Problem with GF and cramped feelings...

too_much

Hi all, I'm new here, google found me this forum which is exactly what I need. I'll explain my problem as clearly as I can, hopefully not too tedious - If it is, I apologise.

Okay, I'm 18, and have been with my girlfriend for about 7 months now. This is a lot to me, as it's only my 2nd major relationship. My first lasted 13 months, and ended when my gf cheated on me with her 21 year old boss, lied about it, lost her friends over it, etc etc - I went back to her like a moron, and she did it again.

Now, I was only 16, and to most of the adults amongst you that will probably sound just like puppy-love: I'd agree, I'm certain now that I didn't "love" her, I don't think one can at that age. Anyway, I was left extremely insecure about girls, and found it hard to trust anyone, as I didn't want to go through any of that again. I'm an outgoing person, I'm not shy and I love meeting new people, but as soon as I'd get close to a girl, I'd get a bit worried and either over-do it, or back off too much, and I got nowhere.

In between her and my current one, I saw one or two girls, but nothing major, just a bit of fun and they ended up on excellent terms, and are now good friends of mine. My current gf is Laura, and I'm pretty sure that I love her. It's hard to tell, as there's no particular way - All I know is that if love feels any better than this, it must be incredible. Laura makes me so happy and smiley, and everything has been going well for months now.

But then the problems began. I am beginning to feel a little swamped. My life revolves around A-Level study, internet usage (a lot) and going out sometimes with friends. I have to say though, over the last years I've come to rely on the gaming communities I'm part of online, and I love it. I have plenty of friends and I get no problems, but I've grown accustomed to sitting here alone now, gaming or whatever.

So the introduction of a girlfriend meant that all of a sudden I was seeing her a lot, not staying in much, and rarely getting to do that which I've grown extremely fond of over these 2 years. I'm not an attention seeker, and this is not a ploy for sympathy, but I had chemical-depression for about 18 months, and I would say that the internet and the communities really got me through it, which is why the bond is so close.

Anyway, Laura is very... devoted. I know she wouldn't ever cheat on me (I've heard that before...) and she tells me she loves me several times a day. If we go out together with friends she's all over me all the time, and if I don't kiss her loads she goes in a mood. This is annoying for me, as I find people eating each other's faces in public, especially with friends present, is rude as hell. She's very devoted yes, and this is a great thing as I know where I am in the grand scheme of things - But now I'm feeling really enclosed.

I'm a pretty independant person - I'm happy on my own, and I need time to myself regularly to be happy, just to do my own thing and relax. I also like to go out with friends for a beer or whatever, and talk about lesbians, sex, breasts, and all the other lad things. However, if I go out without her, she gets really upset, thinking I'm humiliated by her and I don't love her.

This extends further into discussion - She keeps talking about marriage: I have no desire to discuss marriage at the age of 18, as I feel I have a long happy life ahead of me, before handing my bank balance and my decision-making ability over to my one true love. she's not happy about this at all! If I don't discuss marriage, I obviously never want to marry her... That's her logic at least.

Anyway, now we delve into the real problem (Yeah, sorry, we're not even there yet.)
Now, I'd never cheat on a girlfriend - I've been presented with the opportunity several times, sometimes "on a plate" in situations where I could guarantee not getting caught (holidays) but I never have, and never will, as I know how it feels.

But last weekend I was at another club where it's 14yrs+ access - this sounds crap, as you'd expect it to be full of kids, but it's great as my year 11 friends can go too (15yrs old, ish). So there we were, about 30 of us, packed into a tiny little stairwell with music pounding out, and beers everywhere. There was virtually no room to step, as it was dominated by people from my school/college. then I noticed a girl from 2 years below me - Kassie.

She's 15, long blonde straight hair, gorgeous blue eyes, petite figure, killer smile. She's going out with a friend of mine called Tom, who is friends with all my other friends. At one point, Kass was sitting next to me, and we were both drunk - (Don't worry, I didn't do anything!) and we were having a chat like... then I realised she was sat as near to me as physically possible. While we were talking, she leans over and says:

"I know I shouldn't say this, but I've always thought you were really fit." And smiled. This was totally unexpected, and rather arousing, as she's gorgeous, and Laura was being rather tedious that night (She'd gone off in a mood because I was smoking again). I told her that I'd noticed her plenty of times, and I shouldn't say it either, but she's equally fit. After a while, she took my phone off me, and started messing with it. "What you doing?" I ask, "Putting my number in your phone of course", she replies. I didn't question this, as I was too drunk to think about the morals at the time.

