parent issues

catspring

Ok, I’ve got a bit of a problem and hopefully some of you lovely people will be able to help me… (Sorry it’s a bit long)

I’m 19, live at home (Donegal) and commute to uni. I’m in second year of an arts degree and I’m studying major English, minor French. Because I’m at college in the North most of the other French students have done A-level French (in which you read French literature and do an extra 2 years more than at leaving cert level) and my French wasn’t great anyway so I went in at the beginners level in 1st year.
Thing is, I want to drop French and do straight English for my final year. I think that French will only bring my overall grade down because I will have to be integrated with the ordinary level 3rd French people next year, and my beginners’ class really hasn’t caught up with them.
Also, I’m not interested in doing anything specific with French with regards to jobs when I finish. To tell the truth I don’t know what I want to do.

I talked to my lecturers yesterday to make sure I could switch to English and they said that because my English grades have been good it wouldn’t be a problem; and I explained the situation to my French lecturer and he said it sounded like I had thought long and hard about this and that French would bring my degree mark down. So I have done my homework on this one.

Now the real problem is that I told my dad about all this last night and he said that I was just “opting out” and that I should just work harder. But I know that I’ll never be able to catch up, my French lecturer even said that had I done ordinary level French and A-levels that it would still be hard because I wasn’t spending a year in France (atm that’s just not an option for me)
Dad said that I was limiting myself with regards to finding a job when I’m older, which is probably a fair enough statement but I have thought about this and still want to drop the French.
Also, he said he would “be very cross with you Claire if you give French up” which is laughable really.
Now, my dad pays my fees because I can’t get a grant, so I feel indebted to him.
So am I being silly here?
Or should I be old enough to make my own decisions? And deal with my own mistakes if that’s how it turns out…
And advice here would be great whether it be on the parent issue or the dropping French issue.

Sleipnir

any chance of asking your French and English lecturer to speak to your Father?
Any time parents hear you're "dropping" something, it sounds to them like you are 'opting out' (I HATE that term) but you do sound like you've thought long & hard about it.

Beruthiel

speaking as a parent here
first off, I consider you old enough to make your own decisions/mistakes, I know I was at that stage, and yes I made plenty.
Secondly, it is very difficult for a parent to let go of what they consider to be ‘their little baby’. Sometimes it’s just plain hard to believe you are grown up now, and to anyone who is 20/30/40 years older than you (no matter what age you are) you will always seem naive and innocent to them as they have had so much more life experience and gained wisdom along the way.
So
At the end of the day, you know more about what you can cope with than your Dad here. He loves you and only wants the best for you, and yes I can see where he’s coming from with regards to cutting your options in half, wouldn’t it be nice for instance to work in Paris as a translator or whatever. Perhaps your next step is to decide what you will do with your English course once you’ve finished – a teacher perhaps? Do you have anything in mind at all?
Then you sit your Dad down, explain what you have said above, thought the whole thing through etc… Once he sees that he may re think his opinion.
However,
at the end of the day, you have to do what you consider is best for you, you are the one to live with it, not your Da. Also, it’s when your child starts to stand on their own two feet that you begin to see them for the adult that they are
good luck
a

martarg

Now, my dad pays my fees because I can’t get a grant, so I feel indebted to him.
So am I being silly here?
Or should I be old enough to make my own decisions? And deal with my own mistakes if that’s how it turns out…
And advice here would be great whether it be on the parent issue or the dropping French issue.

Well, on the French issue, you seem to have weighed the options and made your decision. I would only consider whether, when the time comes to find a job, a good overall mark will be more useful than a minor in French. Will employers look at your marks that closely? (and this is a genuine question, I have no experience of the Irish work market) On the other hand, perhaps you might try to catch up with the French class by taking private lessons, for instance...

