it becomes stale, at least for one of the two. Then one decides break-up, hurting the other badly. Then the person dumped gets depressed until they move on, finding someone else. Then the person who made the break-up becomes jealous or sad because they realise they want the origional man/woman back. (I know not all relationships are like this, but its a rough outline of what I have continually observed over the years).

If that wasn't bad enough, (and suprisingly to me), both people usually move on and find someone else, knowing that the hurt caused or felt in the last one is likely to happen again in this one; or, either party was so deeply hurt by the last one that it is going to be difficult to trust/"love" again, making a new relationship even more difficult . And yet the cycle continues.

And then comes marriage. If two people manage to stay together long enough, and do truly like each other, they marry. But inevitably, at some point this will become stale (not for everybody of course, this is just what I have observed). Husbands cheat, wives flirt, partners argue constantly at the sight of each other and all manner of complex situation arise from a long term stay together, usually inflicting a huge amount of hurt and worry on the children if any (trust me I've seen this one WAY too many times). Then comes divorce. I couldn't even begin to tell you how many people I know who's parents are divorced or separated. Just look at this country's divorce statistics. In fact I read recently that on average 60% of modern marriages end in divorce (this could have been in the states though). Again a huge amount of suffering is endured by all involved, especially the children.

And yet, after all this pain and suffering because of relationship difficulties, people continue to do it. They move on, find someone else, fall in love, and again, the cycle continues. From what I've observed, the happyness factor of the initial stages of a relationship seems to be the driving factor, with also perhaps the hope of true love "forever", yet realistically this is not the case. People seem blinded by their own need for a physical and emotional attachment to someone else.

It just seems so strange to me that love is simultaneously both the cause and solution to our inter-personal problems.

Relationships have even torn apart my family. You may remember my post a while back entitled "Family Ties" in which I described how my mother and father seperated and he was not allowed to see me (among other things).

This post isn't a big moan or complaint about love & partnerships, I do know a few people who's marriage is still intact (although they were married 30 & 40 years ago and now it's like they're dependant on one another for material things). I'm just discussing from my own experiences. I know most of you on boards have partners, so I ask you personally -

why do you do it?


Friendly disscussion welcomed.

Gordon

I'd say this is more of a query on humanities need for marriage or relationshipsm or something that will be long posty type postulation for the population wordy stuff that tends to happen on the Humanities board.

So I'll move it there.

skipn_easy

Because that's all we can do? Making memories, trying to be happy, sharing experiences with other people. What would we do if we didn't do that?

bonkey

Originally posted by Hmm
why do you do it?

When I get hungry, I eat. After I've eaten - assuming there was enough food and so on - I am no longer hungry, and I feel satiated.

Some time later, I feel hungry again.

Eating doesn't cure this problem. It only seems to offer a temporary respite. Not only that, but deciding what to eat, the issues of eating correctly, etc. etc. etc. all lead to strife and stress in my life which I could do without.

Unlike relationships, eating doesn't even have the possibility of lasting. I know that it is doomed to failure as a solution to the problem, and yet I'll turn around again and again and again, and keep on applying this same, doomed approach.

Why do I do it????

jc

Ryvita

"Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt."
Shakespere!

How posh am I? But seriously it holds true! You could play life safe and lock yourself away and not get hurt. There are ups and downs in relationships and none are perfect but it's worth the pain mostly!

I think these days people expect far too much from relationships. A lot of my friends run at the first sight of anything hard or difficult but it's those things that make a relationship stronger and better when you get through them. They are going to keep going through these cycles until they start facing the hard stuff, like infidelity, boredom etc. or else end up very lonely old men/women.

Almost everything in media is about sex ... music, ads everything and I really think that puts relationships under pressure because people feel they should be constantly wanting sex and feeling sexy and if they don't feel that way about their partner all the time they feel that they might be with the wrong person.

Basically I think it's down to the individual whether they can make a relationship work or not ... you just have to expect that it's going to be sh*t sometimes and that it'll all be worth it as long as you love the person.

loismustdie

the meands justifies the end, the end justifies the means - life is for living, happiness is what we thrive. even if relationships don't work we have fun for the most part, that's why we should have fun now rather than plan or analyse. don't stereotype ourselves and most importantly, wear sunscrean

mr_angry

Its another classic case of logic vs. instinct. You can be the most rational person in the world, but you meet someone you really like, and all logic goes straight out the window - all you can think about is this person, and eventually you succumb to the instinct to begin a relationship with this person.

There's just a deep psychological need for people to be together. Maybe its to ensure the reproduction of the human species. Maybe its just to survive, or stay sane. But its there, and you cannot escape from it. Its human, and its part of you. Denying it is surpressing something that will always be part of you. If you're lucky, you have some control over the situation, and you can avoid the mistakes other people have made.

df001i6876

why .you just keep smileing and hope destiny is on your side
enjoy life theres allways someone worst off then you.
thats what my dad used too say.

seaghdhas

I'm thirsty. Anyone else?


Think about it.


50 euros to the first person to say no!!!

McGinty

Like what the others have said, its a human need, desire, also not all relationships are doomed. I know several of my friends, and family who are in good relationships, they're not perfect, they have arguements and ups and downs, but there is geniune love there and committment, they work through the issues. I think at times people give up too easily in relationships, others break up because they fear committment or intimacy. Being in a relationship is, in my opinion, both wonderful and hard work, and damned difficult, but worth it.

I know I keep trying, not much success yet but oneday I sincerely believe that I will meet someone I like and grow to love and I beleive I'm more realistic now about things rather than idealistic. The alternative is a life living alone, which in a way is nice, safe and secure, you know your not going to get hurt and you'll maybe only feel lonely some of the time, but there will be little or no joy, then again I may be wrong on that score, I know people who have great joy and are living alone, but that's how I see it for me.

df001i6876

Originally posted by McGinty
Like what the others have said, its a human need, desire, also not all relationships are doomed. I know several of my friends, and family who are in good relationships, they're not perfect, they have arguements and ups and downs, but there is geniune love there and committment, they work through the issues. I think at times people give up too easily in relationships, others break up because they fear committment or intimacy. Being in a relationship is, in my opinion, both wonderful and hard work, and damned difficult, but worth it.

I know I keep trying, not much success yet but oneday I sincerely believe that I will meet someone I like and grow to love and I beleive I'm more realistic now about things rather than idealistic. The alternative is a life living alone, which in a way is nice, safe and secure, you know your not going to get hurt and you'll maybe only feel lonely some of the time, but there will be little or no joy, then again I may be wrong on that score, I know people who have great joy and are living alone, but that's how I see it for me.

I agree live for today ? but the older you are the harder it gets to form a relationship > friends are inportant.