What are my chances?

LegacyUser

Ok, I dunno how important this is but to me it is very. I was going with this girl up til 8 months ago, then we had to split because of distance and the end of summer, we kept in touch though and are still great friends, I visited her recently and realised I still really like her, She has told me before though that she's moved on and at the moment is with someone, thing is I just can't stop thinking of her and really want to be with her, is there any chance of this, can an ex, now a friend ever get up the ladder again from the 'friends' step?, What are my chances?

Thanks in advance for any advice

Puck

You need to move on. She already has.

Johnny Versace

Unfortunately girls are much more clinical than us dumb males, so when she says she has moved on she really means it.

I'm sorry. Forget about her, get drunk, get laid...

In a few months she'll be a distant memory.

hedgetrimmer

Respect her decision and walk away. Stay as her friend if you can, but you may need to give it some space.

koneko

I'm going to put this bluntly (don't get offended), but if she wanted to be with you, she would. It doesn't sound like you have a chance at all.

Move on with your life. If you're going to keep trying to "win her back"... you'll end up ruining whatever friendship you may be able to have and turn into a stalker.

Draupnir

Id say move on mate, I was in the same situation up until a while back and when chicks say theyve moved on they are pretty final about it.

They can also be very harsh if you persist after said discussion.

Go have a few beers and head to Club M. Get laid by a 42 year old ex-prostitute and you will be flying on the recovery motorway.

By the way, Sorry to hear about your situation, tis a rather poxy one to be in.

Typedef

Stop pining for her.

Honestly, take some advice from a friend of mine.

It never worked out with her "for a reason". The details of that reason are unimportant, don't roll around in the detrius of the who, what, where, when and the why of it, because it'll get you nowhere and isn't worth the effort.

You don't necessarily have to harbour ill will towrds her, maybe do that if it helps you forget about her.

What you have right now is an idea of a girl. You see yourself with her in scenario(x,y,z, whatever). The reality of this girl is totally different to how you imagine her, or yourself with her.

So quit being in love with your own fantasy, it's not a girl you want here, it's the idea of her.

I speak with Jesus. Best not say anymore, Doctor patient confidentiallity.

Woden

Originally posted by Draupnir
Id say move on mate, I was in the same situation up until a while back and when chicks say theyve moved on they are pretty final about it.

No there not when girls say they've moved on it doesn't mean they've moved on sometimes it can just mean they are putting up a front as they want you to think they've moved on but they really still want you back at some later date when other things have occurred and time has moved on etc. then i may believe them when they say they have move on

i'm not saying thats relevant in this particular case as he is the one interested in her but if you break up with a girl from a long term relationship and she says a month down the road she has moved on, like hell she has

data

Draupnir

I dont think anyone has moved on after a month from a long term relationship Data, if its a long term relationship then it can take months if not a year to get over it and move on.

In this type of situation as outlined above Id say that its pretty final, especially since she is with someone else.

Woden

i agree with ya here in this situation but i think every situation has to analysed on its individual merits and glib statements about all women meaning that when they say it was what sparked my attention

regards

data

Draupnir

Okie doke. I was a bit general there alright.

Emboss

Originally posted by Páidín
Ok, I dunno how important this is but to me it is very. I was going with this girl up til 8 months ago, then we had to split because of distance and the end of summer, we kept in touch though and are still great friends, I visited her recently and realised I still really like her, She has told me before though that she's moved on and at the moment is with someone, thing is I just can't stop thinking of her and really want to be with her, is there any chance of this, can an ex, now a friend ever get up the ladder again from the 'friends' step?, What are my chances?

Thanks in advance for any advice

There's always a chance no matter what's happened between you.

8 month sisn't a very long time if nothing does come of it, you should get over it fairly quickly...

alienhead

i'm in a similar situation, think tpedef put it well.......

Originally posted by Typedef
What you have right now is an idea of a girl. You see yourself with her in scenario(x,y,z, whatever). The reality of this girl is totally different to how you imagine her, or yourself with her.

So quit being in love with your own fantasy, it's not a girl you want here, it's the idea of her.

Johnny Versace

Guys. Women are clinical. She will not get back with him.

Also, original poster, no doubt by this stage you have put her on a pedestal. She is prob not as wonderful as you think, and with time you will see this.

Just try to move on. Keep yourself busy.

skipn_easy

Women are clinical. She will not get back with him.
[\QUOTE]

Could you be anymore general? How would any of us know if he has a chance of getting back with her? Maybe she's going out with this guy and still has feelings for him, but doesn't think that he does for her. He could have a chance, he might not, only he knows whether he's in love with the idea of the relationship, or the girl herself.

Johnny Versace

Look. It's incredibly obvious that she doesn't want to get back together. Thinking otherwise is naive at best.

Women are not like men. They get upset and they move on. They do not linger around for 8 months.

jd

Originally posted by Johnny Versace
Look. It's incredibly obvious that she doesn't want to get back together. Thinking otherwise is naive at best.

Women are not like men. They get upset and they move on. They do not linger around for 8 months.

/me agrees..
jd
ps -any chance you could update your web site(s)- they are quite funny..

Woden

Originally posted by Johnny Versace


Women are not like men. They get upset and they move on. They do not linger around for 8 months.

again this is quite a general statement, some women do linger for 8 months or longer, as i know some who have.

Johnny Versace

Originally posted by Dataisgod
again this is quite a general statement, some women do linger for 8 months or longer, as i know some who have.

Yes it is a general statement, but I believe it is true for most women.

b3t4

Originally posted by Páidín
What are my chances?

Ask her.

My thoughts are that you haven't asked her because you know the answer already.

A.

