Self-harm

LegacyUser

Hi
Im in desperate need of help.
The thing is i cut myself to deal with stress, certain emotions etc.
its been going on for about 2 years non-stop and ive tried everything.
I've been trying to get help for a while but i cant find anything here in Ireland.
Any advice?

Gordon

What is the 'everything' that you have tried? Counselling? Psychotherapy? Leeches?

LegacyUser

i used to do it too.

then i stopped.

i'd give you advice but you see,....i've been banned.

senordingdong

Are you sure you want to stop.
Just thought I'd mention the whole "you can only quit if you really want to" thing.

Victor

Originally posted by pirate
Im in desperate need of help.

Is this in general or is it something specific tonight?

I'm just wondering who you have discussed this with? Friends? Family? GP? Counsellor? Psychologist / psychiatrist?

I think you've realised that cutting yourself is not good. Personally my policy is to hurt others before i hurt myself - this isn't a carte blanche to commit violence, but all to often we feel guilty for what others have done.

Post some more.

LegacyUser

I've been on sites which suggested various methods of stopping which ive tried but they havent worked. I've told a friend and he told me to stop or he wouldnt talk to me again so i lied and told him i stopped. I really do want to stop but i have no one to talk to.

Silent Grape

first of all here's a hug X

you have this place to get it all out and say whatever you need to say. can i ask how old you are? sometimes friends are too immature to deal with this kind of thing. confiding in an adult might be better. not even ur parents if u feel u cant. u could ring the samaritans. what you need to think about is expressing the feelings u have when ur cutting in a different way. basically u need a coping strategy, and the only way you can cope is with the help of a counseller.

good luck x

BuffyBot

The fact that you've realised you have a problem and want to stop is a big big step.

You say you've been to sites about this and the information hasn't worked. TBH the answer to this probably won't be found online, and it's something you'll have to talk to someone in real life about. That is another huge step to take, but it can be taken.

You don't give any idea of your age, but try talking to your GP as the first step. Hopefully your GP will have an understanding of the issue and point you in the right direction for some help.

LegacyUser

Thanks people! I dont want to get my parents involved. Im going to go to the doc sometime next week because I cant deal with this on my own anymore hopefully he'll give me some advice. my friend who ive talked to is an adult but they think its a desperate bid for attention these days so i just dont bother telling them because its pointless.

pirate04

Hey i screwed up my registration so this is my new name.
basically I cant tell my parents, Ive tried confiding in friends at school but all they do is ask why and I dont want that. Im going to go to the doctor sometime next week, probably after school and i plan to bring a friend for support but the thing is they might think im a freak.

patch

Going to the doctor is the best thing you can do right now. The fact that you decided to do that by yourself is a great sign, you're clearly well on the way to sorting out your problem.
The doctor won't think your a freak, nor will anybody else who has even the slightest bit of understanding of people and their problems.
Well done on getting this far, best of luck.

Victor

patch is right, you are not a freak. Yes cutting yourself is an unusual (and unacceptable) practice, but that does not make you a "bad person".

Certainly talk to the GP and even the Samaritans, they are there for anybody who needs someone to talk to.

What sort of situations are causing the stress and other emotions that make you want to cut yourself?

One good way to relieve stress is exercise (stress is caused by adrenilin). Look up stress on www.vhihealthe.com or www.irishhealth.com

McGinty

Like the others have said going to the doctor is a good idea. In the meantime I would suggest that when you get the urge to cut, if you can identify what triggered you to feel that way, awareness of the problem is half the battle and your nearly there. The other thing is, ask yourself would you cut anyone else, (I am assuming the answer is no) then ask yourself why do you hurt yourself. Like you I have suffered from a very low image, and I learnt to identify what it was about myself that I didn't like. The most important thing is to ease up on yourself mentally (I realise this is difficult, but if you can it would really help). Each day think of one thing you like about yourself, be it your good at a subject at school, or some physical aspect of yourself that you like. It is much harder to hurt yourself when you start to like yourself. Take care and good luck ((((((( ))))))))))

senordingdong

Originally posted by pirate04
Hey i screwed up my registration so this is my new name.
basically I cant tell my parents, Ive tried confiding in friends at school but all they do is ask why and I dont want that. Im going to go to the doctor sometime next week, probably after school and i plan to bring a friend for support but the thing is they might think im a freak.