She spent the next 20 mins teasing me, giving me some very arousing looks, and moving her extremely short skirt up even further, just enough to tease me more. The night ended shortly after that, and we all went to pizza planet!

The problem has been since that - I can't get her off my mind. We've been texting a lot, and talking on MSN Messenger, flirting quite a lot. We both clearly know that we're in relationships, but she's coming on really strong, telling me I'm really sexy, and she loves talking to me etc.

I'm just messed up emotionally at the moment - At college, I'm under the most stress I will be under at any point, (apparently), I've been getting shorter tempered with Laura, and my mind has been a mess.

Laura is pressuring me loads, and while I love her, I know I'm wrong to say this, but sometimes I wish I was single. I miss my alone time, I hate the fact that I do virtually no work in college any more because I'm with her, and I hate the fact that I can hardly ever go out without explaining myself. This time last year I was working through every lunchtime, every free period, all the time to get my work done. I'm far better on my own.

So, I'm getting a little dubious about being in relationships. I love being in it, but there's pros and cons either way. I feel like a total a**ehole for saying it, but I can't lie to myself and gloss everything over just to make me seem the ideal bf. I have to address these issues. I find myself thinking about Kassie all the time, I'm getting really hung up on her, but I know that nothing could ever happen. If it did, most of me friends would hate me, as most of them I met via Tom (Kass's bf) and Laura.

I realise it can never happen, and I don't even know if I want it to. Maybe it's just the excitement of this sort of thing? The thrill of the chase? Maybe I'm just confused... I don't want to be without Laura, but my life is becoming a mess because of my lack of self-discipline. My school work is suffering, I'm not as happy in myself, and I'm tired of being "monitored" all the time. When she comes over in an evening, we sit here and watch a DVD, and kiss a bit. Then sometimes we have sex. While this is great, incredible, and loving - It's not fulfilling any more. I don't get it, I miss her when I'm not with her, and I love her, but it's just becoming overkill. Am I bad person for saying that? Am I out of line? I feel like I am... I duno what to think.

Basically, I feel trapped. Sometimes I'm happy as hell with Laura, but sometimes it all gets on top of me, and I realise how much I'm going downhill of late. I could never break up with her, she's far too emotionally unstable, and to add to that, I was her first... If you follow, and I know what it's like breaking up with your first! I feel cramped in an unescapable situation, one which I'm not sure I even want to escape.
Then there's Kassie - A Gorgeous young blonde who fancies me like mad, who is going out with one of my closer friends from year 11. To go with her, would most likely rip my reputation away from me, and make me a fairly universal hate figure. (Well, local) And that's not an exaggeration. I know nothing can ever happen between me and her, and again, I'm not even sure I want it to...

I think there's just a huge part of me that misses single life. I'm not good with commitment, I am happiest either down the pub with my mates, or sitting here, where I am now, with my gaming friends, IRC chats, forums, and hardware modding.

Maybe I'm just hormonal; the stress is eating at me too much, I'm giving up, I duno. Bear in mind that often times, adults under-estimate the stress we carry at our age - I don't mean that in a patronising way at all, and I realise that there are a million more stresses and strains as you enter adulthood, but I really don't know what to do or think any more. I'm not suicidal or anything like that, and I'm not depressed, I'm just troubled. I go to bed at 2 - 2:30 every night without fail, and going earlier just doesn't work.

I'm an internet addict, mentally and literally, no joke. The fact that I miss the internet when I'm out further emphasises this, and is perhaps the root of all my problems... I don't know, but all I know is that I wouldn't cope without it.

I hope my introduction to the forums has been an acceptable one, and I hope to remain here for a long while and help plenty of others with their problems too.

Thanks in advance,
too_much.

kaimera

have you tried talking to laura and telling her how you feel?

if you're work is suffering, she should understand you need some time to yourself.
If not...well...it's time to take a good long look at your relationship imo.

I'm the same as you..as regards being happy alone and needing time to do my own sht etc. I know I hate it when i dont have time to do what I need to unwind. Nobody seems to get it when I'd turn on the pc or something despite saying I'm wrecked. it's my own way of relaxing.

