Pregnant friend

the cat

Ok on wednesday my friend comes up to me and tells me she is pregnant. she told me that she thought she was a couple of weeks ago but had gone to the hospital and the tests came back negative. Then on wednesday she told me she lied because she was confused and didnt know what to do. I was and still am stunned. she came to me for advice and I havent got a clue what to say. she doesnt know whether to keep the child or not. Another thing I have to take into consideration is that people are saying shes lying but I dont think she the kind of person to do such a thing. I feel that if I express my opinion I might be planning her life so I told her to do what she feels. What do I do? I mean I want to be supportive but I havent got a clue what to say to her.

seamus

So I'm guessing she *is* pregnant, not that she's unsure if she is or not.

If she's 14, then you're what, 14-15-16? Tbh, you're her friend but this is way over your head. I'd explain to her that you're there for her and you'll support whatever decision she makes, but she'll need to talk to someone else.

Her parents being the best choice. She's 14, has no money, can't travel alone (unless she has the means), and can't get anything done in Ireland without telling her parents about it. IMO, she has to tell her parents but be mature about it at the same time.

ravenhead

Why Would people say that she's lying? & How come people seem to know about it ?
She's making harder to make any decision by telling too many people......

uberwolf

I think Seamus is right, she's way too young to have to deal with this and you're probably the same. I'm kinda stumped for something to say, so I can't imagine what its like for you.
Parents? definitely, she needs support no matter what way things work out, she's still a kid herself. And see where it goes from there.

Maybe some of the unplanned pregnancy groups can talk to her like options although I don't know how pro-choice, pro life these people are. She needs honest advice, not someone with an agenda.

Was it a much older lad that was with her?

the cat

I havent got a clue about the lad shes keeping quiet about it.
Shes told her mother (just got a text from her) and shes keeping the baby.
I told her I stick by her no matter what. shes due first week in august.

ravenhead

How did she hide if for so long??

hedgetrimmer

Originally posted by the cat
I havent got a clue about the lad shes keeping quiet about it.
Shes told her mother (just got a text from her) and shes keeping the baby.
I told her I stick by her no matter what. shes due first week in august.

That's the best outcome - her parent's knowing. And all you can do is be there when she needs you. But also be careful of yourself - don't get dragged in between her and the father, for example. Be there for your friend, but also for yourself.

Good luck to both of you.

the cat

Thanks a bunch!

LegacyUser

Ex-friend of mine got pregnant a couple of years ago,she was very lazy about contraception and sleeping around and for some reason was shocked to discover she was pregnant.She told everyone when she was only about 6 weeks gone cos she loved the attention.

Kersh

Does the guy who got your friend pregnant know that he is about to be a father. Doesnt his opinion count too, or does he only come into it when she decides she wants maintenance. Then again, does he want to have anything to do with her. Whats the story with him.

ravenhead

Originally posted by Kersh
Does the guy who got your friend pregnant know that he is about to be a father. Doesnt his opinion count too, or does he only come into it when she decides she wants maintenance. Then again, does he want to have anything to do with her. Whats the story with him.

Does it really matter at this point.... the girl has hidden this for what? Five months now....
It really is too late to be thinking about anything - she will just have to get on with it now.. It's just a pitty that she didn't go to her parent's when she first found out.

the cat

she told her aunt first, then her mother.
She hasnt told the guy as far as i know. im not putting any pressure on her to tell him, im sure she will in good time.

Kersh

I suppose it depends on what age the guy is. If he is older, he might never want to know, cos then the law comes into it. Anyhow, all you can do is support her and the choices she makes.

the cat

Thats what i intend to do.

red_ice

and what age is she again? i didnt see anything in reference to her age other than seamus saying she was 14.

Agent Smith

Originally posted by the cat
she told her aunt first, then her mother.
She hasnt told the guy as far as i know. im not putting any pressure on her to tell him, im sure she will in good time.

god, wow, what a weird situation,

if i was 14 and i became pregnent, ( if i was a girl i mean)
i wouldnt be able to deal with it, not that i'd have a termination, just i wouldnt know how to cope.

now if i was a few years younger and i was the father of the child, i'd want to know. despite any "macho" feelings i had at the time when i was 14, i just couldnt think that i could handel finding out say 20 years later.
i think it might be a good idea that the father is told, nomatter what his age. and if the law intervines, then so be it,
imo, if he's old enough to create the child, he is old enough to know the consquense.....



JoeY

Grimlock

Originally posted by ravenhead
Does it really matter at this point....

Of course it matters! He's about to be the father of a child!
It's not like she bought him an ice cream, ate it herself and isn't sure whether to tell him!
This is a child, his child and he should know about it, of course he may dispute that the child is his or he may want nothing to do with it but he may also take a very active interest in the child, there's no way to know unless he's told.

And if he finds out by recieving a letter infroming about the child support he has to pay or through a third party the chances are he'll feel alienated and hurt, greatly reducing the chances of him taking an active interest in the child.

If he's adult enough the create a child, he should be adult enough to accept his new responsibilities. And she has a responsibility to let him know.
Of course she may not know who the father is, a bit of a cynical thought I know, but possible.....
just my 2 cent

Originally posted by red_ice
and what age is she again? i didnt see anything in reference to her age other than seamus saying she was 14.

If you look a little closer you will see that the cat edited their post just before seamus gave his answer, so I guess Seamus saw the unedited version which gave the age.

the cat

Yeah she is 14 i edited it out because i didnt want it all to be about under age sex.