Red Alert

From looking at this i think she probably has moved on. Given that you two are still friends and as she's told you about her situation, she says she wants to be mates with you and that's all.

Some may call this hypocritical after a recent question i posed, however, note that you went out with her and for whatever reason it just wasn't the best relationship for the two of you. Why break up your seemingly strong friendship which is still here after your first relationship over a relationship that's not going to happen?

Beruthiel

What are my chances?

to quote that amusing movie, Dumb and Dummer

Q: what are my chances?

A: one in a million

so you're saying I have a chance then??


if she's gotten herself a new b/f, I'd take that as a pretty good sign that's she has in fact, moved on

][cEMAN**

Originally posted by Johnny Versace
Look. It's incredibly obvious that she doesn't want to get back together.

Johnny's Psychic hotline - call 555-DUMBASS

Only 1 person knows the answer conclusifly to this. Her. But if she says she's moved on you have to accept it. If you want to torture yourself then do so but it's not wise. If you're thinking in the back of your mind that you'll wait for this relationship to end then you need to catch yourself on. For all you know she could be with this guy for years. Just go out and find someone else to get her out of your mind. Don't rely on her to be happy - find someone else and make yourself happy.

I'm not going to say that you don't have a chance but I wouldn't look for it. If it happens sometime in the future when you're not expecting it, see how you feel then.

Johnny Versace

Iceman...

It's 8 months later...
She has a boyfriend...
She said she doesn't want to get back together...

If this isn't obvious to you that she doesn't want to get back together...

...

][cEMAN**

Johnny....

I've seen this happen before...
I've seen the two people getting back together...
You're not a mind reader...
Though you think you know human nature every situation is different as every person is unique..

If it isn't obvious that she's the only one who truely knows...



My point is just don't look for it, don't expect it, if at some stage she ever contacts you then consider the situation then. Stop dwelling on it now and move on yourself.

TCP/IP

mate the only reason I am giving this advice is to try and save you hurt in the long run. Dont go back and try hard and move on with your life, believe me I have been there. Something better is always around the corner trust me.

Typedef

He could always kill the rival with his bare hands.

Such a display of Primal male abilities is bound to woo the affections of most females vertebrate or invertebrate.

Johnny Versace

Yes, of course there is a chance, but I think everyone can be pretty confident she has made up her mind. I mean, what else could she say to make it more clear to him.

It's pretty obvious...

][cEMAN**

She could get a restraining order.

TBH there should just be a sticky put up that everone can read and just refer to that each time and lock any other threads that go up about "what should I do" or "what are my chances" or "should I give up" etc on relationship threads.

Basic jist -
1.If it's over it's over.
2.Don't stalk, don't mope - get over it.
3.Breakups are inevitable to an extent, and you'll find someone else.
4.If she says no she means no.
5.If you want to give it a go then do so (see exception of point 1 & 2)
6.If you feel you're shy, try not being so shy
7.If you're not sure, don't do it
8.Everybody has angst - seek someone who can help you through it - professionaly if you feel you need it
9.You're not alone!


Stuff like that. Just so many threads saying the same thing. I don't mind people asking, but it's when people reply who are pretty certain they have all the answers.

If i'm being overly ignorant please excuse me - rough day at work

Typedef

Yes but, if we did that we'd have no means of filling the void in our days with the castigation of others.

For shame!

Sticky indeed.

Doodee

Originally posted by ][cEMAN**
<Snip?

Basic jist -
<snip>
4.If she says no she means no.

I thought it was "no ,i'm asleep"

as quagmire once said. I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through

senordingdong

Originally posted by Páidín
Ok, I dunno how important this is but to me it is very. I was going with this girl up til 8 months ago, then we had to split because of distance and the end of summer, we kept in touch though and are still great friends, I visited her recently and realised I still really like her, She has told me before though that she's moved on and at the moment is with someone, thing is I just can't stop thinking of her and really want to be with her, is there any chance of this, can an ex, now a friend ever get up the ladder again from the 'friends' step?, What are my chances?

Thanks in advance for any advice

Short and simple.
Break contact with her, your doing yourself no favours and may end up making yourself feel worse.

df001i6876

three into 2 no chance .move on.
unless you win the lottery.loves a funny thing.Money somethink else.
every body loves errr.
good luck . get drunk get laid do what you think is the right thing to do, its up too you .

isolde

I reckon everyone's right, she's moved on and you need to let go and move on too, as hard as it is to do sometimes.

Even if you did get back with her, it could be an awful mistake. In my personal experience, getting back with an ex just prolongs the whole break-up period. You break up, spend some time apart, end up together again, give it another go, realise you were fools to try again and then break up all over again. No real good can come out of a situation like that. Maybe you'll be lucky and you'll both realise it was a mistake to break up in the first place. But the chances of that are probably pretty slim.

It's like when you break up with your boyfriend (or girlfriend) and then you end up sleeping with each other on and off for a few months afterwards. It seems logical at the time and you tell yourself it's only sex, but it's not really. And every time you sleep with him you have to start the whole "getting over him" process all over again. It just prolongs the pain. Messy.

So anyway I reckon steer clear. It may seem like a good idea right now, but it's not. Try to forget about her and move forward. She has.

LegacyUser

Thsnks everyone for all the advice, like someone said yeah i guess I know the answer already but just don't want to hear it. just to clarify, she said she'd moved on at christmas when she was just after starting with another B/f (not the one she has now) 5 days previous. I had rang with the idea of telling her how i felt and thats the answer i got, It's a real pity because we didn't break up for want of getting along we had to because of distance so i thought there would be something there, i suppose it wasn't as strong as i thought.