The others are right, your doctor wont think your a freak, but make sure you think long and hard about who your support is gonna be, because some people will think your a freak.
By the way your doctor will want you to tell your parents before he "treats" the problem, just be prepared for that.

skipn_easy

Can I just ask why is self harm so unacceptable?

BuffyBot

I guess because it's a manifestation of deeper issues which need to be dealt with. I imagine very few people self harm for no reason.

senordingdong

Originally posted by skipn_easy
Can I just ask why is self harm so unacceptable?

Because it doesnt fit into any category of "normal" behavior.

Grimlock

Originally posted by senordingdong
Because it doesnt fit into any category of "normal" behavior.

That's the single stupidest answer I've ever heard!
It's "normal" to smoke, doesn't mean it's a good idea
it's "normal" for people to see ppl get blind drunk and fighting on a Saturday night,
doesn't mean it's a good idea.
Do ya see a partern emerging here???
The list is endless.

Self harm isn't a good thing because it is the physical manifestation of an underlying emotional hurt or mental strain.
Call it a cry for help or a means of distraction from a different type of pain or whatever ya want.
But to get through it you need a close circle of good friends cos you'll need support to get out and stay out of this habit.
Good luck with your future pirate

Karl Hungus

Well, my advice is just to stop worrying about it... It's really nothing major at all, and don't let people blow it up into a bigger problem, as you say yourself, you do it to deal with stress, but now it's stressing you out.

Just chill out, and think to yourself that there's hundreds of worse things that could happen to you. Try and feel good that you're not on here asking for advice because you got a girl pregnant, or that you've just contracted an STD, or some other nasty thing that could seriously **** up your life.

Try and put things in perspective.

senordingdong

Originally posted by Grimlock
That's the single stupidest answer I've ever heard!
It's "normal" to smoke, doesn't mean it's a good idea
it's "normal" for people to see ppl get blind drunk and fighting on a Saturday night,
doesn't mean it's a good idea.
Do ya see a partern emerging here???
The list is endless.

You just proved my point, dingus.

Silent Grape

Karl, this is a really serious issue that i dont think u have much understanding of if you're going to trivialise it and tell him to 'put things in perspective'.

its kind of like telling someone who'd been mugged to be glad they wern't murdered.

pirate04

Thanks alot for the support and advice people.
AND IM A GIRL! (girls can be pirates too, I think)
Anyway ive decided im going to the docs to get some advice hopefully he can point me in the right direction.
Thanks again,
pirate x

claire h

>> Can I just ask why is self harm so unacceptable? <<

Huh. I see where you're coming from on this one. It's a coping method like any other. Hitting a pillow is a coping method, we think that's acceptable. Drinking is a coping method, we think that's acceptable up to a point. We think self-harm is unacceptable because a lot of people are creeped out by the idea of people hurting themselves, but I'd imagine everyone's inflicted some form of pain onto themselves at some point in their life, even if it's just picking at a scab or kicking a wall or something. But I guess repeated self-harm is ritualistic and you come to depend on it, even to become addicted to it, to the point where it takes less and less to trigger off the urges - like an alcoholic who starts off by having a drink to loosen up every night and ends up being unable to go into work without drinking, or some other such analogy.

Anyway, to the pirate-girlie: good luck, hope the doctor is helpful.

Karl Hungus

Originally posted by Silent Grape
Karl, this is a really serious issue that i dont think u have much understanding of if you're going to trivialise it and tell him to 'put things in perspective'.

its kind of like telling someone who'd been mugged to be glad they wern't murdered.

I have plenty of understanding on this topic, and I'm certainly not trivialising anything. To be rather blunt, I was a teenager too, I've had my own experience in this very issue, and I'm basically trying to politely say "Grow up" without sounding too patronising.

And funnily enough, I was mugged at knife point once, and had a nice little 'reminder' of the situation permenantly placed on my cheek, if you catch my drift. I had quite a fresh perspective on life after that event.

skipn_easy

Claire, that's exactly what I meant. It is a coping method, but people who do it are not trying to kill themselves or seriously hurt themselves so I'm not sure why its seen in such a bad light.

I guess people can't understand why people would hurt themselves but if it helps someone deal with something then I tend to think fair enough. But as you said, its only up until a point, and if it gets out of hand then its not so harmless anymore. The same as drinking, and taking drugs and whatever other coping mechanisms people have. Smoking is one crutch that loads of people have, which is very harmful and nobody bats an eyelid though. I know plenty of people who can't stop smoking, get angry and unpleasant if they can't smoke every two or three hours and this is totally acceptable. We even have smoking breaks for them....