That said, the fact that your parents pay your fees does not entitle them to make that kind of decisions for you. It is natural that they should have an opinion, but you shouldn't feel guilty about "disappointing" them that way... explain to them why you have made that decision and stick to it, unless they can persuade you to change your mind, but don't yield to the "I pay your bills" pressure ....

catspring

firstly, thanks for your replies

Beruthiel, i really don't know what i want to do when i finish. i didn't ever mean to do this degree in the first place but i messed up my leaving cert etc. i always thought that i would just work for a while and then hopefully go on to do a post grad or a masters in business maybe (that was my plan originally). to do this my overall grade is more important than the subjects (according to lecturers)

martarg i have been getting private tuition from a native french speaker and it's just not helping enough. i think that i would need to do the ordinary level 2nd year modules next year to be in with a chance and that would really just be taking up too much time, no time left fro english...

tis a pickle to be sure!!

catspring

thanks for your replies

beruthiel, i don't know what i want to do after my degree, maybe work for a while and then go on to do a post grad or a masters. for this it is based on my results as oppossed to my subjects (according to lecturers). always meant to do business but i messed up my LC and here i am. but i deffinately don't think that french features in my possible job list at all

martarg, i have been taking french grinds for last year and it's just not enough. i would probably need to do ordinary level 2nd year french modules next year to have a chance of doing well, but this would take up too much time and leave me with little time for my english.

tis a pickle to be sure

hedgetrimmer

You have a much better doors open to you if you have a good grade in your degree, and it seems like you have already chosen really. Only you can set out your life-path, and make your own choices. Hopefully your parents will support you, but now is the time when they should be recognising your right to choose and your independence. It's a tough decision, and one of the first marking you as an independent adult, so part it of it could be unwillingness in your father to accept that - I'd imagine that'd be tough for any parent.

Make your choice, the right choice for you at this time, and make it firmly. Good luck

martarg

i always thought that i would just work for a while and then hopefully go on to do a post grad or a masters in business maybe (that was my plan originally). to do this my overall grade is more important than the subjects (according to lecturers)

Have you explained all this to your parents? It seems to me you are taking a very informed decision. If you tell them that those are your definite plans, that there is a long-term goal, I think they will come to accept it. There is always some path that one has to leave in order to follow another. Then, if French is so important, perhaps there are Cambridge-style official exams you can prepare for in your own free time later on...

Kersh

You are 19. Tell your Father to trust you, and support you. Tell him, dont ask him. He has no choice. Its your life, not his. You make your decisions.

Victor

Originally posted by Kersh
Its your life, not his. You make your decisions.

... and will have to pay for them / live with them.

What do you want to do in life? Will a single subject BA(?) be enough?

Why not ask you father to sponsor you for 4 months in France for the summer to inprove your French?

A reasoned converstion with your father, explaining how you have thought things out and discussed them may help.

Is there any form of guidance / career counsellor in college?

Kersh

What I meant by 'you make your decisions' was, that Catspring makes them, not her Father. She will have to live with his decision too. So she might as well live with her own decision, not someone elses. After all it is her life. I assume Catspring is a girl.

Kersh

My apologies Claire. Its just the original post is so far away up there:rolleyes:

catspring

thanks people (and sorry for posting twice in a row earlier, a mistake)
well, i think i will just go for it then.
i mean, it's not even so much a question of not being able to spend time in france to imrove my french as an i really just don't like french any more. unless that is a stupid reason for giving it up, i hope it isn't...
if you don't hear from me again then you can take it that my dad was not impressed lol
thanks again

claire h

Originally posted by catspring
i mean, it's not even so much a question of not being able to spend time in france to imrove my french as an i really just don't like french any more. unless that is a stupid reason for giving it up, i hope it isn't...

It's not stupid at all, it's the best reason there is. If you don't like something, there's no point in studying it if you have the option not to. Do what you like doing and what you're happy doing. Sticking to something that is not going to have any rewards for you whatsoever is ridiculous.

Good luck.

Red Alert

life is just too short to waste time on something you're not enjoying. your parents need to realise this, so the best way is to say to them that you've really taken on board what they said but you've decided that dropping it is the best course of action for you. It's your life, don't waste it just cos you're not enjoying something.