I also have a long term g/f of 2+ years now.
I'm 21 and in my first year of college.

I'm sorry your first relationship went so pearshaped. not cool.

this other girl...as much as it seems like fun atm...it's a dangerous game. Laura would not take kindly to it at all and you could kiss her goodbye [possibly]

i'd be of the opinion to stay away from Kassie.

again, talk to your g/f. It does me and my g/f the world of good to get things in the open.
She may not like what you have to say but it's all part and parcel of a relationship.
Nobody has it perfect all the time. [not even me ] it's no fun

Beruthiel

you are only 18 years of age, still very young and definitely way too young to be getting into anything serious – in the next ten years you are going to change so much that when you look back at the age of 28, you won’t even recognise yourself.
Get your priorities right first
-Make sure you do well in you’re A levels
-Keep your friends
those two things are very important!
And, sorry to say this, but if Laura keeps pressing you for marriage, get rid of her if she can’t take no for an answer. You have the rest of your life to make big decisions like that and there is no need to make them all before you hit 19.
Marry in haste, repent at leisure..
Enjoy your life and do what 18 year olds should be doing! if you don't enjoy your freedom for the next 7 years or so, you will regret it for a long, long time!

Emboss

Your 1st love will never be your last


God I'm so helpfull

Sleepy

Read back over your own post. You said in it that you don't love her and then a few paragraphs later said that you do. I'm guessing you were more truthful the first time. I don't mean to be harsh but you describe your current girlfriend as a complete head-wrecker. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't but it seems apparent that's how you see her. I think you know the best thing to do is call it a day.

I know what you mean about the internet addiction thing. I went through a similar phase (that's denial, I'm probably still in that phase, these boards are gonna get me the sack some day). When you get to university, things will change dramatically.

This girl, Kassie, that you talk about is a dangerous one to be interested in. She's your mates girlfriend (which would rightly get you a kicking), she's underage (which would get you arrested) and she's a few years behind you in school so even if you decided losing all your friends was worth it, you'd still be leaving her behind when you go to university. Add her to your spank bank and move on...

You're about to enter the best years of your life. Think of the next few months as your price of entry. Get the head down, get your results and head off into the great adventure of college. When you get there, seize every opportunity it throws at you with both hands (and lips when the opportunity is female ) I'd give anything to go back and start my college days over again.

Good luck with the A-Levels and welcome to boards.ie

smiles

I'd say that you're feeling pressured by your girlfriend and that the two of you really do need to break up, to make her reevaluate the situation as well as you.

As for Kassie, forget it, the only reason you're interested is because you're having a **** time with your girlfriend.... there'll be other girls. Plus you don't really want to go out with a girl who you know has no problem chatting up and flirting with her friends mates do you?

If you thought Laura was fliriting with Tom (or one of your other mates) can you imagine how you'd feel?

Just break up with Laura, and keep away from Kassie, there's more girls out there, you're just feeling flattered by her attention and by the fact that she doesn't pressure you.

<< Fio >>

too_much

Hi again all -

Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate the honesty. I had to delete a paragraph from my post because it was over 10,000 characters long, lol, but that just meant there was less crap.

anyway, the Kass thing is right, I agree totally - The underage thing aint relevant really, as sex isn't a guiding point of a relationship for me, I could quite happily have a relationship with a girl who wanted to wait, I'm pretty... erm, non-shallow? :S in that respect. But I see your point! To add insult to injury, I just found out that Tom, her bf, actually moved to Blackpool the other week... Explains why I hadn't seen him in pure time until last week. (He's not a close mate, just a lad I get on well with when we're out).

As for Laura, I'm confused as to this word "Love." I duno how you know it, but most of the time I'm certain I love her.... But again, I'm quite happy to admit I'm probably still naieve as hell at my age. Maybe it's just deep infatuation, who knows. I just need some more time to myself, I duno if I want to be totally without her...

Why are relationships so confusing? lol, I vowed to stay out of em for a long time last time, this sort of crap shouldn't happen at my age! Damn you adults, take your pressure back and let me play Far Cry

I woke this morning feeling a little clearer about things, but I'm gona have to have a long hard think about the Laura situation. Being with her has become a part of my life at the moment, and 7 months is a lot to me.

