Internet chat quotes

Chinafoot

theres a whole site with stuff like this. some absolute classics!!!

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick f*ckers)
<anamexis> :<


www.bash.org/?top

jabaroon

<Mikkel> If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you
woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
<Celestya> i dont think so
<Mikkel> Wanna go camping?

Libertine

I have an even funnier one, this actually happened to me today on IRC!

<Brian_2004> Hey look at this funny thread http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?postid=1568683#post1568683
<CoolDavid> Jesus, that makes me feel like killing myself. Does that guy actually think that's funny? I hope he gets crushed by a ten-tonne truck.

rymus

Originally posted by Libertine
<CoolDavid> Jesus, that makes me feel like killing myself. Does that guy actually think that's funny? I hope he gets crushed by a ten-tonne truck.

I'd be inclined to agree with "CoolDavid"

RobertFoster

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a f**ken impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

Goodshape

*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
<Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21
<Word_of_God> Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
<Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...

Funny site

hedgetrimmer

Regular reader of that site... it's brilliant. Updated daily too!:D

full forward

<Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad

Maximilian

Just a brilliant site!

<Zanthis(ALE)> AFK, tornado

Capt'n Midnight

Originally posted by full forward
<Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad:D

The Clown Man

<Charlesowns> Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dik and swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
<Charlesowns> man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns


<skrike> I think the people above me are having sex
<skrike> either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.


<Ben174> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
<ChrisLMB> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
<Ben174> : Where u work?
<ChrisLMB> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)

HAH!

krattapopov

thank you for bringing this site to my attention

kaimera

I saw this on the main page and I said to myself...it's hardly somebody posting stuff from bash.org.

fuck me for being right.

www.bash.org/?latest, the second page you should have open after boards.ie

sionnach

Originally posted by The Clown Man
<Ben174> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
<ChrisLMB> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
<Ben174> : Where u work?
<ChrisLMB> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)

that looks totally staged

RobertFoster

he probably saw the guys IP when he came in.

sionnach

Originally posted by RobertFoster
he probably saw the guys IP when he came in.

now that i think of it that's far more likely

therecklessone

F*ck yis, I'll never go to bed now I've started reading that...

Best one's so far:

<ckx> women ask for it
<ckx> they act all old and mature
<ckx> and then you stick your cock up their ass
<ckx> and they get all bitchy
<ckx> "I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"


<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back ****er"


<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a ****en impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally


<Ich> I have passed the transitional stage of internet geekhood
<Ich> I was cashiering at work today, and was punching in the code for plums, which is 4040.
<Ich> and the 0 key doesn't work this well, so I punched it in wrong.
<Ich> and the machine flashed up "Item Not Found: 404"
<Ich> and I actually laughed out loud


<_kr4m3r> so many ****ing criminals, its bull****
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"

I'll stop now...

The Clown Man

#280066 +(576)- [X]

<Jaeger> whats an oxymoron
<Edgy> Microsoft Works

God I love that site!

powerage22

#142934 +(3850)- [X]

docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in ****ing EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our ****ing phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! **** **** ****
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it.
docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)




thought this was a good one!

Chinafoot

love these:

<Radz> Should I replay FF7?
<spiderbait> Nobody's stopping you.
<Radz> That's like another 90 hours I'd be away from you guys though.
<payne> Do it.
<spiderbait> Do it.
<xCell> Do it.


<rellekmr> i'm all for promoting abstinence
<rellekmr> the more people who are abstinant the less pathetic i look


<Kyr> When i was in psychiatry it was so funny when the psychologist tried to make me do this Rorschach test. I said "that's a Rorschach test innit?" and he was like "yeah but you're not supposed to know that. Now the test 'll be useless"
<Kyr> So I said the drawings looked like dead people and vaginas to console the guy


and for all u computer geeks out there:

sup4hleet: eh, she's cute and has a rack you could mount a server on

projectmayhem

b0g.org has a quotes section worthy of a look-see too

sionnach

Originally posted by projectmayhem
b0g.org has a quotes section worthy of a look-see too

they're not that good at all, some good ones but in general nowhere near as good as the bash ones

Hal1

You want quotes ya got 'em :0

Hal1

o0ps, thats been done before

sionnach

Originally posted by Hal1
You want quotes ya got 'em :0

roflmfao, /me claps very slowly

UnrealQueen

<@Unsavory&gt; eggdrop1.4.0 is weird
<@Unsavory&gt; its got just a different feel to it
<@Unsavory&gt; like an anus and a vagina

LOL, that bash.org site is brilliant

hedgetrimmer

A long read

But well worth it. One of the best BASH quotes I have seen on minths and months of reading the latest page.

warning - contains strong language

Hal1

Originally posted by sionnach
roflmfao, /me claps very slowly

:O

Isobar

Originally posted by hedgetrimmer
A long read

But well worth it. One of the best BASH quotes I have seen on minths and months of reading the latest page.

warning - contains strong language

I have to agree!

I've been reading bash for ages too and that is one of the best.:D

Raz

Originally posted by hedgetrimmer
A long read

But well worth it. One of the best BASH quotes I have seen on minths and months of reading the latest page.

warning - contains strong language

That is legend

penguinbloke

just started laughing at this in a lab.

Quit: (+[WG]sPiKie) (Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].)

dear god i'm pathetic

daveJAM

Look what I found.

http://www.bash.org/?42797

LoneGunM@n

It appears that everyone thinks we're drunks in Ireland
http://www.bash.org/?28214

RE*AC*TOR

************contains foul language**********


bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

---

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

penguinbloke

bloodninja returns

May 10th 9:50 AM
Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a ***** anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

---

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKateK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKateooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k

---

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.
MommyMelissa: whatever.

---

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ******* charge your ***.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ***.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: **** am I hard now.

JCDenton

Originally posted by penguinbloke

My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.

lol