Beruthiel

Originally posted by skipn_easy
I know plenty of people who can't stop smoking, get angry and unpleasant if they can't smoke every two or three hours and this is totally acceptable. We even have smoking breaks for them....

I do not think you can equate self harm with smoking, yes smoking does cause health issues, but people do not first take up smoking because of some inner need to cause pain to themselves because of some outward stress they are living with. People who self harm, do so because they cannot cope with some outward stresses. If things get to this stage, and you cannot cope, and you are self harming, is it not time to talk to a professional in order to learn how to cope with life and sort out whatever it is that is causing you to do this in the first place

Boston

Originally posted by Beruthiel
I do not think you can equate self harm with smoking, yes smoking does cause health issues, but people do not first take up smoking because of some inner need to cause pain to themselves because of some outward stress they are living with. People who self harm, do so because they cannot cope with some outward stresses. If things get to this stage, and you cannot cope, and you are self harming, is it not time to talk to a professional in order to learn how to cope with life and sort out whatever it is that is causing you to do this in the first place

Cutting is a damaging form of stress relief, smoking is a damaging form of stress relief. Seems easy enough to equate the two. Yes they may have been started for different reasons, maybe not. The only real diference is the extreme.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Boston
Yes they may have been started for different reasons, maybe not.

most of the time they have started for different reasons, this is my point

Kersh

Think of this. At some stage in the future you will meet a guy. Whoever it is, when he sees your body you will have some explaining to do. And not everybody is going to understand, are they? And before ppl start saying 'well if he doesnt understand he is not worth it', consider this. What if you really like him, and it would really hurt you if you couldnt stay with him, is that not a good enough reason to stop...i.e. for your future. And not just that. If its your arm you cut, wearing t shirts in a job will lead to auestions..etc etc.

Victor

Originally posted by skipn_easy
Can I just ask why is self harm so unacceptable?

(a) it prolongs problems, not solves them, (b) can have other side effects (infections, etc.)

Originally posted by Grimlock
It's "normal" to smoke, doesn't mean it's a good idea it's "normal" for people to see ppl get blind drunk and fighting on a Saturday night, doesn't mean it's a good idea.

Just because it's "common" or "frequent" doesn't make it "normal".

skipn_easy

Originally posted by Kersh
Whoever it is, when he sees your body you will have some explaining to do. And not everybody is going to understand, are they?

No probably not, but if that's the way you cope with your problems, then it is part of who you are, and if they can't understand you, then there's not much you can do about it. Lots of people have scars, burns, birth marks.... if you're happy enough to live with the consequences then so be it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying self harm is the optimal way of coping. Its a sign that things aren't right, that there's underlying issues (as others have said before) and if people are considering it as an option then it would be a good idea if they saw a counsellor, or a gp or talked to somebody about their feelings.

I'm just trying to see how people feel about this kind of thing, why its so freaky and unacceptable. The way I see it different people need different ways to cope. And just because they're cutting themselves doesn't mean they're not dealing with their problems. I'd say that it shows that they are very definitely aware of any problems they have and are trying to live with them while sorting them out.

robbie1876

Hi pirate,

There is an excellent support website, www.recoveryourlife.com which can offer you support and advice on the specific issue of self-harm. Somebody close to me has had to deal with the issue of self-harm over the last few years, they found the community forums on this forum. Gradually, my friend has been able to turn their life around, mainly because they were able to have open minded discussions on the forums, and receive support from people who actually know the issues first hand. Their GP was unhelpful to them, and was almost afraid of the issue. He simply prescribed prozac as the answer to all life's problems.

I hope you find the website of some help.

Robbie

Beruthiel

Originally posted by skipn_easy
I'm just trying to see how people feel about this kind of thing, why its so freaky and unacceptable

you need to have it explained to you why it’s unacceptable to cut open your skin and make yourself bleed?!? You find this acceptable behaviour???!

And just because they're cutting themselves doesn't mean they're not dealing with their problems

doesn't it?

I'd say that it shows that they are very definitely aware of any problems they have and are trying to live with them while sorting them out

I know for a fact that there are many teenagers out there who cut themselves and are not sorting it out at all!

Kersh

Ah yes Prozac. Solves all of lifes problems. Not.
If your gp prescribes prozac tell him to get his head out of the sand . Ask a friend to organise counselling. One of them will.

Victor

Originally posted by Kersh
Ah yes Prozac. Solves all of lifes problems. Not. If your gp prescribes prozac tell him to get his head out of the sand . Ask a friend to organise counselling. One of them will.