But yeah, thanks loads for the replies - No one glossed over their opinions, which is what I wanted! Good hard honesty

I really appreciate it, and I hope to give out some helpful advice myself while I'm here... I'm pretty good with advice, I'm just ****e at stuff like this.

Regards,
too_much!

Beruthiel

Originally posted by too_much
As for Laura, I'm confused as to this word "Love." I duno how you know it, but most of the time I'm certain I love her.... But again, I'm quite happy to admit I'm probably still naieve as hell at my age. Maybe it's just deep infatuation, who knows. I just need some more time to myself, I duno if I want to be totally without her...

there is no need to be without her if she is prepared to back off, if she can’t, you’ll get over it.
Have you seen how many women are out there? What would make you think you’ve found Ms. Right at age 18? You will fall in and out of love many times in your life - I guarantee she will not be the last
you sound like a smart enough lad, I think you know this yourself already.

too_much

I'm too hung up on th common "ideals" and "acceptables" associated with relationships - See, my best girl mate, Lauren, is annoying as hell regarding her relationship. She's totally devoted, believes you shouldn't even think of anyone else, and tihnking anything other than "My God, I want to be with <name> forever and marry <name" makes you a bad partner.

I know this is crap, but it still makes me feel dodgy. I feel like I shouldn't be saying "I don't know if I'd want to be with her forever."

Ok, truth: I want to be single when I'm older, for a while at least. I want more than anything to live alone for a while in my own flat, as I'm good independantly, and go out when I want, and if I want, have mates crashed out on my kitchen floor if I so wished. I don't want to be committed at such a stupidly young age, and I have no desire to get married.

Am I bastard for saying this: I can't see myself marrying Laura. I can still love and think that right? I don't see why, just because I'm so into someone, that I have to think about marriage. Laura is so much to me, but she's just not my perfect type... She's a little clingy sort of thing. Rather emotionally unstable thanks to problems at home too...

I'll ride it out, think things over and see how it goes - I just want to be able to go a night without having to call her, or spend a day off school working without haiving to explain my absence. Tis crazy I tell ye!

Tell you what though, these boards are quality! I've had a good look around, and there's a fantastic mix of humour, generally great people, and experience of all you adults to help! I can't tell you how good it feels having all that life experience at my fingertips; mentor me

fitz

Sounds like a very unhealthy relationship to be honest.
Tell her how you feel.
If she can't accept that you need time for yourself, then you need to call it a day.
As for Kassie, well, be careful there. Thin ice.

too_much

Yea, I saw sense with the Kass idea, when she invited me to the cinema as a friend... and her bf now resides in blackpool... I've got my reputation firmly established on my estate, aint gona ruin it now over a girl! Cheers mate

Beruthiel

Originally posted by too_much
I know this is crap, but it still makes me feel dodgy. I feel like I shouldn't be saying "I don't know if I'd want to be with her forever."

why not?
being able to say that makes you sound more of an adult than your peers - never give into peer pressure on this, I know it's easier to go with the flow, but the only one who knows what's right for you is you, no matter what your mate Lauren says, btw, I consider her outlook to be so innocently naive that it’s not even funny, she has a lot of growing up to do yet.

Ok, truth: I want to be single when I'm older, for a while at least. I want more than anything to live alone for a while in my own flat, as I'm good independantly

there's nothing like it and you'd be mad to miss it! having your own gaf to do with what you wish is the biz.

I don't want to be committed at such a stupidly young age, and I have no desire to get married.

stick with that idea and you'll be one happy bloke

Am I bastard for saying this: I can't see myself marrying Laura. I can still love and think that right?

100& correct
you are not a bastid, you are a very sensible young man, and believe it or not you are doing both you and her a huge favour for thinking like this. And yes, at your age you can love someone and not marry them
stick with what you know to be right and don't be swayed!

Sleepy

I might get shot down for this opinion but I'm very much of the opinion that you can be in love with someone and not want to spend the rest of your life with them. I'll work at a relationship if things go through a bad patch but if the bat patch stretches for months on end, it's time to call it a day. I tend to live in the moment rather than plan for the future (as my bank statement demonstrates! :mad: ).

Talk to Laura about this. Tell her you've no intention of getting married (or engaged) before the age of 30 (or some other arbitrary age way off in the future). It sounds like she's from a broken home and believes she needs the security of marriage to "have a family again". If she throws a strop about this, let her. Don't make the first move for reconciliation in this situation, she has to realise you're serious about this.

Leave the clingy problem to be the second one to deal with. I'd leave a good gap between the two conversations though. Make it clear that you don't mind holding her hand or whatever in public but eating the face off each other in public is just downright embaressing. Try the "it makes us look like kids" angle, it might pay off. If that fails, try the "it makes it look like we need to prove that we love each other" angle. I'm guessing that (subconciously?) this is what she's doing. One more tip: use a woman's trick back on her for this conversation. You know the way that if a woman wants something she'll often ask while you're both in bed? Try using this one yourself. After you've had sex and you're both lying there in the afterglow she should feel pretty secure in your relationship so it could be a good time to ask her to stop the public mauling without upsetting her too much...

Silent Grape

i agree with Sleepy. u can love someone and walk away from them at the same time. i still love my ex very much, but a little like urself, i was feeling trapped and felt like i was married to him.

i called it a day because the relationship wasnt helping either of us grow or develop as individuals, on our own terms. this is important as u enter college, to have ur own identity as an individual, and to be happy with it. u can have this in a relaitonship too but obviosuly not with laura.

it sounds like she's basing her whole life on you and ur relationship. any sort of over dependance in a relationship is a bit dangerous and scary.

if ur unsure whether u love her or not, then u dont love her.

but talk to her first, explain how ur feeling without blaming her for *anything*. and see how it goes.

ferdi

this other girl is 15 man, remember the 2 year rule!!!

too_much

As in, can't go out with anyone within a 2 year gap? :S

DUX

Laura obviously loves you really much (otherwise she wouldn't be talking about marriage), so whatever you do don't hurt her and don't cheat on her.

Of course you may regret this in the future because when everything works out well in a couple, then one of the two has to screw things up, but still......

ferdi

yes

after 18 it dont matter

18 - 16
17-15
16 - 14
15-13

Beruthiel

Originally posted by too_much
As in, can't go out with anyone within a 2 year gap? :S

no
what I believe he means that she is still a child (which she is) and it's also illegal to be thinking about anything sexual with her, which I believe you stated you weren't interested in anyway

too_much

I know this isn't really relevant, but I disagree... I know plenty of 15yr old girls far more mature than a lot of my friends...

and just because they're under age, doesn't automatically mean you're going to sleep with them!

but yeah, I'm amazed at the responses on this thread, you're all really nice people =]

*edit* Started typing before Beruthiel replied, sorry

ferdi

DONT BE A KIDDIE FIDDLER

she is a child no matter how mature or read u think she is

Silent Grape

shes not nessesarily in love with him, Dux, people can disgiuse being overly emotionally dependant as 'love' too. this sounds like a bad kind of 'love'. u know that church song/prayer thing 'love is never jealous' etc etc. thats cos it isnt. this aint love.

too_much

If you think a relationship centres around sex, then I pity your ignorance.

Silent Grape

oh COME ON. i know this 15 yr old isnt this issue any more, but she's 15! ur 18! hypothetically, were u with her, of course ur eventually going to start thinking about having sex with her. then all this nobility ur sprouting will go down the drain. ur 18 and have had sex. she's 15 and hasn't. different worlds.

and its always about sex when ur a teenager.

ferdi

i pitty your jail time

ever heard of the term 'sissy', its used in prisons sometimes, your going to be hearing a lot if you 18.

too_much

I'm sorry, but you're wrong. I'm not that shallow or narrow minded. I was with my other gf happily for a long time until she was legal, and my current one I didn't even suggest sex - I knew she would when she was ready.

For you, it may all be about sex, but for me, there's actual emotion, and the fact that you like them so much.

I can't believe I've bumped into such juvenile idiocy already... Which part of "Sex is not a vital part of a relationship" don't you get? If a girl wants to wait, I have absolutely no problem with that at all. I've never pressured a girl into sex, and I've never suggested it, I let them decide and guide the relationship. I agree that sex is an important part of a relationship once established, but for me, a relationship lasting is not reliant on the physical and material side. But then, I'm not used to seeing things from a narrow minded perspective, so feel free to enlighten me.

If you really think I am stupid enough to have sex with a girl under-age, then I find that insulting. And please, don't associate me with common inaccurate generalisations, as it really is both condescending and out of line.