Medication, counselling and other therapies each have their own place. To discount one out of hand is wrong. To rely on one only is wrong.

Kersh

Prozac will definitely not solve the problem. Speaking from experience here.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Kersh
Prozac will definitely not solve the problem. Speaking from experience here.

everyone is an individual, some drugs will suit some people and not others, to advise not taking it to someone else because of your own experience is not a good thing.
I would prefer you just said it did not agree with you.

Kersh

My point is that if all her gp can suggest is prozac then he is not all that interested and she should ask for some better advice or a second opinion. . And he will have to tell her parents, which really is not helping.

robbie1876

My point is that if all her gp can suggest is prozac then he is not all that interested and she should ask for some better advice or a second opinion. . And he will have to tell her parents, which really is not helping.

Exactly! The fact is that she is now on a different form of medication which actually helps her to get better, as oppossed to procrastinate the problem. As Victor said above, there are other options beyond Prozac, the problem is that your GP may not tell you about them, or even know about them.

skipn_easy

Originally posted by Beruthiel
you need to have it explained to you why it’s unacceptable to cut open your skin and make yourself bleed?!? You find this acceptable behaviour???!

People inhaling damaging smoke into their lungs is acceptable... so cutting yourself is a more in your face because it has blood and marks that you can actually see. As said before, I don't recommend it as a way to solve problems but I don't think of people that do it as freaks, and I can understand why they might do it.

And just because they're cutting themselves doesn't mean they're not dealing with their problems

maybe, maybe not. who knows how people deal with their own problems? who are we to judge on how they deal with their problems?


I know for a fact that there are many teenagers out there who cut themselves and are not sorting it out at all!
I never said there wasn't. But for some people who cut themselves they are sorting their problems out. Everybody's different and everybody copes in different ways.

Victor

Originally posted by robbie1876
there are other options beyond Prozac

And I also said Prozac (or any other medication) shouldn't be ruled out either.

Ryvita

I had a similar experience when I was about 14-16. It was definately about me not liking myself. I think that I was kind of punishing myself in a way. I also liked having the scars as strange as it sounds ... not for the way they looked (I always tried to hide them) ... I guess it was a curiosity of sorts if that makes any sense. I kind of grew out of it ... I guess I was kind of scaring myself really.

I kept a diary as well and I'm not sure it was a good idea to be honest as it made me very self-absorbed and obsessed with how I didn't like myself.

It's not abnormal at all ... a lot of people do it .... but it's not a great way of dealing with stress (speaks for itself really). Stress is not what happens to you in life it's how you deal with situations in your life. Don't worry about things you can do nothing about - it's a big waste of energy.

My advice would be to try and step back from your situation and have an objective look at what's making you unhappy. Try focusing on the other people in your life and be involved with them. Try not to worry about things too much and make sure you talk things out with your friends/family.

Exercise is good too! Do you have any hobbies? Get one! They are great ways to meet people and it's important to have something in your life other than work/school.

Don't let anyone tell you you are a freak - you'd be surprised at the amount of people who've gone through a phase of self-harm.

Best of luck!

pirate04

robbie i went on that site and its really helpful.
Tanx guys!

Chowmein

I went thru the same stuff, just abit more then a year ago. Cutting does unfortunately release chemicals as does any injury, the specific ones I can’t remember but they do in fact give relief.

My personal view on this is that you need to get your GP to refer you to a psychiatrist, who will in turn refer you to a therapist (Avoid councillors, they are rarely trained psychologists, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is considered to be the best form of therapy for depression).

The drugs the psychiatrist prescribes are important, but it can take along time to find the right ones, I've been thru several and it took a technical overdose of Efexor XL to do anything for me. Also remember that SSRI's (Serotonin Specific Reuptake Inhibitors) usually take a minim of 4 weeks to take any effect

. And on the subject of Prozac, it is a very old drug, and is rarely prescribed these days, there are much more advanced drugs on the market. Also if the doctor prescribes a drug call Seroxat, refuse to take it. It has been proven to cause an increase in suicidal thoughts and self harm in under 18's, and has a absolutely terrible withdrawal (have seen people having to go into Psyicatric hospital for the withdrawal period.)

Other then this I can only wish you luck, try to realize that you can get thru this, though it may be very hard but all mental disorders are hard to deal with, you need to persevere. Alot of these things you wont realize till your thru all this, but that’s the nature of depression. Good Luck.