Beruthiel

keep it on topic folks
and if you read his comments properly,
he has stated that he's not that stupid.

ferdi
there will be no flaming other posters in this forum,
consider this a warning
B

Silent Grape

okaaaaaaaaay lets relax a little. i never said ud pressure anybody to do anything.
sheesh, and u have no idea how i feel about relationship at all so dont even suggest that my relationships are based on sex. im not 18, remember : )

im just suggesting that ur viewpoint on it may be a lot different than her viewpoint.

oh dear god, this isn't even the fnucking issue anyway.

ferdi

Originally posted by too_much

She's 15, long blonde straight hair, gorgeous blue eyes, petite figure, killer smile. .

This was totally unexpected, and rather arousing, as she's gorgeous

I told her that I'd noticed her plenty of times, and I shouldn't say it either, but she's equally fit. After a while, she took my phone off me, and started messing with it. "What you doing?" I ask, "Putting my number in your phone of course", she replies. I didn't question this, as I was too drunk to think about the morals at the time.

She spent the next 20 mins teasing me, giving me some very arousing looks, and moving her extremely short skirt up even further, just enough to tease me more.

The problem has been since that - I can't get her off my mind. We've been texting a lot, and talking on MSN Messenger, flirting quite a lot. We both clearly know that we're in relationships, but she's coming on really strong, telling me I'm really sexy, and she loves talking to me etc.

i'm sure your intentions are entirly honourable:rolleyes:

too_much

Did I say "she had great t*ts" or "the arse on it... omg" no.

Stop being an idiot.

And grapes: I apologise, I didn't mean to go too over the top.

ferdi

link

too_much

Ah good, so you are an idiot. I just wanted to make sure.


I assume you've never been in a decent relationship, or you'd realise what I'm on about. Now, this is off topic, and spamming when I've been here less than a day aint good - So I'm going to put your idiocy into the back of my mind and stick to reading the worthwhile posts.

ferdi

jesus man, you have some serious rod up your ass, relax.

if you want to go out with a child thats your business, good luck with it.

Silent Grape

yeh, u just said 'she had great t*ts' in a posh way.

there's really no point in taking anything negative people say here seriously. more than likely theyre just extracting the urine in a lighthearted manner.

ANYway, back toi the actual topic of the post. have u any more thoughts on the current girlfriend nightmare situation?

too_much

Well this morning she moaned at me because she asked me to the cinema with her friends, but I have a 10 hour shift in the morning and I'm not feeling too great, so I declined.

As for Kass, I saw the light this morning, that's clearly a no-go. I just have to think about my priorities and get my head in order is all... I'm probably fussing far too much!

Doodee

Right.

To be honest, it sounds like you are looking for an outlet for all the pressure your under.
You say you enjoy being with this girl, yet your blaming her for not having time. that a paradox, your spending time with her cause you like her.
As for the educational work. Its perfectly acceptable for you to go and do this work,without needing to justify it. You must remeber, you are her first, she is in territory that is unknown to her. You were cheated on yourself, and im sure if she was on teh recieving end of attention from a "good mate" who you drink with (bit like the tom fella) then you may get a little uneasy. Tis human nature.

Communication is the only way to resolve anything in a relationship, so you just have to let her know where you stand. But remember that she is the inexperienced one. and all teh talk of marrage is probably centered around her just wanting to know that you are committed to her. When she gets older she will realise this, hell, if you dumped her it will give her more understanding on relationships not being forever.

Also, your feelings about wanting to be single. She is not a ball and chain, if she gets huffy, you let her know she has no right to be and just talk to her. The girl just wants to know your there. However, back to the single issue, your developing and your male. The urge is just there. You see a woman and you think Tasty. You body is so full of chemicals that you sometimes just get caught up thinking about sex. Sex is sexy. This may be what you find so attractive about this KAss figure. She is flirtatious and wrong, but its attractive. (its not neccessarily the being wrong thats attractive, but the fact that she's up for it, and likes you).


However, i could be wrong in this diagnosis. Maybe you do want to be single. However, being in an incredibly similar situation (I work 28Hrs a week while going to college and am devoted to my girlfriend) i can compare certain aspects.
The honest and only therapy is distance for a while. it will make you heart grow fonder or fainter, and clear your head. It will give you the time alone that your craving but will probably also make u realise that the time spent with this girl is sorely missed.

Anyways, thats my view.


P.S not wanting to piss you off, but no matter how mature you think a 15 year old is, you probably dont know them well enough to judge correctly. and also, its still illegal even if they are up for it.

Unpossible

For you, it may all be about sex, but for me, there's actual emotion, and the fact that you like them so much.

see I think this is where your problem is, at 18 I don't think people are ready to start falling in love etc, heck at 21 i don't think im ready. I think you need to just lighten up and enjoy your youth. Don't get too emotionally tied down with relationships. this current g/f seems like deadweight, get rid of her or take a few steps back in the relationship. Its fine to have a few short term relationships its also fine to go out on the pull every weekend.
again your young focus on what you want/need eg college etc. Don't get tied down that'll happen soon enough and you'll be missing your single days.

PS on an asside, when im really stressed & under pressure from college I usually focus it elsewhere (i think thats what your doing), the pressure made me question everything even a relationship with someone.

koneko

Too much,

Whatever you do, you need to talk to your current gf. She seems a bit insecure when it comes to relationships and it probably wouldn't hurt to talk things over and let her know you *aren't* ready for marriage (christ, who is at 18?!) and that she needs to take a chill pill. Definitely don't phrase it like that but a heartfelt talk would be good here.

You have enough pressure on you at the moment with exams and whatnot, you don't need added pressure from all sides. A person can only take so much. Tell her about your (emotional) history, and that you need support sometimes too. Sometimes support comes in little dosages of leave-me-alone.

I obviously don't know you (I don't think I do anyway) but it sounds to me like this relationship isn't doing you that much good, and you'd rather be single and do what you want to do, when you want to do it. If that's the case, you shouldn't feel bad about that. Have a talk with the gf either way and clear the air.
Hope all that makes sense.

too_much

I don't think I want to be single, I jus want more space - and you're all right, I do need to talk to her. I'll get it all out in the open and say how I'm feeling. I want to ork on this, we've come a fairly long way (for us) and I don't want it spoiled now.

Doodee, I can't agree more - You lot have opened my eyes a lot. It's great to have people of such varying experiences to help with situations like this, where experience is the biggest ally one can have.

Again, thanks loads, I'll let you all know how it turns out, but it'll be cool =]

James_M

just send her a link to this thread. That ought to do it

Teddi

alrite too.....
Man...you have no idea how much you are like me!!!....reading your posts it was like...well...the way i think and the way i would handle things...thats freaky!
yea man....anyway...im 19 and have had experiences like that... your totally right there buddy....space is what you need.....you wont be able to work anything out if your constantly around laura ie.....she might give you new problems etc....like the cinema thing...

i have muddled around with the younger age group (sounds bad...lol)...she was 16....
i just ended up having problems with her because even though she was mature she..well....too much for me...lol..

The main thing im trying to say is what you have concluded on i think you should stay on that path..........yea man....even the stuff about far cry...etc?......exactly the same as you...lol....anyway....keep us updated.....cheers buddy......teddi

loismustdie

you seem realy imature so you should just carrying on makin out with girls like kass until you grow up, no offence

Gordon

Originally posted by loismustdie
you seem realy imature so you should just carrying on makin out with girls like kass until you grow up, no offence

Temp banned

smiles

ferdi = banned for a week.

He was warned by Beruthial.

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too_much

Where the HELL did that loismustdie comment come from? I seem really immature? That's the first time I've heard that in a long while... Naieve I can accept, but one thing I am NOT is immature.

Justifiably banned, thankyou Gordon.

Anyway, an update:

I had a good hard think, and we discussed things in a lot of depth for a long time, and we decided to work on it. My stress levels lowered a little in the holidays as I wound down, and I started thinking about the first time we went out, and how far we've come etc, and I really don't want it to end.

So yeah, we're still together, and I would quite confidently say we're stronger for it, and it's going perfect She said she went on about marriage etc because she felt insecure and didn't want to lose me - Telling that to an insecure person meant that I could really relate!

Basically we're happy and it's going brilliant, and I want to thank every person here who made some valid input - You really helped me out in what to do, and I owe this relationship to you!

@Teddi: Uncanny Hope things all go well your end of things too, cheers for the advice!

Regards,
too_much

Lex_Diamonds

GG

smiles

I'm delighted things are working out for you!

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